WHEN IT WAS DECIDED ages ago that I would write this book, my husband, David Brown; my publisher, Bernard Geis; Mr. Geis’s beautiful young executive, Letty Cottin, and I were discussing what would go in the book. Miss Cottin said she knew of some subject matter that really ought to be included. “What?” I asked without enthusiasm. If I hadn’t thought of it myself, I figured it couldn’t be any good.
“A friend of mine,’’ Letty said, “is having an affair with a man in her office at lunchtime. They never see each other any other time, but they’re faithful and it’s been going on like that for two years.”
Mr. Geis, David and I said the following things at the same time. Mr. Geis: “Good God, I hope it isn’t this office!” David: “You don’t find women like that anymore.” Helen: “Letty, you’re clean out of your mind. Nobody has an affair only at lunchtime.”
“Only at lunchtime,” Miss Cottin said firmly.
As things turned out, Letty was able to put me in touch with the young lady. I didn’t get to meet her in person—she lives in another city—but she was persuaded to write a little essay on the subject of The Matinee. I’m convinced it’s based on her true experience, and I’m putting down just what she wrote, in her very own words.
This institution of the two-hour “litde affair” [writes my informant] is as old as anyone can remember and probably has as many names as there are languages. In the South it’s called a “nooner.” Where the two hours fall in the day is entirely dependent on the national mores of the people involved. “The Matinee” encompasses the hours from noon or thereabouts to two-thirty on the American clock, but in Rio it becomes the hours from five to seven, when ladies “visit their dressmakers,” and the time in Paris when people meet for the ap#x00E9;ritif. In both of these places, this type of affair, then, is rightfully called cinq à sept. In America, where working hours are generally regimented from nine to five and where a great number of women work, the lunch hour seems most convenient for the small affair.
There are two conditions which usually must exist in a Matinee relationship: First, one of you is married; second, your time together is entirely restricted to lunch hours. If you were both single, there would be no point in seeing each other only at this particular time.
A married women participating in a Matinee must take greater precautions than a single woman. Her apartment or house is not, as in the case of the single girl, hers alone. Hotel rooms can be both risky and unpleasant. Accidental pregnancy can cause greater disorder in her life. If Mrs. X plans a Matinee with Mr. Y in an apartment borrowed from Miss K, Miss K will probably have to be let in on the nature of the appointment. Very risky.
Why become involved in a Matinee relationship? Such a man is generally marvelous for your ego. He will tell you that you are glamorous, beautiful, understanding and terribly accomplished and convince you this is so. After all, he believes it with all his heart, even though he has no intention of getting a divorce to marry you.
Another advantage. If you have just ended the love affair, The Matinee can be a healthy relaxer for physical frustrations. You can do yourself much greater harm by becoming involved too soon in another heartbreaking grand romance out of loneliness and physical need. And, of course, your ego is always in need of repair at the end of that big affair.
Since it is impossible for your married lover to make demands on you, you can have this relationship on your own terms. You can do the inviting when you feel “in need,” since the arena is usually your apartment. Or he can suggest the dates if you prefer. And very important—you can start the arrangement or stop it when you want to.
The Matinee is not for deep emotional involvements. When you really fall in love, one hour or even ten hours a week will not be enough, especially when they fall in the middle of the dayl The normal demands which people in love make on each other have no room in this relationship and will, if made, do nothing but ruin it and make whoever is being demanded of feel guilty. You and your Matinee partner may be very good friends and really enjoy sex together, but if you’re looking for someone to fall in love with, you’d better give up The Matinee and begin thinking about a more expensive ticket for evening performances as well.
One thing this relationship insures is that you always see the nicest side of your partner. Don’t allow this to affect other relationships, however, by using this man as a standard. You see only a part of the whole person.
What kind of man is right?
The ideal partner for this petite affaire is someone you know and like very much; someone you find physically attractive; and someone, above all, who is happily married. There is nothing worse than spending what you hoped would be a liberating two hours in the middle of the day listening to a complaining comparison of the “wonderful, sexy you” with his absolutely inept, sad-looking wife. If your partner had the lack of perception to choose such a woman in the first place, you begin to wonder if he is really up to your standards of taste. Is he, after all, the correct choice for your lunchtime liaison?
It is possible to have a “spiritual” Matinee relationship with a man who admires you greatly but doesn’t really want an affair. With this man you are “the girl.” You may find yourself hunting antiques, going to museums, ferreting out quaint restaurants on your lunch hour. What he would like to do with you—and doubtless does in his fantasies—is all beside the point. He doesn’t do anything in reality, and you have a fine time on the expeditions while you give your admirer the pleasure of your company.
Where does the assignation take place? With little exception, in your apartment, and your apartment must be within twenty minutes’ traveling distance at the most or you’ll be traveling most of the time. Using your apartment as headquarters means a certain amount of work for you, but the privacy is worth it.
Possibly you have a job which allows you only an hour for lunch. This schedule makes The Matinee pretty difficult unless you live next door to the office. You might, if you have a nice boss and resort to this ruse infrequently enough, develop a chronic intestinal ailment and have to visit your doctor. Generally, bosses can be pretty nice about doctor’s appointments.
Now for the basic ground rules for The Matinee:
1. You must never be seen together outside of your office. This means you cannot leave your office or your apartment together.
2. You must be very careful not to make evident the fact that you were home during your lunch hour. For example, never wear another dress back to the office no matter how tempting it is to feel crisp and fresh for the afternoon or for a date later on.
3. Be careful of tell-tale signs. You must take great pains to check that he has no lipstick traces. And no shower traces, like damp locks of hair.
4. If you travel by cab, be sure no one hears the address you give the driver. Others from your office may be leaving the building for their Matinee appointments. Even though clandestine naughtiness, like misery, loves company, there’s no reason to make your Matinee a public affair.
5. Never wear perfume. It could turn into a mess if his wife detected a strange, erotic aroma wafting from behind the ears of her beloved that evening.
6. Never spend a lot of time around him if he works in your office. This is a cardinal rule which many gauche Matinee-ers break.
7. Don’t tell anyone. You have a responsibility to guard his reputation. Whether or not he works in the same office, you must be very careful not to confide in the girl at the next desk or your best friend. After all, he is married.
8. If he works in your own establishment, be careful to be businesslike with him both in the office and on the phone. Don’t be too distant, however. Those clucking biddies who are a part of every office will be the first ones to spot phony-coolness.
Never, never call your friend at home. If he hasn’t come in on a day when you’ve decided to meet, or if you can’t make the appointment yourself, you still must not enter his private life. Even if it means you will leave him waiting on a street corner or at the door of your empty apartment, don’t calll Don’t leave any notes for him on that door either. Your mother may choose just that afternoon to drop byl
How does it all end?
The biggest and best reason to stop a midday affair is to keep yourself or your friend from suffering. As soon as you find yourself thinking about him when you’re not with him—or dreaming about the state of being Mrs. Matinee instead of his luncheon pal—you’d probably better admit your Matinee is turning into the Big Affair. Run for the train! You can be honest. You won’t need to trump up any other excuse than that you’re falling. He’s a fair guy, and hell understand.
Needless to say, if you sense that he is falling for you, that is just as good a reason to end the visits. If, on the contrary, you’re just plain tired of your Matinee partner, tell him he is wonderful and supreme but that you feel you must stop. No explanations. Let him guess the reasons. He’ll be sure to guess the ones that are puffiest to his ego!
We know how to end The Matinee. Here are notes on the performance itself.
Your apartment should be immaculate when you arrive home at noon; therefore the tidying must be done the night before. The bed should be freshly made that morning. Last-minute preparations while he is on his way to your apartment can only include:
1 Taking care of personal hygiene. Don’t fiddle after he has arrived. If you use pills, so much the easier.
2. Mixing his favorite cocktail with his favorite brand of liquor. Since time is so limited, this should be ready to pour when he arrives.
3. Starting a fire in the fireplace.
4. Putting the finishing touches to lunch. The bulk of the menu should be prepared the day before. Food may be the least important factor of The Matinee, but if you’re going to serve a course or two, they had better be tastier and more appealing than anything he usually gets in a restaurant. This only adds to his conviction that “you do so many things well!”
Following are some quickie menu suggestions, plus recipes.
Clam chowder
Cheese
rown bread (very fresh)
Green salad
Coffee
Clam Chowder:
2 cans minced clams
3 or 4 slices of salt pork or bacon, cut into cubes
2 medium potatoes, peeled and diced
1 medium onion, peeled and chopped
2 cups light cream (may use half milk if broke)
A pinch of thyme, salt, pepper and paprika
Fry salt pork or bacon in one pan. Cook potatoes in salted boiling water in another pan until soft. When salt pork is browned, remove it from pan to saut#x00E9; the onion in the drippings. Drain potatoes, but save the liquid. (Cook potato liquid down a bit.) Combine bacon, onion, potatoes, slightly cooked down potato water, clams and clam liquor. Bring to a boil. Lower heat and simmer for ten minutes. Season to taste with salt and pepper.
Add cream slowly, stirring. Heat gently, just to the boiling point, but don’t boil, or it might curdle. Stir in thyme, paprika and a dollop of butter.
Minute steak (small and quick)
Home-fried potatoes (boil potatoes the night before)
Fruit
Coffee
Home-Fried Potatoes:
3 large potatoes, boiled
1 large onion, sliced
3 tablespoons butter or margarine
Salt, freshly ground black pepper
Slice onion into pan in which you have melted butter. Cook until opaque. Add sliced, boiled potatoes, salt and pepper and brown quickly over medium high flame. Add more butter if necessary.
You may also serve a chilled bottle of wine with any of these luncheons if you like—perhaps a rosé or a riesling.
Cold fried chicken—or cold sliced chicken from a delicatessen or your own roasting
Oatmeal bread
Cucumber salad
Cucumber Salad:
2 large cucumbers
6 tablespoons vinegar
1 tablespoon sugar
Freshly ground pepper
1 tablespoon chopped parsley
Peel cucumbers and slice very thin. Squeeze cucumber slices to get out excess moisture. Marinate with sugar and vinegar dressing for at least a half-hour in refrigerator. Add salt, pepper and parsley before serving.
The first few times you rendezvous, your greetings to each other could be strained. Neither of you is sure of just what the other expects ... or what you expect yourself. Put him at ease. If a simple hello will best do that in your opinion, don’t extend your face for a kiss. The first few times, anyway, you are probably best advised to greet your friend in street clothes. The less self-conscious you make the first minutes, the sooner the whole relationship will be on comfortable and easy footing. Weeks or months later you can graduate to wispy silks and robes if you think the situation calls for it, or that he would enjoy seeing you in them. He probably will—to him you represent the elegant, emancipated female which his wife is probably too busy and too familiar to be.
That’s the end of my researcher’s essay. It just stops. Not one more word could I get her to commit to paper or conversation, even though she was aware that she hadn’t given us the faintest inkling of what to do after we’ve said hello, in either our little navy blue Chanel or our Pucci hostess gown. I got the impression she felt that if we’re too dumb to know what to do next, we’re too dumb to do it. And she’s right.
I’m grateful for everything I did find out, however, aren’t you? I understand now why this petite affaire never happened to me. I couldn’t give up wearing perfume for anybody ... or be cordial to a guy who apparently never brings his own liquor. I don’t want to sound like a prude at this late date, but the whole Matinee relationship leaves me a little cold—and not just because of all the inconvenience.
All right, now we’re going to leave the “arena” and go back to the office, to see what people do around there for relaxation.