Inside the marquee Rose needed a breather from all the dancing. She hadn’t danced so much in years, and the long, long day was beginning to take its toll. While Jack went off to fetch them both a drink she sat down and took the time to catch her breath and look around the faces of the people gathered to help celebrate all the years they had spent together.
When it came down to it, just exactly how many years wasn’t the point, surely? They had loved each other through thick and thin, bad times and good. Love could have so many faces and be so many things in a lifetime. Being in love was different from loving someone, and both were very different from falling in love. She and Jack had done all these and more over the years they had been together.
Out on the dance floor, in the garden, gathered around the tables were their friends, neighbours, relatives, work colleagues, and as Rose put names to faces, she smiled to herself and thought how lucky they had been to get this far surrounded by so many good people.
‘Penny for them,’ said a woman standing beside her.
Rose looked up. ‘Oh Janet, how lovely to see you,’ she said, getting up to give her a hug. ‘We were looking for you earlier to come and have your photo taken with the rest of the crew.’ Rose laughed. ‘The girls were desperate for us to re-do the original wedding photos. You’re looking good.’
Janet slipped into the seat alongside her. ‘I’m sorry I missed it, I’ve only just arrived. I hope you don’t mind me showing up late, but Tony and I have been over in the States to stay with his sister for the last two weeks and we only got back last night.’
‘Is he here?’ said Rose glancing around.
‘No, he’s exhausted. In fact, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to make it either. I’ve booked into a little B&B just up the road. I’m hoping I can get a cab later.’
‘You can always stay at ours if you get stuck. There’s plenty of room.’
Janet smiled. ‘Still the same old Rose, I see. You know, it’s really good to see you again. I was trying to think how many years it’s been since I’ve seen you – anyway, you look fantastic too.’
Rose smiled. ‘Thank you. I don’t feel it, I’m absolutely shattered, but it’s lovely of you to say so . . . Obviously life up north suits you.’ She looked over towards the bar. ‘Jack will be back in a minute; he’s just gone to get a drink. Would you like something to eat? I’m sure we can rustle you something up if you’re hungry?’
‘No, I’ve already eaten, thank you,’ said Janet, holding up her hands to decline the offer.
There was a tiny but weighty and rather uncomfortable silence between them, and then both women began to talk at once. ‘The girls don’t know, we didn’t tell them—’ Rose began, just as Janet said, ‘I was a bit surprised to be invited to be honest—’
And then they looked at each other, woman to woman, and Rose smiled and said, ‘I’m glad they did ask you, it really is good to see you, Janet, but I have to tell you that Suzie and Liz, they have no idea who you are.’ Rose was aware that she sounded defensive. ‘Peter Hudson told them about Jack and me being divorced tonight – just before the party.’
Janet stared at her. ‘Really? Oh my God. Trust Peter.’
‘I know, I wish it hadn’t come out like that, and before you say anything I know we should have said something before.’
‘Did he say anything about me?’
Rose shook her head. ‘No – he didn’t get that far.’
‘Well, that certainly explains why they invited me.’
‘We just never got around to telling them.’
‘What, none of it?’ Janet asked incredulously. She laughed. ‘Oh God, that is just so like you, Rose—’
‘Stop saying that,’ said Rose. ‘Jack’s as bad.’
‘No, he’s worse. Anything for a quiet life.’
‘You make him sound weak,’ protested Rose.
Janet smiled gently. ‘Well, we both know he isn’t weak, don’t we? Just too kind sometimes, that’s all. He was always a good man, Rose, trouble is he just doesn’t know when it’s better to be cruel.’ She paused. ‘I hadn’t realised that Suzie and Liz didn’t know. I wanted to say thank you for letting me be here tonight. It really is nice to see you again. Even after all these years and all the things that have happened there are times when I still think about the good old days and what good friends we were. I miss you . . .’
Rose felt her eyes prickle with tears. ‘Me too, although I’m not sure it would have worked out any other way.’
‘No, me neither. I know Tony couldn’t have dealt with it if we had stayed around here. It’s one of the reasons he didn’t want to be here tonight.’
‘He didn’t mind you coming?’
‘I don’t think he was that keen but he’s another good man, Rose.’
Rose nodded. ‘The girls didn’t have any idea when they invited the two of you.’
And then Jack was there with their drinks. There was a moment when Rose could see that he was totally wrong-footed, and then finally he said, ‘Janet, glad you could make it. How are you?’ He leant in to peck her on the cheek. ‘You’re looking well.’
‘You too, and what a great turn out,’ she said, looking around the room. ‘Congratulations. Forty years give or take is no mean feat.’
Rose and Jack exchanged glances, and then Rose said. ‘The party was a complete surprise, we had no idea, you know.’ And they talked about the food and the marquee and going to the gardens with Fleur and somewhere in among the pleasantries the tension between them gradually eased.
‘Let me go and get you a drink, Janet,’ said Jack. ‘What would you like?’
Janet grinned. ‘I’m very tempted to say the usual but I’m not sure how good your memory is after all these years, so how about we settle on a glass of white wine and call it quits?’
Jack nodded. ‘Right you are,’ he said. ‘Tell you what, why don’t you take mine? I’ll just go and get another,’ and with that he headed back towards the bar.
Janet laughed at his retreating back. ‘Running away.’
‘I don’t think so,’ said Rose. ‘I’m sure he was as surprised as I was to see you. Let’s sit down, shall we?’ said Rose, indicating the seats.
‘Don’t mind if I do for a few minutes and then I really ought to go and find the girls,’ said Janet. ‘You know of course that technically I was married to Jack for almost twice as long as you were.’
Rose smiled grimly. ‘I know, but no one else here does.’
‘So did you and Jack get married again?’
Rose shook her head. ‘No – once bitten twice shy. Don’t get me wrong there’s never been anyone else and I love Jack more than – well, I don’t need to tell you, but I felt so trapped before, it felt claustrophobic. He asked me on and off over the years.’ She paused. ‘Maybe one day, but not now. I’m happy as we are.’
Janet lifted her glass and clinked it against Rose’s. ‘Our secret.’
Rose raised her eyebrows. But probably not for long, she thought as she took a sip of wine.
*
‘So where do you think the girls have got to?’ Sam asked Suzie, as they made their way around to the front of the marquee.
Suzie looked up at him. ‘I had been hoping that you would be able to tell me.’ Suzie’s voice caught in her throat. ‘For a while there it felt like I’d lost my whole family.’
Sam took hold of her hand. ‘Well, you haven’t. Come on, they’ve got to be around here somewhere. Have you tried ringing the house?’
‘There isn’t anywhere I haven’t tried. I’ve rung, I’ve texted – nothing.’ Although I suppose if they are at home it doesn’t mean they’d answer the phone. Maybe they’re watching TV or up in their rooms. I was just about to walk back there when I found you.’
‘Okay, we’ll take one last look around here and then I suggest we head home to check. Chances are Hannah thinks she is in trouble,’ said Sam, walking back towards the cottage. ‘The last time I saw her she was running out of the back gate with that girl she’s been hanging about with, the one with the blue hair, and a couple of bottles of booze.’
Suzie stared at him. ‘Sadie?’
Sam nodded. ‘That’s the one.’
‘Was Megan with them?’
‘No, just Hannah, Sadie and some boy.’
‘And you didn’t go after them?’ said Suzie in amazement.
Sam shook his head miserably. ‘No, I’m not proud of this but I was too drunk. And I deserve that look. I’d just threatened to punch Matt out – I was in no state to go anywhere. Matt and a waitress went. By that stage he was a lot quicker than me. I don’t know whether he managed to catch them up. Look, I’m sorry, Suzie,’ Sam said, looking horribly contrite, ‘but I wasn’t in any fit state to go anywhere. My mind was on other things. And I can’t remember the last time Hannah spoke to me without us ending up having an argument. I assumed she’d just come back as soon as we were out of sight. You know what she’s been like the last few months.’
Suzie nodded. ‘Hannah, and how we handle her, is something else that we really need to talk about, Sam.’
‘I know, so let’s take one more look around the marquee and the garden, and then we’ll go home and see if the two of them are there.’ He paused. ‘Don’t worry. I’m sure they’ll be all right. Hannah is a big girl – and Megan is sensible.’
Suzie nodded. ‘It’s not Megan I’m worried about,’ she said.
They did one more circuit. As they made their way around the marquee, Suzie saw the young woman who had spoken to her earlier deep in conversation with a couple of other people. Suzie made an effort not to catch her eye or draw attention to herself: she wanted to find her girls, not be drawn into helping someone else.
‘Suzie? Suzie, over here.’ Still trying hard to be invisible, Suzie winced as Fleur called to her and waved madly from the far side of the tent. Fleur shouldered her way between the revellers. It took Suzie a moment or two to realise that Fleur was hand in hand with a tall, good-looking, tanned man, who looked to be around the same age as her aunt. Probably someone from the good old days, thought Suzie, to judge from the expression of sheer delight on Fleur’s face.
‘Suzie, Sam, there you are, I wondered where you’d got to. I’d like you to meet Frank. Frank’s my neighbour or at least he was. We’re going to get married!’ she squealed, wriggling her left hand excitedly under Suzie’s nose. ‘I’ve got a ring and everything.’
Alongside her Frank was grinning from ear to ear, looking for all the world like the dog who had got the doughnut.
*
At Suzie and Sam’s house Hannah was fighting her way into the kitchen where Sam had shut the dogs earlier.
‘Get back, get back, go!’ said Hannah firmly to the posse of wet noses and wagging tails that greeted them as she pushed open the kitchen door. The two family dogs, a big blonde mongrel and a small hairy crossbreed terrier called Pip and Squeak, were delighted that she, Megan and Simon had decided to come home, taking their arrival as a personal triumph.
The family cats, Sid and Harry, tried very hard to look hard done by and miffed, but in the end couldn’t resist and trotted over in a show of synchronised neediness, purring and mewing for attention.
Hannah looked around the cosy familiar interior of the family kitchen. It felt as if she had been away for months rather than a few hours. Home now, she finally let out a long breath as the back door closed and the tension eased out of her shoulders.
Simon meanwhile had crouched down to stroke everyone who came within reach.
‘Wow, they are just so cool,’ he said, with a big cheesy grin as Pip started licking his ears and Squeak leapt into his lap, while the cats tried very hard to wind themselves into a perfect clove hitch around his ankles.
Hannah and Megan’s eyes met and they both burst out laughing. The relief of stepping in through the kitchen door and being greeted by the dogs and cats was so great and so special that Hannah could hardly hold back the tears and for a moment she felt almost overwhelmed by the simple joy of just being home with people she knew and cared for – even Simon came under that umbrella at that moment.
‘I’m really hungry,’ said Megan, making a show of normality. ‘Anyone else fancy pizza?’
Simon nodded. ‘Sounds good to me. I’m starving. Do you want a hand to sort it out?’
‘I’m just going to go upstairs and have a quick shower,’ said Hannah. ‘If you want to watch TV or something, Simon, I won’t be long.’
‘It’s okay, I’ll switch it on for you if you like,’ said Megan briskly. ‘Only Dad’s really picky about who plays with his toys. Unless of course you want to play a boardgame or something. Are you any good at Monopoly? Or we’ve got Scrabble if you like. I’m allowed to use the dictionary because I’m littler than everyone else,’ said Megan, looking anything but. ‘You fancy a game?’
‘You going to be all right?’ Simon asked Hannah as Megan selected a pizza from the freezer.
Hannah nodded. ‘I’m fine. I just need to go and get cleaned up.’ She didn’t plan to tell him that she felt dirty and spoilt and more than anything else she wanted to wash Dexter’s pawprints and the smell of Sadie’s house out of her hair and off her body.
‘Pizza in twenty minutes,’ said Megan conversationally. ‘You want a hot chocolate or a can of Coke or something with it? Or we could have chocolate spread sandwiches.’
Hannah laughed as her little sister fussed around the kitchen. ‘Mother hen.’
Megan shrugged. ‘Please yourself, you don’t have to have one if you don’t want.’
‘I’d really like a hot chocolate,’ said Hannah. ‘With marshmallows.’
Simon nodded. ‘Me too. Come on, I’ll give you a hand.’ And gently moving the dogs to one side, he bobbed down to switch on the oven for Megan.
Hannah could hear them talking from the landing, chatting about whether they all should go back to the party once they’d eaten or maybe stay in and play Monopoly. Megan was telling Simon how good she was at it and how he’d have a job to beat her. She could hear him laughing. Hannah smiled with a heady mixture of relief and pure joy.
In the bathroom she slipped out of her clothes and dropped every last thing into the laundry basket before stepping into the hot shower, letting the water course down over her head and shoulders, relishing the sensation of the hot water on her hair and her skin, waiting a long time before she finally picked up the shampoo and soap. It felt so very good to be home, to be safe and warm. By the time she stepped out and wrapped herself up in her bathrobe, she felt shiny and new and ready to start over.
*
Back at the party, way across the garden, Max, her taxi-driver-cum-knight in shining armour handed Liz a glass of fizzy water and then sat down alongside her on the garden bench.
‘It’s a great party. You said that you arranged it?’ he said, sipping his mug of tea.
Liz nodded. ‘That’s right, for my mum and dad. It was for their fortieth wedding anniversary . . . or so we thought,’ she said wryly.
He smiled, not picking up on the last part of the sentence. ‘That’s great. So you’re close to them, your mum and dad?’
Liz nodded. ‘Yes – I love them very much. We have our ups and downs like most families, but yes, we’re close.’
‘And you’ve got brothers and sisters?’
‘Just the one sister. It’s a family tradition. My mum’s got one sister, called Fleur, and I’ve got a sister, her name’s Suzie, and she’s got two girls too. Our family tree is pruned into a neat, regular pattern. In every generation, going back as far as the eye can see, every branch has had two daughters on it, one is bright and clever and goes on to do marvellous things, while the other bright and clever one stays home and brings up the next generation.’
Max laughed. ‘So from that I’m assuming you’re the bright and clever one that’s gone on to do marvellous things? What do you do exactly?’
Liz stared at him, trying to work out if he was being serious. ‘Do you watch TV?’ she said, when it became obvious he was.
‘No, I’m afraid not. I haven’t got one – I’m more of a Radio 4 man.’
‘Really?’ she said incredulously.
‘Uh-huh, cross my heart,’ he said. ‘What about newspapers?’
‘Sometimes. The Independent occasionally – oh, and I read books.’
‘Okay . . . well, I’m on a TV show . . .’
He looked surprised. ‘Really? Wow, that is amazing. I’m impressed. So what do you do on it?’
‘I’m one of the comperes – you know, hosting it. I used to be a real live journalist before that, but then this came up . . .’ The words dried up. Liz wanted him to think well of her, and not be caught up in the whole TV fluff and glamour thing. To her relief he didn’t seem in the least bit fazed.
‘And what about your husband, is he here with you tonight?’ he said, glancing around as if there was some chance they might spot him.
Liz shook her head. ‘No, no husband, no boyfriend, no significant other. As long as you discount a designer wardrobe and a pathological addiction to shoes.’
He frowned. ‘I’m even more amazed by that, but then again I’d hope that any man worth his salt wouldn’t have let you wander around in the dark barefoot and miles from anywhere.’
Liz laughed. ‘Hardly miles, but, no, there’s no one. I think I’ve more of less given up on the whole idea of romance or maybe it’s given up on me. I’m not great with relationships.’
He grinned. ‘Why? Oh come on. A fabulous-looking woman like you should be beating the beefcake off with a stick.’
Liz took a sip of water. ‘You’d like to think so, wouldn’t you, but actually I think people – men – are freaked out by successful bossy women.’
‘You’re bossy?’
‘Oh God yes,’ she said. ‘Can’t you tell? Bossy, stroppy, hard work and a total control freak.’
He nodded. ‘You know why you do it, don’t you? You know, behave that way?’
She looked at him.
‘Because you’re afraid of being let down, afraid that if you let your guard down and let anyone in – let go by one iota and let that control slip – that you’ll let the chaos in, that you’ll get hurt and you’ll lose control, lose yourself. You think that the only person who really knows how to look after you, when it comes right down to it, is you.’
Liz stared at him in amazement. ‘And you know that because ?’
‘Because I’ve seen it before. I had a great job, great salary, fabulous car and then one day I looked at it and wondered exactly what it was I’d really got. I had a show flat not a home, I was never there to enjoy it because the fantastic job I was so proud of kept me away from it all hours that God sends, and if you weren’t there someone would try to shaft you – half the guys over thirty had ulcers or high blood pressure and anyone under thirty was clawing their way up the greasy pole to try and get a big slice of what you had – preferably your job, your office, your desk. Some people thrive on that sort of lifestyle but I was going into work one morning and suddenly realised that I didn’t want to be there. I was lonely and lost – angry.’
‘And so what? You dropped out and bought a cab?’
It was his turn to laugh. ‘Something like that. Actually I took my money, rented out my flat, bought a cottage and a smallholding—’
‘You should talk to my sister,’ said Liz, with a little edge to her voice.
‘But I don’t want to talk to your sister, Liz. I want to talk to you,’ Max said. And something about the way he said it made her believe him.
‘So this rural idyll . . .’ she continued. ‘Uh-huh.’
‘How come you’re driving a taxi if life in the country is so wonderful?’
‘Because I want to. I’ve always liked driving so I do a couple of nights a week. Makes sure I don’t become too insular. And it gets me out, gives me some shape to my week. Works for me – and now I love what I do.’
‘And all this joy and contentment, does it include a good woman and a dog?’ Liz asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.
Max nodded. ‘Funnily enough, yes.’
Liz sighed; she might have known. He had to be too good to be true. ‘And so where is she tonight, your perfect woman, presumably at home warming your slippers by the Aga?’
Max rolled the mug around slowly between his long fingers and shook his head. ‘Sadly not, well, not any more. We had ten great years together and then four years ago she was diagnosed with cancer. She died two years ago. Her name was Julie.’
Liz felt her heart lurch. ‘Oh God, I’m so sorry . . . I didn’t mean to—’
Max held up his hand to stop the apology. ‘You didn’t do anything. I loved her very much. She was the most amazing woman and I wouldn’t have missed the time we had together for all the world.’ He laughed. ‘She was really bossy too – stroppy, hard work . . .’
Liz looked at him, eyes prickling with unshed tears. ‘God, I’m sorry. It must have been awful,’ she said and then winced. ‘To lose her, I mean, not her being bossy.’
‘Worst thing I’ve ever had to deal with, but you know what? She taught me that you can’t control anything – chaos comes whether you’re ready or not. Love, death, you think you can hold it back but actually you can’t, and if you’re not careful you can miss an awful lot by trying to protect yourself too hard. You end up beating off the good things along with the bad.’ He pointed to her glass. ‘Now do you fancy another designer water or would you like a glass of champagne? Celebrate being a bossy, stroppy woman?’
*
‘And then he asked me to marry him,’ said Fleur, her expression ecstatic. ‘Isn’t that just amazing? I mean, who would have believed it? Flying all this way to come and see me.’ Alongside her, Frank, who was holding her hand, beamed. It must have been the fourth or fifth time Fleur had told Suzie.
‘That’s wonderful,’ said Suzie, hugging her aunt, while part of her attention was on the crowd behind them, trying to pick out Hannah or Megan’s faces among the others. ‘I’m really pleased for you.’
‘Have you set the date yet?’ asked Sam conversationally.
Fleur laughed. ‘Some time soon before he comes to his senses would be my call.’
Frank smiled down at Fleur. ‘She’s right but for the wrong reasons. Obviously we all need to talk about when. We’d like everyone to fly over if possible.’
‘We couldn’t be more pleased for you, Fleur, but we really ought to go and find the girls,’ said Suzie, gently tugging on Sam’s arm. ‘You haven’t seen them, have you?’
Fleur shook her head. ‘I’m afraid not – we were just going to go and find Rose and Jack and tell them the good news. If we see them we’ll tell them you’re looking for them.’ And with that she and Frank were gone.
*
Back at Suzie and Sam’s house, Hannah had slipped on a pair of jeans and a cami top and, with her hair still wet, headed downstairs into the sitting room where Megan and Simon were busy sorting out the Scrabble.
‘You’re going to play, aren’t you, Han?’ said Megan as she set a plate of pizza slices down alongside the Scrabble board.
Hannah nodded and wordlessly sat down on the sofa next to Simon. The dogs were asleep on the floor, the cats on the back of the chair. Someone had put a saucer over the top of her mug of hot chocolate so that it wouldn’t get cold. When she peeled it off, the marshmallows had melted into a sweet sticky layer over the top. Nothing could beat this.
They were two or three rounds into the game when the dogs sat up and then leapt to their feet barking as the back door opened. Her mum and dad were inside the sitting room before any of them had the chance to move.
‘So this is where you’ve got to!’ said Suzie, staring at the coffee table with the wreckage of their impromptu supper on it. ‘Why didn’t you answer the house phone or your mobile? We’ve been looking all over for you.’
‘We didn’t hear it,’ Megan began. ‘We haven’t been back long.’
‘Your mother’s been worried sick,’ said Sam. ‘Why didn’t you tell us that you were going home?’
Hannah stood up. ‘I’m really sorry,’ she said. ‘This is all my fault. I was bored.’
Suzie stared at her. ‘So you stole a bottle of booze and ran off?’
Hannah dropped her head; putting things right was the only thing she cared about, even if it did mean she was in big trouble. This trouble was so much easier than the trouble she could see ahead for Sadie.
‘That wasn’t me, Mum, honestly. It was Sadie and I know it was stupid but I didn’t take it and I only ran away because she did. And I’m really, really sorry – about everything.’ She didn’t mean to cry but there was a little quiver in her voice. ‘It was such a brainless thing to do, and you’re right about Sadie, she is horrible – and cruel,’ Hannah said, feeling the tears building up inside. ‘I do know that, but I just didn’t want to admit it. I thought that she was really cool and that it would be good to be her friend . . .’
She stopped and bit her lip. Suzie stepped closer. ‘Do you want to tell me what happened?’
Hannah shook her head. ‘No, not really.’ She looked up into her mum’s face and hoped that it would be enough.
‘Whatever it is, you know you can tell us if you want to, don’t you?’
Hannah nodded, trying hard to keep the tears in check. ‘I know, it was nothing really but sometimes you just know things from what might have happened, do you know what I mean?’
‘Yes, I do,’ said Suzie. ‘And it’s good if you can spot those things.’ She put an arm around Hannah. ‘You know that we love you, don’t you?’
‘Even when I’ve been so horrible.’
‘Even then.’
‘Oh Mum,’ she snuffled. ‘I don’t think anyone loves Sadie, not enough to give her rules and make her feel like they care about her – not anyone, and that’s why she wants to get people to do things.’
Suzie looked at her and waited.
‘So I thought I’d come back,’ Hannah said. ‘And then I met Megan and Simon and we thought we’d all come back together.’
Suzie nodded to acknowledge Simon, who smiled back nervously.
Just for a moment Hannah was worried that Megan might say something to Suzie about her being drunk and about the man in the shed but instead Megan said, ‘Do you want some hot chocolate? Only the kettle just boiled and there are some more marshmallows left in the jar if you want some.’
And it was her dad who said, ‘Yes, that would be great and then I think we should all go back to the party – just for half an hour to say goodnight to Grandma and Granddad. Then if you want to come back here you can.’
Which was the kind of thing he used to say before Sadie had shown up and everything had gone wrong.
*
Back at the party, as the evening unwound and the night darkened, the band had slowed the music down to match the increasingly mellow mood. People drifted away into the garden and to the tables to drink and chatter, while others made their way onto the dance floor, getting close, enjoying the softer sounds and the warmth of the summer night.
Fleur and Frank danced cheek to cheek, gracefully moving around to something soulful and romantic, while a few feet away Liz was enjoying her first dance with Max. For the first time all evening she was really enjoying herself, and thinking how very lucky she was that Grant hadn’t showed up after all. She wouldn’t have relaxed if he had been there, she would have been worried about what he was thinking, about the judgements he was making about her family and her roots. Certainly he wouldn’t have been at all happy with something so homespun, not unless Liz had managed to whip up some big name to entertain them, and enough Class As to keep the party humming.
No, this was much, much easier and felt so much nicer. Max’s strong arms held her tight but not too tight, he looked rakish and piratey in his jeans and creamy-white cotton shirt, which highlighted his tan, and the five o’clock shadow he was sporting made a lot of his cheekbones and those humorous bright eyes. She could feel her imagination struggling to invent all kinds of endings and ideas and possibilities but she kept it firmly in check. Tonight for once she was going to do this one step at time. Enjoy it for what it was, not what it might be or could be or could be shoe-horned into, although it was hard to resist the headline: TV’s top girl falls in love with gorgeous country farmer.
Suzie meanwhile had her head on Sam’s shoulder, delighted to be back in his arms, delighted that they had begun to clear the air between them. There was still a lot to talk about, a lot of things to do and a lot of things to get to the bottom of: the girls, the TV show, the garden, his job, and how they would make sure that they didn’t end up back in this mess again. But she knew now that they were talking they could get it back on track. There was still the matter of her parents not exactly making forty years of happy married life . . . but that could wait a while longer.
Across the dance floor in a quiet corner away from the pack she could see Simon and Hannah experimenting with the first, uneasy, self-conscious fumblings of dancing for real with someone you cared about. It made her smile. Simon seemed like a really nice boy. Close by, Megan was dancing with her granddad Jack, who was swinging his hands from side to side, dancing in a circle. As her eyes met Suzie’s, Megan waved and giggled and Jack gave her the thumbs-up and did a little granddad-dance-wiggle that made Megan roll her eyes and then fall into another fit of giggling. Suzie smiled, the tension easing. Tonight, for the first time in a very long time, everything felt all right.
Over by the kitchen she could see that Rory had arrived to give Matt a hand with the last of the clearing away, and both were singing along with the chorus of some mushy old love song, grinning at each other as they wheeled the last of the boxes outside.
Over by one of the tables, Suzie caught sight of Rose deep in conversation with a little group of women. There was something familiar about all of them. She was sure that one was the woman who had been trying to talk to her earlier in the evening, and as the music faded, Suzie decided to make her way over, something drawing her towards the little huddle.
‘Do you want a drink?’ asked Sam, as she slipped out of his arms and made her way across the marquee. ‘I thought I’d get the kids something too.’
‘Great idea,’ said Suzie. ‘I’m just going to see if Mum’s all right.’
‘And how about you?’ he said, catching hold of her hand. ‘Are you okay?’
She smiled at him. ‘Never better.’
Sam grinned. ‘You know that I love you, don’t you?’
And for the first time in months she said, ‘Yes and I love you too. I’ll be over there.’
Sam nodded. ‘Do you think your mum wants anything?’
Suzie shrugged.
‘I’ll ask,’ he said.
The women gathered around the table didn’t take much notice of Suzie or Sam’s arrival.
‘Hi Mum,’ Suzie said. ‘Everything okay?’
Rose nodded but Suzie wasn’t totally convinced and hung on in there.
‘I’m just going to the bar,’ said Sam, looking from face to face. ‘Anyone else here want a drink?’
Rose took a breath and then said, ‘No, I’m fine thank you. Suzie, Sam – this is Janet. Janet Fielding. Janet, this is my eldest daughter and Sam, her husband.’
Suzie smiled. ‘Pleased to meet you.’
‘Janet was our bridesmaid.’
‘Oh right,’ said Suzie, holding out her hand. ‘I remember the name now. We were looking for you earlier to come and have your photo taken with the rest of the gang. I’m sorry that we couldn’t find you.’
Janet smiled graciously. ‘It should be me apologising. I wasn’t sure that I’d be able to make it tonight so I gave the girls my invitation.’
‘Oh well, that’s fine,’ said Suzie, glancing at the other two younger women. It seemed like a rather bizarre solution, she thought, but given the night’s events, it felt as if anything was possible. Both of them looked like a younger version of their mother.
‘Helen and Nina. They’re twins,’ Janet said proudly. ‘Non-identical obviously. Helen’s a school teacher and Nina is training to be a nurse.’
Nina laughed. ‘Like people need to know that, Mum.’ She spoke with a soft Scottish accent.
‘Well, some people do,’ protested Janet.
‘We met earlier, didn’t we?’ Suzie said to Nina as she shook their hands.
‘This is my sister, Helen,’ said Nina.
‘Pleased to meet you.’
‘It’s lovely to meet you at long last, I’ve often wondered what you were all like,’ said Helen brightly, which struck Suzie as an odd thing to say.
‘So, drinks then,’ said Sam. ‘What’s everyone having?
Helen laughed. ‘We were thinking champagne, weren’t we, Mum? After all, it’s a real night to remember.’
‘I don’t know, I’m not sure if—’ Janet began, sounding slightly embarrassed.
Sam smiled. ‘Don’t you worry, I’m sure we’ve got some tucked away somewhere.’
At which point Liz came over, hand in hand with a tall good-looking man. ‘Hi, there you all are – you okay?’ she asked, glancing from face to face, her gaze finally settling on her mum. Obviously there must be something in the air if even Liz picked up on it, thought Suzie.
Rose laughed. ‘What is it with everyone? I’m fine. Really.’ She looked at the man with Liz and smiled. ‘Hello, pleased to meet you. I’m so glad you finally turned up. Liz has been looking for you all night, you must be Mr Right.’
‘Max,’ said the man, leaning in close to kiss her on both cheeks. ‘And you must be Liz’s mum.’
‘Call me Rose,’ she said with a big smile.
‘My pleasure,’ said Max.
‘We’ve heard a lot about you.’
Max laughed. ‘Really?’ he said, throwing a sideways glance at Liz, who blushed crimson.
But there was something else. Suzie could feel it bubbling just below the surface. Noticing the little look that passed between Janet and Rose, she couldn’t help herself.
‘What is it?’ she asked. ‘What is going on?’
‘Nothing, not really . . . well, not at all.’ Rose smiled nervously. ‘There is something we need to talk about and there’s really no easy way to explain all this,’ she said, taking a deep breath. ‘I just wish we had said something to you years ago.’
Janet nodded. ‘You really should have said something, Rose, you really should have.’
Rose sighed testily. ‘Hindsight’s all very well, Janet, but it’s not helping me now, is it? Suzie, Liz – Helen and Nina are your sisters. Well, your half-sisters anyway.’
‘And they’re twins,’ said Janet, in case they hadn’t caught it the first time.
As Suzie stared at the two of them, the first thought that came into her head was, no wonder they look so familiar. It was as if her brain had taken a second or two to catch on and realise exactly what Rose had said. Then it felt as if every thought she had ever had was blown out of her head, leaving a great empty void. A second later, the thoughts crashed back in like a tidal wave to fill it up. Questions clamoured for answers, stray thoughts careered round like stray bullets, so many that she had no idea where to begin or what to say.
Instead she simply stared at the three of them.
Nina was the one who spoke first. ‘I know it must be a bit of a shock for you. We weren’t sure if you knew or what you knew or what exactly you’d been told about us, so that’s why I wanted to talk to you earlier – you know, kind of feel the way.’
‘How long have you known about Liz and me?’ Suzie stammered.
The two women looked at each other. ‘Well, we’ve always known,’ said Nina. ‘Since we were little.’
Suzie glanced at Liz. Her mouth had fallen open and she looked like someone had just punched her.
‘I can’t deal with this,’ Liz stammered, holding up her hands in shock. ‘First of all I find out that my parents aren’t married and now this? Have you any idea what the papers are going to make of it all? They’ll have a field day. They’ll rip us to shreds.’
Suzie watched the words register on Sam’s face but before he could say anything, Nina smiled and said, ‘We always watch you on TV – don’t we, Helen?’
Liz glared at her. ‘And say what?’
‘Well, that we’re proud of you, obviously,’ said Nina, without a shred of malice. ‘And we are. Really proud.’
‘I don’t understand, how on earth can we have sisters that we don’t know about?’ asked Suzie, looking at Rose. ‘How come you never said anything, Mum?’
‘Keep your voice down,’ snapped Liz. ‘People can hear what you’re saying, you know.’
‘It’s a long story,’ Rose began, looking uncomfortable.
‘It better be a good one,’ said Liz.
‘Why didn’t you tell us, Mum?’ Suzie pressed again.
Rose sighed. ‘We should have. It was a mistake, I know that now, but at the time it seemed so much easier for everyone if we kept it to ourselves.’
Suzie stared at her. ‘But we’re your family, your children. Why didn’t you tell us about Janet and the twins?’
‘We talked about it – me and Rose and Jack,’ Janet said.
Liz glared at her. ‘You obviously did a lot more than talk.’
Rose held up a hand to quieten her. ‘Liz, please, this is not Janet’s fault. It’s not really anybody’s fault – in fact, to be fair, if it’s anyone’s really, it’s mine. When we first got married your dad worked away a lot and before you two were born we always used to travel to places together, and then when I got pregnant with Suzie we decided to move back to Crowbridge. Our families and friends were here and it made sense. Things were okay to begin with, but we were both young and I was a bit fierier back then and we used to argue quite a lot and then make up, and it would all be fine again for a while.’
‘Well, everybody does that,’ said Liz. ‘It hardly explains—’ she glanced at Helen and Nina – ‘how we ended up with a whole family we knew nothing about.’
‘I know,’ countered Rose. ‘I’ll explain if you just let me. When I got pregnant again I was quite poorly and started to feel neglected and trapped all at the same time.’ She sighed. ‘Hormones do peculiar things to your brain. Your dad was away and it felt like I’d been abandoned. The more I needed him to be there, the further away he was. Looking back now, I should have said something – he would have been home like a shot. But I didn’t, in fact, the more he tried to help me, the more distant and snappy I got. I just felt sorry for myself and hard done by and he felt like it was all his fault. Then I had you, Liz, and Suzie was little . . . it was a lot of things combined but I felt dull and tired and neglected and the long and short of it is I asked your dad to leave.’ She smiled grimly. ‘Actually I told him not to come back.’
Liz nodded. ‘So you said before, but you didn’t say anything about – about . . .’ She stared at the two other women. ‘There being more sisters,’ she eventually managed to say.
Rose nodded. ‘I know. When I asked him to leave, your dad had got nowhere to go. So . . .’ She glanced nervously at Janet.
‘So,’ said Janet, taking up the story. ‘Jack rang me up and asked if I knew anyone who’d got a room he could use while he was home. He wanted to see you both and see Rose to try and put things right and he needed somewhere to stay if he was going to do that. We’d all been friends for years,’ she smiled. ‘And I’d always had a bit of a thing for Jack.’
‘So we can see,’ snapped Liz.
Suzie shot her a sharp look, but Janet was oblivious. ‘Anyway I’d just split up with my boyfriend. He was in the RAF. I wanted to settle down and he didn’t – he said we were too young and he had things to do, and a wife and family weren’t really part of the equation. I was devastated. Anyway, I was sharing a house in Ely at the time and there was a spare room. Jack worked away for a lot of the time, so I didn’t think it would change things and to be honest I didn’t think that he’d stay that long. I thought he and your mum would sort it . . . But meanwhile, like I said, he’d be close enough to see you all. And he loved you two so much.’ Janet paused, eyes brightening with tears. ‘And Rose too. We all knew that. He was devastated when she said she wanted him to leave.’
Rose bit her lip. ‘These things happen, and it all seems so long ago now. Like another lifetime.’
‘Anyway,’ said Janet. ‘One night Jack and I started to talk and one thing led to another – we were both lonely, both liked each other, both been dumped by our respective partners, and it just seemed right, like sort of a natural progression really. We’d always got along very well. Although looking back now it was madness, but at the time it just seemed like the right thing to do – like fate.’ Janet laughed and shook her head. ‘We started going out together, first of all just to cheer each other up. Rose wanted a divorce, I hadn’t heard from my boyfriend since he left, and so as soon as Jack’s divorce came through we got married.’
‘Just like that?’ said Suzie in a whisper.
Janet nodded. ‘I know it sounds mad now, but looking back on it that is exactly how it seems. I can’t even remember now if he asked me. I mean, we must have talked about it but I don’t remember much about it at all. One minute Jack was on my doorstep with his suitcase, broken-hearted and angry, and the next thing we’re at the registry office. It was totally crazy, but we were both on the rebound, both hurt – probably if I’m honest, both trying to prove a point to the people who’d left us. And there we were, married.’
‘And it took us about a week to realise that we’d both made the most terrible mistake,’ said a male voice behind her.
Suzie turned and looked up to see her dad standing alongside her. Both Janet and Rose smiled at him.
‘Janet and I had always been friends, but marriage – well, it wasn’t right for us. To be honest, I think both of us knew that before the ink was dry on the certificate. I’d been seeing Rose every weekend, and we both regretted splitting up but I didn’t want to let Janet down, even though we both knew it was never going to work. And then one night Janet’s ex, Tony, turned up.’
Janet laughed. ‘God, that was so awful. You wouldn’t believe . . . We’d split up because Tony had said he wasn’t ready to settle down but being apart had made him rethink and realise what he’d thrown away. He came round to see if I’d take him back, and there I was married to one of his best friends. He was stunned. Poor Tony – I’ll never forget the look on his face. He’d turned up at the house with this big bunch of flowers saying he’d made the most terrible mistake, and I said that I had too.’
Jack nodded. ‘When I got home Janet told me about Tony and said they had spent the afternoon talking – that they still loved each other and they both thought that they had a chance together, and that seeing Tony made Janet realise how much she loved him. And we both agreed that we’d just been foolish.’
‘Foolish? ’ hissed Liz. ‘How can you say that? Foolish? You make it sound trivial.’
‘It wasn’t like that at all. Don’t tell me you’ve never done something foolish or something you’ve regretted, Liz? Janet and I were lonely and lost and great friends. We should have left it at that. We made one mistake, that was all – why compound it by making another? Janet had a second chance to be with the man she loved . . .’
‘And Rose had already told Jack that she wanted him back. He was trying to find a way to tell me but was afraid of letting me down. I often think that if Tony hadn’t shown up we might both have carried on – both unhappy . . . but anyway,’ said Janet. ‘We didn’t. Jack moved back in with Rose and Tony moved in with me. It was all a bit up and down at the time and I’d been feeling terrible for weeks. Anyway I went to the doctor’s, thinking it might be my nerves, and he told me that I was pregnant. Talk about a surprise. And given how far along I was, it was obvious the baby couldn’t have been Tony’s.’
Suzie looked from face to face. ‘God . . .’ she whispered. ‘How could you?’ gasped Liz, looking first at Jack and then at Janet.
‘They were married,’ said Rose defensively.
Janet nodded. ‘And of course when I went to the hospital they told me they thought we were having twins. Tony was brilliant about it. He said fine – we’d start over, just me and him and the babies. Move away. So we did, we moved up to Scotland. He was wonderful.’ She smiled fondly. ‘He still is.’
Suzie looked at her dad, who sighed. ‘It was a hard place for all of us to be in. We were young and – well, to be honest I would really have liked to have seen the girls, and for you to have known them and spent some time with them, but I had to respect what Tony wanted. He wanted them all to have a fresh start and I can’t blame him for that. He didn’t want me to support them or pay for them – as far as he was concerned he wanted to be their dad.’
Helen nodded. ‘It’s true, and he’s been the most brilliant dad.’
Nina laughed. ‘The best. We’ve always known that he chose us.’
Janet smiled. ‘We couldn’t have any more children – after all that, Tony found out that he had a problem, and so in a funny way we owe the wonderful family we have got to this mess. Ironic, isn’t it?’
Suzie looked from face to face, trying to imagine what it must have felt like to have been in the middle of it all. ‘Was he upset that you were coming here tonight?’ asked Suzie.
‘Tony? Well, yes and no,’ said Helen. ‘I think he understood why we wanted to come but there was a wee bit of him worried that we might look at Jack and wish he’d been our dad – or something like that – but we don’t know anything else. As far as we’re concerned he’s the only dad we’ve known and that’s the end of it.’ She grinned. ‘We love him and we aren’t planning to swap him any time soon.’
‘I wish he was here,’ said Janet wistfully. ‘So he could see. What you imagine is often so much worse than the real thing.’
And to Suzie’s surprise it was Rose who hugged Janet. ‘You should bring him down to visit if you want to – whenever you want.’
‘It’s been too long since we’ve seen you,’ said Jack.
Suzie thought of all the times they had spent together as a family, the brilliant, shiny, warm, loving man that her dad was, and realised how hard it must have been for him to have turned his back on his other two girls, who – now she knew about their parentage – she could see shared some of Jack’s features. He must have seen it as his way of making life right for all of them.
‘I wish you’d told us before,’ Suzie said quietly.
‘I know, we talked about this earlier upstairs, me and your mum, but it was so tricky,’ said Jack. ‘First of all, it was a different time back then. And if we’d told you I can see that we’d have felt you should meet, and that would have been hard for everyone – for Tony especially.’
‘But not impossible,’ said Rose gently, touching his hand. ‘I do see that now, but it all seemed so complicated at the time, and I think we all thought there was very little to be gained.’
‘And perhaps a lot to be lost?’ asked Suzie.
Liz sighed. ‘And so what we’re saying is that if we hadn’t had this party and if we hadn’t tried to recreate your wedding reception, we’d never have known about any of this?’
Rose reddened. ‘I don’t know. I suppose we would have had to tell you eventually.’
Liz stared at her. ‘Eventually?’
Janet smiled. ‘I have to say when I got the invitation I thought you must know. An invitation sent from both of you, it felt like an olive branch, a call to come in from the cold. Whatever else we were, your mum and me, we were always great friends.’
Suzie looked across at her mum.
‘It’s true,’ said Rose, in answer to the unspoken question. ‘Janet came round when she and Jack were first thinking about getting together to ask how I felt about it – to say that if I was unhappy with it then she would put a stop to it. And I know she would have done, and I said no, that I was really happy for them. They were both lovely people. And you know what?’ she said, looking first at Janet and then up at Jack. ‘They still are.’
A tear ran down Suzie’s cheek. ‘Oh Mum,’ she said. ‘It must have been really hard for you . . . for all of you.’
‘How about I go and see if I can get that champagne?’ said Jack.
‘I’ll give you a hand,’ said Sam. ‘You coming Max?’
The women all looked at each other.
And then Helen smiled. ‘You know how much I always wanted older sisters?’ she said with a warm grin. ‘I’ve been dying to meet you for years. We’ve got so much catching up to do.’
At which point Megan rolled up with Hannah and Simon in tow, and then Fleur came over with her arm through Frank’s.
‘We’ve just asked the band if they could pick up the pace a bit,’ said Fleur. ‘I asked them to play something with a bit of a beat, you know, cheer the place up.’ She looked around the faces and smiled. ‘For God’s sake, come on,’ she said. ‘It’s meant to be a party. Oh Janet, there you are – we were wondering where you’d got to – and are these your girls? Come on, they’re going to play some rock and roll, come and dance, you can talk later.’