‘Our international exchange program is one of the most sought-after in the world.’ Ms Marney was just hitting her stride, but at least she’d left Verity outside her office. ‘We selected you from two hundred applicants across the world even though it’s rare not to give the spot to a classical musician. We have rules to ensure you get the most out of the program. I don’t just make them up for my own entertainment.’
Carter sat in the uncomfortable-looking antique chair in the corner of her office. I could still feel the skirmish of his lips on mine.
‘In all the years we’ve run this program we’ve never had to send anyone home, but your continuous deception has left me with no choice.’
The air went out of me. ‘You can’t send me home!’
‘I can and I will. Unless you have some kind of compelling reason why I shouldn’t.’
When I’d told Dad I’d won the exchange, he couldn’t wait to get on the phone to Nonna, who’d taken us all out for dinner and presented me with a cheque of spending money. Dad had always been a hundred per cent behind my music, even though he described himself as ‘musically illiterate’. There was no way he’d understand how I could have blown this opportunity. Phoenix would think I was mad.
And that didn’t even touch on Ellie.
My skin went cold. Last night, when we’d realised we’d won, I’d clutched the boys and jumped around and hadn’t thought to call her. I hadn’t thought about her as we’d received our cheque or when Sam had read the glowing review aloud at Richie’s place. And I certainly hadn’t thought about her when Carter had reached for me outside the schoolhouse.
The clock behind Ms Marney showed it was almost ten. I’d missed Ellie by hours. Carter broke into my thoughts. ‘It wasn’t Liliana’s fault. She just got in with a bad crowd.’
Ms Marney raised a curious eyebrow. ‘Are you referring to yourself there?’
‘Yes, actually.’ He looked stoked. ‘And Richie Jameson.’
‘I heard he was part of this mess,’ she said, and I wondered if there was anything Verity had kept to herself.
‘When you caught me and Richie last year, you said it was my final chance,’ Carter went on. ‘Well, why doesn’t Liliana get a first chance, and a second, like I did? Or is that only reserved for kids whose parents give a lot of money to the school?’
The sinew in Ms Marney’s neck tightened. ‘Carter, I’d be very careful.’
‘Why should I be? You’re going to expel me now anyway. But it’s not fair to expel Liliana for a first offence.’
‘Please give me another chance,’ I said. ‘I’m really sorry.’
‘I won’t have you missing Chapel, Liliana. I want to see you in the hall every day. And there’ll be no more sneaking off to the boathouse after Lights Out.’ Her eyes were slits behind her tortoiseshell glasses. ‘I mean it.’
I nodded, elated. I would have agreed to anything, but Carter had tougher skin. He glanced slyly from one of us to the other.
‘What about the Regatta gig?’ he said. ‘How are we meant to rehearse?’
Ms Marney looked like she couldn’t decide if she admired his chutzpah or wanted to expel him on the spot. ‘You think I’m going to let you play at Regatta?’
‘No, of course not,’ I said, shooting him a glare, but he ignored me.
‘It’s the biggest event of the year,’ he said. ‘Regatta caters to the high and mighty, and isn’t that the academy’s target audience? I think the board would do their nut if you let this opportunity for free publicity pass by.’
Ms Marney crossed her arms and sat back. The clock behind her ticked. ‘We’d want a banner above the stage.’
Carter grinned. ‘Done. We want day passes to rehearse on weekends.’
‘Not in the boathouse. You know that only academy students are allowed on school grounds.’
‘We’ll go to Richie’s place.’
I could feel my pulse racing while she considered this. Carter had guts, I’d give him that.
‘All right,’ she said eventually. ‘You can leave school grounds once a week to rehearse. Only once a week. And Carter?’
His grin faded slightly.
‘Next time it really will be the last time. I don’t care how much money your mother gives to the school.’
•
By the time Ms Marney released us, it was too late to call Ellie. I stared at the photo on my phone screen, her eyes accusatory now, as though she knew what had happened with Carter this morning. I had seven missed calls from her and a string of messages from last night.
The last one was a sad emoji with a single tear.
I dragged myself up to the dorm as everyone else was coming down for breakfast, dressed in their Sunday sports uniforms or free clothes. I felt dirty, which was only partly from the dried sweat after the gig. Alone in the dorm, I slipped under the covers and slept for most of the day.
‘You’re about twelve hours too late,’ said Ellie when I finally got through that evening. I’d gone onto the dark verandah so we could have some privacy for what I knew would be an uncomfortable conversation, but I hadn’t expected her to be so upset. Her eyes were bloodshot and tears shone on her cheeks.
The urge to beam myself by satellite into her bedroom and hold her until she stopped crying was overpowering. ‘Has something happened?’
‘Oh my god, Liliana, you are so fucking clueless. You happened. You happened to me.’ Tears stung my own eyes and she added fiercely, ‘You don’t get to do that. I’m the one who gets to cry.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said, sniffing back my tears. ‘I’m really sorry.’
‘You promised you’d be there when I called.’
‘I will be next time,’ I said. ‘It won’t happen again.’
‘No, it won’t,’ she growled. ‘It won’t happen again because I won’t let it.’ She put down the phone to blow her nose and I briefly saw her familiar bedspread. I’d first shown her the brochure for the academy on that bed, and she’d told me I had to apply for the exchange even if it meant being away from her for eight weeks. ‘We’ll make it work,’ she’d said, and then she’d pressed me against the blue-and-white checks and told me she loved me for the first time, and then we’d done everything else for the first time too.
‘I’ll call every day,’ I said. ‘I can find time after Supper, in the rec room. I know the time difference is hard, but we can do it.’
‘It’s not the time difference. It’s not even the distance. It’s you, Liliana.’ Her words were thick with tears. ‘I can feel you slipping away from me. I can feel it. I would wait for you forever but I don’t think you’ll be the same person when you come back.’ She covered her face with her hand as if she didn’t want me to look at her. ‘I don’t think you’re the same person now.’
‘The academy hasn’t changed me,’ I insisted.
‘No – the band has changed you. I’ve been so jealous of this Carter guy because he can give you things I can’t. Not because he’s a guy, but because he’s a musician. I love that side of you, but I don’t understand it.’ She sobbed, a guttural sound deep in her throat. ‘And I don’t want to stand in the way of what you want.’
Arguing with her was useless. She’d already spent the last twelve hours stewing over this and her decision was made. When we finally ended the call, I said, ‘I love you,’ and she sighed heavily and said, ‘I love you too, Lil. That’s why it hurts so much.’
I stared into the darkness, listening to the gentle whoosh of the river. I said to her static face on my screen background, ‘We won, by the way,’ and the silence answered.
I was still there almost an hour later. ‘There you are!’ said Carter, poking his head around the door. ‘Thought you might want to go a round of pool, since I saved your skin this morning.’
He picked one of the daffodils that was growing beside the verandah and twined it through his fingers while I haltingly told him about Ellie. ‘If I’m honest, we’ve been growing distant for a while. I promised her … well, I was meant to call her … and when I didn’t … she just broke up with me.’
He was silhouetted in the light from the doorway, so I couldn’t make out his expression, but I could feel his eyes on me and his shoulders were so level it seemed he wasn’t breathing.
‘Did you tell her about us?’ he asked.
I’ve been so jealous of this Carter guy. She’d already known. Not the details, of course – not about him almost-kissing me this morning – but enough to draw her own conclusions. And it seemed he’d drawn the same ones. Anger flared within me and I seized hold of it like a life raft.
‘You are so arrogant,’ I snapped. ‘There is no us.’
‘But this morning –’
‘This morning was a huge lapse in judgement. We were high from our win and it didn’t mean anything more than that. And if you thought I owed you something for not getting me expelled, let me remind you that you owed me first, so we’re square. You wouldn’t have won the Battle without me, you said it yourself.’
He stood, tossing the daffodil into my lap, and the words seemed to slide off him. ‘Well, now who’s arrogant?’ he said, and left me alone in the dark.