THE BOOK you’re now reading—or thinking of reading—was written four decades ago. Yikes! Can it possibly hold up its little head now or is it as dated as the Triceratops and Lindy Hop? Well, when Barricade Books said they would like to republish Sex and the Office, I asked myself the same question: Is the book viable this minute or is it too “yesterday”? I meticulously re-read every word (a kind of dense little number) to find out, and you know what? I think it isn’t just an historic document which stirred people up a bit at the time of publication. It is a small volcano of information and good advice for now women who want to have more interesting relationships with men, both bosses and associates, in places where they work. The information and advice in this book will add a little sparkle and dazzle to their days without screwing up their careers or the functioning of the company. Work is where we are eight hours a day, five days a week, right? Even sometimes over the weekend. Wouldn’t it be dopey not to think of our workplace as a possible source of souls and bodies with whom to make a romantic connection? I think so.
When we speak of offices, we aren’t talking just about offices, of course. Special friendships can be formed at a construction site, museum, convention hall, television studio, or department store, any place where men and women work together. And, no, we aren’t talking about actual sex, of course, but about friendship and loving relationships, possibly with a sexual tinge (that may become more deeply hued later on, if you like).
The role of women in the workplace has significantly changed in the last few years, of course, with so many women now primary household providers, some single mothers, and hardly anyone working just to help with the bills or to pass time until she is married. Companies need women to be brilliant and capable and will reward us accordingly. But does this new recognition change the way women interact with men in the workplace? In today’s business world, where women are still fighting for total equality with men, especially when it comes to pay, should we play up our sexiness and femininity or try to act more tough and masculine? Tough we can surely be—work hard, stay true to our convictions, turn away distractions when deadlines loom, no headaches or menstrual blues from our crowd, exercise the little body like a linebacker—but more masculine? I don’t think so. I strongly believe that neither men nor women need to lose their ability to relate to and attract one another on the job no matter how noticeably any of us may be clamoring to the top.
Of course, when the subject of “sex and the office” comes up nowadays, we are aware that in the past several years a number of women have registered complaints, even brought lawsuits against companies or specific men within the companies, for what is known as sexual harassment—more accurately—sex discrimination. In many cases, the complaint had nothing to do with an actual sexual encounter or a man’s hope for one but with a woman being refused access to the top-echelon job she felt she had earned and deserved just because of being female. Some of these lawsuits were undoubtedly justified. The litigant had worked her brains out for years, was a cracker-jack whiz at her work, due the promotion to superstar status only to be denied it because of having breasts instead of balls, if you’ll pardon the expression. That kind of “sexual harassment” in an office should certainly be dealt with, legally if necessary, but there is less and less of it as companies every day reward the person, male or female—forget gender—who is the brainiest, hardest-working, and most profit-producing.
Okay, since the book was first written there have been actual lawsuits—or formal complaints to management—brought by women who claimed they were being harassed/pestered by Mr. Not Wonderful in a disagreeable personal way (i.e., he made a pass at them). I suggest using flattery to get him to stop. Tell the harasser you find him attractive—we don’t have to deal with unvarnished truth around here, do we?—but that your good judgment tells you this kind of “playfulness” between you and him in the office isn’t a good idea for either of you so let’s stop] If you feel you need more ammunition, you could mention a person in your life—husband, boyfriend, father—who would give you a bad time if you were to respond to the office person’s advances, particularly the man who is buying you a mink coat for Christmas, so thanks for the compliment, pussycat, but no thanks and, oh yes, would you please stop touching my breasts and patting my backside! At any rate, in this book we are talking of consensual attraction in the office, not harassment.
There are a few antiquities in the book—carbon paper, telex machines, only glancing mention of computers—they didn’t exist for general use when the book was written, but the computer hasn’t changed our feelings about each other in the workplace. Has Internet dating cut back the necessity of having more friendships and dating activity at work? I don’t think so. Online dating possibilities are good options for women whose offices (or other work sites) do not offer a decent supply of men but outside “possibilities” are surely no reason to eschew office folks with potential. Regarding my enthusiasm for fraternizing at Lunchland, few people these days have the luxury of taking one and a half hour lunches and may simply eat at their desks. Prices for meals? I have quaintly mentioned somebody being irked because of having spent $4.00 in a restaurant for “a fancy lunch.” That investment today might get you egg salad from the deli but I don’t want to wade through the lunch chapter and change prices; lunching with a male associate is still happening this very second and, yes, it is a wonderful way to further sink in.
Is it antique to extol office parties for boy/girl connecting when many companies have eliminated office soirees for the sake of cost cutting? I think there are still enough parties to justify including them. My own company, with its component parts of magazines, newspapers, television and radio stations, still has numerous get-togethers and so do other companies. Oh yes, the better you are at your job, the more often you’ll be included in the party.
Office wardrobe recommendations in this book could be a little brought up-to-date, what with me originally suggesting trim business suits, blouses unbuttoned one extra button, and high heels for office allure. Many offices have switched almost totally to casual attire—jeans, T-shirts, sneakers—but formatting sweaters and T’s, and jeans hugging the right hips can be just as sexy as more traditional office clothes. I have quaintly suggested pants and the basic little black dress as occasional good selections for the office. Occasional? Can you imagine a time when women didn’t wear pants, trousers and basic black as a virtual office uniform? Well, I’m leaving the wardrobe section in.... I don’t want to rewrite the book and feel wardrobe is one of the few “dated” places.
The “plain-girl power” I mention you may not need to invoke, though it’s not dated. If you’re Uma Thurman or Catherine Zeta Jones, all you need to do to get a man’s attention at the office or anywhere else is just show up but some of us less spectacular ones may need to develop federal-case listening skills, award-winning responsiveness to what’s being said and, yes, we hope charm, in order to sink in more successfully at the workplace and make off with prizes. A few suggestions are here.
While delineating all the delicious possibilities of love that started at the office (or other workplace), I haven’t neglected to acknowledge that men—wherever you meet them—can give you a bad time. They’re not always as loving, tender, devoted (or faithful!) as we’d like them to be. There’s advice here about coping with the aggravation, plus, he may be married and you’re not, and you would like the situation rearranged. Well, this isn’t a book about marrying somebody you met at work, but the advice for coping with an unhappiness-caus-ing man is pretty much sound as ever, I think. I’ve coped with a few.
Now, because of my thinking (and having seen it proved to be true) that the better you are at your work, the sexier and more attractive you are, there is lots of be-good-at-your job stuff here, all from the original book, but I think it firmly stands. Few men are attracted to the office birdbrain, particularly if she is on their team. Being wonderful at your job simply helps make you attractive and produces those better male friendships. If you are not yet one of those high-echelon women mentioned earlier, being a secretary or an intern will still get you in to a company, especially in today’s downtrodden economy and, if you wish, you can climb up from there. There’s stuff here—still viable—to help you be a shiny little star at meetings, and to sell your ideas. I suggest you take work home, to basically endear yourself to the max to the company which will subsequently reward you with a flashier job. Secretaries also deserve spiffy men in their lives if that is the work that defines you and what you want to do. Being good at whatever job you have is recommended for attracting the attention of male co-workers.
Office politics? Yes, jungle warfare is as prevalent as ever, I’m afraid, and the book offers suggestions on how to play it wisely. Don’t take sides too noticeably despite how you really feel, don’t be one of the vicious gossipmongers though you listen up a storm. As intrigue, factions, and chicanery swirl around you, absorb, listen, be as natural as possible and do your work as well as you possibly can—this will benefit everyone. I think the office-politics advice in here is still viable.
Finally, this book offers a few thoughts on what to do when you’re fired. Maybe we all ought to go through a firing once so we can empathize with those now going through it. Being asked to leave a company basically strengthens your guts (I know, I’ve been fired several times). You have to find a new post pretty soon to not only get on with your career, perhaps in a better place, but to meet some new men as well.
Enough! I think I’ve mentioned the few places in the book that might not be quite of the moment office-wise, but there aren’t that many. I want you to go on reading. I think there’s some stuff in here you’re going to enjoy, even find helpful. Please go!