Day 9 / 09:21
‘May I ask you a few questions, Noah?’
Noah has to be careful around Ms Turner. She is not to be trusted – all her questions, her desire to have him ‘open up’. ‘All you need to do is talk, Noah,’ she tells him.
She is trickery, pure and simple. Do not let your guard down.
He sits mute. Nothing is going to make him open his mouth.
Nothing except Juliet’s words.
Careful, now.
Juliet saying—
Careful! Are you even listening?
The Dark hammers in his brain as he recalls her message: Do what they want you to do, and they’ll let you go home.
That’s all Noah wants – to go home.
So … he smiles. He feels it reaching his mouth, makes sure his eyes smile too. He puts all he has into it and then he says, ‘Yes.’ His voice is weak, false, but that’s another of the things Juliet filled him in on. ‘Fake it ’til you make it, Noah. It’s such a cliché, but they love clichés around here.’
Ms Turner’s talking. ‘Do you like your room, Noah? Are you happy with where everything is?’
‘My Family Tree. That was the most important thing.’ He’s following Juliet’s advice and telling Ms Turner he’s slowly getting used to seeing his charts up on the wall in his new room.
She nods but doesn’t say anything. His other therapists did the same, their way of showing they wanted him to talk some more. The sooner he can open up to Ms Turner, the quicker he’ll get out, so the next words come in a rush.
‘The charts, they had to be taken off the wall in my room at home extremely carefully. Some of them had been up there for a long time and the paper was brittle. Maddie and I removed them together.
‘Mom was happy about that. She gave Maddie a hug and said, “Thanks, Mads. I’m so proud of you.” She was proud of me too, for coping with everything so well, all the changes. But she didn’t hug me.’
‘Did you want her to, Noah?’
It’s fine to tell Ms Turner about the Family Tree and his room, but he’s not going to tell her how his mom occasionally gives him a quick pat on his back or arm. She thinks he doesn’t like being hugged, but he does. It’s just, well, there’s never time to relax. When he tries, everything grows cold and clammy, and that tongue starts whispering in his ear.
I’ll always be here to keep you alert. Never forget that, Noah.