Thirteen

Alan looked at the food choices in the cafeteria and walked past. Instead he grabbed a soda from the cooler, paid the cashier, and found a table in the back corner where he hoped he could be alone. He’d tried Juli’s cell twice and her home phone once. She didn’t answer, and he’d left messages in both places. Was she ignoring him or staying with her parents? Even if she was there, she had her cell phone. She never went anywhere without that.

He popped open the tab on the soda and took a long drink, then put his elbows on the table and lowered his face in his hands. The long shifts had worn him thin and thrown his system out of whack. Now to have this situation with Juli was almost more than he could handle.

Deciding to give her another try, Alan flipped open the cell and pressed the button with her number coded in. “Please answer,” he said aloud as he slipped it to his ear and listened. Nothing but the telephone voice telling him to leave a message. He’d done that. He slapped the phone closed and slid it into his pocket.

Alan knew he’d made a mistake not telling Juli, but when he’d tried to rectify it before the last unbelievable situation, he’d failed. Something always happened. Interruptions. Bad timing. Lack of good sense. That was his problem from the beginning. He closed his eyes and talked to the Lord, asking Him how to solve the situation. Trust in God. The words rang clear in his head, and a verse he’d learned so long ago entered his thoughts. He suspected he didn’t have the words exact, but it was close enough to remind him of God’s promises. “Trust in God all the time and open your hearts to Him, because God is our refuge.” Alan trusted God, and he trusted Juli. Now if only he could convince her to have confidence in him.

He opened his eyes and pulled the phone from his pocket. One more try couldn’t hurt. He pushed the button. The computerized message sounded in his ears. “Your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice answering system.” He closed the cell phone.

Giving up wasn’t in Alan’s vocabulary. Tomorrow he’d call, and the next day, and the next. Flowers worked for Tom. He’d buy Juli so many flowers she wouldn’t know where to put them. He shook his head. Juli cared about him, he was certain, and if God had a part in their meeting and their lives, He would bless their relationship. Juli had to listen to his reasoning.

❧

Juli waved good-bye to Megan from the top of her apartment staircase, leaning on crutches, while her mother hovered behind her.

“You need to get that leg up, Juli,” her mother said, holding open the door. “I can’t believe you did this. You knew the grease was there.”

“I wasn’t thinking, Mom.” She hobbled into her apartment with more on her mind than her sprained ankle.

Her mother stood beside the recliner. “At least you called me last night. I would have been worried to death.”

“It seemed wiser to stay with Megan than to call you and Daddy to drive down and pick me up. I couldn’t ask Megan to drive me home and drive back so late at night. And I would have had these stairs to deal with in the dark.”

Juli crumpled into the chair, dropped her crutches by her side, and leaned back. “It was a horrible night.”

“I’m sure it was.” Her mother pivoted then looked back at Juli. “You said you had a prescription.”

“It’s in my purse.”

Without asking, her mother dug into her shoulder bag and pulled out the prescription bottle and eyed the label. “You’re supposed to take one of these every four to six hours for pain.”

“I know. I’ll need one soon. My ankle’s really bothering me.”

Her mother set the shoulder bag on the arm of Juli’s chair, and Juli moved it to the lamp table. When she looked up, her mother was staring at the bottle. “What’s wrong?”

She held the bottle out to Juli and pointed at the label. “This is a coincidence.”

“What?”

“A physician named Alan Louden was your ER doctor? Did you realize that?” She lowered the bottle, her eyes widening. “Alan works at Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula, doesn’t he?”

Juli knew what was coming. She nodded.

“Do you mean to tell me Alan is a physician and you never told me?”

Juli faced her options—tell her mother she didn’t know Alan was a doctor either or just agree she’d never told her mother. Lord, what do I do now? If her parents knew the truth, they would distrust Alan, and Juli needed time to understand.

“Are you okay?” Her mother stepped closer. “I asked you a question.”

Her mind ached nearly as much as her ankle. “Mom, I really need that medicine now.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, looking confused for a moment. She set the container beside Juli and headed into the kitchen.

Tension knotted Juli’s stomach. She didn’t want to lie to her mother, but she didn’t know how to get out of answering her question. She’d planned to tell her parents, but once again she hadn’t had time to decide how. Before her mother returned, Juli’s cell phone rang, and she dug into her bag, located it, and flipped it open. Alan’s voice floated through the line.

“I’m home from work, Juli. I’m tired, but we need to talk. Can I come over?”

“I’m feeling rotten. I really need to get some rest, Alan. This whole thing has put me in a bad situation with my—”

Her mother strode into the room with the glass of water.

Juli stared at the phone. “My mom’s giving me a pain pill.”

“I’ll hang on, and I understand. I’m sure they’re wondering why I didn’t say anything either, but I can explain.”

“Just a minute.” She placed the phone in her lap and opened her hand for the pill then grasped the glass. The pill slid down, and she finished the water before handing her mother the glass and picking up the phone. “Okay, I’m back.”

“Can I come?”

Juli eyed her mother, not wanting to call Alan by name because it would remind her of her earlier question. “I need to take a nap. I’ll talk with you later.” She closed her phone and set it beside her on the lamp table. “Mom, I really need to sleep.”

“Let me get you a pillow to put under your leg. Are you hungry?”

“No, Megan made breakfast. I’ll eat later.”

Her mother scurried from the room and returned with the pillow. She lifted Juli’s leg and slid the pillow beneath her calf. “Are you comfortable?”

“It’s fine. Thanks.” She closed her eyes, hoping her mother would leave.

“I hate leaving you alone. What if you need something?”

“Mom, I have the crutches. I can get up if I must. Leave the door unlocked, and you can get in later, or call me in a couple of hours. I’ll be fine.”

Her mother leaned over and kissed her cheek as her palm rested on Juli’s forehead.

“I don’t have a fever.”

Her mom pulled her hand away. “I was just checking.” She paused then kissed Juli’s cheek. “I love you.”

“Love you, too, Mom.”

Juli opened her eyes a crack and saw her mother creep across the room and exit. Juli’s head dropped against the recliner, and she drew in a breath. Tiredness swept over her, but her mind didn’t want to rest. Last night she’d talked to Megan until late, thinking about so many things. All Alan’s wonderful qualities had filled her mind, but something else had struck her.

She recalled Alan’s complimenting her on her bedside manner, as he sometimes called it. She thought he was joking with the terminology because he worked at the hospital. Now it angered her. He was a doctor. He had her teaching him how to talk with people when that was part of his job. Why had he played games with her like that? He’d kept his career a secret and then made her look foolish with his “teach me to be like you” talk. And she’d fallen for it.

No matter where her mind went, it always came back to one truth. She’d fallen in love with Alan, and she didn’t want to let him go. Megan shared her experience with Tom. Although Megan and Tom had been separated only a few days, the absence had definitely made a difference in their relationship because they’d found the time to think about what was important. Should she tell Alan not to come when he called again?

❧

Alan stood outside Juli’s apartment, holding a bouquet of summer flowers. He’d thought through the reason he hadn’t told her, and now his concern seemed as purposeless as a broom on a beach. His chest felt tight as he struggled to draw in air. After willing his hand to move, he pressed the doorbell and waited.

He pictured Juli trying to rise from her seat and maneuver across the room with her crutches. He should have called to tell her he was on his way. When he heard nothing, he faltered outside the door. Was she below with her parents or perhaps asleep? He tried the doorknob and opened it an inch. “Juli?”

Finally he heard her voice. “It’s open.”

He pushed the door wider and stepped inside. Juli sat in the recliner, her foot propped on a pillow and her eyes heavy with sleep. “I thought maybe you were with your parents.”

She shook her head then opened her eyes. They shifted to the flowers. “I didn’t know you were coming.”

“You said we’d talk later. I realized you couldn’t say much because your mother was here.”

“I meant I’d talk with you on the phone.”

Her comment punctured his balloon of hope. He felt the flowers droop in his arm. “I’m sorry. I misunderstood.”

“You’re here now.” She straightened her back and let the recliner seat lower while keeping her foot elevated.

“These are for you,” he said, holding the flowers toward her, feeling as if they were a pitiful token of his apology.

“They’re beautiful. Could you find a vase and fill it with water?” She motioned toward the kitchen. “I think I have a couple in a lower cabinet next to the sink.”

Alan carried the bouquet into the kitchen, uneasy that he’d showed up unwanted. His mind reeled with her attitude and his bungle. Two bungles, he admitted—not telling her he was a physician and showing up without calling. He crouched beside the cabinet and located a large vase in the back. He rose and filled it with water then pulled off the floral wrapping and dropped the flowers into the vase. He knew there was some kind of art to arranging flowers, but he’d never had to do it before. He drew back then stepped closer and moved a few blossoms from one side to the other, trying to balance height and color.

As he lifted the vase, he noticed the packet of plant food inside the wrapping. He read on the label that it was meant to help the flowers last and sprinkled the food into the water. He wished he had something to sprinkle on his relationship with Juli—if it were only that simple.

He stood in the doorway with the arrangement, feeling as if he should set them on a table and leave, but that would be unproductive. He’d come for a purpose, and he hoped the Lord would open the door to heal the hurt he’d caused. Juli held her purse in her lap, and he noticed she’d combed her hair and put on lipstick while he was in the kitchen. Her action gave him hope.

“You can set the vase right there,” Juli said, pointing to a table beside the doorway.

Alan noticed they looked nice there when he walked away. “I guess I should have called, but when you said we’d talk—”

“It’s okay.” She motioned to the sofa. “Have a seat.”

He wanted to put his arm around her and kiss her, but he saw she wanted distance between them. Still, his doctor persona caused him to move toward her. “Do you mind if I look at your ankle first?”

She looked down then lifted her head. “You’re the doctor.”

Her barb dug deep, but he went to her anyway, unwrapped her foot, and studied her ankle. “Have you been putting cold compresses on it?”

“Not this morning yet. I was tired when I got home. I stayed with Megan last night, and she brought me home this morning. We stopped on the way for the prescription and to get the crutches. They were out of cold packs.”

“Do you mind if I make a compress for you?”

She gestured toward the kitchen without answering.

With her direction he located plastic bags, doubled them, then filled them with ice and carried them back. “How about a hand towel or something to put around it?”

“You’ll find them in the bathroom.”

He located a towel, came back, and applied the cold pack before he sat on the sofa. “How are you doing with the crutches?”

“It’s not easy. Did you count the stairs to get up here?”

“I thought about that.” He had so much to talk about, but she seemed too far away, as if a wall had dropped between them. “I know you don’t want me here, Juli, but I want to tell you I’m more sorry than you can ever imagine. I know the Lord forgives, and I hope you can, too. . .in time.”

She closed her eyes a moment without saying a word.

“I could give you a million reasons why I wasn’t open about what I do at the hospital, but it boils down to my past. I was at the soup kitchen because I felt drawn to help others who are in the same situation my family was in a few years ago. I didn’t want to be there as a physician or spend my time diagnosing everyone’s illnesses rather than what I went there to do. I wanted to serve people in a different way—as a plain guy who volunteered.”

“But you could have told me.”

“When we first met, I didn’t know how I would come to feel about you, so I was evasive. I never lied. When Tom came to the soup kitchen, I feared he’d say something, so I pledged him to secrecy. That’s how important it was to me. I didn’t want to be the kindly physician. I wanted to do this as me, the little boy who stood in a soup kitchen line one time when a person gave me a double portion in the same way I asked you to give that child an extra portion one day. Remember?”

Remembrance filled her face.

“After a while I realized I’d messed up. You began talking about trust, especially with Megan and Tom’s situation, and I knew you would consider this a trust issue, and I suppose it was. It’s not that I don’t trust you implicitly, but the more people who know I’m a physician, the easier it is to slip.”

“I should have known. You used your doctoring skills when you talked with the people. You saw them always with their health in mind.”

“While you looked at them with their souls in mind.”

Her forehead wrinkled as she weighed what he’d said. “I suppose that’s right, but I’m so hurt that you spent so much time complimenting me on my ‘bedside’ manner. Bedside manner? That’s what doctors have. Why didn’t I realize you were patronizing me?”

Alan couldn’t remain seated. He stood then knelt beside her chair. “I wasn’t patronizing you. I found your ability for compassion and concern amazing. I’m a good doctor, Juli, but what I lack are bedside manners. I don’t look at the person’s fears and needs beyond their health. You do. I wanted to learn from you.”

She studied his face for a long time, recalling how cold he’d seemed at the hospital. Could this be what he meant? “I need to think about this, Alan.”

His fingers itched to weave with hers, to touch her in a loving way, but he held back to respect her wishes. “So where do we go from here?”

“I need to think. I’ll have to explain this to my parents. My mother saw your name on the pill container. She won’t let her curiosity die until she knows why I never told her you were a doctor.”

“And that’ll put me on the wrong list.” He looked at her face. “If I’m not there already.”

She drew in a ragged breath. “Maybe you had a reason you thought was a good one, but it’s upset me. I really need time to work this through, and yes, it has to do with trust. I’m not feeling well, and I’m out of patience. . .spelled with a ce. Give me some time. Okay?”

Patience spelled with a ce. He wanted to hug her for her lighthearted comment, so much like the good times.

“I’ll respect your wishes because I respect you.” He rose and pulled his car keys from his pocket. “How long?”

For a moment she looked as if she didn’t understand. “Give me a couple of weeks.”

A couple of weeks. Impaled to the spot, he let his gaze wash over her a moment. “I not only respect you, Juli. I love you.” He turned away, fearing he’d lost the love of his life. He headed to his car filled with regret and emptiness.