Conor said nothing to Eoghan about having witnessed his impressive display of sword work, nor that he knew about his status as Master Liam’s apprentice. It might not be a secret, but Eoghan had obviously chosen not to mention it for a reason.
Covertly, he watched the older boy with awe. If the Fíréin were among the best warriors in the known world, and Eoghan had bested several of them without apparent effort, what exactly did that make him? Conor could see the reason for the brutal physical labor, now that he had witnessed the results of Fíréin training. How could he be expected to wield a sword if he could not even lift it?
He also understood the reason for the Fíréin’s strict prohibition against idleness. With their days filled with study, work, training, and prayer, the brothers had little time to dwell on the outside world. Aine drifted to the back of his mind, but she always remained present. She made her way into his prayers at night and inspired him to press forward when he was too exhausted to stay on his feet. If she had the faith to call upon Comdiu’s Companions to save her from the sidhe, he could have the faith to continue down the path Comdiu had set before him.
Then Master Liam summoned him to Carraigmór. Conor followed the messenger up the stairs, clenching his hands into fists to still their tremors. Had Liam learned that Riordan had told him about Aine? No, that matter was between Liam and Riordan. Surely there couldn’t be any cause for complaint about Conor’s work. He labored as diligently as ever.
When the brother showed him into Liam’s private study, he stopped short. A harp stood beside a chair in the middle of the room. The Ceannaire gestured for him to enter, but Conor could not take his eyes from the instrument.
Liam folded his hands atop his desk. “I’m told you are having some difficulty adjusting to your loss.”
Conor’s eyes flew to the Ceannaire’s face, but he lowered them quickly, afraid of what Liam might see in his expression.
“I thought you might find some comfort in this. Will you play for me?”
Conor’s chest tightened. He could not help revealing his innermost feelings once his fingers touched the strings. Yet, he couldn’t deny Master Liam. He didn’t want to.
Wordlessly, he sat and lifted the harp onto his lap. It was an old, beautiful instrument, its maple frame plain and graceful, the bone pins carved with delicate flourishes. Conor waited for the thrill of power he had felt from Meallachán’s harp, but found nothing there but his own anticipation. Relieved, he began to play.
He was only a few bars into a traditional Seareann folk melody when Liam interrupted.
“Conor, play for me.”
Conor understood what he asked, but even this instrument held the potential for disaster. The Ceannaire wanted to know how he felt when he thought Aine was dead? Then he would. Conor took a deep breath and began again.
The initial notes from the harp were so chilling he almost regretted his decision. He clenched his jaw and played every ounce of that crippling grief into his impromptu composition. When he was finished, he felt nauseated and wrung-out, but he lifted his chin defiantly at Master Liam.
The Ceannaire, too, appeared shaken, but he composed himself quickly. “Thank you, Conor. It’s been a long time since we’ve had a brother with the gift of music. Even longer since we’ve had one who could interpret it. I had hoped . . .” He trailed off and shook his head. “Your gift deserves to be exercised, even if we have no proper teacher for you. Will you play for me again?”
“As you wish,” Conor said.
“After morning drills then.”
Dismissed, Conor set aside the harp and walked to the door on trembling legs. Riordan waited outside, his expression a mix of wonder and pain.
“I had no idea,” he said, but Conor didn’t know if Riordan referred to his gift or the emotion he had revealed. “Come, there’s someone you should meet.”
Conor obediently followed his father upward through a maze of corridors until Riordan stopped before a door and knocked sharply. The door opened to reveal an ancient, white-haired man with blindness-clouded eyes.
“Brother Gillian,” Riordan said. “I have someone to introduce.”
Gillian’s face lit up. “Riordan, my boy, come in! My new acquaintance wouldn’t happen to be your nephew, Conor, would it?”
“Aye, sir,” Conor said immediately. “I’m pleased to meet you.”
Brother Gillian opened the door wider and stepped aside to admit them. Only a bed, a chest, and a narrow desk filled the sparse chamber. A partially mended fishing net hung from a hook on the ceiling in the corner, no doubt a task Gillian could accomplish without sight.
The old man turned his face to Conor. “Are you the one responsible for the music I just heard?”
“Aye, sir.”
Riordan put a hand on Conor’s shoulder. “I’ll leave you two to talk. Brother Gillian knows more about the magic of Daimhin’s age than any man alive. He can answer your questions.”
“Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.” Riordan’s tone said he meant it literally.
When they were alone and seated on Gillian’s bed, the aged brother said, “You have questions. Ask.”
Conor wondered where to start. “Master Liam said it had been a long time since we’ve had a brother with this gift, but even longer since there was one who could interpret it. What did he mean?”
“Ah, interpretation of music,” Gillian said. “Well, you see, magic possesses a language, and so does music, in its own way. Those with the gift of music have the instinctive ability to transform it into the language of magic. And some have the ability to understand what it says.”
“How?”
Gillian smiled. “If we knew that, it wouldn’t be magic.”
Despite himself, Conor smiled back. “What about the instruments themselves?”
“You speak of Meallachán’s harp? A very rare instrument, that is, one of the few remaining objects of power.”
Another object of power. Conor leaned forward. “What does it do?”
“It amplifies the abilities of the player, whatever those are. Tell me, young man, what exactly is your gift?”
“I don’t know. I just . . . play.”
“And what do people think or feel when they hear it?”
“I tell stories, I suppose, without words.”
Gillian smiled, as if he’d known what Conor was going to say. “All good stories are true. Even if they were completely made up by the storyteller, there is something in them that resonates with us. Courage. Love. Self-sacrifice. The storyteller makes his story real through the telling. I’ll let you think on that.”
Recognizing his dismissal, Conor rose. “May I visit you again, Brother Gillian?”
“Any time you like, son. I’ll be waiting for you.”
As Conor climbed down from Carraigmór, he mulled the elderly brother’s words. How many times had he said the harp spoke truth? Yet there was far more in Gillian’s statement than he could properly grasp.
An hour ago, Conor had been convinced he could be content with a life of diligent labor. Now he wasn’t so sure. Gillian seemed to hold the answer for which he had been searching, even if he didn’t yet know the question.
Conor visited Brother Gillian several times a week after he finished with Master Liam, and he looked forward to the old man’s teaching as much as he did the harp. Gillian’s knowledge extended far beyond magic, and he taught Conor forgotten details about the history of the Great Kingdom and the aftermath of its fall.
Then Eoghan surprised him with his own news from the kingdoms. “They’re calling your young woman ‘the lady healer of Lisdara.’ They’re saying she can heal men’s bodies and read their hearts.”
“That’s preposterous.” Inwardly, though, Conor didn’t doubt it. Aine had summoned his childhood memories, but she hadn’t said it was the only thing she could do. “Besides, how would anyone know what’s going on at Lisdara?”
“You yourself said Master Liam seems to know everything. How do you think he gets all that information? The brothers who decide not to take oaths go back to the kingdoms and pass along the news we wouldn’t otherwise hear in the middle of the forest.”
He supposed that made sense. Without question, Meallachán and Treasach were both Fíréin. Master Liam and his informants had far more influence than Eoghan suspected. “Will you let me know what else you hear?”
Eoghan’s eyes narrowed. “Why?”
“I know I’m not meant to stay here. Master Liam already lied to me once. I can’t trust him to tell me when it’s time to leave.”
“What exactly are you waiting for?”
“I don’t know. But I don’t want to be surprised by what awaits me when I go.” While Conor was taking risks, he ventured, “I know you’re Master Liam’s apprentice. I saw you practice months ago.”
Eoghan grimaced. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you myself. Everyone treats me as if I’m already the Ceannaire. I didn’t want you to feel the same way.”
“You’re nothing like Master Liam. When it’s your turn to lead the brotherhood, I hope you’ll remember that.”
Eoghan expression turned sad then. “Maybe it won’t come to that. I’ll see you at devotions.”
Conor watched him leave. Great honor or not, Eoghan liked Liam’s plans no more than Conor did.
After that, Eoghan no longer tried to hide the fact his existence at Ard Dhaimhin was both more privileged and more disciplined than that of his céad mates. He had unrestricted access to Master Liam and many of the Conclave members, yet the Ceannaire held him to impossibly high standards. Failure was not permitted, and Eoghan constantly had to prove his worth as Liam’s successor, even if it was not a future he desired for himself.
Occasionally, between assignments, Conor stole down to the clearing to watch Eoghan practice. His friend possessed a natural gift, and even men who had spent their entire lives training at Ard Dhaimhin struggled to match him. He fought with grace and focus and a pent-up passion that spoke to the depth of his misery.
Conor knew something about expectations and just how unhappy they could make a person, but Eoghan rebuffed any attempts he made to talk about it, turning the conversation instead to Aine or to news from the outside. When not on the training grounds, Eoghan fought the restrictions on him by passing along information gleaned from the runners or the oath-bound brothers. Mostly it was just gossip, but Conor welcomed the respite from the tedium.
Then in midwinter, Eoghan learned a bit of information that went far beyond the usual gossip.
“There have been Sofarende attacks up and down the coast of Sliebhan,” he whispered. They lingered at supper, alone at their table, the other boys having already departed for evening devotions. “Fergus has moved troops into the country under the guise of defending Seare, but rumor claims they’ve used sorcery to gain control over King Bodb.”
“What about Siomar and Faolán?” Conor asked.
“They’ve given Fergus an ultimatum. If he doesn’t move his men back across the border, they’ll declare war.”
War. Conor should not be surprised, considering the history of conflict among the four rival kingdoms, yet in his short life he had known only a period of tentative peace. This time, however, Fergus had a sorcerer on his side. “What’s Master Liam say?”
“‘The Fíréin don’t involve themselves in the matters of the kingdoms,’” Eoghan said. It was an oft-repeated doctrine in the brotherhood.
“This isn’t a little border dispute. This is a conquest of Seare. Fergus wants to eradicate the Balians from the island. Do you think he’ll stop without attacking Ard Dhaimhin? He wants to sit the Rune Throne.”
Eoghan glanced around. “We’re not supposed to know this, Conor. Keep your voice down.”
Conor fell silent, pushing down his sense of foreboding. This was why brothers were isolated. It was sheer torture knowing what was going to happen and not being able to do anything about it. His face twisted. Not that he could do anything about it if he were there. He’d be killed the moment he stepped onto the battlefield.
He took comfort in the fact that Faolán was more than a match for Tigh. Galbraith would not have made an alliance if he did not fear Calhoun’s might. Yet there was no telling the extent of the druid’s capabilities. The mere fact they had moved warriors into Sliebhan proved the balance of power had shifted.
Conor threw himself into his work, unconsciously taking out his worries and frustration on his tasks. His hard-earned contentment slipped more each day, and fear crept into his heart.
Comdiu, these are Your children. Protect them. He knew all too well from Labhrás’s example that being beloved by Balus did not exempt one from tragedy.
Winter moved into spring without any news of bloodshed, and gradually Conor’s fears faded into the daily routine, even if war was never far from his mind. Somehow, he neglected to notice the changes in himself that had occurred with the passing of the seasons. He was hauling nets on a boat in the loch, clad only in his trousers, when he caught sight of his reflection in the lake’s glassy surface. For a second, he wasn’t sure whom he was seeing: the defined muscles and broadening shoulders of the boy in the reflection didn’t correlate with his memory of his own scrawny frame. He looked down at himself and realized the hours of daily labor had begun to transform him, if not exactly into a man, at least into something different than the boy he had been.
He went back to the net and realized he no longer gritted his teeth through the work, but actually enjoyed the exertion. He grinned, feeling more alive than he had in months.
“I never thought fishing was so amusing,” the brother in the boat said.
Conor laughed. “Me neither.”
Later at supper, Eoghan asked him, “What are you so pleased about?”
“Today I realized I’m not such a weakling anymore.”
Eoghan arched an eyebrow. “You thought Tor left you alone because of your skills at King and Conqueror?”
Conor blinked. Now that he thought about it, it had been weeks since he’d been the object of more than just threatening looks. “I’ve been so exhausted I hadn’t given it much thought.”
“You’re hopeless.” Eoghan rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to his stew.
“Remarkable, don’t you think?” Riordan said.
Conor didn’t look away from the practice yard where Eoghan drilled with the oath-bound brothers, absorbing the easy and yet precise way the boy handled the short sword. He could now see the subtleties of technique that separated his friend from the other men. “I’d be happy to have half his skill someday. Even that would make me one of the best swordsmen in the kingdoms.”
“I thought you had no interest in fighting.”
Conor glanced at his father, but he detected no mockery in his tone or demeanor. “I thought I had no aptitude for fighting. But it seems foolish to spend time among the Fíréin and not acquire your skills, doesn’t it?”
Riordan’s sharp look told him his words had given away more than he intended. “I hope I didn’t make a mistake, telling you about Aine.”
“Master Liam made a mistake lying to me in the first place. I’m aware I’m under no obligation to stay past my apprenticeship or even my novitiate. I’m here for a reason, even if I don’t know what that is yet.”
“You’re here to save your life!”
Annoyance bubbled up inside Conor. “That may be your plan, but Comdiu doesn’t need the Fíréin to protect me if that’s what He wills. Aine is proof of that.” He sighed and gentled his tone. “I appreciate all you’ve done for me, you and Labhrás and Liam. If it hadn’t been for your interference, I’d never have known the truth. I might be dead now. But it changes nothing. I will do what I feel is right.”
Riordan turned away without answering. Regret washed over Conor. He didn’t mean to dismiss this chance to know his real father so lightly, but he couldn’t allow sentiment to overshadow his greater purpose. Whatever that was.
Two days later, an unfamiliar brother summoned Conor to a meeting at Carraigmór. He left off his afternoon duties in the chandler’s cottage and followed the man toward the fortress with a sinking heart. Had Liam heard his oblique criticism and decided to expel him from Ard Dhaimhin? Surely the Ceannaire wouldn’t abandon his plans for Conor that easily.
The brother led him past the single guard at the door and into the hall. Conor’s steps faltered when he saw Master Liam was not alone. The entire Conclave waited in a semicircle of high-backed chairs, nine unreadable men still as stone. Only Riordan betrayed any emotion, his brow furrowed.
“Thank you, Brother Eamon,” Liam said to Conor’s escort. “You may leave us now.”
A single chair faced the Conclave, and the Ceannaire gestured for him to take a seat. Conor obeyed, holding his head high under their scrutiny.
“You are being considered for apprenticeship with the Fíréin brotherhood,” Master Liam said. “Have you anything to say?”
“What?” Conor had expected expulsion, not apprenticeship. “I only began my novitiate a year ago.”
Several of the men exchanged glances. Riordan spoke first. “There is some question about your suitability as an apprentice. Master Liam believes it is best addressed now.”
“Do you intend to take an oath of brotherhood?” Brother Daigh asked.
Conor looked among the Conclave members. What answer did they want from him? He didn’t want to lie, and the Ceannaire would probably know if he did. “At the moment, no. But I have not ruled it out, either.”
A few men hid smirks.
“Then why should we accept you as an apprentice?” Master Liam asked.
Conor met the Ceannaire’s gaze unflinchingly. “I should ask you the same thing. You knew my intentions before Brother Daigh posed the question. Yet here I am, an apprentice candidate.”
“Brother Conor’s position is not unusual,” Riordan said. “We do not require apprentices to bind themselves to the brotherhood. He is just more vocal about his intentions than most.”
Master Liam looked at each of the Conclave members in turn before he addressed Conor. “Brother Riordan is correct. We do not force apprentices to take oaths, nor do we require novices to undertake apprenticeships. You may leave if you wish. If you stay, you will be pledging yourself to our training for as long as we deem necessary. You may choose whether to take vows when you are put forth for full brotherhood, whenever that may be. But once you embark on this path, you are required to see it through.”
Conor balked at Master Liam’s words. It could take years to complete his apprenticeship. But what other choice did he have? He still had to discover his purpose in being here, and remaining a novice was not an option.
Still, he could barely force out the words. “I accept.”
“Good,” Liam said. “You will attend drills with your céad in the morning. Given what I understand of your exceptional education, sending you to lessons with them would be redundant, so you’ll continue your current duties in the afternoon.”
The Ceannaire sat back with a satisfied smile. “Your novitiate is complete. Now your apprenticeship at Ard Dhaimhin begins.”
“They accepted me as an apprentice.” Conor sat across from Eoghan at a table near the cookhouse. “For a second, I thought they were going to kick me out. Master Liam did not seem pleased with me.”
“Congratulations,” Eoghan said, but his tone was distracted.
Conor watched his friend push a chunk of fish around his half-empty bowl. “What’s wrong?”
Eoghan met his eyes and lowered his voice. “News from Sliebhan. King Fergus has seized the throne without a battle. All of Bodb’s chieftains and their warriors have sworn fealty.”
Gooseflesh prickled Conor’s skin. Fergus had conquered the country with only minor bloodshed, and now he had all Sliebhan’s warriors behind him. The situation smacked of sorcery. “When did this happen?”
“Word came last night. It’s been a few days at most.”
The Conclave had learned the news yesterday. And today Conor agreed to commit himself to an apprenticeship for an undefined period of time.
What had Riordan said? He fears you will leave before you’re ready if you don’t sever all ties to the kingdoms.
“They bound me here before I could hear the news.” Saying it aloud only confirmed his suspicions.
Eoghan looked at him strangely. “Why would they do that? You’d have to be mad to go back to the kingdoms now.”
“I don’t know.” But Conor felt the pull toward the turmoil of his uncle’s conquest the same way he had felt the pull toward Ard Dhaimhin. He was as enmeshed in the future of the kingdoms as he was bound to Liam’s plans in the High City.
Conor rubbed his arms against his sudden chill, despite the fact the evening air was mild. Comdiu, protect me, he thought, a ward against the unknown to come.