INTERNATIONAL DUTY
Other nations
have history. We
have football.
The Brazilians aren’t as good as
they used to be, or as they are now.
I’d love to play for one of those
Italian teams like Barcelona.
If you have a fortnight’s holiday
in Dublin you qualify to play
for the national side.
I’ve just named the team I would
like to represent Wales in the
next World Cup: Brazil.
The Croatians
don’t play well
without the ball.
The Koreans were quicker
in terms of speed.
The English football team
– brilliant on paper, shit on grass.
Playing with wingers is more effective
against European sides like Brazil
than English sides like Wales.
To play Holland you have
to play the Dutch.
San Marino play like men who
expect to encounter visa problems
if they approach the halfway line.
The tune began changing when
the Peruvians, a goal down,
suddenly revealed an ability to
run faster with the ball than the
Scots could run without it.
When he came to the club, all he
could say in English was ‘Yes’, ‘No’
and ‘Morning’. A week later he’d
added ‘Thank you’ and ‘Budweiser’.
Scotland has the only
football team in the world that
does a lap of disgrace.
I once attended a funeral on
the day Wales lost an important
match against England. It
totally spoiled the day for me.
1966 was a great year for English
football. Eric Cantona was born.