So – you’ve booked the marquee, the church hall, cleared out your sitting room, the catering is all organised, the drink, the streamers, the magician and the music – but what about those things you can’t change? The guests, your family and friends!
As you sit down to write the invitations are you having flashbacks to the horrible icy silence at your last Christmas party? The time Auntie Gena got drunk and took a swing at your Cousin Sal . . . the row your dad had with his big sister? The barbeque when your man swore at your brother? How could you ever forget?
Hopefully with a little extra planning and forethought you can get through it and minimise those stress levels!
The first and most important thing to remember is that this is supposed to be fun, and most probably it will be! But if it isn’t, the party isn’t going to last forever, even if it feels like it. So if it truly is the event from hell, worst case scenario you grin and bear it and be glad it’ll soon be over.
Just console yourself with the thought that in a couple of years you’ll be trotting tales of your big night out as an after dinner story!
Meanwhile, here’s my survival guide:
First off, always have comfy shoes on standby. Start the evening in something impossibly high and stunning but as soon as the party gets going change into something stylish and comfortable! A few glasses of wine, a bit of crowd, people dancing or deep in conversation and no one is going to notice that you’ve opted for the comfortable option.
Make sure you eat something before people arrive – okay, so no ones wants to be caught grabbing a burger in an evening dress or nipping round the supermarket to buy a sandwich in all their finery but it is so much better than seeing yourself totally wrecked on Youtube or plastered all over Facebook, face down in the flower bed.
Wear something that you love that doesn’t constantly need pulling up, pulling down, doesn’t have shoulder straps that constantly slide off or buttons that slip undone. In my book there is nothing worse than clothes that constantly need fiddling with. If you feel comfortable you’ll be more able to cope.
Don’t over-stretch yourself, far better to plan a drinks party with nibbles and snacks than fret over whipping up a full sit-down dinner.
Don’t drink too much. There will be other nights when you can let down your hair and party, but if you’re the hostess your big party night is not the night to let rip! Pace yourself. A champagne flute full of lemonade and a splash of bitters looks like the real thing, a tumbler with tonic and a slice of lemon looks remarkably like a G&T and both will stop other people topping up your glass or insisting you have another drink.
So that’s you – now what about those family and friends?
If you’re the one doing the organising then there are a few simple rules that lessen the stress.
Plan ahead, do as much as you can the day or the week before. Enlist help (see below!).
Send all your guests a list of guesthouses and local taxi services along with their invite. Having people to stay for your special event might be fun but it adds to the stress. Think – all those extra snacks, towels, sheets, and a queue for the bathroom when you want to spend the afternoon getting ready do nothing for your peace of mind, not to mention your lovely Aunty Em who’ll want to go to bed at half past nine and keep telling you to keep the noise down. Better to tuck them up in a B&B or stay with friends or get them chauffeured home by your local cab firm.
If you do feel the need to have people staying, then only invite people who you know will pitch in and help. If you think it’s going to cause friction don’t invite anyone to stay!
If it’s a formal occasion sort out a seating plan and if you think people might ignore it ask venue staff or a couple of trusted friends to guide arrivals to their tables.
Aunt Joan a pain? Uncle Max a real handful? Enlist the help of potential troublemakers early. Ask them to help on the barbeque, or be the ‘unofficial’ official photographer, arrange the chairs, put up the gazebo, pick up guests arriving by train, help arrange the flowers, lay the tables, provide the cup cakes, help get the garden ready or decorate the hall. Make them feel useful and appreciated.
Cousin Gordon says he won’t come because Aunty Flo has been invited? Don’t get caught in the middle. Smile, and before you get caught up in their drama or get asked to take sides, suggest going out to lunch or going round to see them once the party is over instead. Arrange a date there and then and put it in the diary – and then HANG UP before you get caught up in their argument or their games.
If they persist in slagging off Aunty Flo, break in to the conversation and tell them you have to go, but you’re really looking forward to seeing them for lunch. Don’t be emotionally blackmailed. It’s your party, you can invite who you want, and if they’re not mature enough to put their personal differences behind them for one evening then that really isn’t your problem.
The same applies to whether or not you invite children. Not everyone appreciates a posse of sticky-fingered screaming toddlers running around, sliding across the wooden floors and being sick or getting overexcited, and not all venues are child friendly. So be clear right from the outset, rather than cause offence by being ambiguous. It’s fine for invites to say something along the lines of, ‘While we love your kids, tonight/today my party is a grown-ups-only do.’
If it is a whole family, children-welcome event, it really helps if you make it feel that way – put a room aside or an area for mums and dads and children to use if they want a break from the main party, with TV, DVDs, games, their own refreshments, baby changing area, etc., and let your guests know it’s there. If the budget permits, arrange some family friendly afternoon or early evening entertainment.
Next rule is probably one of the most important – and one of the hardest to do – and that is to delegate everything you can. Tricky I know if you’re a control freak but other people really do enjoy getting involved and for people who don’t know many of your family or friends giving them a job to do is a great icebreaker.
So that’s about it – you’ve booked the marquee, the caterers are all organised, the drink, the streamers, the magician and the band and you’ve taken a lot of the stress out of your special evening – now all you’ve got to do is crack open that bottle of champagne, pour yourself a glass and enjoy!