Chapter Two

The Country of Brooklyn

Alice’s story takes place in a Country called Brooklyn. During the early Fifty’s a kid in Junior High School, P.S. 162, Bushwick, Brooklyn, NYC, turned in a homework assignment suggesting the possibility of Brooklyn becoming a ‘’State,’’ based on the premise “That no one likes us.” The teacher agreed (She lived in Queens) and dispatched the one-page handwritten paper to Washington DC for their opinion. The Government formed a committee. After two days of consideration, they asserted that:

  1. Nobody likes anyone or anything in or from Brooklyn, NYC.
  2. The people (That no one likes) spoke an unknown language (Maybe Alien).
  3. Many linguistics who tried to speak Brooklynese failed. These scholars were so despondent on their inability to accomplished, such a simple chore they either hung themselves or cut out their tongues. Therefore, since no one can comprehend what the inhabitants are saying; thus, making their speech impossible to translate or sometimes even to record.

In conclusion: Brooklyn’s lost souls packed their few possessions and walked to Queens. The remaining souls became homeless “Brooklyn Dodger fans,” who were forced to beg for food from the tourist boats and dove for coins thrown by the visitor’s little fat kids. There was a rumor that one passenger fell off a ship and was eaten by a local man, a Mr. Nathan.

There were few assets left in the land known as “Brooklyn.” The New Yorker’s took most of them; with little value left in the new Country, it was hard to stay there.

The New York State and Washington, D.C. politicians agreed, with the Government’s findings. They have hung this extensive and expensive research project, with its definite stated conclusions up in the ‘Hall of the Brooklyn Congress,’ which was in a Coney Island Bar.

A special commission (Two Women) declared that the landmass known as Brooklyn was a toxic territory. They turned it over to the Navy for bombing practice and deadly chemical testing.

Within seven days the people of Brooklyn fought back and made the following changes:

  1. “Brooklyn” became a new Country. The President of the new Republic was Jackie Robinson.
  2. The Vice President was Gil Hodges.
  3. The Attorney General was Carmine DeVan (Alice’s Uncle).
  4. It was legal to Wager (Bet Money) on anything.
  5. A two percent “Wager tax” was collected on all bets.
  6. Catholic men and women can divorce and still enter Heaven. All divorcees will receive a notarized certificate stating as such.
  7. A boyfriend and or girlfriend can call each other honey if they are drinking whiskey (Seagram Seven) while in the back seat of a car, parked in a drive-in movie.
  8. The President of Brooklyn requested the new Country received twenty-one-million dollars from the Marshall Plan.
  9. The citizens acted: “One hundred landlords were hung on street lamps throughout the new Country. Under the directions of the new Attorney General Carmine DeVan, all the prisons cell was open. The prisoners were taken to and checked into Northern New Jersey motels and left there.”

Unknown to the outsiders, all the Brooklyn people understood and spoke English, which they learned from watching TV. The local Government ordered all “Brooklyn Citizens” to avoid talking to outsiders.