Marriage can wait, education cannot.
—KHALED HOSSEINI, A THOUSAND SPLENDID SUNS
I DON’T CONTACT the media. Mr. Alvarado has bit onto my bluff. “Just a few more days, Ms. de los Santos, if you can wait this long, you can wait a little longer,” he says over the phone. “I have a call in to the judge. I’ll get to the bottom of this as soon as possible.” But I know he knows I’m not going to talk to any journalists.
For once I don’t care.
I’ve got my own solution. Royce. Marriage. A brand-new life. Three days have passed. Even after my conversation with Kayla, I haven’t changed my mind about marrying Royce. Sure, we’re taking a risk, we’re gambling with our lives, but I’m confident I’m doing the right thing. This is the only way to stay in America and the only way for Royce and I to be together.
I text Kayla to meet us at the courthouse at 1:30 p.m. She hesitantly agrees. It breaks my heart not to have my family there, but at least I have Kayla. I can’t think of anyone better to be there. Except for maybe Millie, whom I haven’t told for fear she might tell my mother. Both of them will find out soon enough anyhow.
Royce picks me up at my house. Mom and Dad are at work, and Danny and Isko are visiting Lola Cherry at her retirement home. I never even used to go to parties, and now I’m sneaking out behind their backs to get married. It’s surreal. I’m wearing a pretty white slip dress I bought at the mall the day before. Royce wears a black suit and tie to match, my handsome groom.
I get inside the car. As I sit down, I lean over and kiss him. He kisses me back, holding my chin gently with his hand. I’m going to remember this moment forever. It’s our wedding day.
“Does anyone else know? Besides Kayla?” Royce asks.
“I might tell Millie,” I say. “I’m not sure. What about you?”
“I’m not telling anybody until we’re ready to make an announcement.”
“An announcement?”
“We’ll tell everyone and have a big reception somewhere.”
“We will?” I try to imagine everyone being in one hall together after finding out what we did. My family glaring at his family. Our friends, wandering around confused. “I was sort of hoping we could just keep it on the down low for now,” I say. “Maybe make a few phone calls and a Facebook announcement.”
“I doubt that would be good enough for my family,” he says. “They’ll want a huge party. Yours would too. Somewhere nice. Dinner. A full orchestra. Dancing. My dad would want to invite his friends, dignitaries. This would be pretty huge.”
“It would?” I can’t imagine my family at such a fancy affair. Mom and Dad like to gamble during karaoke at the annual family Christmas party. Mom gets so annoyed if she doesn’t win. She’s pretty bored at any wedding where she can’t sing her heart out to “Can’t Help Falling In Love” and “Are You Lonesome Tonight?” What would she do with a bunch of politicians? Would she rope them into a thousand-dollar pool on karaoke?
I don’t even want to think about telling anyone.
My parents are going to kill me. Filipino girls from nice families aren’t supposed to elope. Everyone is going to think I’m pregnant, which is so untrue, especially as I’m still a virgin!
“Don’t worry.” He squeezes my hand. “I’ll be there to keep you company.”
“I know.” I smile.
The Chatsworth courthouse is gray, rounded, almost like a prison, with half a dozen palm trees staggered outside the front steps. When I see the building I feel the magnitude of what’s about to happen. A secret marriage. Who doesn’t want this? Isn’t every girl’s dream to be married to someone so handsome and caring? More important, Royce is someone who appreciates me for who I am. He’s my best friend. He doesn’t care about what country I’m from or how my family is so different from his. He loves me for me.
I glance at his profile as we walk up the steps, so proud that he’s mine. We’ll be married, and I’ll be able to stay in the country. Soon enough I’ll be an American citizen. Just like that, I’ll belong. I won’t be stuck between two countries and cultures anymore. I don’t know anything else except for America. Just this country. Just me being me. This country owes it to me. I smile at Royce.
I should be happy. I try to keep smiling, but I can’t mask my feelings anymore. The closer I get to the front doors, the more I feel weighed down. I can barely breathe. I don’t understand what’s happening. I want to scream at myself. Keep smiling! This is the best thing that’s ever happened to you! Run in there and get married to your prince!
At the same time, I’m horrified at my thoughts. This country owes it to me? Did I really just think that? Have I really been feeling this entitled all along? Just because I’m smart? That I believe I deserve to be American and so Royce is obligated to marry me?
I start to wonder what I’ve really done for myself. I’ve been so off-putting, ramming my agenda down everyone’s throat, including Mr. Alvarado, who’s really just trying to do his job, Royce, my family, Kayla. Everyone. I’ve been so ambitious, so sure that I deserve to be here, that I’ve allowed Royce to throw his entire world into chaos. Am I really so selfish that I would allow our relationship to be defined by my legal status? Do I really want to keep this moment from my family, the people who have cared about me my whole life?
Royce feels me come to a sudden stop at the top of the stairs.
My hand drops away from his.
“No,” I say.
He stops too. “No, what?”
“This isn’t the way to do it. There has to be another way.”
Royce turns to me. “Jasmine. There is no other way. We have to do this.”
I shake my head. “It’s not right, Royce.”
“What are you talking about? We agreed to this. We agreed to get married. It’s the only way to keep you here. You’re going to be deported thousands of miles away if we don’t.”
“The extension might still come through,” I say, struggling to hold on to hope.
I know Royce wants to do this for me, but the time isn’t right. My family isn’t here and neither is his. And this isn’t the way I want us to start our official life together. We’re young. Way too young to make this kind of commitment.
“We don’t know for sure yet that I have to leave,” I say desperately.
“What do you mean? Of course we do,” he says urgently.
“It will tear my family apart,” I say. “I can’t do this to them, or you.”
“You’re not doing anything to me. I want to marry you,” he pleads.
“I want it too, but we don’t really understand what we’re doing. Either of us. Don’t you see? This isn’t brave. This isn’t part of what I have to go through. This is a quick fix, a Band-Aid. All of this is going to explode if we go through with it. Can’t you see the pressure it will put on us? Our families are already stressed right now, and we need to keep them together. I have to go through this deportation with them. Not apart from them.”
Royce takes my hand as if he’s going to pull me inside the courthouse, as if in his desperation to keep me here he’ll force me to marry him if he has to. “I don’t want to lose you,” he says, stricken. “Please, Jas.”
“I don’t want to lose you either, but I’m scared that if we do this now, we’ll lose each other some other way later. I love you, Royce, but I can’t.” Tears are falling down my face, and my heart is breaking, but I know I’m doing the right thing.
I try to turn away, but he still has my arm. His face is ashen.
Kayla is in the distance coming toward us.
“Babe,” I whisper. I love him so much and it’s why I can’t do this to him, to us. I know I’m doing the right thing. “Please let go.”
Finally, he releases my arm. Then I run toward Kayla and beg her to take me far away from here, anywhere.