A BLOOD SPORT
I’m not happy with our
tackling, boys. We
keep hurting them, but
they keep getting up.
If he fouls you he normally picks
you up, but the referee doesn’t
see what he picks you up by.
I’m always telling Craig Russell
to run at players with the ball,
and he does it. Do you know
why? Because I tell him I’ll
break his legs if he doesn’t.
They say the new striker I’m
marking is fast. Maybe, but
how fast can he limp?
When David Webb was manager
of Bournemouth he never thought
training was any good unless
there’d been a punch-up.
The Liverpool theme song is
‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’.
The Wimbledon one is ‘You’ll
Never Walk Again’.
Referees at Celtic–Rangers
matches always have a hard time.
One particular unfortunate,
officiating at his first fixture, was
checking in with the team managers
before the kick-off. ‘Well that seems
to be everything,’ said the Rangers
boss, ‘Now if you’d just like to give
us the name and address of your
next of kin, we can start the match.’
If his car broke down and I saw
him thumbing a lift I wouldn’t
pick him up. I’d run him over.
It’s not fair to say
that Lee Bowyer
is racist; he’d stamp
on anyone’s head.
Norman Hunter doesn’t so much
tackle players as break them
down for re-sale as scrap.
Get your retaliation in first.
The rules of soccer are
simple. If it moves, kick it. If it
doesn’t, kick it until it does.
It’s very unfair to ask any man
to stand in a human wall during a
soccer match. A high-speed leather
ball hitting you squarely in the
pleasure centre could raise your
voice by a hundred octaves and
have you talking like Quasimodo
for the rest of your life.
In football it is widely acknowledged
that if both sides agree to
cheat, then cheating is fair.