“You can never leave your kids and you can never have the woman you’re in love with.” – Tony Wilson
To those observing them from the outside – and there were many of them – Joy Division’s progress seemed like the stuff of dreams. Here was a band at the forefront of post-punk British music, at the peak of their powers, with one critically acclaimed album already under their belt and, guided by the muse of Ian Curtis, an even richer seam of songs as works in progress. The prevailing feeling was that 1980 would be their breakthrough year with a new single and a second album to take the band beyond the spring. The roller-coaster was gaining momentum, just as it should do.
To those observing them from the inside – and there were about a dozen of them – Joy Division’s progress wasn’t quite as rosy as it seemed on the surface. The songs might have been forthcoming and the gigs were getting bigger but their frontman, the lynchpin on which everything depended, was all too well aware of his own frailty. The fits were getting worse and more frequent, he was torn between his wife and child on the one hand and his new love on the other, and everyone was relying on him to an extent that simply made everything, the pressure, the responsibility, the demands, so much worse with every leap forward. Something had to give.
On February 24, 1980, Joy Division returned to Strawberry for a one-day session to record a 12-inch version of ‘She’s Lost Control’ for release in the US only.
Ian wrote about the session in his next letter to Annik, posted on Monday February 25: DEAR ANNIK, I LOVE YOU. I FEEL VERY TIRED AT THE MOMENT BUT DO NOT FEEL LIKE SLEEPING. WE DIDN’T FINISH IN THE STUDIO UNTIL NINE O’CLOCK THIS MORNING, IT WAS ABOUT FIVE WHEN I DID THE VOCALS – I HAD TO WRITE A NEW VERSE WHILE I WAS THERE. THE SONG SOUNDS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT FROM THE VERSION ON THE ALBUM. I CAN’T MAKE UP MY MIND WHETHER IT’S BETTER OR NOT, I THINK I’LL HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT A FEW MORE TIMES YET.
Superficially, Ian’s letter seems typical for an average young man in love, sharing his feelings along with the small details of day-to-day life. Except that it was no ordinary life and, despite his youth, his situation deemed that his love for Annik could not be as simple as it appeared. He continued: THERE SEEMS TO BE A FINAL REALISATION OF THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING AT HOME NOW. EVEN THOUGH, AS I’VE EXPLAINED (OR TRIED TO) TO YOU, IT’S BEEN LIKE THIS FOR WELL OVER A YEAR, WE’VE TALKED MORE OPENLY, AND I HAVE THIS HORRIBLE FEELING, A TOTAL NUMBNESS THAT I CAN’T REALLY DESCRIBE, A FEELING I’VE HAD AT OTHER POINTS OF MY LIFE WHEN THERE WAS CONFUSION ABOUT WHICH WAY TO GO, A KIND OF JOURNEY TO AN UNKNOWN DESTINATION, THOUGH THIS TIME I FEEL I’M BEING PUSHED TOWARDS A PATH I CAN SEE LOOMING OVER THE DISTANCE. ANYWAY ENOUGH OF THIS, FATE WILL TAKE ITS COURSE IN DUE TIME.
Ian’s confusion would stay with him to the end of his days, and went to the core of his being. The nature of this confusion was not so much ‘I don’t know the way to go’, as much as ‘I don’t know but I should know or I need to know the way to go’. ‘I don’t know’ is not, of itself, necessarily a bad thing, but with confusion there is a pressure that one ought to know.
This dichotomy – or split – is something to which many parents, especially fathers, may relate. Tony Wilson had two children with his second wife and experienced similar torment to Ian as this relationship disintegrated. “I have had the experience of being in a marriage that didn’t have love or passion in it and that was on both sides,” he says. “We married out of convenience and had children whom we adored. We were living neither happily nor unhappily – it was a friendship – but suddenly the moment came when I fell properly in love with someone else, Yvette, and I realised that I could never leave the marriage because it would mean leaving the kids. But I could also not live without Yvette. Therefore I had to leave. But I couldn’t leave. I could never leave because of the kids. So suddenly you get this thing where there are two complete opposites which are both absolute. You can never leave your kids and you can’t leave the woman you’re in love with.”
There were other pressures on Ian. His sleep pattern was disrupted and a tiring schedule was taking its toll on his health and increasing the likelihood of further fits. Joy Division played High Wycombe Town Hall on February 20, a 250-plus mile round trip, with Killing Joke supporting. The group journeyed down during the day and drove back that same night, leaving in the early hours.
On February 28 the group played The Warehouse in Preston with Section 25 again supporting. This gig proved something of a shambolic affair; a dozen songs performed while hovering on the edge of power and equipment failure. The opening three numbers – ‘Incubation’, ‘Wilderness’ and the fast improving ‘Twenty Four Hours’ – were played in the face of mounting technical problems which came to a head at the conclusion of the fourth song, ‘The Eternal’, which disintegrated into an embarrassed silence, leaving Ian to declare: “I would like to apologise… for everything…”Then he muttered something along the lines of “… allow the band to play around a bit…” and for a few edgy moments the most promising new band in Britain lapsed into a disharmonious tune-up against a background of shuffles and shouts from the audience.
Mercifully, the disintegrating atmosphere was repaired by a transcendent moment. The gremlins apparently banished, Ian ushered Joy Division into a gorgeous, lilting version of ‘Heart And Soul’, one of the more difficult vocal challenges in the Joy Division repertoire. It was the first time it had ever been performed to an audience.
Ian had written about this song to Annik in his letter of February 25: AT THE MOMENT I’M JUST LEARNING THE WORDS TO A NEW SONG ‘HEART & SOUL’ WHICH HOPEFULLY WE’LL PLAY ON FRIDAY, IF ALL GOES WELL IN REHEARSAL TOMORROW.
He was actually referring to a gig in London the following night, when he and Annik would next meet. Meanwhile, the Preston gig was salvaged by the new song and the evening concluded with an almost punkish ‘She’s Lost Control’1.
“[It was] shit – it had a tiny, postage stamp stage and next to no power,” says Terry Mason of the Preston gig. In the absence of a dressing room, the group were given the use of the kitchen with one comfy chair. Problems and awful surroundings notwithstanding, Joy Division were still able to have a laugh. Terry: “We knew Rob would make sure that he’d get the comfy chair so we stacked it onto coke cans so you’d not notice. He came in, flops himself down and, of course, fell over. The cans collapsed underneath him.”
One of Section 25’s mates took up a challenge to eat a mountain of butter. “Bet you a fiver you can’t eat all that butter, we said,” says Terry. “This guy did it and then he pointed out, ‘Oh that was easy’ and said he’d become addicted to evaporated milk, that every day he was drinking pints of Nestles condensed milk – that made us feel a bit sick.”
At this point in their evolution, Joy Division was able to command in the region of £500 just about anywhere they played. It seems, however, that to add to their frustrations at Preston Rob Gretton had not struck such a good deal and the promoter refused to pay any more than £150. This was despite the fact that his club was packed solid full of people all paying £5 a head or thereabouts. Terry: “Anyone sensible would want to make sure you come back in a couple of months’ time but this guy was unflinching. Ian was really pissed off about money that night. It was like this guy was taking the piss out of us. So we stole frozen chickens out of a freezer. We all went home with chickens but Ian took two because he was more pissed off than anyone else.”
With Ian having cause to be in a bad frame of mind after that night, Alan Wise, who has suffered from neurological driven ‘Petit Mal’ throughout his life, thinks this might have increased the likelihood of an attack in the near future. “Depression is more likely before a fit,” he says. “The attack causes a fast release of energy in the brain and the mood is then generally lifted”.
The band arrived back from Preston quite late and were up early for the long drive to London the next day. Steve used to pick everyone up – and would collect Ian first – so these two, starting out from Macclesfield and heading in the wrong direction for the first leg of the journey, always had a longer day when the group ventured south.
The London show, Joy Division’s biggest gig to date, was at the Lyceum on The Strand. Perhaps it was the long drive or perhaps it was something to do with the frustrations of the previous night, but Ian had a grand mal epileptic fit that began on stage. Terry: “He also had the pressure of Annik being there – in the sense that he had to be ‘Ian with Annik’ as well as ‘Ian with the band.’” Larry Cassidy of Section 25 noticed at several gigs, however: “Ian seemed twitchy in the dressing room. He was quite nervous. Annik had a good effect on him.”
It is likely that the rapidly escalating success of the group was placing additional stress on Ian. The Lyceum in London was considerably more prestigious and bigger than the Electric Ballroom where they’d last played in the capital. It had just opened after a refurbishment and was now a seated theatre, situated close to Covent Garden where The Strand meets The Aldwych. The music press was out in force that night. The pressure was on. Perhaps Ian’s concern following the problems experienced the night before, coupled with his constant fear of a recurrence of an epileptic fit was, in itself, a trigger.
Tony Wilson remembered this night well. “I was side stage,” he says. “Normally I’m not, normally I’m on the mixing desk, watching Rob work, but I was side stage that night and again, the whole thing you think it’s a great performance but you see Ian getting slightly more manic than ever and you see the other members of the group look at each other and looking at Ian and taking their minds off performing and beginning to concentrate on Ian cos they know it’s about to go off and you can see Terry begin to get ready. At the end of a song Ian would slump against a mike and Terry would run on and drag him off. I then helped Terry – we dragged him to the side and then there were these typical stone stairs going up and up into the roof of the theatre. So we took him up three or four flights of stairs to get away from everybody into the dark and we’re just holding him. The reason I remember it so well is that John Curd was the promoter and he was one of the toughest men in the music industry. He came round this corner hearing this noise and says, ‘What the fuck’s going on?’ and he saw me and Terry and our lead singer and John Curd went white and he said, ‘Oh sorry’ and just vanished. I’ve never seen a grown man be more scared in all my life.”
Terry recalls: “It had been a shit night all round. The promoters didn’t sort out a parking permit and so the Luton van was towed by the police. I had to spend most of early evening getting over to Elephant & Castle to get the truck out of the pound.”
The only gig Joy Division played in March was on the 5th at Trinity Hall, Bristol. This was a Community venue that Terry describes as: “The equivalent of the Russell Club, an Afro-Caribbean club, but that night the crowd were mainly students. The chairman of the club wanted to introduce the band to the crowd which was fine.”
Terry remembers that at the end of the set the MC had mistakenly thought the group wanted to ‘milk’ the applause before they would go back on stage – but the real problem was that Ian had yet another fit. Again, it occurred towards the end of his performance on stage, but now it had happened at two gigs in a row.
Annik was there that night and kept Ian’s set list. Underneath she wrote ‘Fit. Ian My Love’.
Ian also had a fit at home around this time, as he described on some postcards he sent to Annik the day after the Bristol gig: THE ATTACKS OF EPILEPSY ARE BEGINNING TO FRIGHTEN ME, ESPECIALLY MONDAY NIGHT WHEN I CRASHED INTO THE GLASS DOOR. WHEN I AWOKE I WAS COVERED IN GLASS & STARED AT THE JAGGED PIECES STILL STUCK IN THE DOOR. SOMETIMES I’M AFRAID TO GO OUT SOMEWHERE AT NIGHT FOR FEAR OF HAVING A FIT IN A CLUB OR CINEMA. I GET MORE NERVOUS WHEN WE PLAY NOW FOR FEAR OF IT HAPPENING, IT SEEMS MORE FREQUENT. I DON’T THINK I COULD SET FOOT ON STAGE AGAIN IF I EVER HAD A FULL STAGE ATTACK WHILE PLAYING. IT GETS MORE WORRYING WHAT WITH THE AMERICAN TOUR AND LOTS OF OTHER DATES COMING UP. I KEEP THINKING THAT SOMEDAY THINGS WILL BE SO INTENSE THAT I’LL NO LONGER BE ABLE TO CARRY ON.
The embarrassment and shame he felt was overwhelming. Ian must have believed the prognosis for his illness was poor and that his career was threatened, however promising it looked to the world outside his immediate circle. Privately, he was beginning to cast serious doubts over his future with Joy Division.
Annik: “He was very, very scared of getting sicker. Of not being cured and getting so sick he wouldn’t be able to look after himself and of being an embarrassment.”1
On March 12, Ian wrote to Annik: I HAVE A FEELING THE EPILEPTIC CONDITION WILL WORSEN. IT FRIGHTENS ME. IT IS A LIE TO SAY ‘I’M NOT AFRAID ANYMORE’. THERE IS NOTHING THE DOCTORS CAN DO BUT TRY TABLETS. THEY’VE TRIED SO MANY DIFFERENT COMBINATIONS. I’VE HAD ALL THE TESTS THEY CAN GIVE ME, BRAIN SCANS, ELECTROENCEPHLAGRAMS AND THEY KNOW WHERE THE TROUBLE IS – FRONT LEFT OF TEMPORAL LOBE. BUT AS WITH MANY CASES THERE IS STILL NO OBVIOUS CAUSE. I STILL HAVEN’T TOTALLY ACCEPTED IT. I FEEL IT MORE AS I USED TO WORK WITH PEOPLE WHO HAD EPILEPSY (AMONG OTHERS) AND EVERY MONTH USED TO VISIT THE DAVID LEWIS CENTRE AS PART OF MY JOB. ALL THE VERY BAD CASES ARE THERE FOR TREATMENT OR JUST TO BE LOOKED AFTER. IT LEFT TERRIBLE PICTURES IN MY MIND – YOUNG BOYS AND GIRLS WEARING SPECIAL HELMETS AND PADS ON THEIR ELBOWS AND KNEES TO STOP THEM HURTING THEMSELVES WHEN THEY FELL. SUCH LOVELY PEOPLE IN SUCH A DESPERATE SITUATION.
I FELT I HAD TO TELL YOU THIS EVEN THOUGH IT MAY CHANGE YOUR FEELINGS FOR ME, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND DON’T WANT TO LOSE YOU, YET I FELT I MUST TELL YOU WHAT THIS CONDITION AT ITS WORST CAN DO.
He adds, on a note of hope but almost as an afterthought: ON THE OTHER HAND THE FITS CAN SUDDENLY DISAPPEAR NEVER TO RETURN.
Annik was witness to three or four fits which all took place at concerts, as well as one in a recording studio. Of all the references in Debbie’s book to Annik, the one she found most distressing was the suggestion that she did not care when Ian had a fit and even rejected him because of it. This is entirely out of character for Annik. Ian himself refers to the comfort she brought him after a fit when he wrote to her about his health concerns the day after the Bristol gig: THOUGH IT EMBARRASSES ME WHEN PEOPLE ARE THERE WHEN IT HAPPENS AND I FEEL BITTER AND AFRAID, I WAS GLAD YOU WERE THERE. I AWOKE TO SEE YOUR FACE AND FELT A LOT CALMER AND REASSURED. YOU HAVE THIS EFFECT ON ME. EVEN ROB SAYS YOU WERE GOOD FOR ME IN EUROPE. HAVING THIS AFFECT ON ME AND TAKING THE EDGINESS AWAY.
Annik: “There is a limit to how much one can witness someone else baring their soul and seeing their utmost intimacy. When Ian had a fit it is true I felt like a ‘voyeur’ if I was getting too close and felt the band (and Rob and roadies) just wanted to cope with it themselves. I felt helpless maybe. You needed to be strong to be able to carry Ian. What was only prudency and shyness was misinterpreted for aloofness.”
Annik was born under the sign of Libra, an air sign and she spoke more than once of the need for space, air to breathe. To respect this need in others is second nature to her. At the close of the many Joy Division gigs she attended Annik was never inclined to rush backstage immediately, as some are wont to do, but rather to hang back in the auditorium until she felt an appropriate amount of time had elasped. In fact she felt far from aloof: “I felt I loved him more than ever because he was utterly lost when it would take place. He looked in a panic and complete mental disorder and my blood would rise and turn for me to be near him and make sure he would not hurt himself and would try to take his pain away.
“When it happened he looked ‘supernatural’, just like he had some special vision and was taken above us. He was kind of glowing and was literally rising from the ground.”
Ian clearly felt the responsibility and strain of Joy Division weighing down heavily upon him. In this same letter he writes: I FEEL LIKE LEAVING THE GROUP. ROB IS BEGINNING TO ANNOY ME WITH HIS ATTITUDE, YET THE SONGS ON THE NEW ALBUM MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AND I MUST GET THROUGH THAT AND I FEEL SO MUCH FOR FACTORY – TONY, ALAN AND ALL. I FEEL LIKE GOING BACK TO MY OLD JOB AMONG REAL PEOPLE.
He speaks of satisfying his restless spirit and asks: IS SOME HAPPINESS AND FULFILLMENT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR? YOU ARE THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES ME TRULY HAPPY AT THIS MOMENT, WHEN I’M WITH YOU, WHEN I’M NEAR YOU, WHEN I THINK OF YOU.
Ian continues: I AM PAYING DEARLY FOR PAST MISTAKES. I NEVER REALISED HOW ONE MISTAKE IN MY LIFE SOME FOUR OR FIVE YEARS AGO WOULD MAKE ME FEEL HOW I DO. I LIVE BEYOND OBLIGATION AND RESPONSIBILITY. OBLIGATIONS I KNOW I CAN NEVER KEEP YET ARE THERE IN FRONT OF MY EYES EVERY DAY. I STRUGGLE BETWEEN WHAT I KNOW IS RIGHT IN MY OWN MIND AND SOME WARPED TRUTHFULNESS AS SEEN THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE’S EYES WHO HAVE NO HEART AND CAN’T SEE THE DIFFERENCE ANYWAY, MINDS ARE DEAD AND ALL FEELING REDUNDANT. I THANK GOD I HAVE MY SOLITUDE (AS YOU CAN APPRECIATE) AND HAVE HAD EVER SINCE I WAS A CHILD AND CAN AT LEAST LIVE IN PART WITH MY OWN THOUGHTS AND WANDERINGS.
He wrote a much more cheerful letter to Annik only the day before this. The general tone of the March 11 letter is optimistic compared to the somewhat pessimistic outlook on March 12. His opening paragraph on the 12th gives a clue that a phone conversation may have been part of the reason: I DIDN’T MEAN TO UPSET YOU, IT HURTS ME SO MUCH WHEN YOU ARE UPSET OR SAD.
Annik, ignorant of the fact that Debbie hadn’t accepted her marriage was over, was still uncomfortable with the growing love between herself and Ian when he had a wife and child at home.
Annik: “Ian and I shared emotions and feelings but we did not spend much time together. We were full of respect for each other and cared a lot for each other. It was pretty melancholic when we met as we knew we would not be able to see one another for long. It was quiet and tender. We had in common some melancholy maybe, some deep need of absolute love and trust. He knew I was out a lot and meeting lots of people. He understood that my need for freedom was first a way of being open-minded and curious and wanting to see and hear all I could. I was hungry for life – mainly through music – but even very far away we felt close and committed. I knew he loved his daughter and never asked more than meeting whenever it was possible. I didn’t realise at all that he felt trapped in a triangle situation.”
Lindsay Reade: “It is perhaps ironic that Annik’s surname is Honoré, and Ian’s was Curtis (which he believed stood for the same code) – courtesy and honour. And knowing them both, I have no doubt that their standards were/are extremely high, yet here they were committing virtual adultery when they were both barely out of their teens.
“In a sense Ian and Debbie were both in the grip of the strongest feelings of a new love but circumstances deemed that Debbie’s was ‘right’ and Ian’s was ‘wrong’. Can love, in its purest sense, ever be judged like that? Admittedly parental love and romantic love are leagues apart and I’m in no way implying that Ian didn’t love his baby daughter. I have no doubt whatsoever that he did. However, I think he felt alienated because his illness dictated he couldn’t be alone with her and tend to her in a practical sense. His career meant he was absent for most of the time. As anyone with a young baby would appreciate, that must have been really tough on Debbie. But then again the very thing that took him away meant that he was able to materially provide for his child, as his code of honour would naturally dictate. He may even have felt – as a lot of men of that generation and earlier generations did – that providing was the most important thing, that that was the way for him to give his love to his daughter.”
Whatever the problems and however much Ian’s conscience may have been troubled, his correspondence with Annik reveals, over and over again, not the faintest doubt of his feelings toward her. On Tuesday, March 11, he wrote: I’VE NEVER EXPERIENCED ANYTHING LIKE IT BEFORE, I CAN FEEL YOU NEAR ME ALWAYS AND ALL THE WEIGHTS I SEEM TO CARRY JUST DISAPPEAR, JUST LEAVING A WONDERFUL CALM. I LIVE IN SPLENDID ISOLATION AND NOONE CAN TAKE IT AWAY, ONLY WHEN I’M WITH YOU AND FREE TO MOVE.
This sentiment was echoed by Annik when, in an interview with the authors, she spoke about love: “Love is the drug,” she said.
Why is that? “It makes you feel alive.”
What makes it happen? Where does it come from? “Deep down from the bottom of your heart. It touches something that’s so deep in there when you see one person that you care for. Yes. It makes you tremble and it creates a bond between two persons. I remember when I was in Egypt or when Ian was on tour – I had him near me all the time. You are near even if you are miles away. You only get that with a few people. I can’t explain it.”
Annik had evidently been over to Belgium for a gig at Plan K before Ian wrote these letters. She was still the contact in London to invite groups to come over, discuss money and deal with travel and transport arrangements. Tickets, posters and advertising was handled in Brussels. Hence Ian added, on March 11: IT SEEMS AN ETERNITY SINCE I LAST SAW YOU, EVEN THOUGH IT IS LESS THAN A WEEK… I HOPE YOU ENJOYED YOURSELF IN BELGIUM. HOW WERE THE SLITS AND THE POP GROUP? GOOD I HOPE, AND YOUR DOG AND YOUR PARENTS.
Ian also refers to his own dog, Candy, regretting that whereas he was once able to walk her two or three times a day, this is no longer possible: MY DOG IS LYING NEXT TO ME. I FEEL SO SAD THIS IS THE LAST WEEK I HAVE WITH HER. WHEN I COME TO LONDON SHE IS TO BE GIVEN AWAY. I CAN’T BELIEVE IT AND DON’T THINK I WILL UNTIL I RETURN. AND SHE DOESN’T GREET ME AT THE DOOR, TAIL WAGGING, “… TO SHED A TEAR FOR ALL THE DUMB CREATURES OF THIS WORLD…”(HUMANS INCLUDED).
He sounds more optimistic than in his next letter about his future with Joy Division, talking of the impending album recording and also mentions: THE COPIES OF ‘SORDIDE SENTIMENTALE’ HAVE ARRIVED, THE COVER’S INCREDIBLE, I’VE GOT YOU ONE AND WILL BRING IT DOWN WITH ME ON MONDAY.
He also refers back to the recording of ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ on March 8 in Strawberry Studio: WE STILL HAVEN’T FINISHED ‘LOVE WILL TEAR US APART’ THERE IS STILL A LOT TO DO, VOCALS, GUITAR, SYNTH DRUMS, WE’RE HOPING TO COMPLETE IT AT BRITTANIA ROW, IT’S CHANGED A LOT FROM THE PREVIOUS RECORDED VERSION. TONY CAME DOWN TO THE STUDIO ON SATURDAY, HE’D BOUGHT ME A FRANK SINATRA DOUBLE ALBUM, HE WANTS THE VOCALS DONE LIKE THAT. I PLAYED IT AND NONE OF THE OTHERS COULD STAND IT, THOUGH I THINK IT’S A GOOD LP. HE’S GOT A GREAT VOICE. WE WERE THERE FROM 6.00PM SATURDAY TO 12.00 NOON SUNDAY. EVERYBODY WAS SO TIRED.
Frank Sinatra wasn’t exactly new to Ian – in fact Sinatra was a favourite of Ian’s dad, Kevin, and Ian grew up listening to him. Tony Wilson thought that Ian’s vocal phrasing might become influenced by Sinatra if he listened to the album and remembers being pleased to see it lying open on the floor of Strawberry Studios. Ian had obviously listened to it.
Tony Wilson: “I told Ian that the real emotion in the delivery of the lyrics of a song exist within the spaces in the syllables and if you spread the syllables you will find that’s where the emotion will come in.”
With this in mind, it’s likely that the Sinatra influence played a part in the way in which Ian chose to sing the chorus in ‘Love Will Tear us Apart’ – “Love will tear us apaaaaaart again”. The emotion sits over the aaaaaa(h) rather than over the short staccato syllables.
Nevertheless, Tony adds: “I don’t like to talk about me giving Ian this album because it runs completely contrary to my ideas that the guys in suits should never have the temerity to tell musicians what to do with their music.”
Like Annik, Wilson believes in giving the artist room to breathe. Though quick to say that he didn’t think it was the job of record executives to give advice to their protégées, he nevertheless did talk to Ian about this and Ian did take his advice. How do we know? Listen to the two different versions of ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ – the first recorded at Pennine and the second at Strawberry. Although Tony was quick to make clear: “I always believe that the only creative thing we ever do – those of us without the talent that is – is push our musicians for better or worse towards the right or the wrong producer. I have got it both wrong and right.”
Perhaps the reason Ian took on board what Tony was saying was because he wasn’t telling him what to do with the music. It’s possible that their intellectual/emotional natures made contact. As Pete Johnson says: “Ian was intellectually very sharp.”
‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ would become Joy Division’s signature tune, the one song in their catalogue that is universally recognised as a timeless classic. Although it breached the Top 20 singles chart – the only JD record to do so – it spread outwards across the surface of the mainstream, drawing in fans hitherto unaware of the band, and has stayed the course, regularly appearing on published lists of all time greats. Paul Morley, musing on how Ian might view the enduring influence of Joy Division in the summer of 2005, notes: “The only clue I have in a way is trying to imagine a 20-odd year old me looking at it 25 or 30 years later. Cos I’m still around I’m constantly surprised by it. Part of me is dead impressed that you can walk in Virgin in Times Square in New York and they’re playing ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ and it’s just after Bowie and it’s just before Led Zeppelin and you think they got there, they made it.”
Whether or not ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ was, in artistic terms, Joy Division’s finest moment is simply a matter of opinion… and all too often the opinion of those who have never heard Joy Division beyond the gateway of this song. Whatever, it was destined to ring out from classic rock radio stations down the generations, indeed taking its place next to the Zeppelins, Dylans and Bowies.
‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ was born from pain. That much was always obvious. The song’s posthumous release would make it absolutely clear, as ears first became addicted to those rising opening chords, just how much profoundly personal those lyrics actually were. It was a beautifully clipped and tailored lyric too, and showcased Ian’s growing ability to throw evocative one-liners from the heart of the song.
“Why was the bedroom so cold?” asks Ian in a line that echoes Phil Spector’s heartfelt masterpiece, ‘You’ve Lost That Lovin’ ‘Feelin’’; about the death throes of a relationship, sifting through the debris after infatuation has long since receded, two people sitting in silence, nothing left to say.
Part of the success of ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart’ was its omnipresent capacity to reach to all those who’d experienced this, but there was a touch of irony in the song’s title insofar as it could be seen as a dark antidote to the Captain & Tennille hit, ‘Love Will Keep Us Together’, a fluffy confection by Neil Sedaka that had stuck like a globule of pink bubblegum to insipid radio play lists since emerging in 1975. It was Malcolm McLaren who actually did put the two songs together within the context of an as yet unreleased album. When Tony Wilson played Lindsay Reade this curious hybrid, it certainly left a lasting impression on her. “Tony played that song to me I thought it was a hit – shades of times past – and I felt, privately, quite moved by it,” she says. “The reason – it seemed to give hope, to be optimistic even. It felt like a kind of message, that even torn apart we can be put back together, that none of us are lost or apart from love, that Ian was OK. Of course there is a paradox in both lyrics. And you’re never sure which side of the border you’re on. But whichever one it is it you can never be that far from the other.”
* * *
Ian’s next trip to London with Joy Division was to record Closer at Brittania Row Studios in Camden Town. While Ian was away Debbie and her parents made arrangements to find an alternative home for Ian’s dog Candy, somewhere quite far away. It was also around this time that Debbie found out about Ian’s ‘affair’ with Annik, and there are some in his circle of friends who feel that Debbie’s decision to dispose of the dog might have been a way of hitting back at Ian for Annik. Then again, looking after Candy was an extra burden on top of other domestic chores, in particular looking after a small baby.
Terry Mason: “Debbie knew what the dog meant to him. He was really upset. He went about with a picture of the dog in his wallet. I think Debbie could see how she could really get to him – hurt him. She made him hand it over to someone in Irlam – miles away – so he couldn’t see it.”
Terry was sufficiently moved by the event to buy a dog of his own: “We had this conversation that after America I was going to get a dog and he could share my dog,” he says. As it turned out Terry would actually collect this dog on the day of Ian’s funeral.
1 This show was released on the 1999 bootleg, The Fractured Music Archive Volume 1, Preston 28 February 1980. In 1988 Pete Hook referred to the gig as “… one of our very, very worst nights.”
1 Matt Greenhalgh, the screenplay writer for the movie Control, watched a video from the National Society for Epilepsy which showed a film to an epileptic of himself having a fit and the young man wept openly.