THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH

When I see two dudes walking through Disneyland holding hands, I do the right thing, I leave ’em alone. I just let ’em be gay at Disneyland in peace.

I know that they’re being brave, and I know that they get shit from horrible people just for being themselves, and what I WANT to do is run up to them and say, “Hey! I for one, am totally cool with you being gay! I think it’s great! Here, be gay in front of my daughter. I don’t mind. I love it. Look honey, see the nice gay guys? Aren’t they great!”

I know this would be inappropriate, though, and I know it would get tedious having your Magic Kingdom experience interrupted repeatedly so you could help straight dudes address their hetero guilt, but would it also be kind of awesome? On some level? Maybe?

Couldn’t there be something like what sports fans have? When my kid brother sees a Dodgers cap or a Rams jersey, he comments on it and has this instant, almost tribal camaraderie. I guess I just hit on why we liberals love bumper stickers so much, but then we feel guilty for driving. I could wear a rainbow flag t-shirt but that’s false advertising and being a tease (because we all know what I got going on is HOT!), and those “Straight but not narrow t-shirts” just seem a bit too close to saying, “HEY EVERYBODY, I’M NOT GAY! Not that there’s anything wrong with that.”

So, um, anyway, dudes holding hands at Disneyland, I hope you had a good time. Also, you HELLA cut in front of us in line for It’s a Small World. Not cool.