‘YOU’LL be okay?’
Standing in the hallway, almost bristling with excitement at the day ahead, Catherine picked up her briefcase.
‘I’ll be fine.’ She laughed. ‘Yesterday was wonderful.’
‘You were tired last night,’ Rico pointed out. You fell asleep on the sofa after dinner.’
‘It was my first day back,’ Catherine answered, buttoning up her jacket and checking her reflection in the mirror.
She could scarcely believe the smiling face that stared back. Going back to work had truly been a godsend. With the eternal teacher shortage, her school principal had welcomed her back with open arms—and Catherine had been only too pleased to run. Rico might not understand her need for independence, but even he had reluctantly agreed last night that she seemed happier. Oh, she wasn’t stupid, knew that the money she would be earning would be like loose change to Rico, but it was her money, the independence she craved. It was a reason to put on her lipstick in the morning, a chance to use her brain, to escape the undoubtedly luxurious but nonetheless stuffy confines of the house. And even though it was early days she felt as if she now had so much more to give. Even though she had been physically tired, Catherine had been imbued with a curious high when she arrived home last night. She had played with Lily with the same gusto Rico managed to muster on his return, even woken to give her her two a.m. feed. Going back to work was surely the right thing, and she moved quickly now to reassure Rico, terrified of having her new-found freedom taken away, determined to prove she could do it all. ‘I’ve only got today to do, then I’m finished till next week; I’m hardly slaving away.’
‘You realise you’re in the newspaper?’ He pulled the paper out of his briefcase and handed it to her, but Catherine shook her head.
‘I don’t need to see it, Rico. I know the journalists followed me to school yesterday, but they’ll soon get bored; they’ll soon find another family to hound.’
‘It doesn’t look good,’ Rico insisted, but Catherine merely laughed.
‘So the company shares are sliding because a Mancini woman is actually going out to work? We’re in frantic financial trouble and relying on my part-time teacher’s wage to support us? Come on, Rico, they’re clutching at straws to make a story out of it—and anyway, it was your mother, a mere woman, who founded the company. Remind them of that when you blast them this morning.’
‘You really don’t give a damn what people think, do you?’
‘Do you?’ Catherine asked.
‘Normally, no. But I am worried about what the social worker is going to say.’
‘The social worker happens to be called Lucy,’ Catherine said with a slightly weary edge. ‘Lucy has two children herself, and if you’d bothered to find out you’d also know that her husband happens to be one of the leading consultants at the hospital. So she more than anyone understands that women need to work for so much more than money these days, Rico.’
‘I never realised you were such a feminist!’
‘Get used to it.’ Catherine grinned. ‘And if this so-called newspaper’s article moves the sisterhood on an inch then I’ll be a happy woman indeed.’
‘Happy’s good,’ Rico said softly, and Catherine felt her smile fade, replaced instead with a nervous lick of her lips as their eyes locked. Tension seeped in, but not the head-on, angry confrontation that had become so much a part of them—this time it was a thrum of togetherness, a sexual awareness that had never really gone away, just faded a touch from neglect. And when Rico moved a step forward she shivered with excitement as he moved closer.
‘Are you both off, then?’ They both jumped as Jessica came out to the hallway, holding a bleary-eyed Lily, her hair all sticking up. Catherine felt her heart trip. The eyes staring back at her melted her for a second so fleeting, so fragile, Catherine was almost scared to acknowledge it—almost scared to comprehend that the maternal instinct the social worker had promised would ensue might actually be stirring.
Last night she had come home, tired but elated after her first day back at work, and as she had climbed the stone steps of her new home a curious bubble of elation had welled inside her—almost a need to get inside, to see the little girl she hadn’t even realised she’d missed.
‘I’ll be back around five,’ Catherine responded. ‘Though I can’t vouch for Rico.’
‘Seven,’ he quipped, but his face softened as he made his way over to Lily. ‘So save her bath for me, Jessica. And as for you, little lady…’ He tickled the baby’s chin, and Catherine watched as her face lit up, a smile breaking on her sleepy face. ‘Make sure Jessica chooses a good bedtime story for me to read to you—preferably one with no songs!’
‘Is that what that awful droning was last night?’
He didn’t answer, his face concentrating intently on Lily before he turned to Catherine with an incredulous smile. ‘I think she’s getting a tooth!’
‘Really?’ Making her way over, Catherine peered at the gummy mouth. Rico tickled Lily to ensure she laughed enough for a good view. ‘She is too.’
Such was the happy atmosphere in the hallway Catherine was almost reluctant to leave it. For a while there they almost looked like a normal family, celebrating one of life’s tiny milestones, and most amazingly of all she relished it. But Jessica was a stickler for the clock, and soon pointed out that if they didn’t get a move on they’d both be late.
‘I’ll see you this evening.’ Catherine smiled, kissing the plump cheek almost without thinking about it, taking in the soft baby smell and lingering just a second before turning away.
Now came the difficult part.
For the staff’s sake, appearances were always kept, and every morning as Rico left for work they always kissed—only on this morning it didn’t feel so staged; on this morning it felt like the most natural thing in the world. But though it might feel natural, it didn’t lessen her awkwardness. A furious blush darkened her cheeks as she lifted her face to his, and something in the way his hand snaked around her waist, something in the way his lips dusted hers, held hers for just a moment too long, told Catherine this wasn’t a kiss for the cameras. This kiss was loaded with the passion that had lingered unchecked for so long, loaded with the tenderness that was starting to tentatively grow between them.
‘I’ll see you tonight.’ His voice was gruff, his pupils dilated as he stared down at her pink cheeks, taking in her glittering eyes, feeling her chest rise and fall against his. His head moved a fraction, so when he spoke his words were for her ears only. His hot breath tickled her ears, making her toes curl just at the sound of it. ‘You can save your bath for me too.’
‘No songs,’ Catherine teased, but her eyes grew serious, the magnitude of tonight starting to take shape in her lust-dazed mind.
‘No songs,’ Rico said softly. ‘But maybe we could put some music on, have dinner up in our room…’ Reluctantly he let her go, but took her hand as they left the house, walking towards their cars. Rico’s driver nodded and held the door open as Catherine dived into her rather less impressive, infinitely unreliable but much loved car, winding down the window as Rico knocked on it.
‘I’m going to be late, Rico!’ she warned.
‘Will your feminist principles object to me buying you a decent car?’
‘Not a bit.’ Catherine grinned. ‘You see, the wonderful thing about being a woman in the twenty-first century means you really can have it all. But nothing too flash,’ she added hastily.
‘Mustn’t outshine the principal,’ Rico said dryly, but his eyes were smiling. ‘Here.’ Tossing the newspaper through the window, he gave her one final knowing smile. ‘You know you’re dying to see yourself.’
‘I couldn’t be less interested,’ Catherine lied, but she didn’t hand the paper back.
‘Suit yourself.’ Rico shrugged, turning to go, then halting again. He swung around on a smart heel, a mischievous smile inching across his lips. ‘And next time the press are around do up your blouse!’
Determined not to give him the satisfaction of knowing he’d piqued her curiosity, Catherine pointedly started her car and headed out of the long driveway into the peak hour traffic.
She didn’t get very far.
Pulling into a side street, she almost tore the newspaper in her haste to get to the said article, scanning the photo with a critical eye and letting out a groan as she saw the rather vast expanse of cleavage, courtesy of a forgotten button. A loud toot had her practically jumping out of her skin, but her annoyed look faded into laughter as Rico’s car slid past, with Rico giving a knowing wave as the headlights flashed.
Truly caught, there was nothing for her to do except smile and rather sheepishly wave back.
As she pulled off the handbrake, the smile stayed put.
Oh, it wasn’t much—in the scheme of things it barely added up to anything—but sharing a laugh was always good: their history in the making, a tiny step in the right direction…
* * *
Her glow didn’t last that long. Somewhere mid-afternoon, Catherine’s elation at being back at work wore off. Her back ached and so did her head, with the children’s raucous laughter growing more grating by the minute. Lily’s two a.m. feed, was clearly catching up with her.
Even the thought of a night in Rico’s arms barely lifted her gloom as she cleared up the classroom and pulled her bag over her shoulder. All she really wanted to do was get home and soak in a bath alone for an hour and sleep.
‘It’s good to have you back on board, Catherine.’
Marcus Regan caught her as she dashed out of the staff-room. With his glasses perched on the end of his nose, he was a typical principal in every sense, and though she dearly wanted to get home, Catherine adored her boss and would never dismiss him.
‘It’s good to be back, Marcus. I’m sorry it’s only part-time, I know how short the school is.’
‘We are at that.’ Marcus scratched his grey hair and Catherine could see the worry lines on his kind face. She hadn’t told him about her pregnancy—it was still early days yet—and wasn’t looking forward to it, if the truth be known. Staff were scarce on the ground, and the way Marcus’s voice had lit up when she’d rung to see if work was still available had spoken volumes. ‘Some mornings I wonder if we’re actually going to have any staff to run the school. Still, it’s good to have you back, Catherine. How’s married life treating you?’
‘Wonderfully.’ Catherine smiled. It was a lie she was so used to telling it came without thought, but remembering the way Rico had held her this morning, she was able to impart it with at least a semblance of honesty.
‘Well, I’d better not keep you. We’ll see you Monday morning.’
* * *
Lily was seriously getting more gorgeous by the day, and her little face lit up as Catherine dashed through the door. She held out her fat little arms for a cuddle, but the gush of tenderness that had filled Catherine on her return yesterday was markedly absent. Catherine literally felt as if she were going through the motions as she played with the little girl. Guilt tore at her heart, and she was eternally grateful when Rico appeared bang on seven to give Lily her customary bath. Catherine perched on the edge of the tub, watching with a quiet smile as the slick sophisticate disappeared before her eyes. She was almost tempted to invite the inevitable photographers outside to come in and witness Rico in tender mode. That superior face was softer now, his expensive silk tie ruined for evermore as it dangled in the soapy water, his five o’clock shadow dotted with bubbles as Lily splashed and squealed in delight, moaning in protest when Catherine finally declared the water was getting cold and Rico should lift her out.
‘Now comes the hard part.’ Rico held up Lily’s sleep-suit, frowning as he wrestled two fat legs and two wriggling arms into the garment.
‘Don’t ask me to help with the buttons.’ Catherine shuddered. ‘No matter how hard I try to get it right, Jessica comes in and promptly re-does them.’
‘Done,’ Rico said proudly, handing her the now sleepy infant as Jessica appeared with a bottle.
‘I warmed this for you.’
Taking the bottle, Catherine noticed that Jessica’s usually shining scrubbed face was beautifully made up, and the smart shorts and blouse she usually wore had been replaced with a rather slinky little dress.
‘You look nice.’
‘Thank you.’ A blush crept across her young face. ‘Mr Mancini gave me the night off.’
‘Oh.’ Catherine forced a smile. How badly she wanted to peel off her suit, dive in the shower and have some time to prepare for dinner. This was supposed to be a romantic night—what was the point in having a nanny if Rico was going to give her time off when they really needed to be together?
Left alone with Lily, Catherine held her, fed her, trying so hard to love her—but the familiar panic, heavily tinged with guilt, was gushing back now. She tried to push it away, tried to remember the tenderness she had felt only this morning, tried to recall the social worker’s wise words.
Give it time.
But time wasn’t on her side. Lily was here and now.
‘She’s asleep.’ Rico crept in, picking up the sleeping babe and placing her tenderly in the cot before turning his attention to Catherine, his smiling fading as he registered her tense features. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing,’ Catherine lied. ‘I’d better have a shower before dinner.’
‘Dinner is down to us tonight,’ Rico said easily. ‘I gave the staff the night off.’
‘All of them?’ Catherine groaned, standing to her feet.
‘All of them,’ Rico confirmed. ‘You said you wanted to be more normal, that you were sick of being waited on, wanted to do the normal things a wife and mother does, so I figured I’d give them the night off and it would make you happier. Come on, I’m starving.’
She’d asked for it, really. In fact, Rico probably thought he was being nice, was doing her a favour, but a weary sigh escaped her lips as she headed out of the nursery. Her back was really aching now, and the thought of peeling a load of potatoes just to feel normal frankly did nothing to raise her spirits.
Heading for the staircase, she frowned when Rico took her by the arm and led her to the bedroom.
‘I thought you said you were starving?’
‘I am,’ Rico said mysteriously, opening the door and letting her walk in, watching in amused silence as she took in the rather poorly laid table and massive pizza box.
‘Pizza?’ A smile played on the edge of her lips.
‘Rung for by yours truly.’ Pulling a chair out, he sat her down before proceeding to cut her a rather too large slice. ‘You said you wanted to be normal, needed some junk food—well, here it is.’ After pouring some cola he helped himself to a slice. ‘So, like I said, I’ve given all the staff the night off,’ Rico explained further, ‘and tonight we do what couples the world over do on a Thursday night when the wife is too tired to cook and the baby is finally asleep!’
It was the perfect solution—the perfect meal, actually—and enough to put a smile on her pinched face.
‘I needed that.’ Catherine smiled as Rico took the last slice. ‘You’ve no idea how nice it is not to have to use a fork.’
‘You certainly spoke more,’ Rico commented. ‘You still don’t feel comfortable around the staff, do you?’
‘They’re nice and everything…’ Catherine shrugged. ‘I just find it hard to carry on a normal conversation with everyone hovering around me pretending not to listen.’
‘They’re not.’ Rico grinned. ‘I’m sure they’ve got better things to be thinking about than hanging on to our every word. They’re probably bored to tears.’
Put like that, he almost had her convinced—but not quite. Oh, she was sure the staff didn’t find her riveting, but Rico had this magnetism, this aura around him, and Catherine simply couldn’t imagine anyone being bored in his company. He filled her day, filled her nights—just the sound of his voice could change her mood, a smile from him could lift her spirits. But that was surely not what Rico wanted to hear right now.
‘I really am going to have that shower now.’ Standing deliberately, Catherine headed for the en suite bathroom, but Rico followed her.
‘I just want you to be happy, Catherine.’ Turning her to face him, he let his eyes meet and hold hers, and for some inexplicable reason she felt the sting of tears behind her eyelids. She wanted to be happy too—was sure she could be, if only Rico loved her. ‘I don’t want you to feel like a prisoner.’
‘Hardly a prison.’ Catherine gestured to the opulent room, but her smile wavered as Rico voiced what was clearly on his mind.
‘Am I your jailer?’
She pondered his question. At any time she could walk away—she knew that deep down. And perhaps she could fight for Lily from her own corner—maybe with the right advice she could even win—but it wasn’t Lily who kept her here, wasn’t the child growing within her, wasn’t the desire to give her niece a privileged lifestyle. It was Rico who held her within these walls—Rico her mind always drifted back to whenever it wandered—Rico who held her in the palm of his hand.
‘Am I your jailer, Catherine?’ he asked again, with an expression she couldn’t quite read in his eyes. Only this time when she opened her mouth to speak he didn’t wait to hear her answer. His lips came crushing down on hers, drowning out her answer, drowning out her own internal questions as she lost herself in his touch.
So much easier to feel his arms around her, to taste his cool tongue, to respond to his masterful touch to pretend for a while that maybe he did love her, than to deal with the impossible dilemmas that taunted her.
He undressed her in a moment, peeling away the suit easily, unclasping her bra, and she felt the groan of his approval as her breasts fell heavy and warm into his waiting hands. She wrestled with his clothes, and for that moment in time Catherine truly didn’t care about the rhymes and reasons that had brought them to this point, didn’t care she was his wife in name only. There was just a need, a simple primal need, to make love, to be made love to, to feel his naked skin on hers, to feel his arousal, to touch him as a lover, as a woman in a way she never had before.
She heard his gasp as her hands took the weight of his arousal. She marveled in the velvet steel of his manhood as she ran her fingers its length, closing her eyes in ecstasy as it snaked through her fingers—a jewel she had longed for, a jewel that tonight would finally be hers.
He took her softly at first, with kisses working over her neck as he slipped inside. Mindful of her condition, he kept his weight on his elbows, a delicious friction hovering on the outskirts, but then need took over, a natural desire so strong his soft strokes deepened. Like some heavenly feather, he massaged her most intimate depths, and her shivering climax dragged him in deeper until he exploded within her. Afterwards he held her in the matrimonial bed, as a husband should. His arms slid around her and there was nowhere to hide when his words cut the still dark air, the question that had hung over them repeated now, with infinite tenderness this time.
‘Am I your jailer, Catherine?’
She pondered her answer a moment, her voice when it came so low Rico had to bring his face closer to catch her response.
‘I’m here because I want to be, Rico—though I admit sometimes I wonder what it is I’m fighting for.’
‘You are fighting for your family, Catherine,’ Rico said softly. ‘How we got here is irrelevant. We have to make the best of things.’
He probably thought he was helping, probably thought he was saying the right thing—but staring into the darkness, wrapped in arms she never wanted to leave. Catherine tried to blot out the awful inference behind his words, keep it all together just a little longer. Only when his breathing evened and she was sure he was asleep, did she give in—allowing salty tears that belonged to the night to slip into her hair as she awaited the refreshing sensibility of dawn.