27

The storm over, Louise awoke to a new reality. She looked closely at the wreckage left by her abrupt break with Ameur. She wanted neither to see him or speak to him. Disgust had taken the place of love. How naive she had been!

How could he have dropped her at his mother’s whim? How could he have forgotten his promises? It was betrayal, wasn’t it, a lie! Wasn’t he the one who constantly reminded her of the importance of good behaviour, of the need for a proper understanding of religion. Didn’t he realize he was at fault? He had outright lied, had misled her! If he felt too weak to confront his mother, why did he even bother with her in the first place? Why build an entire relationship based on some faint hope?

Louise was as furious with herself as she was with Ameur. How immature she felt, how incapable of making the right choice. What if Mum is right? Maybe I am nothing but a numbskull, someone who’se been brainwashed, she thought. If I’d never met Ameur I would never have become a Muslim, and I wouldn’t be so unhappy today! Louise could only look on as the stable, coherent world she’d constructed collapsed before her very eyes. Ameur had bewitched her, and had dragged her into a labyrinth from which she could not escape.

Alone with her thoughts, she was terrified of telling her mother that Ameur had dropped her for a cousin. That kind of ending to the story would only confirm Alice’s predictions. Louise could already hear her saying, See, if you’d only listened to me none of this would have happened. And that was the last thing she wanted to hear. Deep down, she knew her mother would not turn her back on her, but she was not yet ready to face those reproachful eyes.

She wanted someone to talk to, someone who would understand and would not judge. That person’s name had to be Lama. The two of them got along very well, so why not confide in her? Lama was in the best possible position to help — she came from the same culture as Ameur but had grown up here, in Canada, which put her between the two worlds. She could see things from another point of view. And Lama had a critical mind, Louise had noticed at meetings of the student association. Lama was just the person she needed.

The two girls met in the university cafeteria, a noisy place crowded with students of every size and shape. Some ate while they read the newspaper, while others congregated to chat and laugh boisterously. There were solitary ones and ones who hung out in groups, all of them gathered in the same huge dining room. Lama and Louise found a table off to the side and sat down facing each other.

Louise spoke first. “Lama, I look on you as a special friend, and that’s why I asked to see you. You know I became a Muslim a few months ago, and that I was getting ready to marry Ameur…but now it’s all off. Two days ago he told me that his parents, primarily his mother, don’t want him to have anything to do with me. They prefer that he marry one of his cousins in Egypt . . .” She blushed and her voice quavered.

Lama listened attentively, heart throbbing, as Dina’s face during the wedding ceremony flashed across her mind.

“I feel like Ameur has betrayed me with his words and promises. I can’t understand why he’s acting this way, and worst of all, I can feel my faith wavering — I who was so strong. Well, I’m finding out just how vulnerable I can be, and how easily someone could change my life.”

Anger at Ameur swept over Lama. Could this be the reason for the mistrust she’d always felt towards him? Maybe Ameur’s gentleness concealed a weak personality; maybe he was caught between tradition and modern life, trapped by a desire to please everybody at the risk of losing everything. That was exactly what Lama had always criticized so sharply. She was against her mother’s hypocrisy, against her sisters’ egotistical, self-interested obedience, against their community’s superficial attachment to its dusty archaic principles in the name of religion while at the same time lies, backbiting, and envy were everywhere.

She looked Louise in the eye. “You’re not the only one who’s furious with Ameur. I’ve been banging my head against that wall for years. Ameur is one of those guys who want to be stronger than tradition. He played with fire like a little boy playing with matches, but his mother was quick to call him to order and crack down. He thought his education and his intelligence would make him invulnerable, but reality caught up with him. Louise, you’ve just discovered one aspect of the problems I run into every day. I understand exactly how hurt you are. If you want to know the truth, I’m glad it happened now — at least that way you’ll be vaccinated.”

A faint smile played across Louise’s face but almost immediately turned to a frown. “When I became a Muslim, I thought I was giving meaning to my life. I thought I was freeing myself from domination of all kinds. It looks like I misunderstood everything. I just don’t know what to think anymore . . .”

Lama nodded sympathetically. “I’m warning you, it’s only the beginning.”

They stayed there for hours, talking it out. Louise’s eyes glistened with tears, but her heart felt lighter. There was revolt in Lama’s voice, but also happiness at finding a friend who was also in search of the truth.