It took a few weeks, but I started to notice a difference in my strength. When I lifted an amp it took a lot less effort. Then, during one training session, OJ left the eight-kilo kettlebell on the rack and handed me the ten-kilo one with a delighted smile. When I peeled off my activewear afterwards and examined myself in the mirror, there was a line of muscle down my belly.
At the click of my bedroom door I whirled round, whipping the sheet off my bed to cover me. It was one of Carter’s girls, wearing his Aston Villa shirt as a dress.
‘Do you mind –?’ I was too horrified to finish the sentence. If I ran into Carter’s one-night-stands in the kitchen they usually ignored me, got themselves a glass of water and padded back to his bedroom, but this one was frozen to the spot. I clung to the sheet and waited for her to back away, but she took an unsteady step forwards instead.
‘Lady Stardust ...’ she spluttered.
I had got used to girls coming up to me after a TV slot, but this was new. I clutched the sheet like a lifeline and glanced at the mirror behind me to check I was properly covered at the back. I couldn’t move across the room without it coming undone.
‘You’re not trying to sneak out, are you?’ Carter looped his arm around her waist and she jumped away from him like he’d bitten her. ‘What’s going on?’ he said.
‘You tell me,’ I muttered. I tried not to look too closely at his bare chest, the definition of his shoulders, the way he held her. I tried not to wish I was the one in his arms.
‘That’s Lady Stardust,’ she said.
Carter didn’t say anything, just returned her stare.
‘I didn’t realise you were … I mean, when you said you were in the band, I thought you were the backup band,’ she said.
Carter’s gaze flicked to the mirror behind me and I hoped to god the sheet hadn’t come open at the back.
‘Get. Out. Of. My. Room.’
He grabbed her hand and pulled her from the doorway, clicking the latch back into place. I bolted the door behind them, my hands shaking. Sifting through my clothes, I fished out jeans and an old T-shirt, trying to find the opposite of what Lady Stardust would wear. I even grabbed my old tartan jumper, but it just reminded me of Ellie and I didn’t want to think of her right now. I threw it back onto the bed.
Carter was in the kitchen, fully clothed and leaning against the counter. I pressed past him and started furiously making myself breakfast, clanging open cupboard doors. He held up his hands. ‘In fairness, I think she was looking for the bathroom.’
‘You have to get rid of her.’
‘Oh, really?’ he said mildly. ‘I was about to propose.’
I ploughed on despite his sarcasm. ‘And you shouldn’t be hooking up with fans.’
‘Why the hell not? There’s got to be some perks.’
Because I don’t want you to didn’t quite cut it, so I said the first thing that came into my head. ‘It’s a power imbalance.’
His eyebrows shot up. ‘I didn’t realise there was a code of ethics,’ he said. ‘And to be honest, I don’t think she knew who I was anyway. She didn’t start acting weird until she saw you.’
‘Well, now she knows,’ I snapped. ‘And I’m not here to deal with your fans. So you’d better make sure she doesn’t come back.’
The bathroom door opened and I heard her footsteps heading down the hall. I tilted my head towards the sound, and he threw me a look and followed her back to his room.
A power imbalance. God, had I really said that? If I’d really expected him to change now that we were living in London with no Ms Marney to lay down the law, the joke was on me.
•
When Amir arrived, he cast a disapproving glance over my pre-Beatnik outfit, but didn’t protest. We’d be in the studio today, away from public attention, and he’d always maintained that the Perennial Single Girl persona was only for scheduled appearances. ‘It’s chilly outside,’ he said tartly. ‘You’ll need a jumper.’
I went back to my room to find the tartan jumper, but it wasn’t on the bed, where I’d left it. Amir jangled his keys at the front door while I poked around in the laundry basket.
‘Hey, are you doing laundry?’ said Carter, appearing behind me. ‘Can I throw a couple of things in?’
‘First of all, I am not doing your laundry,’ I said, straightening up. ‘Not today, not tomorrow, not ever. And second, have you seen my tartan jumper?’
He looked at me sideways. ‘I don’t think it’d fit me. Anyway, you’re the one who nicks my clothes, Jim, not the other way round.’ He turned to leave, then stopped. ‘Oh.’
‘Oh?’
He looked nervous. ‘I think Olivia might’ve, erm ... borrowed it.’
‘What?’
‘She went back into your room,’ he said. At least he had the decency to look sheepish. ‘She said it was an accident. I didn’t think anything of it. But when she left, her handbag looked very … full.’
I rounded on him. ‘Why would anyone steal my jumper?’
‘Lily, we have to go,’ sang Amir from the door.
Carter stepped closer to me. ‘You can get a new one. Don’t worry about it.’
‘This is what I meant,’ I said. ‘That is why you shouldn’t bring fans home.’
‘I thought you said it was a power imbalance. I was worried for a minute there that I might’ve violated the code of starfucking.’
I stared at him. ‘You think this is funny?’
He looked at me for a while as if trying to work out which answer was less likely to set me off. Eventually he said, ‘I don’t think it’s funny. But I do think it’s nice.’
‘Nice?’
A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. ‘That you care about what I do after all.’