Brooklyn’s story is one of those kinds of stories that if anything could go wrong, it did. When she was in the sixth grade, Brooklyn’s grandmother, the anchor of the family, passed away. Everything seemed to change overnight. Brooklyn’s mom became severely depressed and turned to drugs in order to cope, while Brooklyn’s stepdad continued in his alcoholic ways.
Late at night, Brooklyn’s mom would often sneak out to go to the neighbor’s house, her drug dealer, to get high. After a while, Brooklyn’s mom and the next-door drug-dealing neighbor started having an affair. It was her way of numbing the pain of an alcoholic husband and the loss of her mother. It was a way to hide—and to feel loved.
After a few months of being “functionally dysfunctional,” a new normal began to take hold. Brooklyn would often stay the night at her best friend Sarah’s house. Sarah’s mom, Elizabeth, was also best of friends with Brooklyn’s mom. One night, Brooklyn, her best friend Sarah, and Sarah’s brother, Jackson, all slept in the same bed. It was a small house and not uncommon for them to share beds. In the middle of the night, Brooklyn awoke to Jackson molesting her. Startled, Brooklyn ran to the bathroom and had no idea what to do, so she just stayed there.
The next morning Jackson acted as if nothing had happened, like everything was perfectly normal. Brooklyn said nothing. Brooklyn felt her only recourse was to push it aside as if it had never happened. And that is exactly what she did.
In seventh grade, Brooklyn’s stepdad came home unexpectedly and walked in on her mom and the drug-dealing neighbor sleeping together in their house. Brooklyn’s stepdad broke into the room and punched him multiple times, throwing him around the room. Brooklyn’s mom yelled for Brooklyn to get her two younger brothers and keep them away from the room. Being the older sister, Brooklyn locked all of them in the room farthest from the fighting. The boyfriend ended up bloodied, bruised, and with three broken ribs. Brooklyn witnessed everything.
Brooklyn’s stepdad sold the house without his wife (soon to be ex-wife) knowing, and left. Sometime later, the police came to the door, letting them know they were being evicted. So Brooklyn, her mom, and her two brothers were now living from hotel to hotel. But this, too, would soon change. In living from hotel to hotel, her mom’s drug use and lifestyle started to catch up to her. One night, her heart started to fail and she had to be rushed to the emergency room. In the emergency room, Brooklyn’s mom was pronounced clinically dead for six minutes—but was revived. It was the first time Brooklyn had ever prayed to God.
With her mom recovering, it was not possible for her to take care of the children; consequently, they all moved in with Brooklyn’s stepdad. While they were living with her stepdad, Brooklyn’s situation took a turn for the worse. His anger had worsened and his bouts of drinking had become more severe. He would force Brooklyn and his biological son to play drinking games. If they declined, he would verbally and even physically abuse them. Whenever he got angry, he would physically and verbally abuse Brooklyn in particular. Since Brooklyn’s mom was still very weak, there was not much she could do.
As Brooklyn’s eighth-grade year progressed, she became severely depressed and suicidal—she even attempted to take her own life. She started cutting herself and became bulimic. For various reasons, memories of being molested at the hands of Jackson resurfaced in her mind. Having had enough of the battle in her mind, one day she called a meeting with Jackson and his parents. Jackson’s dad looked Brooklyn in the eyes and said, “I don’t blame my son for what he did—look at how you dress!” Jackson, of course, denied the whole thing. Jackson’s mom, knowing the truth of what had happened, sat silently. She did not want to jeopardize her friendship with Brooklyn’s mom.
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As Brooklyn’s eighth-grade year progressed, she became severely depressed
and suicidal—she even attempted to take her own life.
#everyonelovessex
When Brooklyn told her mom about the meeting sometime later, her mom did not believe her. Brooklyn’s emotional state and well-being kept getting crushed. She tried to find love and comfort, but kept coming up empty. She felt worthless. While she was in tenth grade, Brooklyn was at a party and lost her virginity to a classmate who had a girlfriend at the time. Shortly thereafter, she met Carlos.
Carlos was a drug dealer, and he taught Brooklyn all about drugs. They dated for about a year. When Brooklyn got into eleventh grade, Carlos cheated on her with Brooklyn’s cousin, Heather. Carlos would often compare the two sexually, saying Brooklyn would do this good—but her cousin, Heather, would do this other thing better.
“That still affects me to this day,” Brooklyn told me.
Brooklyn spiraled deeper into a life of drugs, alcohol, and sex. Whenever she would try to confide in her mom, seeking love and support, her mom would always take someone else’s side.
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Brooklyn spiraled deeper into a life of drugs, alcohol, and sex. Whenever
she would try to confide in her mom, seeking love and support, her mom would always
take someone else’s side.
#everyonelovessex
As she approached her senior year of high school, Brooklyn started getting her life together. After graduation, she moved out to the beach. One day she decided to start attending church. She started mentoring teenage girls who were going through the things she went through—yet at the same time she also decided to move in with her next boyfriend. This was short-lived, as he was soon deployed overseas.
When she turned nineteen, Brooklyn started working at Victoria’s Secret, and it was there that she met Michael. Shortly after meeting each other, they decided to move in together. Brooklyn wanted to surprise Michael on his birthday. She really wanted to show him how much she loved him, so she prepared a surprise party for him with all of his friends. Brooklyn took him out to a special lunch and then came back to their place, where he was greeted by all of their friends.
At the party, he got angry with Brooklyn because he felt she was not paying enough attention to him. Brooklyn was doing her duty as host and making sure the party was flowing smoothly. Michael pulled her aside and said, “You’re not paying enough attention to me; you’re talking to everyone else, and I’m over it. You and I are done.”
Brooklyn was crushed. She left to clear her head, and then came back. When she came back, Brooklyn found Michael in their bedroom with one of Brooklyn’s co-workers passed out on their bed. Michael explained to her that nothing happened. Brooklyn was livid and said, “How dare you have another girl sleep in our bed—and be in our room alone with her!”
Shortly after the party, Brooklyn continued to feel worse about herself. After all, how else could she feel? Her self-esteem dropped; she also felt like a hypocrite. She was still involved with her church, trying to help the young girls, but kept going back to guys who were bad news. Still hurting from Michael and wanting to get back at him, she started sleeping with his best friend, Andrew. There was no romance, no feelings, just sex and revenge. One day, however, she received news that would change everything—she was pregnant. She was twenty years old.
When Brooklyn brought up the pregnancy, Andrew coldly replied, “I don’t care what happens to the baby. You knew what we were doing was just for fun. I don’t know what you expect from me, but I want nothing to do with the baby.”
Brooklyn decided to have an abortion. Andrew drove her to the abortion clinic. The clinic gave Brooklyn two pills that would terminate the baby. Andrew drove her back to his mom’s house. “I have to go to work. My mom can look after you.” And with that, he left. Brooklyn decided to drive herself home, where she took the pills. “The abortion was an all-day process. I was crying the entire day, making frequent visits to the bathroom, and during one of those visits, I saw the fetus I had aborted. Andrew never checked up on me.”
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Over and over in her head she was thinking: No wonder people treat you
like they have! You just killed a baby! You deserve everything that has happened
to you! You’re a horrible person and deserve nothing but hurt and shame!
#everyonelovessex
Brooklyn was at the lowest point in her life. Racked with guilt and pain, her thoughts started getting the best of her. As she shared how she felt all those years ago, my heart broke for her. Over and over in her head she was thinking: No wonder people treat you like they have! You just killed a baby! You deserve everything that has happened to you! You’re a horrible person and deserve nothing but hurt and shame!
Sociology is the study of human social relationships and institutions. Sociology’s subject matter is diverse, ranging from crime to religion, from the family to the state, from the divisions of race and social class to the shared beliefs of a common culture, and from social stability to radical change in whole societies.1
One of the great discoveries in dealing with relationships is a theory proposed by Dr. Abraham Maslow called “The Hierarchy of Needs.” Famously displayed in the form of a triangle with the most basic needs being at the bottom, the theory explains that one cannot move to a higher level on the triangle until you have your needs met on a lower level.
The first level in the hierarchy of needs is physiological needs. Physiological needs are the basic physical necessities needed to survive. These necessities include oxygen, water, and food. These needs must be met before one can move to the next level. The second level is safety and security needs, including shelter, a peaceful environment, and so on. The third stage is love and belongingness. This stage demonstrates the importance of relationships, platonic and romantic, as well as the need to belong—to matter. The fourth stage is the need for self-esteem, and the fifth stage is self-actualization.2
This chapter deals specifically with the third stage in the hierarchy. It is interesting that after the first two stages are met, which are physical, the next most important stage is one that focuses on relationship—love and belonging. If you feel a sense of belonging, you also feel that you are worth belonging—that you are worth it. The sad fact is that many people today do not feel they belong; consequently, they do not feel they are worth anything. Each of us has an innate desire to belong—to love, and to be loved. However, as we especially look at our actions, are we setting ourselves up to progress relationally and emotionally or are we setting ourselves up for failure? Let’s look at some areas where we are trying to find fulfillment of a deep need—but are going about it in ways that are harmful and destructive.
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Each of us has an innate desire to belong—to love, and to be loved.
#everyonelovessex
With the cost of college constantly rising, many parents cannot afford to pay college tuition for their children; consequently, the burden of paying for school is often left on the shoulders of the student. This means students are not only taking a full class load, but also have to work to pay for school. Additionally, with the competition that naturally arises in the university setting, students know that in order to get ahead, getting good grades is not enough. Students also have to participate in or lead extracurricular activities, like being on the debate team, serving as a student leader, leading service projects in the community, being involved in an internship, and anything else that will look impressive on a résumé or application.
The stress and time constraints on students can feel crushing at times. For many students, it is impossible to even think about a serious, committed relationship. As some students have said, “A relationship is like taking a four-credit class,” and “I could get in a relationship, or I could finish my film.”3 Many young adults have come to the conclusion that a traditional relationship would be too much to handle, that it would “cost” too much. Therefore, instead of finding a “traditional relationship,” students will often opt for the hookup in order to get their physical needs met.4
Add into the mix social media, college students trying to “find themselves,” and living in close proximity, and what results is a recipe for a hookup culture. Somewhere between 60 to 80 percent of American college students have participated in some type of hookup experience,5 and one survey indicated that 79 percent of young men and 73 percent of young women approved of premarital sex. To put that into perspective, in 1943, 40 percent of young men approved of premarital sex, while only 12 percent of young women approved.6 Times have indeed changed.
Not too long ago if a guy were interested in a girl, he would ask her out on a date. And if he really wanted to impress her, he would bring flowers. Perhaps even yellow roses, symbolizing that he wanted to work on their friendship before anything else. On the date, he had better have opened the door every time they got in the car and walked on the part of the sidewalk closest to oncoming traffic to protect her. Even before he arrived to pick up his date, he had to call her home phone, and the chances were high (if she lived at home) that he would have a conversation with her mom or dad before she got on the phone. (Apparently, picking a girl up for a date was not as easy as texting her that you are there to pick her up . . . )
Alexis’s Story
Alexis is a tall, attractive junior who was taking a full load of classes, was on the debate team, was involved with stressful internship interviews, and had pressure to be at the top of her class. Needless to say, she did not have time for a traditional relationship. Occasionally, when her work was finished, Alexis would text her regular hookup buddy and have sex. She was not even that impressed with the guy’s personality. There was no relationship, no expectations—just sex. She would always go over to his place, she said, because she did not want to wash the sheets. Whenever she showed up at his doorstep, there was always alcohol to get the evening started.7
Today, students claim dating is becoming a thing of the past. One student boldly stated, “You just don’t date at colleges.”8 Another said, “In a big way, hookups have kind of taken the place of—not exactly eclipsed—relationships, but hooking up is kind of an easier way for college students to act on their sexual desire without making a big commitment.”9
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When we dig deeper, we see not only through scientific studies but personal
interviews with college students that a big part of hooking up is because the partners
long for something emotionally deeper—they want to be loved and to belong.
#everyonelovessex
It is obvious that students hook up because of the physical, but I am always interested in what is beneath the physical. What is it that causes a person to hook up with a stranger or an acquaintance? When we dig deeper, we see not only through scientific studies but personal interviews with college students that a big part of hooking up is because the partners long for something emotionally deeper—they want to be loved and to belong. They want to know they have worth. In fact, over a quarter of men and nearly half of women indicated they desired a romantic relationship to follow a hookup. However, less than 10 percent of women and men actually expected a hookup to evolve into a traditional romantic relationship.10 Though many students desire to be in a traditional relationship, they do not know how to be in one because many never have.11
There seems to be something innate in all of us, a longing for something deeper, something meaningful. In a relationship, there is safety and commitment, and studies—along with personal interviews and conversations—seem to be pointing to that conclusion. “It is likely that a substantial portion of emerging adults today are compelled to publicly engage in hookups while desiring both immediate sexual gratification and more stable romantic attachments.”12
When we look beneath the surface of hooking up, we notice the act is partially about creating a close connection with someone. It is not surprising when we look at the large number of young adults hooking up, since we are wired for that type of intimacy. We are wired to be in community and to feel worthy to belong to that community. Relationships and connection with others are part of living healthy lives. The main concern, however, is if we are wired to be in relationships, and have the desire for sex, is hooking up the best way to develop healthy relationships, both romantically and platonically?
What researchers are coming to understand is this: hooking up actually deepens the emptiness people feel to be loved and belong. In a study of 1,468 undergraduate students, participants reported a variety of consequences after a hookup:
In another study, students self-reported:
The appeal of hooking up may be stronger than the actual results of the act. Physical needs do get met, and one does not have to worry about relationship woes, but the real issue with hooking up seems to be people looking for something deeper—and from what the research and stories suggest, hooking up does not provide that. Since we are wired for relationships and hooking up does not seem to provide lasting fulfillment, many are still left empty.
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It is not surprising when we look at the large number of young adults
hooking up, since we are wired for that type of intimacy.
#everyonelovessex
Though it promises so much, it leaves a void. Alcohol is almost always used to get the encounter started. The concern with alcohol being involved is the question the next day of whether or not the hookup was consensual. It must be understood that “No” always means “No.” However, alcohol and drug use also increase the chances of one partner being coerced into something that is not wanted.
The Justice Department surveyed 6,800 undergraduates at two large public universities and discovered that nearly 14 percent of the women (that is nearly 1,000 women!) indicated they had been victims of at least one sexual assault on campus. More than half of the victims indicated they were incapacitated from alcohol or drugs during the encounter.15 Feeling as if one has been raped probably means that a rape did in fact take place, which is another indication that hooking up does not deliver. In trying to find a connection, something emotionally deeper through hooking up, what we see is that there is a danger of rape, emotional disconnection, and embarrassment. Just as they do with hooking up, people also turn to porn to find fulfillment and a sense of belonging.
In their search to find love, acceptance, and a sense of belonging, many people turn to a very unexpected place—pornography. There is a reason there are over 500 million pages of pornography on the Internet, and that the pornography industry is a worldwide empire bringing in an estimated 97 billion dollars a year.16 What is it about sex—and especially explicit sexual content on the Internet—that draws so many people? And a follow-up question might be this: Do they find what they are looking for?
This may come as a shock, but pornography is not about sex! In the same way that overeating is not really about food, but uses food as a vehicle for something deeper, so it is with pornography. In other words, there is something deeper that compels the food addict to eat excessively—and with pornography, there is something deeper that compels us to view it, sometimes even excessively. Pornography is about filling a need deep within us—a need to be loved, to belong, to feel worthy.17 When those needs are not met, it is all too easy to turn to various alternative ways to meet those needs. Pornography promises so many things, but the haunting question is, does it really deliver what we long for and seek in it? If we were honest with ourselves, does pornography fulfill our needs for love, belonging, and worth?
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This may come as a shock, but pornography is not about sex!
#everyonelovessex
Pornography offers so many promises. It can be easy to believe that God is not offering what is the very best for us, consequently leaving us to search for fulfillment from other sources. Author and counselor Michael John Cusick nearly threw his life away when he let his addiction to pornography progress into visiting strip clubs, hiring prostitutes, and lying to his wife. His is an amazing story of God turning a life around. In his book Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle, Cusick writes about what pornography promises but in actuality does not—and could never—deliver.
Porn and Marriage
Researchers wanted to study the effects pornography has on romantic relationships. In order to do this, researchers performed five separate studies. Here’s what they discovered:
First, pornography promises sexual fulfillment without relationship. Pornography separates the intimacy, closeness, and bond that is created with a spouse and offers only simulation. There is no relationship. There is no discussion of a future together. Moreover, it paints a picture of other human beings as mere objects to be used for pleasure. Any married couple will tell you that fulfilling sexual relations happen in the context of a healthy emotional relationship. Pornography promises just the opposite.19
Second, pornography promises intimacy without requiring risk and suffering. One of the scariest things I have ever done was propose to my wife, Caz. While I knew she would say “Yes!” I still feared putting myself out there because there was always the possibility of rejection. Looking back on our wedding day, the vows we repeated to each other have grown more real. At first, we did not know the full expression and ramifications of what we were promising to each other—but as time has passed, we have seen what it means to live out those vows. In the years we have been married, we have experienced so many different emotions: love, joy, hurt, pain, sadness, and so on. We both took a risk that Friday night in June 2010—a risk we were not fully awakened to. But now? We realize what those vows mean, what commitment and love mean—through the good and the bad. The risk—the intimacy—was worth everything. Pornography will have you believe that intimacy comes through a click, but nothing could be further from the truth.20
Third, pornography promises passion and life without connection to your soul. The lure of pornography is strong, promising an exciting, passion-filled experience. The problem is that it does nothing for the soul, other than smother it. There’s no real life, no abundant life (John 10:10) that comes with pornography. Pornography only brings destruction. Pornography breaks down marriage vows, desensitizes us, and gives a false representation of love. Instead of pornography bringing a couple together or helping a single person in his or her relationships, it brings disconnection and destruction.
While pornography promises much, it sadly delivers very little in the end. There is no emotional connection, an essential need we have as human beings. And without that emotional connection to someone, sex is actually much less than what it can be. It becomes an act about gratification—and sadly, often at the expense of objectifying the other person. A healthy emotionally connected relationship involves trust, vulnerability, commitment, and empathy—all of the characteristics one needs to share life with someone. Pornography does not offer any of these characteristics—none. Trying to gratify yourself with sexual images does not equal intimacy or a healthy, emotionally connected relationship. It is a “solution” that can never be fulfilling.21
Did You Know?
Men and women get hooked on pornography because of an emotional disconnection.23 What we are really looking for is a healthy connection with another human being. Sadly, when we do not find it or are having relationship problems, the computer or phone is one of the first places we turn. We are wired for relationships, to feel like we are worthy. The reality is that if we turn to pornography to find that connection, we will always be left wanting, searching, longing for something more real than images on a screen.24
Brooklyn had hit rock bottom. She was volunteering at a youth group, living with and having sex with guys—and had just had an abortion due to a pregnancy. There had to be more to life than just this. She picked up two books that would eventually change her life, Crazy Love and When God Writes Your Love Story. While reading these books, she began to experience some healing. For the first time in her life, she felt a sense of joy and peace that she had never felt before.
“I felt the overflowing of God’s unfailing love! I realized that I no longer had to fill my emptiness with guys; I have someone more sustaining—more life-giving.”
For the first time, Brooklyn understood what it meant to be embraced by the love of Jesus—and for the first time, she was truly able to receive that embrace. “I felt God’s grace and compassion. And it just felt so good.”
Brooklyn wanted to continue on this road to healing and redemption, so she made a bold first step—she left the world she was surrounded by. She started over, found new friends, sought counseling, and really wanted to follow this Jesus she had experienced so strongly. She understood the importance of sexual faithfulness and wanted to be faithful to her future spouse from that moment on. She also came to a new understanding that these sexual relationships would never—and could never—fill the void that once dominated her life. She realized that these sexual experiences would never make her feel worthy or valuable.
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“I felt the overflowing of God’s unfailing love! I realized that I no
longer had to fill my emptiness with guys; I have someone more sustaining—more life-giving.”
#everyonelovessex
I asked Brooklyn about redemption. She simply said, “I have confidence in the Lord that I am redeemed, that I am forgiven! And I am in the best place of my life.” Brooklyn, now twenty-five, knows the value and importance of sexual faithfulness. Stepping into this new reality, she now spends time communicating this message to her friends, at churches, or at universities. Now that she has experienced both sides, she is on a mission to help bring healing to those who are willing to embrace it—and be embraced by it. And for the first time in her life, Brooklyn has been single for nearly a year and is extremely proud that she is learning to find her worth and identity in God.
One of the most powerful moments in my conversation with Brooklyn was when she told me that this past summer she called Jackson, the boy who had molested her in the sixth grade, and said, “I have forgiven you.” To her surprise, he was quite vulnerable, telling her that he had been molested as a child. He knew the pain, and he was extremely sorry for what happened that night. Brooklyn truly has experienced redemption and now is living a life of freedom. The great news is that anyone, no matter who they are or what they have been through, can experience this same redemption and freedom. And because of Jesus’ grace and redemption, it means we are worth it!
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And because of Jesus’ grace and redemption, it means we are worth it!
#everyonelovessex
You have a place to belong and to be loved! That is what Brooklyn finally discovered. She didn’t receive love or a sense of belonging from her mom (and her dad was not in the picture). But after trying everything else—things she thought would fulfill her—she realized that ultimate fulfillment only comes when the creation connects with the Creator.
I picture Brooklyn as the prodigal daughter in Luke 15. She left, trying to find a place to belong, trying to find fulfillment, trying to find meaning and joy—but she came up empty and alone. And the entire time her heavenly Father was just waiting for her to come back—because she is worth it.
There is a better way. There is a more fulfilling way. It is when we trust and live for our Creator that we find who we are—and learn that we are indeed worth it. We need to stop searching for meaning and belonging and love in places where we will never be fulfilled. Rather, we need to look to and live for the one who created us. He loves you! You are worth it!
1. Do you ever struggle with feeling you are valuable—that you are worth it? Why or why not?
2. Could you relate with Brooklyn’s story?
3. What does every person need?
4. Are hookups the best way to find love and belonging?
5. Why can hookups be dangerous?
6. What real life story in this chapter impacted you the most? Why?
7. Do you believe pornography can help you emotionally connect to another person?
Have you shared your thoughts online yet?
#EveryoneLovesSex
1“What Is Sociology?” UNC Department of Sociology, http://sociology.unc.edu/undergraduate-program/sociology-major/what-is-sociology/.
2See Abraham Maslow’s book A Theory of Human Motivation.
3Kate Taylor in the New York Times quotes Elizabeth A. Armstrong, a sociologist at the University of Michigan, who studies women’s sexuality. “Sex on Campus: She Can Play that Game, Too,” New York Times, July 12, 2013, http://www.nytimes.com/2013/07/14/fashion/sex-on-campus-she-can-play-that-game-too.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0.
4Ibid.
5Justin Garcia, Chris Reiber, Sean G. Massey, and Ann M. Merriwether, “Sexual Hookup Culture: A Review,” Review of General Psychology 16.2 (2012): 163.
6A study by psychologists Jean Tweng and Brook Wells in Steven E. Rhoads, Laura Webber, and Diana Van Vleet, “The Emotional Costs of Hooking Up,” The Chronicle of Higher Education, June 20, 2010, http://www.chronicle.com/article/The-Emotional-Costs-of-Hooking/65960/.
7This story is adapted from Kate Taylor, “Sex on Campus,” New York Times.
8Sharon Jayson, “More College ‘Hookups,’ but More Virgins, Too,” USA Today, March 30, 2011, http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/health/wellness/dating/story/2011/03More-hookups-on-campuses-but-more-virgins-too/45556388/1.
9Ibid.
10Garcia et al., “Sexual Hookup Culture,” 201.
11Jayson, “More College ‘Hookups.’”
12Garcia et al., “Sexual Hookup Culture,” 4.
13Ibid., 3.
14Ibid.
15Christopher P. Krebs, Christine H. Lindquist, Tara D. Warner, Bonnie S. Fisher, Sandra L. Martin, “The Campus Sexual Assault (CSA) Study,” December 2007, Final report to the National Institute of Justice, https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/grants/221153.pdf.
16John Gottman and Nan Silver, What Makes Love Last? How to Build Trust and Avoid Betrayal (New York: Simon and Schuster, 2012), 62.
17Michael John Cusick, Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 2012), 16–20.
18Ibid.
19Ibid.
20Ibid.
21Michael J. Formica, “Female Objectification and Emotional Availability: Understanding the Social Dynamics of Pornography Addiction,” Psychology Today, August 22, 2008, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/enlightened-living/200808/female-objectification-and-emotional-availability .
22Kathleen Miles, “Ten Facts about Porn Industry: ‘All Time 10s’ Video Shows How Big the Adult Industry Is,” Huffington Post, October 31, 2012, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/10/29/ten-porn-industry-facts-all-time-10s-video_n_2039449.html.
23Formica, “Female Objectification and Emotional Availability.”
24If you need help, a great resource is www.xxxchurch.com, which will encourage you and assist you in freeing yourself from porn addiction. On the site, you can also take a survey to see if you are a porn addict: http://www.xxxchurch.com/sex-addiction-test.