Life is Finished
[i]
During a chance meeting at Windsor, King George III asked a teenage Thomas De Quincey about his descent. It was a tender point. ‘Please your majesty, the family has been in England since the Conquest.’ De Quincey was proud of his family lineage, and always anxious to dispel the notion that his last name was either ‘foreign or outlandish’.1 The story he liked to tell runs as follows. Originally Norwegian, ‘the family of De Quincey, or Quincy, or Quincie’ migrated south to Normandy, where it threw off ‘three separate swarms – French, English, and Anglo-American’. De Quincey’s kin attached themselves to William the Conqueror, following him into England, producing the earls of Winchester, and branching out splendidly into Scotland. More recently, from the same English stock had grown the distinguished American family of Quincy, while in Britain the remains of the Winchester estates were home to several squires, the last of whom was an elder kinsman of De Quincey’s father. This account was undoubtedly part of family lore, and De Quincey rehearsed it with conviction. It gave him a strong sense of nobility and achievement, evident most clearly in his insistence that his last name was to be spelled with what he called ‘the aristocratic De’.2
Genealogical investigation, however, has revealed that De Quincey’s claims about his grand ancestry cannot be proven, and are almost certainly apocryphal.3 At the same time, what is known of his origins is actually very slight. On his paternal side, there is a very dubious report that his grandfather was a wine-drinking, fox-hunting country gentleman who hailed from Ashby-de-la-Zouche in Leicestershire, and who fathered nearly two dozen children. The information concerning his father is more reliable. He was plain Thomas Quincey, born in 1753 or 1754, and most probably in or near Boston in Lincolnshire.4 Beginning with a patrimony of £6000, he went into trade, and before long he and his brother John had found their way to London, where by 1775 they had established themselves as linen drapers in Cheapside.5
Early in the following year, however, the brothers migrated to Manchester, the centre of cotton manufacture in England, and in an 18 March advertisement in the Manchester Mercury respectfully informed ‘the Ladies and Gentlemen, and the inhabitants of the town and neighbourhood (as well as the public in general)’ that they had ‘opened a shop, No. 10, at the Bottom of Market-Street Lane’. The business was clearly a success from the start, for within a month the brothers announced that they had ‘now added to their stock a regular assorrment of Haberdashery goods’, and had also received from London ‘a capital choice of printed Linens, Musslins, Furnitures, and other Cottons, all of the most approved spring patterns’. In July, they begged leave, ‘once more, to remind Ladies of their Chip Hats, and especially of their Open Chips, which they sell so remarkably low’, while in August ‘an immense importation’ of Drogheda linens was ‘hourly expected’. More advertisements – or ‘literary addresses’, as Thomas Quincey referred to them – kept the public informed of buying trips to London and Chester, as well as ‘3 annual voyages to Ireland’. By 1780 the brothers were thriving both as linen drapers and as importers of Irish linen and West Indian cotton.6
On the maternal side, De Quincey’s grandparents were Sarah and Samuel Penson. She was ‘gentle’, in De Quincey’s only recollection, while he was ‘very aristocratic’, and ‘at one time held an office under the king … which conferred the title of Esquire’. ‘Traditional prejudice’ in the family had ‘always directed their views to the military profession’, so he may well have been a soldier. The couple had two sons, Edward and Thomas, both of whom obtained lieutenancies in the East India Company’s service in Bengal, where Edward died of sunstroke shortly after arriving, and Thomas went on to enjoy a lucrative career.7 The Pensons also had a daughter, Elizabeth, who seems to have been born in the late 1740s or early 1750s, and who lived with her parents in North Street, London.8 Elizabeth occupied a ‘more elevated’ social position than Thomas Quincey, and how and where she met him is unknown. But in November 1780 the couple were married at St George’s, Queen Square in London, and began their life together, most probably in the rooms over Quincey’s shop in Cromford Court, Market-Street Lane.9
Within weeks of the wedding, the Quincey brothers dissolved their partnership for reasons that are not known, and Thomas ventured out on his own.10 Eighteen months later he was operating from at least two different locations – one in Manchester and the other at ‘Linen Hall, Chester’ – and in 1783, he announced his decision ‘to decline all retail trade’, and concentrate on the wholesale side of his business.11 ‘My father was a merchant … in the English sense,’ De Quincey declared; ‘… that is, he was a man engaged in foreign commerce, and no other.’12 This may have been the case from 1783 onward, but Thomas Quincey began as a ‘shopkeeper’ who then worked his way up to the respectability of’merchant’.
De Quincey conceded that his father was not clever, but he was a man of great moral integrity. At a time when many West Indian merchants were making a fortune from the slave trade, he not only avoided any connection with it, but was so far ‘from lending himself even by a passive concurrence to this most memorable abomination, that he was one of those conscientious protesters who … strictly abstained from the use of sugar in his own family’. Years later a stranger would occasionally say to De Quincey, ‘Sir, I knew your father: he was the most upright man I ever met with in my life.’13
Before long there were children. William (born 1781/82) was followed by Elizabeth (1783), Mary (1784), and then Thomas, who was born on 15 August 1785. The exact location has long been a matter of debate, but it was almost certainly in a building later known as the Prince’s Tavern (which stood formerly at the corner of Cross and John Dalton Streets), or at the house in Market-Street Lane (now under the present Arndale Shopping Centre).14 He was baptized on Friday, 23 September at St Ann’s Church by the Reverend Samuel Hall, a close family friend, and named Thomas Penson, after his mother’s brother. Four more children followed: Jane (1786–90); Richard, always known in the family as ‘Pink’ because of his beautiful complexion (1789); another Jane (1790/91); and Henry (1793/94).15
Little of Thomas’s childhood was spent in the city of Manchester, for shortly after his birth his father seems to have taken a town residence in Fountain Street, and moved his family outside the city limits to a place at Moss Side known as The Farm, ‘a pretty rustic dwelling’, as Thomas himself recalled, though elsewhere he more accurately refers to it as a ‘countryhouse’.16 His earliest memories date from here, and occurred, he claimed, before he was two years old. One concerned feelings of ‘a powerful character … connected with some clusters of crocuses in the garden’; another involved a ‘passion of grief’ felt in ‘a profound degree, for the death of a beautiful bird, a king-fisher’; and a third was ‘a remarkable dream of terrific grandeur about a favourite nurse’ that Thomas particularly valued because it demonstrated his ‘dreaming tendencies to have been constitutional’, and not dependent upon opium.17
More distinctly, at three and a half years old, he recalled witnessing the illuminations to celebrate the recovery of George III from his first attack of insanity, and a year later he could remember trying to save vagrant spiders from the wrath of the housemaids.18 Perhaps his most revealing memory from these early years, however, was a recurrent dream about ‘meeting a lion, and, from languishing prostration in hope and vital energy, that constant sequel of lying down before him’. Thomas came later to think that maybe all children had such a dream, and that it enacted ‘the original temptation in Eden’, where ‘every one of us’ has a bait offered to an infirm place in our will, and all of us completed for ourselves ‘the aboriginal fall’. He set great store upon these early recollections. Children, he believed, were ‘endowed with a special power of listening for the tones of truth – hidden, struggling, or remote’.19
When Thomas was six years old, his family left The Farm for a much larger house about a mile outside of Manchester, on the edge of what is now Hulme. Christened ‘Greenhay’ by Mrs Quincey, it was designed almost entirely according to her views ‘of domestic elegance and propriety’, and gave its name to the district which is still known as Greenheys. Thomas remembered the home as ‘elegant but plain, and having nothing remarkable about it but the doors and windows of the superior rooms, which were made of mahogany, sent as a present from a foreign correspondent’. Elsewhere, however, he referred to ‘such circumstances of luxury or aristocratic elegance as surrounded’ him in childhood.20 A contemporary painting of Greenhay shows it to be a handsome square box of a house, with a characteristically eighteenth-century façade of five windows and a portico, fronted by a sweeping drive and backed by trees and various outbuildings, including offices, a gardener’s house, stables, and a coachhouse.21 It cost Quincey £6000, and clearly reflected his burgeoning prosperity. Indeed, in the ‘internal economy’ of Greenhay, Thomas claimed that his parents ‘erred by too much profusion’. There were ‘too many servants; and those servants were maintained in a style of luxury and comfort, not often matched in the mansions of the nobility’.22
A small and shy child, Thomas was often ill ‘with ague’, a well-established, if vague, medical term usually associated with acute or violent fevers. At three he suffered too from ‘hooping-cough’, and was ‘carried for change of air to different places on the Lancashire coast’. Riding on horseback was ‘the remedy chiefly employed’ for curing these maladies, and as a very young boy he was ‘placed on a pillow, in front of a cankered old man, upon a large white horse’.23 Arsenic – widely prescribed by physicians throughout the nineteenth century – was ‘then never administered’, but opium was an ingredient in many conventional medicines for a large number of complaints, and as a young child Thomas may well have taken it, though he was confident that no medicine prescribed during his first twenty-one months contained the drug. Up until the completion of his sixth year, he was ‘a privileged pet’ who ‘naturally … learned to appreciate the indulgent tenderness of women’.24 Rather more dangerously, he came both to crave the attention that sickness brought him, and to use it as a device to avoid tasks that he disliked.
In 1788, the elder Quincey took on a new partner, Robert Duck, who managed the business affairs in Manchester, while Quincey himself began to spend more time travelling abroad, both to pursue trade opportunities and to seek out warmer climates, for he had begun to show early signs of tuberculosis.25 ‘He lived for months in Portugal, at Lisbon, and at Cintra; next in Madeira; then in the West Indies; sometimes in Jamaica, sometimes in St Kitt’s,’ though he returned repeatedly to England, where he met his wife and children ‘at watering-places on the south coast of Devonshire’. Thomas, however, was not ‘one of the party selected for such excursions from home’, and by the time he was seven he doubted – with evident exaggeration – whether his father ‘would have been able to challenge me as a relative; nor I him, had we happened to meet on the public roads’.26
Yet while health concerns forced him to spend more and more time away from home, Quincey had cultural and literary interests which made a deep impression on his son. Frequent guests to the house included the Reverend Hall, and the distinguished physicians Thomas Percival and Charles White, who served as the family doctor. All three men were founding members of the Manchester Literary and Philosophical Society, suggesting that Quincey was at least on the cusp of an intellectual coterie.27 What is more, like many members of the merchant class, he ‘applied a very considerable proportion of his income to ‘intellectual pleasures’. Large gardens and a greenhouse provided a good deal of enjoyment. His small collection of paintings by the old Italian masters was scattered through the principal rooms of his home. He ‘loved literature with a passionate love’, especially the writings of William Cowper and Samuel Johnson.28
His library was rather more modest than Thomas remembered, but it laid the foundation for a number of his subsequent interests, and contained sections devoted to theology, biography, history, geography, travels, ‘Novels and Romances’ (including works by Fielding, Goldsmith, Lesage, Smollett, and Mackenzie), ‘Poetry and Plays’ (editions of Ovid, Shakespeare, Congreve, Swift, Pope, Gray, Young, and many others), and a wide range of titles listed under ‘Miscellaneous’ (such as Sterne’s Tristram Shandy and Burke’s A Philosophical Enquiry into the Origin of Our Ideas of the Sublime and Beautiful).29 Quincey even published a book, A Short Tour in the Midland Counties of England (1775), in which he moves rather prosaically over such topics as drainage, emigration, architecture, and inclosures, but in which he also quotes Milton, surveys Oxford University with enthusiasm, and – ‘growing poetical’ – links the pioneer canal builder James Brindley with Shakespeare as ‘the darling heirs of fame’. Looking back, Thomas had only two complaints: his father did not introduce enough music into the home, and he was rather too deferential of a college education.30
Thomas’s mother had a more profound and less positive impact. She was attentive, tranquil, generous, and devout. But she was cold. The intense and often Calvinistic piety which governed her actions led her to assume guilt in those around her, and eventually culminated in her enduring commitment to Evangelicalism, a movement that had begun within the Church of England only a few decades earlier, and that emphasized biblical faith, personal salvation, and social welfare.31 ‘Amongst her faults never was numbered any levity of principle, or carelessness of the most scrupulous veracity; but, on the contrary, such faults as arise from austerity, too hard perhaps, and gloomy – indulgent neither to others nor herself.’ To her friends, she was an ‘object of idolizing reverence’. To the servants at Greenhay, however, she was a source of both trepidation and amusement, for her insistence on the marked difference between her social position and theirs meant that she ‘never communicated with them directly but only through a housekeeper’. One maid was asked ‘why in a case of supposed wrong she had not spoken to her mistress’. ‘Speak to mistress?’ she retorted. ‘Would I speak to a ghost?’32
When it came to her role as a mother, Mrs Quincey was similarly severe. To some extent, the situation demanded it: there were eight children in thirteen years, and she was often forced to parent them without the assistance of her ailing husband. Yet at the same time, she clearly found little pleasure in motherhood: ‘she delighted not in infancy, nor infancy in her’, as Thomas memorably put it. Her approach was to govern the nursery with a combination of detachment and regimentation that undoubtedly owed a good deal to her family’s military background. Every morning for some six years she had her children marched or carried into her dressing room, where they were minutely reviewed in succession for posture, dress, cleanliness, and health, before being dismissed with ‘two ceremonies that to us were mysterious and allegorical – first that our hair and faces were sprinkled with lavender-water and milk of roses, secondly that we received a kiss on the forehead’.33
Thomas, even at that early age, seems to have known that something was missing in his relationship with his mother. He wanted love. She wanted duty. He wanted understanding. She wanted discipline. He wanted praise. She wanted humility. ‘Usually mothers defend their own cubs right or wrong … Not so my mother … Did a visitor say some flattering thing of a talent or accomplishment by one or other of us? My mother protested so solemnly against the possibility that we could possess either one or the other, that we children held it a point of filial duty to believe ourselves the very scamps and refuse of the universe.’ In retrospect, Thomas could see only two qualities in his mother that he was able to turn to advantage: her ‘polished manners’, and the ‘singular elegance’ with which she ‘spoke and wrote English’.34
Given his father’s many absences and his mother’s relentless austerity, it is perhaps not surprising that Thomas retreated into the feminine world of the nursery, where he bonded more closely with his three sisters – Mary, Jane, and especially Elizabeth – than he did with either of his parents.35 He basked too in the pleasure of being the only boy in this world. His elder brother William had at ‘an early stage of his career … been found wholly unmanageable’, and his parents had sent him away to Louth Grammar School in Lincolnshire, while his younger brother ‘Pink’ was still an infant, and unable to join in the activities of the group. ‘With three innocent little sisters for playmates, sleeping always amongst them, and shut up for ever in a silent garden from all knowledge of poverty, or oppression, or outrage’, Thomas recalled this existence as a kind of paradise.36
He and Elizabeth read a great deal, though ‘she was much beyond me in velocity of apprehension, and many other qualities of intellect’.37 Their favourite books included The Arabian Nights, Anna Laetitia Barbauld’s Hymns in Prose for Children, Thomas Bewick’s General History of Quadrupeds, and Thomas Percival’s A Father’s Instructions, which contained a tale of ‘noble revenge’ that made Elizabeth weep.38 It was an illustrated Bible, however, especially as read to the four children by a young nurse, which was most frequently in demand. ‘The fitful gloom and sudden lambencies of the room by firelight suited our evening state of feelings; and they suited, also, the divine revelations of power and mysterious beauty which awed us. Above all, the story of a just man – man and yet not man, real above all things, and yet shadowy above all things – who had suffered the passion of death in Palestine, slept upon our minds like early dawn upon the waters.’ Several decades later, when he came to review his nursery experience, Thomas counted four central blessings: ‘that I lived in the country; that I lived in solitude; that my infant feelings were moulded by the gentlest of sisters, not by horrid pugilistic brothers; finally, that I and they were dutiful children of a pure, holy, and magnificent church’.39
Death shattered this calm in a terrible series of crescendoing blows. His maternal grandmother, Sarah Penson, who by this time was living at Greenhay, died on 16 January 1790, aged sixty-nine years. ‘Our nursery party knew her but little’, and Thomas was only vaguely aware of her passing.40 Two months later he lost his sister Jane. But again, at only four and a half years old, her death was ‘scarcely intelligible to me, and I could not so properly be said to suffer sorrow as a sad perplexity’. Indeed, more upsetting for Thomas than the loss of one of his ‘nursery playmates’ was the rumour that spread about a servant who had lost her temper with the sick child, perhaps to the point of striking her. The story seems never to have reached Mrs Quincey, but its effect upon Thomas ‘was terrific’, especially on those rare occasions when he actually saw the servant in question. ‘The feeling which fell upon me was a shuddering horror, as upon a first glimpse of the truth that I was in a world of evil and strife.’41
If Jane’s death left Thomas with the sense that she would come again – ‘summer and winter came again … why not little Jane?’ – the death two years later of his beloved sister Elizabeth awakened him from that delusion, and ‘launched God’s thunderbolt’ at his heart. A prodigy in the ‘large and comprehensive’ grasp of her intellect, Elizabeth had otherwise ‘the usual slowness of a melancholy child’.42 Thomas idolized her. She was his confidante: ‘never but to thee only, never again since thy departure, durst I utter the feelings which possessed me’. She was his security: ‘for me … where my sister was, there was paradise.’ She was his second self: ‘having that capacious heart overflowing, even as mine overflowed, with tenderness, and stung, even as mine was stung, by the necessity of being loved’. Her illness set in one Sunday evening in spring after she walked home with a servant through some meadows. Soon she was confined to her bed. Percival and White attended her, but on 2 June 1792, she died.43 Thomas believed that the cause was what was known as ‘hydrocephalus’, but it was most probably cerebrospinal meningitis. When a nurse came to tell him the news, he simply could not take it in. ‘Rightly it is said of utter, utter misery, that it “cannot be remembered” … Mere anarchy and confusion of mind fell upon me.’44 Thomas was just six years old.
On the day following Elizabeth’s death, he determined to see her again. About one o’clock in the afternoon he crept up the stairs and to the door of her chamber. It was locked, but the key was there, and he stole in, closing the door behind him ‘so softly, that, although it opened upon a hall which ascended through all the stories, no echo ran along the silent walls’. Turning round, he sought his sister’s face, but her bed had been moved, and nothing met his eyes ‘but one large window wide open, through which the sun of midsummer at noonday was showering down torrents of splendour’. He walked towards the ‘gorgeous sunlight’, and then turned round again.45 There lay the corpse.
People in the house had said that Elizabeth’s features had not suffered any change. ‘Had they not? The forehead indeed, the serene and noble forehead, that might be the same; but the frozen eyelids, the darkness that seemed to steal from beneath them, the marble lips, the stiffening hands, laid palm to palm, as if repeating the supplications of closing anguish, could these be mistaken for life?’ Not fear, but awe, possessed him as ‘a solemn wind began to blow – the most mournful that ear ever heard … It was a wind that had swept the fields of mortality for a hundred centuries.’ Instantly a trance fell upon him.
A vault seemed to open in the zenith of the far blue sky, a shaft which ran up for ever. I in spirit rose as if on billows that also ran up the shaft for ever; and the billows seemed to pursue the throne of God; but that also ran before us and fled away continually. The flight and the pursuit seemed to go on for ever and ever. Frost, gathering frost, some Sarsar wind of death, seemed to repel me; I slept – for how long I cannot say; slowly I recovered my self-possession, and found myself standing, as before, close to my sister’s bed.
Almost at that moment he heard a footstep on the stair. Alarmed that, if discovered, he would be prevented from coming again, he leaned forward hastily, kissed Elizabeth’s lips, and then ‘slunk like a guilty thing with stealthy steps from the room’.46
The following day the medical men came. There had been some anomalies in Elizabeth’s condition, and they decided that ‘her head … should be opened’. The procedure was performed by White, who afterwards ‘declared often that the child’s brain was “the most beautiful” he had ever seen’. Some hours after the men had withdrawn, Thomas crept again to his sister’s bedchamber. Again the door was locked, but this time the key was taken away, and he was shut out for ever. At least Thomas never admitted that he had gained entry to Elizabeth’s room after the autopsy. Indeed, he claimed that he was ‘happy’ to have failed in his attempt, for if the doctor’s bandages had not covered all the wounds in his sister’s head, he would have had to endure the ‘shock’ of ‘disfiguring images’. Yet at the same time it seems clear that Thomas did suffer some kind of trauma, as he hints in this passage and in several others. He denied it, but perhaps he did see ‘the cruel changes’ wrought in his sister’s head, or thought he saw them, or at least imagined himself as seeing them.47 Certainly he was haunted several decades later by the image of a skull in ruins.
Next came the funeral. Thomas was put in a carriage with some gentlemen he did not know and taken to St Ann’s Church, where he was instructed to hold a white handkerchief to his eye as a token of his sorrow. But ‘what need had he of masques or mockeries, whose heart died within him at every word that was uttered?’ During the service, he sank back continually into his own darkness, and heard little ‘except some fugitive strains from the sublime chapter of St Paul’. Thereafter, people moved outside for ‘the magnificent service which the English church performs at the side of the grave’. All eyes surveyed ‘the record of name, of sex, of age, and the day of departure from earth – records how useless!’ Finally, as the sacristan stood ready with his shovel of earth and stones, the priest’s voice was heard – ‘earth to earth’, and the dreaded rattle ascended ‘from the lid of the coffin’; ‘ashes to ashes’, and again ‘the killing sound’ was heard; ‘dust to dust’, and the ‘farewell volley announced that ‘the grave – the coffin – the face’ were ‘sealed up for ever’.48
Thomas represented the death of Elizabeth as the most harrowing episode of his life. He rehearsed it over and over again in a formative but fruitless attempt to master his sorrow. He never did. The ‘desolating grief’ he felt at her death marked his terrible fall from Eden into self-consciousness, and stayed with him until the end.49 In the months that followed, he roamed the grounds of Greenhay, or walked through the neighbouring fields, wearying ‘the heavens with my inquest of beseeching looks’. He sat in church and ‘wept in secret’, while his ‘sorrow-haunted eye’ saw ‘visions of beds with white lawny curtains; and in the beds lay sick children, dying children, that were tossing in anguish’. He sought relief in ‘the consolations of… solitude, which, when acting as a co-agency with unresisted grief, end in the paradoxical result of making out of grief itself a luxury; such a luxury as finally becomes a snare, overhanging life itself, and the energies of life, with growing menaces’. For Thomas, Elizabeth was ‘the peace, the rest, the central security which belong to love that is past all understanding’. When she dies, he cannot escape the feeling that ‘Life is Finished!Finished it is!’50
But in what sense ‘could that be true?’ For a boy who was not yet seven years old, ‘was it possible that the promise of life had been really blighted? or its golden pleasures exhausted?’ No, he confessed. There were raptures still to come, and many of them would bring him happiness. ‘Had I read Milton? Had I heard Mozart?’ Even raptures, though, were ‘modes of troubled pleasure’, and they could in no way replace the ‘unfathomable’ love that had ‘brooded over those four latter years of my infancy’.51 Later, he tried to rationalize his misery. He told himself that he had been elected by grief: ‘upon me, as upon others scattered thinly by tens and twenties over every thousand years, fell too powerfully and too early the vision of life’. He told himself that the afflictions of his childhood had stripped away affectation to reveal what was primary in the self: he stood ‘nearer to the type of the original nature in man’, and was ‘truer than others to the great magnet in our dark planet’. He told himself that sorrow brought wisdom: ‘either the human being must suffer and struggle as the price of a more searching vision, or his gaze must be shallow and without intellectual revelation’.52 He constructed these myths of his past as an attempt at salvation, and he repeated them often, but in the end they did little to heal the terrible puncture of Elizabeth’s death.
There was one more blow to come – a kind of grim coda. Two and a half weeks after Elizabeth passed away, Thomas Quincey made his will, and the following spring he boarded a West India packet back to England to die. Mrs Quincey went to meet him, and the two then travelled together to Greenhay. They were expected on an evening of ‘unusual solemnity’, and the children and servants waited on the lawn for several hours, before moving out of the grounds near midnight to take one last look for the returning couple. Almost immediately, to their general surprise, they saw horses’ heads emerging ‘from the deep gloom of the shady lane’, moving at a ‘hearse-like pace’, and drawing a carriage in which ‘the dying patient was reclining’ against a ‘mass of white pillows’.53
Quincey lingered for weeks on a sofa, and Thomas, from his ‘repose of manners’, was allowed often to go and visit him. On 29 June, Quincey added three codicils to his will, but by 4 July the consumption was far advanced, and he was ‘in too ill a state of bodily infirmity to dictate much at large’, though he was calmed by the knowledge that his wife and his principal clerk, John Kelsall, were in ‘full possession of all particulars’ related to ‘the management of the trade’. Exactly two weeks later, on 18 July 1793, he died.54 Thomas was ‘present at his bedside in the closing hour of his life, which exhaled quietly, amidst snatches of delirious conversation with some imaginary visiters’. ‘I was greatly affected at hearing him moan out to my mother a few minutes before he died – Oh Betty Betty! why will you never come and help me to raise this weight?’55
The will was detailed and thoughtful. Quincey left an unburdened estate producing exactly £1600 a year. When his four sons respectively attained the age of twenty-one, they were to have a yearly allowance of £150 each; his two daughters, when they respectively reached majority, were to have £100 each. The remainder of the assets – including Greenhay itself and a share in the New Linen Hall in Chester – were put at the disposal of his widow. He saw ‘no reason’ why she and the children should not live at Greenhay, but if the decision was made to sell the property, Mrs Quincey should wait until ‘better times have raised’ its value.56 In addition to their mother, the children were left in the care of four guardians, all of whom also served as executors: Thomas Belcher, a merchant; James Entwhistle, a rural magistrate; the Reverend Hall; and Henry Gee, a Lincolnshire banker and ‘the wisest of the whole band’. Quincey’s death ‘made little or no change in the household economy, except that my mother ever afterwards kept a carriage; which my father, in effect, exacted upon his death-bed’.57
[iii]
‘The deep deep tragedies of infancy’ drove a shaft for the young boy ‘into the worlds of death and darkness which never again closed’. On the surface, however, he carried on with the routines of Greenhay. At eight years old he was ‘passionately fond of study’ to the exclusion of childish ‘play’, though he made two exceptions: he ‘invented a sport called Troja’ (the details of which are not known), and he enjoyed gunpowder, which brought him ‘the common boyish pleasure’. Whenever it was ‘unavoidable to play at something, gunpowder was always my resource’.58
Greenhay often welcomed visitors, including his uncle Penson from Bengal, other relatives from Boston, and Mrs Quincey’s friend Mrs Schreiber and her wards, Miss Smith and Miss Watson, both of whom carried Thomas about ‘like a doll’ until his eighth or ninth year. At one point Thomas ‘met a niece of John Wesley, the Proto-Methodist’, and at another he engaged in daily disputes with an unknown old lady ‘whose forte was not logic’.59 Most memorably, Mrs Quincey invited Rachel Fanny Antonina Lee to spend a few days at the house as a way of thanking her for conveying Thomas’s sister Mary to a mutual acquaintance. Beautiful, talented, and wealthy, Lee was an illegitimate daughter of the notorious libertine Francis Dashwood, and boldly disputatious in her anti-Christian views. During dinner one day, she engaged in debate with both Hall, and another close family friend, the Reverend John Clowes, running theological circles around both, and shocking Mrs Quincey so thoroughly that, ‘for the first and the last time in her long and healthy life’, she succumbed to an ‘alarming nervous attack’.60
Thomas spent some time away from Greenhay. On rare occasions he went with his family to the theatre. More commonly he was taken to see a picture gallery in a nearby house. Once he was given a tour of White’s personal museum, where he ‘gazed … with inexpressible awe’ upon an English clock-case that he was told housed the mummified body of a wealthy old lady. As a guest in the home of his guardian, Thomas Belcher, he first heard the music of Arcangelo Corelli, Niccolò Jommelli, and Domenico Cimarosa. ‘But, above all … at the house of this guardian, I heard sung a long canon of Cherubini’s … It was sung by four male voices, and rose into a region of thrilling passion, such as my heart had always dimly craved and hungered after, but which now first interpreted itself, as a physical possibility, to my ear.’61
When he was seven years old, Thomas was allowed to travel down into Lincolnshire to visit relatives, accompanied only by an arrogant eighteen-year-old ‘blood’ who had advertised for a travelling companion. On the morning of Thomas’s departure, his mother ‘shed more milk of roses, I believe, upon my cheeks than tears’, whereas the servants fussed over him, and kissed him ‘without check or art’. Thomas and his companion were on the road for several hours before they stopped to dine at Chesterfield, where both consumed a good deal of wine, and the landlord plied them with facetious reports of desperate highwaymen on the road ahead. Flushed and excited, the boys set out again, Thomas’s companion priming his travelling pistols in anticipation of the danger. Soon, however, the wine ‘applied a remedy to its own delusions’, and by the time the boys’ carriage reached Mansfield, both were fast asleep.62 Thomas was drinking from a very early age, and his first known experience of alcohol revealed to him its paradoxical effects.
There were plenty of pets at Greenhay, and Thomas had a great fondness for them. In the evenings he often helped to walk two of the family dogs, Turk and Grim: ‘always we took them through the fields … and closed with giving them a cold bath in the brook which bounded my father’s property’. When he was eight years old, Thomas was also given a kitten, which he loved passionately, and which Turk unfortunately killed. When shown the ‘little creature dead’, Thomas sat down upon a ‘huge block of coal’ and burst into tears. He could not, however, blame Turk, for the dog boiled with so much life that Thomas could not endure to see its misery when it was rechained at the end of its evening walk. Within a year, Turk and Grim were also dead, poisoned by a party of burglars. The episodes left behind in Thomas a conviction that ‘brute creatures’ had a right ‘to a merciful forbearance on the part of man’, as well as ‘a gloomy impression, that suffering and wretchedness were diffused amongst all creatures that breathe’.63
Thomas now had pocket money. And almost simultaneously, he now had debt. To some degree, the allowance was ‘safely entrusted’ to him because he ‘never spent or desired to spend’ even a fraction of it ‘upon any thing but books’, which inspired within him a need to consume that was ‘absolutely endless and inexorable as the grave’64 ‘Had the Vatican, the Bodleian, and the Bibliothèque du Roi been all emptied into one collection for my private gratification, little progress would have been made towards content in this particular craving.’ Very soon he had run ahead of his weekly stipend by ‘about three guineas’. Somebody was going to have to pay this debt. But ‘who was that somebody?’ With no ‘confidential friend’ to speak to, and a ‘mysterious awe of ever alluding to it’, Thomas gradually passed from a ‘state of languishing desire’ following the death of Elizabeth, to one of ‘feverish irritation’ as he attempted to cope with his arrears. It was not the amount to be paid. It was the principle of ‘having presumed to contract debts on my own account, that I feared to have exposed’. In the event, no one even detected that the money was owed, but ‘such was my simplicity, that I lived in constant terror’.65
A second item in this same case further exacerbated his anxieties about money. Thomas ordered ‘a general history of navigation, supported by a vast body of voyages’ from the bookseller, and then began to fret that such a work might tend to an infinite number of volumes, given how large the ocean was, and how many ships were ‘eternally running up and down it’. Determined to know the worst, he went back to the bookseller to make enquiries, but his usual contact was busy and so he ended up speaking to a young clerk who was ‘full of fun’. After describing the work he had ordered, Thomas asked the question that was to decide ‘whether for the next two years I was to have an hour of peace’: ‘how many volumes did he think it would extend to?’ ‘Oh! really I can’t say’, the clerk replied in mock seriousness; ‘maybe a matter of 15,000, be the same more or less.’ Thomas missed the joke and was petrified. Without meaning to do so, he had contracted an obligation that was inexhaustible. His mind filled with panicked imaginings. In one, ‘powerful men’ pulling at a rope found his ‘unhappy self hanging at the other end’. In another, waggoners brought cartloads of books to Greenhay and dumped them on the front lawn so that everyone could see his guilt and avarice.66 The incident seems to mark the moment when Thomas first confronted the perverse logic of addiction, a logic which demanded that he negotiate an insatiable consumption that he both craved and loathed.67 Books would later be replaced by more powerful stimulants.
The strife building within the boy was soon matched by equal pressures from without. Shortly after the death of her husband, Mrs Quincey decided to bring Thomas’s older brother William home from Louth Grammar School, perhaps for financial reasons, perhaps in an attempt to incorporate him back within the family. The combative world of a public school, however, seems if anything to have intensified William’s ungovernable spirit, and he exploded back into the Greenhay nursery, flying fire balloons, dropping cats by parachutes, building a ‘humming-top’ in an attempt to defy gravity, and declaiming to his siblings on all manner of topics, from the Thirty-Nine Articles of the English Church to ‘How to raise a Ghost; and when you’ve got him down, how to keep him down.’ At one point he gave a series of lectures on natural philosophy. At another he decided to dedicate himself to the tragic drama, and composed ‘Sultan Selim, a title he promptly changed to ‘Sultan Amurath’, ‘considering that a much fiercer name’.68 All the children were given parts in the drama, but the first act was so bloody that scarcely any of the characters remained alive at the end of it.
William bullied Thomas. Roughly four years older, he was almost instantly contemptuous of the small, withdrawn, effeminate boy who had lived in the comfort of Greenhay while he had endured exile in Louth, who shed ‘girlish tears’ over the loss of his sister, and who had – as William sneered with some justice – ‘always been tied to the apron-string of women or girls’. Thomas’s response to these attacks was complicated. To a certain extent, he resisted them by occasionally displaying those powerful intellectual gifts that were clearly beginning to manifest themselves, and that undermined William’s attempts to dismiss him as a nullity. Yet more commonly, he submitted to his brother, though he did so in two starkly different ways. On the one hand, when William demanded that he take part in even ‘the most audacious of … warlike plans’, Thomas did it, for while he ‘abominated’ his brother’s schemes, ‘that made no difference in the fidelity with which I tried to fulfil them’. On the other hand, when William berated him as useless, Thomas eagerly embraced his own humiliation, for in doing so he hoped to be left out of his brother’s plans altogether. ‘I had a perfect craze for being despised,’ he confessed. ‘… Why not? Wherefore should any rational person shrink from contempt, if it happen to form the tenure by which he holds his repose in life?’69
Open hostilities were soon a part of Thomas’s daily routine. His mother had decided to send him and William to be tutored by their guardian Hall, and their route to his home nearly two miles away in Salford involved crossing a bridge over the River Medlock, beside which stood a cotton factory full of working-class boys. As children of an ‘opulent family’, decked out in fashionably knee-high Hessian boots, the brothers were an obvious mark. One morning, just shortly after they had started with Hall, a factory boy saluted them with ‘Holloa, Bucks’, followed in a moment by a spiteful cry of ‘Boots! boots!’ That was all William needed to launch a shower of stones at the obstreperous enemy, and himself and his brother into a class warfare that involved running pitched battles on every morning and evening that they passed to and from Hall’s. In a typical late-afternoon fracas, the brothers stuffed their pockets with stones and brickbats on the Greenhay side of the bridge as they waited for the ‘smoky hive’ to release its ‘hornets’, whereupon William moved to occupy the main high road, while Thomas deployed forty yards to the right. Most of these skirmishes ended with the Quincey boys fleeing, but in defiance of such gloomy news, William insisted ‘twice, at the least, in every week, but sometimes every night’ that he and his brother sing ‘Te Deums’ to commemorate their ‘supposed victories’.70
On three occasions Thomas was captured by the enemy. Once he escaped. Once he was kicked and sent back with a menacing message for his brother. And once he was delivered over into the custody of young girls and women, one of whom snatched him up in her arms and kissed him, to which he responded with kisses of his own. Set free under the cover of petticoats and aprons, Thomas returned to Greenhay to discover that William had witnessed the entire reprehensible affair, and was preparing a bulletin which reported that his brother had ‘for ever disgraced himself’ by submitting to the caresses of the enemy. More bulletins followed in the form of a twice-weekly gazette, and Thomas found his military career the subject of wildly oscillating commentary. ‘I suppose that no creature ever led such a life as I did in that gazette. Run up to the giddiest heights of promotion on one day, for merits which I could not myself discern, in a week or two I was brought to a court-martial for offences equally obscure.’ The feud at the Oxford Road Bridge lasted until one day the boys’ guardian, Belcher, happened to witness one of the clashes and saw to it that a truce was effected.71 It is a measure of just how removed both their mother and their guardians were from their daily lives that these battles lasted for two years before being brought to a close.
Meanwhile, William was also engaging Thomas in psychological warfare. The boys invented imaginary kingdoms. William ruled over Tigrosylvania. Thomas was the king of Gombroon. When William announced that his capital city was located 65 degrees north of the line, Thomas, desperate to keep the peace, immediately situated his little island kingdom in the tropics, 10 degrees south of the line. Not to be outdone, William declared that ‘his dominions swept southwards through a matter’ of 80 or 90 degrees, placing parts of Tigrosylvania right on Gombroon’s doorstep.72 Thomas knew what that meant, and attempted to parry the threat of invasion by assuming the familiar guise of abjection. Gombroon, he asserted, was so impoverished that it could not possibly be of interest to the Tigrosylvanian empire. But William cut off this exit with the news that Gombroon contained diamond mines, which its inhabitants, in their barbaric state, neither valued nor had any means of working.
The game went back and forth – and Thomas’s wiggle room got smaller and smaller – until William stepped forward with the most shocking news of all. So base were the natives of Gombroon that they still had tails! The humiliation of this discovery staggered Thomas, and thoroughly confounded his loyalties. He could not cut himself off from his ‘poor abject’ Gombroonians, yet he writhed with disgust at their ‘ignominious appendage’. ‘I lived for ever under the terror of two separate wars in two separate worlds,’ he later exclaimed: ‘one against the factory boys, in a real world of flesh and blood … the other in a world purely aerial, where all the combats and the sufferings were absolute moonshine.’73 In both realms, though, William initiated Thomas into schemes of mastery and dependence that would go on to shape one of the central tensions in his work: he is fascinated by power but feels a profound sympathy for the exile. The games of Tigrosylvania and Gombroon ended without resolution.
[iv]
In addition to serving as his guardian, Hall tutored Thomas from the autumn of 1793 through to late in 1796. He was a ‘good and conscientious man’, but as a religious thinker, he was sincere rather than earnest, or as Thomas once put it rather less charitably, he was ‘dull, dreadfully dull’. Every Sunday, Thomas rode in a carriage to St Ann’s Church to hear Hall deliver his sermon, which ran to sixteen minutes in length, and which rose no higher than a commonplace such as ‘the danger from bad companions’ or ‘the importance of setting a good example’. Other members of the congregation could let the sermon flow over them ‘like water over marble slabs’, but Thomas had to listen intently, for on Monday morning, as part of his lesson, he had to present to Hall a ‘mimic duplicate’ of the sermon, ‘preserving as much as possible of the original language; and also (which puzzled me painfully) preserving the exact succession of the thoughts’.74
Thomas claimed that these exercises were beneficial to him because they strengthened his memory, and forced him to concentrate on something other than his own brooding thoughts, which ran ‘too determinately towards the sleep of endless reverie’. Yet at the same time, Hall’s demands were an additional burden on a young boy already racked by anxiety and grief. Thomas slept poorly on Saturday night ‘under sad anticipation’ of the trial to come, and worse on Sunday night ‘under sadder experimental knowledge’ of trying to remember and rehearse what he had heard. By Monday morning he ‘felt like a false steward summoned to some killing audit’, and the stress was not relieved until he stood before Hall and delivered the sermon. Hall, he was convinced, enjoyed the infliction of these fears. ‘It gave him pleasure that he could reach me in the very recesses of my dreams, where even a Pariah might look for rest.’75
As a tutor in the classics, Hall’s abilities were mixed. He was an ‘indifferent Grecian, and raised Thomas to a reasonable competence for his age, but no further.76 As a Latinist, however, he accomplished much more. To be sure, Thomas complained that he passed some ‘wretched and ungenial days … “learning by heart”’ various grammatical rules, but Hall also did a great deal to encourage and hone his pupil’s remarkable talent.77 One day in a bookshop after three or four months of study under Hall, an elderly man gave Thomas the task of translating from Latin into English the chapter in St Paul on the grave and resurrection. Thomas knew the English chapter intimately, and while he had never seen a Latin version, he ‘read it off with a fluency and effect like some great opera-singer uttering a rapturous bravura’, for his ‘deep memory of the English words’ forced him ‘into seeing the precise correspondence of the two concurrent streams – Latin and English’.78 As a scholar of Latinity, he never looked back.
Hall introduced Thomas to a number of Latin authors, including Phaedrus, who initiated ‘a great epoch in the movement’ of Thomas’s intellect when in his Fables he mentioned that the Athenians raised a ‘mighty statue’ to Aesop, a slave who became a fabulist. Thomas could not articulate his emotions at the time, but he was awed by the notion of a Greek king looking up to a Greek pariah, of a man without the rights of a man moving from ‘the pollution of slavery’ to the ‘starry altitude’ of emancipation through the application of his own ‘intellectual power’. Only later did he recognize the passage as his first experience of a ‘grand and jubilant sense of the moral sublime’.79
Over the course of more than three years, Thomas learned swiftly and comprehensively under Hall’s tutelage. Yet perhaps his most powerful memory of his lessons in the ‘quiet household’ involved, not Hall himself, but Hall’s twin daughters, Sarah and Mary, aged between twelve and fourteen, and both deaf, very plain, and ‘obscurely reputed to be idiots’.80 Hall’s wife hated the two girls, and forced them to perform menial tasks, while Hall contented himself for the most part with looking the other way. What won Thomas’s pity for the twins was, firstly, ‘their affection for each other, united to their constant sadness; secondly, a notion which had crept into my head, probably derived from something said in my presence by elder people, that they were destined to an early death; and, lastly, the incessant persecutions of their mother’. When he met them intermittently in the back passages of the Hall house he exchanged kisses with them, and his wish had ‘always been to beg them, if they really were idiots, not to mind it, since I should not like them the less on that account’. The last time he saw Sarah and Mary they were resting from their chores when an angry voice yelled at them from below stairs. Both rose instantly, flung their arms around each other, and then parted to their separate labours. Shortly thereafter they both died of scarlet fever.81 Thomas knew that his upbringing and his intellect put a good deal of distance between him and the two girls. Yet their situation seems also to have reminded him vividly of his own feelings of alienation and shame.
Near the end of his time with Hall, Thomas went to stay at the Lincolnshire home of another one of his guardians, Henry Gee. Here, ‘in the most chivalrous sense’, he fell in love with Gee’s daughter, who was one year his junior, and whom he refers to only as ‘M’. At the dinner table Thomas usually sat beside her, but one day Gee seemed to object to the pleasure he took in touching her hand ‘at intervals’, and on the following day he saw to it that his daughter was seated on the opposite side of the table. Thomas realized that the new arrangement gave him a better view of M’s ‘sweet countenance’, but he resented his guardian’s interference, and exacted vengeance in a poem of Latin hexameters in the manner of the great Roman satirist Juvenal. ‘Te nimis austerum, sacrae qui foedera mensae / Diruis, insector Satyrae reboante flagello,’ he stormed at the opening: ‘You, over-harsh one, who destroy the sacred covenants of the table, I pursue with the resounding whip of satire.’ Thomas never showed the poem to Gee, but he was proud of the ‘Roman strength’ of some of what he had written.82 Perhaps, too, for the first time he caught sight of himself as an author.
At some point during these months, Mrs Quincey again made the decision to send William away from the family. His bellicosity undoubtedly played a part, but he also showed a considerable talent for drawing, and when the distinguished painter and Royal Academician Philip James de Loutherbourg agreed to take him as a pupil, his mother and guardians paid a fee of one thousand guineas and sent him to London. Thomas remembered the morning of William’s departure as a liberation from tyranny. But that same morning was also memorable to him for another reason. As his brothers and sisters gathered on the Greenhay lawn, a rabid dog ran up to the locked front gates, and then pursued his course along the brook which bordered the property. Thomas happened to be standing away from the other children, near the water, and the dog made a dead stop directly opposite him. ‘I looked searchingly into his eyes, and observed that they seemed glazed, and as if in a dreamy state, but at the same time suffused with some watery discharge, while his mouth was covered with masses of white foam.’ Later the family learned that only a short time before the dog had appeared at Greenhay it had bitten two horses, one of which died from rabies. In Thomas’s mind, the two unrelated incidents came to represent a kind of double deliverance. ‘Freedom won and death escaped, almost in the same hour.’83 It seemed to him to signal the end of an epoch, though other tyrannies would soon replace William’s, and death would continue to stare him in the eye.