The next morning Gavin blinked awake, disoriented for a moment by his surroundings. The bedrooms at both his loft in Denver and the Driskill, where he was staying in downtown Austin, were decorated in a neutral color palette and dark wood furniture, so the pale blue walls and creamy white furniture he woke up to weren’t what he expected.
The woman curled against him, still fast asleep, was another unexpected occurrence. Well, not exactly unexpected. He’d spent most of the night making love to Christine, which had been better than he ever could have imagined.
But Gavin didn’t typically spend the night with the women he dated. More than typically. He didn’t ever stay over an entire night. He also hadn’t had a woman stay overnight with him since... Well, Christine’s sleepover in his hotel room after Maddie’s wedding had been the first.
It was part of his unwritten list of relationship rules not to complicate things. Simple was easier when it came to women, but Christine and their unorthodox arrangement were changing everything, especially his self-control.
He thought about sneaking out quietly but couldn’t quite force himself to move. Her bright auburn hair was messy—thanks to him, most likely—and he loved how relaxed and unguarded she appeared in sleep.
Scratch that last bit. He liked it very much. Not loved. He wasn’t a man who threw around the word love in any capacity with the women he dated. Dangerous territory that led to expectations he couldn’t possibly meet.
Maybe that was why it was so easy to let down his guard with Christine. Their built-in end date was a safety net for his heart. So why did it feel like he was walking on an emotional tightrope with nothing but cold, hard ground beneath him as a landing?
He shifted away as a reality he wasn’t willing to accept pummeled at his defenses, a tornado of doubts and long-held beliefs tearing at his walls.
Christine sighed then opened her eyes, her gaze soft and sleepy. Damn if he didn’t want to pull her close, bury himself inside her and try to give her everything he’d never thought himself capable of offering a woman.
The mental reminder of his own shortcomings was enough to have him jerking away and climbing out of bed as if she’d just tried to bite him.
He was a damn coward.
She sat up, lifting the sheet to cover her beautiful breasts. Now that he knew firsthand the sweet taste of her skin and the way she fit with him, he had to force himself not to crawl under the covers again.
“Good morning,” she said, and he hated himself for the doubt that clouded her eyes.
“Hi. I’ve got to go.”
“Oh.” The smile she gave him was shaky at best. “I understand.”
She couldn’t possibly because he was fumbling around with no playbook for this moment. Clearly, since he was making a complete mess of it. “I had fun last night,” he said, even as he pulled on his trousers.
At some point during the night, he’d brought his clothes into the bedroom and put on boxers to sleep. Now he fastened his pants and reached for his shirt even as he shoved his feet into his loafers.
“Me, too,” she said, tucking a loose strand of hair behind one ear. “Have you heard anything more about Ben or confirmation on the cause of the fire?”
Gavin glanced at his phone sitting on the nightstand. He hadn’t even thought to touch the thing since she’d invited him in, so caught up in Christine as he was. He shook his head. “That’s why I need to leave. I want to check on Ben.”
She nodded, although the doubt remained in her gaze. “Let me know how he’s doing. Maybe later we could—”
“I have a meeting tomorrow morning with a client and a presentation I need to finish. It’s going to be a late Sunday in the office for me.”
This time she didn’t nod in agreement, and when her eyes narrowed as she studied him, a bead of sweat rolled down between his shoulder blades.
“Is there anything we need to talk about?” she asked, and he could tell how hard she was working to keep her composure. He couldn’t admire her or hate himself any more than he did at this moment.
“Nope,” he lied.
“Right.” She shifted to the edge of the bed, still holding the sheet up to cover her body. “I need to get dressed and take Di for a walk.” When he didn’t move, one delicate eyebrow arched. “Which means you should leave now.”
Bam.
He thought he couldn’t admire her more, until she went and gave attitude right back to him. Good for her. His Christine was stronger than she believed herself to be.
No. Not his. He was in the process of messing it up, because that was how he handled real intimacy.
He wasn’t sure if it helped or made things worse to know he was an idiot.
With a sigh, he bent to kiss her goodbye. She turned her face at the last moment so his lips landed on her cheek.
“Have a nice rest of your day,” she told him, refusing to make eye contact.
“I’ll call you later,” he promised.
“You can text me,” she advised. “It’s simpler that way.”
Simple. Right. His new least favorite word in the English language.
“Have a good day,” he said quietly. “And thank you again for last night...for everything. I—”
“It’s fine, Gavin. We have an agreement. I get that. I hope you get positive news about Ben.” With those polite words, she showed him that he was—without a doubt—the biggest jerk on the planet.
He didn’t want to be. He didn’t want this arrangement or the way she made him feel more than anyone ever had. But he couldn’t find the words to make it better. Not when the hollowness inside his chest was a gaping pit that he couldn’t seem to escape.
So he gave her a charming smile, even knowing she saw through that tired mask, and walked away.
“You look like hell.”
As Gavin climbed in the passenger side of his brother’s car, Everett studied him over the lenses of his mirrored sunglasses.
“Just drive,” Gavin muttered, buckling the seat belt.
Everett chuckled and pulled away from the hotel’s entrance. They were heading to the hospital to check in with the Robinson branch of the family. Gavin had spoken to Wes Fortune Robinson earlier. Ben’s twin had reported that his brother was in stable condition but they were still monitoring him to ensure there was no additional injury to his lungs.
Gavin’s sisters had taken care of the rental house for Gerald, as well as baskets of snacks at the hospital and a meal service for each of the Robinson siblings for the next week while they were still in the early days of processing the tragedy of their family home being burned to the ground.
Gavin couldn’t imagine what they were going through, losing so many precious memories and family heirlooms. And all that on top of the troubles at Robinson Tech.
He still had trouble processing that the fire had been ruled arson, as Wes had confirmed earlier. The tech industry might be cutthroat but who would have it in for Gerald so much that he or she would be willing to burn down the man’s house? Couple that with the recall of one of their processors, and Gavin couldn’t imagine things getting much worse for the tech company tycoon.
There was no doubt that Gerald had a crack legal team in-house or on retainer, but Gavin wanted to offer his help in whatever capacity was needed. Everett had offered to pick him up so they could drive over together. His brother had a friend on staff so he was monitoring Ben’s recovery.
“Don’t tell me you’ve already messed up things with Christine?” His brother gave a low chuckle even though Gavin didn’t find any humor in the question.
“She’s fine,” he said through clenched teeth.
Everett shook his head and turned onto the boulevard that led to the hospital. “You messed it up. Did she dump you and give back that pretty rock she was wearing?”
“It’s not like that.”
“What’s it like?”
How was he supposed to answer without lying? He’d been lying from the start, but his feelings for Christine didn’t feel fake. Spending the night with her hadn’t been part of their arrangement. The relationship was real and not real. And yes, he’d messed it up.
“I still don’t get why everyone cares so much about my love life,” he muttered.
“We want you to be happy.” Everett gave him an annoyingly perceptive big-brother glance. “We love you, man.”
Gavin pressed two fingers to his suddenly pounding head. Christine made him happy. Could all his doubts and fears be wiped away by something so simple?
“I am happy.” He felt like a broken record. “I’ve got a great life. My life is the envy of everyone around me.”
“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”
Gavin sucked in a breath but didn’t respond.
“No one would have guessed you and Christine would be such a perfect match. On paper, you’re two very different people.”
“I don’t care what other people think.” Which wasn’t true since the whole reason this had started was to appease his family.
“She’s good for you,” Everett said, ignoring Gavin’s opinion.
“Yeah,” he murmured. “She’s amazing, which means she should be with someone who can appreciate and take care of her the way she deserves. I’m not a great bet when it comes to long-term.”
“That doesn’t have to be true.”
“But it is,” Gavin countered. “We both know it. Since I’ve been in Austin, I think every single member of this family has warned me about hurting her. There’s a reason for that.”
“We’re not used to seeing you like this, but we believe you can make it work.”
“Right.”
“You can make it work, Gavin. Just stop being an idiot.”
Gavin laughed softly. “Easier said than done.”
“Maybe,” Everett agreed. “The right woman makes it worth it. I can’t imagine my life without Lila.”
“Speaking of you and Lila...” Gavin arched a brow. “Are you ready to talk about the new adventure you two are embarking on?”
Everett slanted him a look that answered the question without words. “You’re more perceptive than you look. She wants to wait a few more weeks before announcing the pregnancy.”
“I won’t say a word.” Gavin reached out a hand and squeezed his brother’s shoulder. “But congratulations.”
“Thanks.” The smile Everett flashed was so full of love and happiness, it made Gavin’s chest pinch. Would he ever feel that way? It was suddenly so easy to imagine a daughter with Christine’s bright hair and sunny smile. But not if their relationship stayed in the pretend realm.
Everett pulled into the hospital parking lot a few minutes later. They weren’t able to see Ben but they talked to Wes and Gerald. The police still had no suspects but the fire investigator had determined that the blaze originated in the master bedroom. It was strange, especially since Gerald hadn’t been home at the time.
Although he didn’t know the Robinsons well, Gavin still felt an overwhelming anger on their behalf toward whoever did this. It felt vindictive and personal. They needed to discover who was behind it. If an enemy was targeting Gerald Robinson, would they try something else or was destroying the family’s home an isolated incident?
Gavin also had some things to work out in his own life. Namely his not-at-all-simple feelings for Christine. Was it as easy as Everett made it seem? Surely not. But he could manage it. All he had to do was talk to Christine and explain...
Explain what?
That he was terrified of hurting her. That he didn’t believe he could make her happy. Neither would give her a reason to make their fake relationship real.
Scratch that. It was already real. Last night proved it. He could manage the rest. After all, it wasn’t like he needed to drop to one knee.
He’d be going back to Denver at the end of next week. Why couldn’t they have a long-distance relationship? He wasn’t necessarily looking to have his cake and eat it, too, but why not?
Weekends and holidays together but enough separation that she wouldn’t get the wrong idea about what he was able to give. They didn’t have to be engaged. He might feel more for her than he had for a woman since...well, since ever. But that didn’t change who he was at the core.
Why should it? He liked her. He had fun with her. Yet he didn’t have to commit more than he could. At some point his family would give up with their insistence on seeing him settled. They’d understand he didn’t have it in him. Surely, Christine would understand, as well.
He was an attorney, after all. He just needed to make his case to her.