Chapter 2
PERCEPTION AND PRECONCEPTION
IN THIS CHAPTER
•WHY WE DON’T JUST STOP •TRYING AND FAILING •WILLPOWER •THE MYTH OF THE CHARMING ADDICT •DENIAL •HOW QUITTING CAN BE EASY
Why do we find it so hard to stop drinking even when we know it’s ruining our life?
Many of the people who come to our clinics with an alcohol problem say they’ve grown bored with drinking. They sense it’s making them miserable and they desperately want to quit.
Moving bricks from one pile to another is pretty boring. If I asked you to move a pile of bricks just for the sake of it, and offered you nothing in return, would you do it? Of course not. You would tell me not to be absurd. So why don’t drinkers who have become bored with drinking just stop?
The reason lies in the way our brains are wired. While our rational mind may tell us that drinking is causing us untold harm and that we must stop, our addicted mind continues to harbour a desire to drink. Why? Because it has been conditioned to believe that drinking alcohol gives us some sort of pleasure or support. In order to break free from this tug-of-war and allow our rational minds to regain control, we must undo the brainwashing that causes the desire to drink.
Before we can begin to remove the brainwashing, it’s essential that you recognize and accept that you have been brainwashed and take a positive attitude to escaping from the trap. This is what drinkers who try to stop on the willpower method find incredibly hard to do and that is why they usually end up remaining in the trap.
I called my method Easyway because it provided smokers with an easy way to quit. The same method has worked successfully for people with other addictions, including alcohol and other drugs, gambling, over-spending and over-eating. One major difference between Easyway and all the other methods that claim to help overcome addiction is that the other methods begin with the message that it will not be easy. This in itself is another piece of brainwashing that keeps addicts in the trap, because the harder you think quitting is going to be, the more fearful you will be of trying, the more you will put off your attempt and the more you will seek refuge in what you feel is your last little crutch.
THE BELIEF THAT QUITTING WILL BE HARD KEEPS DRINKERS IN THE ALCOHOL TRAP
Remember the claim I made at the start:
This book will enable you to stop drinking immediately, painlessly and permanently, without the need for willpower or feeling any sense of deprivation or sacrifice. You will find it easy.
Perhaps you’re thinking, “If this method actually makes it easy to quit drinking, why doesn’t everyone use it?” It’s a perfectly understandable question and one that most of our successful quitters have asked at one time or another. It’s important that you’re sceptical. I want you to question everything you’ve ever been told about alcohol and drinking. By questioning things, you will arrive at the truth. The problem is that most people never question the assumptions society has about alcohol, and so they are passed from generation to generation.
I can assure you Easyway works. Millions of ex-addicts around the world can vouch for that. But I don’t expect you simply to believe me. In fact, at this stage it doesn’t matter if you believe me or not, what’s important is that you follow the instructions. What have you got to lose? Unless you make the attempt to stop, you’re in for more of the same misery, further deterioration in your physical and mental health and the prospect of remaining a slave for the rest of your life.
Let’s examine the reasons why you believe that quitting will be hard.
PROVEN FAILURES
You probably know of other drinkers, or people with other addictions such as smoking or gambling, who have tried to quit but failed. Perhaps you have tried yourself but been pulled back into the trap by a force that was too strong for you to resist.
Every failed attempt to quit an addiction is a big setback. Your self-esteem, which is already low because of the helplessness you feel as an addict, takes a further battering. You see your failure as a reflection on yourself and regard yourself as pathetic, weak and inferior to all those people who appear to sail through life without such problems. At the same time, you reinforce the impression that your addiction is a prison from which you will never have the strength to escape.
And it’s not only the person who tries and fails to quit who is affected by each failure. Every time we hear of someone else who has made an attempt to stop but failed, it reinforces our belief that stopping must be incredibly difficult. When we look at these people, and even when we look at ourselves, we see people who are, in many ways, strong. People don’t become addicts because they’re weak. Many highly intelligent, single-minded, brave and strong people suffer the misery of addiction and find it impossible to escape for the simple reason that they’re going about it the wrong way.
LOSING THE WILL
I began by saying that in order to overcome your drink problem you must take a positive attitude to escaping from the trap. You may have interpreted that to mean that you need to be strong-willed. Many people make this assumption, but it’s false and can result in the addict remaining in the trap for the rest of their life.
It’s essential that you understand that you do not need willpower to overcome your addiction. People who try to stop and fail usually assume it’s because they lack willpower. They believe that it must be some weakness in them that prevents them from succeeding.
This is another aspect of the brainwashing. It’s a misconception perpetuated even by the “help” organizations that claim to help us quit. Easyway is the one method that does not tell you to use willpower. It also happens to be the most effective method ever devised.
I said that this book will help you to overcome your drink problem painlessly and easily. When you reach the end and experience the elation of becoming free, you will know exactly what I mean. Right now, however, you may still be finding it hard to believe that it’s possible to stop without applying immense reserves of willpower and going through a period of trauma. Believe me, it is.
You have a choice: you can choose to keep reading, follow the instructions and see if I’m right, or you can choose to continue the way you’re going now, suffering the misery of alcohol addiction, falling deeper and deeper into the pit, losing money, friends, possessions and self-respect and coming ever closer to the point where you can see no point in living.
If you think you’ve failed to quit in the past because you lack the willpower, I have nothing but good news. You don’t need willpower. You failed to quit because you were using a method that doesn’t work. By picking up this book, you have embarked on a method that has been proven to work for millions of people all over the world. What’s more, it makes it easy.
WHAT AM I WITHOUT BOOZE?
In addition to the false belief that quitting has to be hard, some people believe that by “giving up the booze” they will lose a valuable part of their identity. This just shows how addiction can twist our judgement. Despite the misery, the slavery, the ill health, the torment, the loss of self-respect and all the other damage caused by alcohol, some drinkers continue to see drinking as something that makes them somehow attractive.
Alcohol is widely perceived as a “sociable” drug and most drinkers are under the misconception that they become more interesting, more witty and more fun when they’ve had a drink. But that’s not the issue here. There is something in the self-destruction of the drinker that is sometimes portrayed as attractive.
No one wants to be considered “safe”. The word implies boring, unadventurous, predictable. We prefer to be seen as a bit “dangerous” – i.e. exciting, unpredictable, never dull. In books and movies we tend to feel intimidated by characters who show no vulnerability and we warm to the ones who are flawed. The shambolic character who battles through life against his own demons, be it drink, other drugs, gambling or whatever, usually wins our sympathy and affection over the one who appears to be in complete control and never puts a foot wrong.
We’re fed these stereotypes time and time again through films, TV, literature and other media, and so it’s hardly surprising that our own self-image often appears more attractive if there are obvious flaws. If we take the alcohol problem out of our life, will we lose what we perceive to be our “charm” or “charisma”?
But wait a minute. Isn’t it true that you spend most of your time trying to conceal the fact that you have a drink problem?
If your flaws are so charming, why do you keep covering them up? Why not flaunt them for the world to see?
Of course, the reason we don’t do that is because we’re ashamed of the way drinking affects us. Alcohol also has a serious effect on mental health, leading to conditions such as anxiety, depression, neurosis, paranoia and dementia. We don’t want everybody to know that we have lost control, that we’ve lost the ability to enjoy life and that we’re stuck in a trap from which we feel incapable of escape.
There is nothing charming about being addicted to alcohol. Next time some incoherent drunken stranger starts blubbering embarrassingly in your face, or you’re the target of unwanted drunken advances from the opposite sex, or you see a drunkard turning nasty or violent because of alcohol, ask yourself how attractive that is.
Of course the effects on your physical health are also devastating. Cirrhosis of the liver is the condition most commonly associated with excessive drinking but alcohol can cause a number of other conditions that are anything but charming, including stomach ulcers, pancreatitis, gastritis and impotence, as well as high blood pressure, strokes and cancer.
So if you feel that you will be a less appealing character without alcohol in your life, think again!
IN HIS OWN WORDS: SEAN
My father died when I was 22 from cirrhosis of the liver. I watched his deterioration, the agony he went through, the ravings and ultimately the ruptured vein that led to him dying in a pool of his own blood and vomit. I couldn’t imagine a worse way to go, but by the time he died I was already well on my way to becoming an alcoholic myself.
My dad had been ill through his drinking for many years and yet that still didn’t stop me from going down the same path. In fact, I think it must have played a part in my own addiction. Perhaps I couldn’t see any other way in life. This was my lot. I was a drinker.
I had numerous health scares and after each one I would come off the booze for a few weeks or even months. But I would always go back to it again. I just couldn’t see myself living without alcohol.
I somehow made it to the age of 40 and celebrated my birthday by going on a binge that lasted ten days. I woke up in hospital, covered in sweat, with a throbbing ache in my stomach and a splitting headache.
When I saw my yellow skin I recognized the signs from seeing my dad go through the same nightmare. I was told I had acute alcoholic hepatitis but I was lucky – my liver still had a chance, provided I stopped drinking for good. I was also informed that I had fallen down a flight of stairs and fractured my skull. I was lucky to be alive.
It was the wake-up call I needed. Something struck a chord in my head, telling me I didn’t have to go the same way as my dad. I had a choice. I had always assumed that alcohol addiction was my lot in life, but I quit with Allen Carr’s Easyway three years ago and I don’t miss it at all.
DENIAL
Everyone with a drink problem wishes they could quit. The fact that they feel incapable of doing so makes them feel foolish and weak, and so they try to make themselves feel better by concocting excuses for why they continue to drink.
“I like the taste.”
“It helps me unwind.”
“I just do it to be sociable.”
These are all examples of how drinkers delude themselves. They imply that the drinker has made a controlled choice to drink in each case. But as everyone with a drink problem knows deep down:
YOU DON’T CONTROL ALCOHOL, ALCOHOL CONTROLS YOU
However, many drinkers are afraid to admit this fact. They make up excuses for why they drink because they’re afraid to accept the real reason: they’re in a trap – a trap called alcohol addiction.
This is frightening for a drinker to admit because it forces them to face their options: stay in the trap and continue to suffer the misery, or try to escape. Escaping seems more frightening than staying in because they have been brainwashed into believing it will be a difficult, painful ordeal and that they will spend the rest of their life feeling deprived. Faced with that prospect, they tend to put off the “evil day” indefinitely.
But when you realize that escaping need be neither painful nor difficult, and that life immediately becomes more enjoyable without alcohol, the situation changes completely. Rather than facing two evils, you find yourself facing one evil and one easy, happy option. Who in their right mind would choose the former?
THE EASY OPTION
We’ve established what will happen if you continue to drink. Now let’s contemplate the life that awaits you as a happy non-drinker.
Health
Drinking affects your health both mentally and physically. In addition to the medical conditions already mentioned, it affects the way you take care of yourself. For example, you neglect your nutritional needs and abuse your body with junk food, or sometimes no food at all. Sleep also suffers. When you’re free of the alcohol trap, you will enjoy eating well, sleeping soundly and generally feeling a fantastic glow of health and happiness.
Control
With your life back under your control, you will be able to make plans that will leave you feeling happy and fulfilled. You will be in control of your behaviour and your destiny.
Honesty
Without your addiction, you will no longer feel the need to cover your tracks, conceal what you’re up to, lie to your loved ones or take money dishonestly to fund your addiction. As a result you will feel far less stressed and angry.
Self-respect
Your behaviour towards others and the realization that you’re no longer a slave to alcohol will make you feel much better about yourself. Every time you think about your achievement in escaping the alcohol trap, you will feel a burst of elation and pride.
Time
When you no longer spend your life focusing on your next drink, you will find you have so much more time to pursue things that you will find genuinely rewarding.
Money
Think of the money you will save. On average we spend around £60,000 on alcohol in a lifetime. For problem drinkers the figure is a lot higher than that; it can easily be over £250,000. Think of the genuine fun you could have with that money.
All these wonderful benefits await you when you escape the alcohol trap. In order to do that, you don’t need willpower, nor do you need to suffer or feel deprived. All you need to do is unravel the illusions that have put you in the trap in the first place and then you’ll find it easy. In fact you can even enjoy the process.
How do you know that what I say is true and not just another piece of brainwashing? I will make that clear in the coming chapters; for now I ask you only to accept that what I say could be true and this is my second instruction:
KEEP AN OPEN MIND
You may already regard yourself as an open-minded person, but we tend to go through life with our minds largely made up by other people.
For example, when you see the sun rise in the morning, you interpret it as a ball of fiery gases burning millions of miles away, which has the appearance of rising in the sky because the Earth is spinning. How do you know that’s the case? Because you’ve been presented with some very convincing arguments by people with expertise in that field, none of whom have yet contradicted the theory, and the explanation tallies with what you see. Not so long ago, people believed that it was actually God driving a fiery chariot across the sky. That was the explanation put forward by the learned men of the time and it tallied with what people saw.
Now take a look at the two tables below, one square, one rectangular.
If I were to tell you that the dimensions of each table are exactly the same, you’d be extremely sceptical, wouldn’t you? You’ve already accepted that it’s one square table and one rectangular one because that’s what I told you it is and it tallies with what you see.
However, the fact is they’re both identical. If you don’t believe me, take a ruler and measure them. Extraordinary, isn’t it?
The reason I’m showing you this illusion is because I want to demonstrate how our minds can easily be tricked into accepting as true something that is false.
When you started drinking you believed that you were doing so out of choice, but what if you were basing your choice on false information?
As you read this book, I want you to remember these tables and keep an open mind, so that even if I tell you something that you find difficult to believe, you will accept the possibility that what I say is true.
•We are brainwashed into believing we can’t enjoy life without alcohol.
•Failing to quit by using willpower reinforces the illusion that it has to be difficult.
•You don’t need willpower to become free.
•There’s nothing attractive about problem drinking.
•Addicts lie to themselves to cover up the real reason why they drink.
•Think of all the marvellous gains you’ll make by quitting.
•Keep an open mind.