The room was bright with mid-morning sunshine when I woke to someone whacking the door so hard it was like they wanted to knock it down. ‘Carter? You in there?’ came Sam’s voice.
Carter lay back against the sheets and watched as I threw on my clothes. ‘Are you going to let him in, or shall I?’ he said. I glared at him, put my finger to my lips, and tossed his jeans to him.
‘Can I come in?’ Sam called.
‘Um, not yet,’ Carter replied, fastening his belt. He pulled me in to him. ‘Are you ready for this, Jimi?’ And then, without waiting for me to answer, he opened the door.
‘So Liliana is AWOL,’ Sam announced. ‘Doesn’t seem to have slept in her room.’ As the door peeled back and he saw me, his eyes grew wide. ‘Well, I’ll call off the search party then.’
Carter stood close to me, his arm hooked around my waist. ‘Now you know.’
‘Jesus.’ Sam zeroed in on Carter. ‘I can’t believe you would do this.’ I tried to explain, but he ignored me. ‘I didn’t think I’d have to tell you Liliana is off-limits.’ Carter shrugged. ‘To you, everyone’s off-limits.’
‘This isn’t about me! Nothing is sacred to you, is it?’
‘What’s that meant to mean?’
‘You think everything is a game.’
I hadn’t expected Sam to be so upset. To be honest, I hadn’t thought about Sam’s reaction at all. Or Amir’s, or Richie’s, or anyone else’s. What I’d been doing with Carter had been deliciously secret up to now.
‘Wait till I tell Tish about this,’ said Sam.
‘It’s not …’ I started, thrown by his anger. ‘We’re not really telling people …’
‘Oh, that’d really blow your cover, wouldn’t it?’ he snapped at me. ‘You can hardly be Addie Marmoset’s girlfriend if you’re shagging the guitarist.’
‘You know what?’ Carter said defiantly. ‘Tell her. Tell anyone. I don’t care.’ He pushed past Sam and went into the kitchen, calling out, ‘Is there any food left in this house? I’m starving.’
Sam surveyed the rumpled sheets and me standing in yesterday’s clothes. I rubbed the goosebumps rising on my arms. I wanted to follow Carter, to shrug it off like he had, but Sam was blocking the way to the door.
‘Look, I know you’re mad …’ I said.
He shifted like half of him wanted to bolt after Carter, too. ‘How long have you been lying to me?’
‘That’s exactly what you did. Both of you.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said, and the apology hung in the air between us, fragile as a spider web. My legs were trembling and I sank onto Carter’s bed. ‘Technically, you don’t need to know. It’s between me and Carter.’
‘Well, as you are so fond of reminding us all, the band is made up of four people. And if you two are a couple … don’t you think Richie and I deserve to know?’
I started. The word ‘couple’ didn’t seem to describe what was between Carter and me. Putting a name on it made it real, like we had to face up to it whether we were ready or not.
‘You are taking this weirdly personally,’ I said. ‘I think you’re being unfair.’
‘I’m being unfair? I haven’t thrown a hand grenade into the band.’
‘I think it’s unfair you get laid every night but expect the rest of us to be celibate.’
He let out a wry laugh. ‘No-one could ever accuse Carter of being celibate. And actually, at the moment, no-one can accuse me of getting laid every night, either.’
‘Well, forgive me if I don’t come to your pity party,’ I snarled.
He cast a furtive glance down the hallway and lowered his voice. ‘I just expected better of you. You could have anyone in the world, and you go for Carter? It’s so clichéd. You can do better, that’s all I’m saying.’
‘That’s a nice thing to say about your best friend. And I’ve liked him for ages, you know that.’
‘I thought you were over it. Or have you forgotten what he did at Regatta?’ It was a low blow, and he looked like he regretted it as soon as he said it.
‘He’s changed since then.’
‘Apparently,’ he said drily.
‘Don’t you think this has changed all of us?’ I reached over and tried to touch him, but he threw me off.
‘Not that much. And for the record, I’m not pissed off because you’re shagging my best friend. I’m pissed off because he’s shagging mine, and he’s going to hurt you.’
‘I think you should let me handle that,’ I shot back. ‘And for the record, you’re my best friend too.’
‘Good!’ he snapped. ‘Glad we settled that.’
‘Me too.’
He arched an eyebrow. ‘Can we stop fighting now, then?’
I forced a laugh, but it sounded hollow.
As he turned to go, he said, ‘I’m just worried about you,’ like it was the simplest thing in the world, and I squeezed his shoulder.
‘I know,’ I said. ‘But you don’t have to be. I know what he’s like.’
‘That’s not what I’m worried about,’ he said.