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QUICK ON THE UPTAKE

Velocity.

Kenny Dalglish as he dashed by a reporter who
had asked him for ‘a quick word’ after a match



When the TV people asked
me if I’d like to play a football
manager in a play, I asked how
long it would take. They told me
about ten days. ‘That’s about
par for the course,’ I replied.

Tommy Docherty

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Verbal abuse.

Brian McClair after being asked what
he’d had free as a footballer



Ask any striker what was the
greatest goal he ever scored
and they’ll all give you the same
answer – the next one.

Ian Rush

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Aye, Everton.

Bill Shankly to a barber who asked him if he
wanted ‘Anything off the top’ in 1962



The gaffer said at the end of
his team talk, ‘Has anybody got
any questions?’ ‘Yes,’ I said,
‘Where do babies come from?’

Brian McClair

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Could I not have two bullets?

Alex Ferguson in October 2004 after being
asked if he had a bullet in a gun, would he use
it on Arsene Wenger or Victoria Beckham



 

The standard of
sweet trolleys at the
team get-togethers.

Pat Nevin after being asked what was the greatest
improvement in Scottish football in the past ten years

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You say Tony Hateley’s
good in the air. Aye, but so
was Douglas Bader – and
he had two wooden legs.

Bill Shankly to Tommy Docherty

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Fuck off Norway.

Paul Gascoigne to an Oslo TV crew in 1992
when they asked him for a pre-match comment
at Wembley before a World Cup qualifier



A chap was once trying to get me
to play for his club in America.
‘We’ll pay you $20,000 this year,’
he said, ‘and $30,000 next year.’
‘OK,’ I replied, ‘I’ll sign next year.’

George Best

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The first half was even. The
second half was even worse.

Pat Spillane