“Are you sure about this? I feel like if I hit a bump too hard, you might shatter into a bunch of pieces.”
Anna inhaled deeply, trying to force her body to relax before turning to look at Brady, who was driving. “I’m not totally sure, but I’m mostly sure. I guess that’s as good as it gets when it comes to this sort of thing.”
Maybe it was the fact it had been a week since her trip to the hardware store with Finn, who had left town shortly after to avoid the tourists, or so he’d said. But he hadn’t come back when they resumed filming on Tuesday, and Alice had only told her something had come up, but that he would be back as soon as he could.
A week without Finn to distract her had opened the door for the realization she’d been in Blackberry Bay for over three weeks and there was an expiration date on her time here. She’d come here to learn more about her mother, and the best way to do that was probably to talk to her. Before she could talk herself out of it, she’d texted Brady.
Now it was a beautiful Saturday afternoon and the brother she’d just met was driving her to the house he’d grown up in so she could meet their mother. It was a lot to wrap her head around.
When the very long driveway ended in front of a small house in a clearing, she told herself it would all be okay. If it didn’t go well, she trusted Brady to drive her out of here, no questions asked, as he’d promised he would. And she was going to get a few of her own questions answered.
When the wooden screen door pushed open and two yellow Labs ran out, Anna found herself smiling. Dogs always helped.
“That would be Taffy and Bean,” Brady said as he opened his door. “They love absolutely everybody and will try to get you to throw sticks, but once you start, they won’t want you to stop.”
She ruffled their fur, laughing as they pushed at each other, each trying to be the one to get all the love from the stranger. But when she straightened and looked at the woman who’d just stepped out onto the porch, the laughter stopped abruptly.
No wonder the people in town had been doing double takes since she arrived. If Anna took a Snapchat selfie and one of the lens options aged her around twenty years, the result would be the woman standing in front of her.
“Anna.” It was just her name. One word. But coming from her mother’s lips, it crashed into Anna and sent her mentally reeling from the impact. “You found me.”
Inside Anna’s head was a swirling hurricane of thoughts and emotions, but her mother’s words triggered the storm surge of anger. “I found you? Were you just hanging out here, living your life and waiting for me to show up? Sorry to take so long, but I didn’t actually know you existed until I was a teenager, and then I was a little busy.”
Christy flinched, but her voice was low and calm. “Can we sit here on the porch and talk?”
Anna wanted to reject her—to give her a hell no and walk away, just as this woman had when she was an infant. It was what she deserved.
But some part of her that was still rational knew this was the moment she’d come here for. Finding her mother was why she’d come to Blackberry Bay and was humoring the Weaver family as they tried to scam her.
She’d been looking for information. And after talking to Brady, she thought she’d prepared herself for coming face-to-face with her mother. It hadn’t helped. There was no way to prepare herself in advance for this, but if she backed out now, she’d probably never try again.
“I’m sorry,” Anna said softly. “I was sixteen when I found out Naomi—my dad’s ex-wife—isn’t my biological mother. I think that was my inner teenager lashing out.”
“I understand. I really do.”
When Anna took a step toward the porch, Brady touched her arm. “I’m going to take the dogs around back. If you want to go, just call for me and we’ll go.”
She nodded and then sat in one of the rocking chairs Christy gestured to before sitting in one a respectful distance away.
“How much has your father told you?” Christy asked softly.
“Not much. He doesn’t really like to talk about you.”
“I guess I can’t blame him for that.”
Anna made a sound of disbelief. “You guess? You left him with an infant and never looked back.”
“I looked back,” she said softly. “But it was too late.”
“I don’t have children,” Anna said. “But if I did, I don’t think there would ever be a too late when it came to them.”
“I think every mother wants to believe that.” There was so much sorrow in Christy’s eyes that Anna had to look away. “I drank a lot before I had you. And I drank even more after. Now I recognize that I suffered from postpartum depression, but at the time, I was just exhausted and failing and I drank. A lot. That’s not an excuse. Just a reason. But I was not only toxic, you weren’t safe with me, and I had just enough lucidity to recognize that, so I left.”
She wasn’t safe with her? “What did my dad do?”
“We were young, Anna. So young. And he knew I was unhappy and drinking too much, but we’d fight about it and then he’d leave. He had to work two jobs, so I’m not sure he knew just how bad off I was.”
“He didn’t know I wasn’t safe with you?” That was hard for her to wrap her head around. Outside of the lie that had tainted their relationship for a long time, she’d always considered herself lucky to have such a loving dad.
Christy leaned forward in her chair, her body language showing her sense of urgency. “I never hurt you. I swear I didn’t. I just...there were always these thoughts in my head. That I might hurt you, and that you’d be better off without me. But it was the thoughts that I should spare you from a life of hardship that really scared me. That’s when I left.”
Anna forced herself to meet Christy’s gaze, and she could see the pain in her mother’s eyes. She didn’t even want to imagine how lost and terrified Christy must have felt, and she felt empathy swelling inside of her. If she’d been in that dark a place, she probably did believe abandoning her daughter was the best thing she could do for her.
“I wasn’t worth the effort of getting help?” Anna asked, and she was surprised by how small and needy her voice sounded.
“I thought I was beyond help,” Christy said, looking directly into Anna’s eyes. “We had no money. Our relationship was awful—he changed when we had you, and I didn’t. I was an alcoholic. And I didn’t have the first idea of how to find resources. I just knew in my heart that you would be safer without me.”
Anna remembered when her youngest sister was born. Naomi had struggled so badly, and that was with the care and support of her family and with financial resources. Naomi was a wonderful mother, and trying to imagine how her and her children’s lives would have turned out had she been an alcoholic going through postpartum depression without any love or support broke Anna’s heart.
“And when you got better?” she asked in a softer voice.
“You were two when I reached out to your father, and he...he gave me pictures of you with the woman he’d married. He said you believed she was your mother, and I could see the love between you two in the photographs. He also said he’d fight to protect you, and I was sober, but still a little shaky. I had nothing to speak of. Nothing to offer you. I couldn’t afford a lawyer and, even if I could, I thought a custody battle would harm both of us—your happiness and my sobriety. You were happy and healthy and safe and... I let you go.”
Anna was trembling, and she folded her hands in her lap. Maybe to hide it, or maybe just to give herself something to look at while she tried to process what she was feeling.
“I regret not getting to be a part of your life,” Christy continued. “But I don’t regret leaving. I’m sorry you found out about me the way you did, but that wasn’t my choice. Your father and I each did what we thought was best for you.”
The direct way she said it, along with the sincerity Anna could feel with every fiber of her being, caused her eyes to well up, and one tear slid over her cheek before she could swipe them away.
Would her life have been different if her father had let her grow up knowing that Naomi was her stepmother? He could have told her that her birth mother had been unwell, and maybe he could have left the door open for her to get to know Christy. She would have at least known and not had that bomb dropped on her during her sophomore year in high school, which was no picnic for anybody, while her parents were going through a divorce.
She knew she should say something. Christy had opened herself up and tried to be honest about the mother she had been and why she’d done what she had—which was leaving her daughter to be raised by two parents who loved her very much. Her issues with her dad not telling her the truth weren’t Christy’s fault.
“I’m not going to push,” Christy said softly. “I want you to know that I have loved you every day of your life and if this moment is all I have of you, I will treasure this memory and be thankful for it. I understand that. But, after you’ve had some time, I would love to see you again while you’re in town.”
Anna looked up into the face that was so much like hers and was surprised to find herself smiling. “It’s a lot to process.”
“I can’t imagine how you feel. Now that we’ve done this hardest part, if you want Brady to take you home, you can process how you feel and maybe we can get together again. We could have lunch here, or maybe dinner at Chris’s house, all together.”
Anna’s instinct was to nod, so she went with her gut. “I think I’d like that.”
“And I’m a very private person and my boys respect that—and you—so we’ll keep our family business to ourselves.”
“That might prove difficult since everybody in this town sees the resemblance, even if they can’t quite put the puzzle pieces together.” She stood as she said it, and Christy let out a whistle as she got to her feet.
“This town,” she said, shaking her head. “You’re right. If we were to meet in town, there would be no putting that horse back in the barn.”
Taffy and Bean ran around the corner of the house and up the porch to get love first from Christy, and then Anna. Brady was right behind them.
“I’ll come back and throw sticks for you another time, okay?” Anna said to the dogs, scratching their heads, and she heard Christy’s tremulous sigh of relief.
It was time to leave and Anna felt herself tense when Christy took a small step forward. She wasn’t sure hugging was on the table quite yet.
But Christy put out her hand, and when Anna took it, she covered it with her other hand. “Thank you for coming today, Anna.”
“I’ll see you again,” she said, because she knew it was true. This time with Christy was already helping to heal the hurts Anna had been holding in her heart since she was sixteen, and while Naomi was always going to be her mother, she wanted to make room in her life for Christy.
She and Brady were both quiet during the drive back to where she’d left her car, but it wasn’t a tense silence. It was more like he recognized that she had a lot of emotions running amok inside, and he was giving her the space she needed.
“How is Chris doing with all of this?” she asked about the brother she’d yet to meet, as Brady pulled up beside her car.
“He’d like to meet you. He’s worried about Mom, of course. Not to in any way take away from what you’re going through, but it’s a lot for her, too.”
“Maybe we could all get together at some point. Not like right now, but soon.”
He nodded. “We all get together at Chris’s for dinner a lot, usually on Friday nights. I’ll send you a text message next time and if you’re ready, you can join us. If you’re not ready yet, I’ll let you know the next time.”
“Thanks. And thanks for today. For everything, really.”
“Hey, what are brothers for?” he asked, nudging her with his elbow.
Anna laughed, and she was still smiling when she got in her car to drive back to the campground. But, just because she didn’t have enough coincidences happening in her life, she got a text message from her dad just as she parked next to the RV.
I haven’t heard from you for a while. Where are you?
Sorry, I was busy sitting on my birth mother’s front porch. She typed the words to make herself feel better, but then she deleted them. I’m on location. Things are hectic, but I’ll call you tomorrow.
Then she accidentally slammed the RV door too hard, startling Eryn, who’d been watching a video on her phone.
“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to close it that hard.”
“Anna, are you okay?” Eryn actually set her phone on the table, which meant she was worried. “You’ve been in kind of a weird mood lately.”
“I think it’s time to find a place to have a drink in this town.”
“There’s a place that attracts more locals than tourists that’s called The Dock. I guess it has a dock.” She shrugged. “So it depends on whether we want to sit and sip a glass of wine or if we’re in a head-down-to-the-docks-and-kick-back kind of mood.”
The we gave Anna a moment of pause because she wasn’t sure her assistant, alcohol and a bunch of people who knew the truth about the Bayview Inn were a good mix, but she was not in the mood to sip a glass of wine.
“Let’s go kick back.”
Finn had only been sitting at the bar for about three minutes when he heard her laugh.
Anna.
He hadn’t seen her for a week, but he didn’t even have to turn around to know it was her. Other than closing his eyes for a moment, allowing himself to savor the sound, he gave no indication he’d heard her. His dad was sitting on the stool next to him, and the last thing Joel wanted right now was more Relic Rehab in his life.
After spending the week putting out a few fires with Tom—stuff that really needed them side-by-side in the office—Finn had arrived back in Blackberry Bay to find his father sitting on the front step of the house, looking as though he’d been through a commercial washer and dryer. Twice.
Apparently his father’s life had become nothing but his wife complaining to him about his mother, and his mother complaining to him about his wife. He’d been sitting on the front step, trying to figure out some place to go that wasn’t back inside his house, when Finn pulled into the driveway.
He’d parked the bike and then they’d gotten in his dad’s truck and off they’d gone in search of a beer.
Maybe a guys’ night out would help with his dad’s woman troubles, but being in a bar, listening to the woman he wanted laughing and having a good time while he had to sit with his back to her was going to be hell on Finn.
By shifting slightly to his left, he could see her reflection in the giant mirror with some kind of alcohol advertisement etched on it. She was with Eryn and a woman he didn’t recognize. Their companion was dressed like a tourist, though, so maybe they’d made friends with a woman who’d been there solo.
While his dad vented about life with Alice and Tess, most of which Finn had already heard about or had actually been present for, Finn kept part of his attention on Anna.
And when she got up and went down the hall to the restrooms, he told his dad he’d be right back and followed her. It wasn’t one of his prouder moments, but he wanted a chance to have a moment alone with her. The hallway led to a small room with a restroom on each end and a couple of benches, because sometimes there was a line. Tonight there wasn’t, though.
When she came out of the ladies’ room and saw him, her eyes widened and then she smiled. “You came back.”
“Of course I did. You look like you’re having fun tonight.” She nodded, and at the same time she was walking toward him. He ended up with his back against the wall and Anna very close to him. He didn’t mind. “Is Eryn drinking, too?”
She held up one finger. “One drink. That’s all she ever has and then she has soda water with lemon.”
“Good. How many have you had?” he teased, making her roll her eyes.
“Three. I had a lot going on today, though, and I forgot to eat, so maybe I should have had two.”
And one of the reasons The Dock was so popular with the locals, even though they had to put up with the tourists who wanted to eat on the actual dock, was the fact they did not mix a weak drink.
“I just wanted to make sure one of you was okay to drive back to the campground,” he said. “Obviously that would be Eryn.”
“You need to get some Uber going in this town,” she said, poking her finger at his chest.
“We had a couple of guys try it, but with the traffic it was faster for people to walk, and eventually they gave up. Ricky keeps an eye on people and more than once he’s had whoever’s washing dishes give a customer a ride home.”
“I don’t want to talk about Ricky anymore,” she said, and neither did he, because that finger she’d poked at his chest was now trailing down his sternum in a very suggestive way.
“What do you want to talk about?” It was only a matter of time before somebody came around the corner looking to use the restroom, so he hoped she didn’t take too long about it.
“Look. I wanna have sex with you.” She braced her hand against the wall, and he wasn’t sure if she was trying to look sexy or trying not to fall over. “And I’m pretty sure you wanna have sex with me.”
He was pretty sure he did, too. But rather than jump in and confirm it, he decided to let her run with the conversation just to see where it went.
“There’s a problem, though,” she continued. “I share my RV with Eryn and that would maybe be awkward.”
Maybe? It would definitely be awkward, which meant they really had two problems. The first being the alcohol. He didn’t know her well enough to know how she held her booze, but it seemed like she’d gone at least one drink past knowing or caring what she might regret in the morning. And the second being the RV. “I’m currently staying with my parents, which I think would be even more awkward.”
“I don’t want anybody to know,” she whispered, tilting her head to look past him as though she were about to whisper national security secrets in his ear.
At this point, he didn’t care what she whispered in his ear. He just wanted to feel her breath on his skin.
“We could rent a hotel room,” she continued in the same whisper. “Or a suite. With a hot tub. That place with the fancy pool looks nice.”
Hell yes, his body responded, but he forced himself to shake his head. “If you don’t want anybody to know we’re renting a suite together, then renting a suite anywhere in this town is a bad idea.”
She frowned, chewing on her bottom lip as she tried to come up with another solution. He tried not to watch. “Maybe I can send Eryn on an errand to...do something important and I’ll have the motor home to myself for a few minutes.”
If and when Finn finally got Anna naked, he was going to keep her that way for more than a few minutes. “I’ll tell you what. Tomorrow, when you’re sober, think about it and if, come Monday, you tell me you still want to have sex with me, I’ll figure out how to get it done.”
“I’ll probably still want to.”
“Probably?”
She smiled and he almost wished he wasn’t such a decent guy so he could suggest they ditch their drinking buddies and make use of his back seat. But he was, so no matter what she said or did, his pants were staying zipped tonight.
“I’ve wanted to have sex with you every day since I got here,” she admitted, and a quiet groan escaped him. “So I’ll probably still want to on Monday.”
“This might be the first time in my life I’ve ever looked forward to a Monday.”
She hooked her finger over the waistband of his jeans and tugged him even closer. “I changed my mind about the no-kissing thing. You should definitely kiss me.”
Between the state she was in and his self-control being on the ragged edge, there was no telling what would happen if he kissed her right now. There was a good chance whatever happened would be talked about in Blackberry Bay for years to come, so he forced himself to put his hands on her shoulders and gently push her upright.
“I’ll kiss you on Monday if you still want me to. You should go back to Eryn now, though. She’s probably going to come looking for you.”
“Okay, but don’t forget to kiss me on Monday.” And then she was gone.
Since he needed to give her a head start anyway, Finn went into the men’s room and splashed some cold water on his face, which was the closest he could get to a cold shower at the moment.
Tomorrow was going to be the longest-feeling Sunday he’d ever experienced.