Chapter 10: Painful Past

Kazuki glanced at the clock on the wall. Five minutes had passed since he’d last looked. He resumed pacing the length of the living room. Sakura told him that weekdays were regular school days, so she would be home at four rather than close to noon like on Saturday. Yet now it was after five and she still wasn’t back.

They hadn’t had a chance to talk since she’d had that attack, as she’d called it. He’d intended to question her thoroughly about her condition, but she’d slept long into the afternoon. When she woke up, she seemed so tired he encouraged her to just rest. So she’d ordered them pizza for dinner—a most delicious and efficient food—and they’d watched a movie before calling it a night.

“Master Kazuki?” Karasu sat in the doorway, watching him, as he had the last hour or so.

“By the gods, where is she?”

“Maybe she decided to hang out with her friends or something.”

“She doesn’t have any.” Five more minutes had passed. “School was out long ago. What if she had another of those attacks? Five-thirty, if she isn’t home by then, we are going to look for her.”

Three minutes later, the front door opened. “Tadaima!”

He ran into the hall and pulled her into his arms before she could even change her shoes. “Sakura! Thank the heavens.”

“Kazuki?” Wrapped in his arms and pressed against him, her muffled voice sounded confused.

“You are so late. I was worried, so very worried.”

“I…” Her arms came around him and she patted his back. “I’m sorry. I should have let you know I would be late.”

“Yes, you should have. Master Kazuki has more important things to do than waste time worrying about you.” Karasu’s caustic remark from the door brought Kazuki back to his senses. Embarrassed, he set Sakura away from him. Her cheeks were tinged pink.

“Sorry, I just thought…after yesterday, I was afraid you had collapsed again.”

“No, I’m fine. I had a doctor’s appointment, that’s all.” After changing her shoes, she went into the living room and set her bag down. “I’ll show you how to use the phone later. Then I can call if I’ll be late again, okay?”

“Yes, that would be good.” He kept staring at her, looking for any sign that her condition was worse, all of his senses indicating she was the same as she had been when she left that morning. “Um, I’ll bring you some tea.”

He fled to the kitchen, busying himself by brewing tea and cutting up fruit for a snack. Sakura had lived on her own for several years and he’d only been there a few days. It was easy to believe it slipped her mind that she had an appointment after school. But, still, she didn’t seem the sort of person who would forget to mention something like that. Maybe she really had collapsed and was hiding it, like she tried to hide how many pills she took each day.

I’m going to drive myself crazy. It was the fear, the fear of not knowing the full story that was fueling his suspicions. This time, they would talk and he would get the truth.

Tray in hand, he started back to the living room. Just before he reached the door, he heard Karasu’s voice. “You really are a rude and self-absorbed human. You probably worried Master Kazuki on purpose just to get him to pay attention to you.”

Kazuki moved more quickly. Karasu stood in front of Sakura with his hands on his hips as he abused her. “Karasu, what are you saying?”

“Master Kazuki!” The boy jumped back from her, guilt flooding his face. “I…”

“That was uncalled for. Why would you say such things to Sakura?” He set the tray down on the kotatsu before facing the boy. “Apologize at once.”

Looking toward the wall, Karasu mumbled an insincere apology. “Karasu!”

“It’s all right, Kazuki. It was rude of me to worry you like that.” Sakura’s voice held no anger, rather she sounded ashamed as she looked down at the tabletop. “While he spoke roughly, I’m sure Karasu-kun was just annoyed that I put you out.”

Kazuki suspected there was more than that. He’d never seen the boy act that way toward anyone, not even the advisers, who regularly “put him out” so to speak. But, for now, there was a bigger issue to deal with, and he couldn’t let this distraction throw him off course.

“Fine. If you are willing to forgive him, I’ll say no more for now.” He joined her at the kotatsu. “But I do wish to speak to you about those attacks of yours.”

“What more do you want to know? I explained it yesterday.”

“You told me that you have these breathing attacks, but not why. That is why I worried so, because I do not truly understand what is wrong.”

“Like I said, they only happen if I push my body too much. Yesterday, I only had one because I hadn’t fully recovered from the last one yet. I rarely have them.”

Kazuki could tell she was avoiding giving him any real details. He knew he should just drop it. It wasn’t any of his business anyway. Except it was, because she was his friend and Hiro’s daughter. If he knew what was wrong, perhaps he could help her somehow.

He leaned on the table and watched her. She returned his gaze, steadily at first but as the minutes ticked on, she started glancing away. For once, his royal training was coming into use. His father had taught them the art of waiting out the other side of a negotiation quite well—he could sit like this for hours if necessary.

Karasu jumped up from the doorway. “You two are driving me nuts! Let me know when dinner is ready.”

He darted into the dusk-shadowed garden and looked around before morphing into his crow form. With a furious flapping of his wings, he was gone.

Wide-eyed, Sakura stared at the garden. “He…”

“Hmmm?”

“Karasu-kun?”

“Oh, yes, he is a tengu. He can change at will into his namesake.”

“I see.” Sakura stared out the door a moment longer before turning her gaze back to him. “Can you also transform like that?”

“No, I do not possess shape-shifting magic.”

“I see.”

They lapsed back into their silent war, the stilted conversation having done little to ease the tension. The minutes ticked by. She poured them another cup of tea, but still he watched and waited. A breeze picked up outside, bringing a chill into the room. Sakura stood and walked over to the door, no doubt intending to close it.

A pale-pink flower drifted in on the breeze, floating around in front of her before it landed in the shrine beside Hiro’s picture. After sliding the screen closed, she picked up the blossom, cradling it in her hands. She returned to the table and sat down and held it out for him to see.

“It’s a winter cherry blossom.” Her voice was soft, like it was when she talked about Hiro. “I don’t know of any winter cherry trees in this area.”

She looked over his shoulder at the shrine then back down to the flower in her hand. Her eyes closed as she held it against her chest as if she were saying a prayer. When she opened them again, she squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. “You remember, I told you my parents died.”

“Yes.” He relaxed his gaze. It wasn’t what he expected her to start with, but if she was ready to talk, he would let her tell things in whatever order she wanted.

“My mother was a good woman. Very gentle and sweet natured. She worked at a daycare. Even when she was angry, she never yelled or said a harsh word. My father loved her very much. They were high-school sweethearts. When things were good, he was kind and loving, but things weren’t always good.”

“He was abusive?”

“No, not really. He never hit her or threw things or anything like that. But, he had a disease called integration disorder[23]. It’s a mental illness that makes it hard for someone to tell the difference between what’s real and what’s not. It can cause them to have delusions and to sincerely believe that someone is hunting them.”

“I did not know such diseases existed. It is a scary thought, an illness that could make one lose their mental soundness.”

“Father took medications, which helped, but sometimes he would stop taking them because he didn’t like them. A psychiatrist told me that the medicines had become part of his paranoia, that he thought they were part of the plots against him. When he was off the medicines, he would talk about ‘bad men’ in black suits who were looking for him. I remember my mom would cry and they would argue; then he would go back to normal. I think he would start taking his medicines again when she got upset. He really did love her.”

She paused and took a sip of tea. He could see a tremor run through her.

“When I was ten, we lived in a little single-story house in Hitomi-chō, across town from here. The elementary school I attended was beside my mom’s daycare, so I always got to walk home with her. We would have an afternoon snack and talk—mostly I’d babble silly things about my school day. Mom would make dinner while I did my homework.

“Then one night, Father came home from work early. I hadn’t even finished getting my books out when I heard the front door open. He didn’t say anything when he came in, didn’t call out tadaima or anything, but I knew it was him, and so I was happy. Whenever he got off work early, he’d always help me with my homework and it was fun.”

Another drink of the tea, as if it were a magic potion giving her the strength to go on.

When her father rushed into the dining room, his hair was disheveled, his suit rumpled as if he’d slept in it. He came straight to Sakura, picking her up and hugging her tight. Despite the strange way his hands were twitching, she didn’t mind it, as his familiar scent enveloped her along with the warmth of his embrace.

“Welcome home, Papa!” She smiled at him as he pulled back a little, but he didn’t return her grin. Instead, he stared at her, a strange look on his face. “Papa?”

“Sakura, my sweet little girl. Don’t you worry, baby. Papa will protect us, all of us. I won’t let those evil men lay a finger on my little flowers.”

Sakura wrapped her hands tight around his neck. The bad men were back again? Papa had told her all about them. They would take Papa and Mama away and leave Sakura all alone. Tears welled up in her eyes.

“I don’t want you to leave. Don’t let them take you, Papa!”

“Daiki!” Her mother hurried out of the kitchen and pulled Sakura away from her father. Sakura buried her tear-soaked face in her mother’s soft neck. “Look, you’ve frightened her.”

Her mother bounced her a few times, while Sakura tried to stop crying, knowing she was too big to be held by her mom like this. With a sniff, she struggled until her mother put her in a seat. “There, it’s all right, sweetie. No one is going to hurt anyone, okay? Now be my good girl and start your homework.”

Another loud sniff accompanied Sakura’s nod. Picking up her pencil, she watched warily as her mother grabbed her father by the arm and dragged him into the hall. She recognized that look on her mom’s face.

Her mom didn’t believe in the bad men. Whenever her dad talked about them, as soon as they were alone, her mom always told her not to worry, to forget about it, that it was just a little joke her dad sometimes took too far.

The hushed voices of her parents filtered into the hall, making it hard to focus on the math sheet in front of her. It wasn’t often that they fought, and whenever they did, they tried to keep quiet like they were now, but she still knew what they were doing. She hoped it was quick, so they could have dinner together and it would be like normal.

Her father’s voice grew louder. “Hanako, those medicines are bad! They use them to confuse me, to hide the truth so I won’t see them coming until it’s too late. They want to take you from me, don’t you understand?”

“No one is after you, Daiki!” It was the first time she could remember hearing her parents yell. Her mom’s raised voice was intermingled with sobs. “Please, just take your medicine and call your doctor.”

The hand holding her pencil was shaking so hard it left a scribble on her worksheet. Her mom would be angry at her for messing it up. She grabbed her eraser to try to fix it, but it fell to the floor. As quietly as she could, she climbed out of the chair and reached out for the pink nub.

Her father’s voice, too muffled to understand. Then a gargled high-pitched sound cut short. A scream?

Sakura froze, her eyes open wide as she watched the door. The clock ticking on the wall was suddenly as loud as a church bell.

“Mama? Papa?” Sakura called out uncertainly, as she stood there still bent over to pick up the forgotten eraser.

Tick…Tock…The clock was the only thing she could hear.

She straightened, her hands close to her chest as she took one step toward the hall. Then a second, before glancing back at the dining table. She was supposed to study, but she couldn’t make herself go back to the table. Even if they were mad, she couldn’t take it, standing there alone after hearing that strange cry.

Suddenly she really needed to pee…If they asked, that’s why she’d come out. She had to go. To get to the bathroom, she had to walk down the hall after all. Yeah, that would be okay. With the false confidence of her excuse, she moved more quickly toward the entryway.

Her mother was on the floor, sort of sitting as she leaned against the wall near the telephone table. Her legs were bent a little funny, as if she hadn’t sat on purpose but had fallen.

“Mama?”

A dark-red stain streaked down the wall behind her mother. The soft, loving hand Sakura reached for so many times was now lying on her stomach, a red stain blooming out from under it, ruining her favorite pale-yellow blouse. Her father stood over her mom, tears wetting his cheeks though he looked calm.

She may be young, but she knew blood when she saw it.

“Mama!” Sakura ran toward her. A steady beeping tone echoed like chapel bells from the phone receiver dangling from the desk beside them.

“Sa…ku…ru…” Her mom coughed. Her head slumped to the side.

“Mama?” Her father walked over to them and knelt down in front of Sakura. With his big, gentle hands, he wiped her cheeks for her. “Papa, what happened to Mama?”

“Nothing, sweetheart, she’s fine.”

“But, she…”

“I know, it looks strange, but it’s okay, I promise. It’s a trick, you see. The bad men are coming. They are on their way right now.”

“They are?” Sakura asked as she gripped her father’s arms. “But why?”

“I wish I knew, baby.” He kissed her forehead. “They are just evil and like to do evil things. But we’re going to get away, for good this time.”

“But how? And Mama, she’s hurt?”

“No, no, she’s fine. Remember how we read about possums the other week?”

Sakura nodded.

“Well, we’re going to do like they do when they are threatened. We’re going to play dead. That’s what your mom is doing. She’s really good at it too. Your mom always had great acting skills.” He smiled at her, the loving, reassuring smile he’d given her so many times when a nightmare had disturbed her sleep or she’d found herself on the ground after tripping over her own feet. “Once we’ve tricked them, we’ll leave here and go to a wonderful, safe place I found where no one will ever hurt us. You’ll make lots of friends and go to the best school. They even have horses, so you could learn to ride like you always dreamed of.”

Sakura nodded and glanced over at her unmoving mother, thinking that if her mother was just acting, she should win an award or something.

“Now we have to get ready too. There isn’t much time.” Her father held open his arms for a hug. With a smile, Sakura embraced him tightly, happy to know they would soon be free.

“Don’t worry, Papa. I did really good in the school play this year, and I’ll be the best possum ever.”

“That’s my little flower,” he said with a smile before kissing her cheek. “I love you so much.”

A searing pain pierced her back. She couldn’t stop the scream that escaped her throat.

“Papa…”

Her father’s arm was still around her as she floated backward, away from him. His tear-streaked face blurred in front of her.

“It hurts…Papa. What…?”

He smiled as he lowered her to the ground. “I love you, baby. You’re the most precious gift I could ever ask for. It’s going to hurt just a little longer, then you’ll go to sleep. When you wake up, we’ll be in our new home.”

With choking sobs, Sakura tried to bear the pain. If this was part of the act, she had to be tough.

Her father’s arm loomed above her. With her hazy vision, it took a moment for her to recognize the thing in his hand. A knife…a large, blood-covered knife? She tried to say his name, but then it plunged toward her, sending fresh pain exploding through her chest.

“Altogether, he stabbed me seven times with that knife before lying down beside me and using it to kill himself.” Sakura spoke calmly, as she had throughout the whole story, but so many tears streamed down her face that the collar of her shirt was visibly dampened. Unable to stay still any longer, Kazuki moved around the table to sit beside her so he could hug her. Her tears now wet his shirt, but he didn’t care. He held her like that, his hands buried in her hair, his cheek against her forehead, until she wiped away her tears.

“The police arrived almost immediately. My father had killed his boss before leaving work. In a way, it probably saved my life. But it was too late for my parents.”

“I am so sorry. I never imagined you had gone through such an ordeal.” He wanted to beg her to stop, to say no more. What he’d learned was already horrifying enough to imagine, but he knew she needed to say it, to get it all out.

“The knife pierced my heart and lungs several times. Tenma-sensei, the doctor I visited today, was the one who worked on me when I arrived and has taken care of me since.” She pulled back to look him in the eye, again taking a deep breath before continuing on. “Kazuki, the damage to my organs was permanent. As I’ve gotten older, it has been harder and harder for my body to continue to support me because they are too weak. The medicines I take help some, but they can only treat the symptoms. I…the doctors believe I will die this spring. I could maybe make it to the summer, if I’m lucky.”

He caught his breath. Die? But she wasn’t even fully a woman yet. How could she die, and so soon? “Is there nothing they can do?”

“A heart–lung transplant might let me live another ten, maybe even twenty years, but it’s only been done here once[24] and there are so few donors,[25] especially for someone my age.”

“A transplant? What is this?”

“Doctors can take organs that are in good condition from someone who recently died and use them to replace those of people who have damaged or failing ones. If their body accepts the new organ, then they can live longer. The best matches come from people with a compatible blood type and body size. It is a very rare thing to find a good match.”

“I see.” Human medicine had advanced more than he imagined. Never had he dreamed one could replace bad organs with good ones. But they could not do this for Sakura. She was dying. Dying. He didn’t want to believe it. Of course humans lived short lives compared to yokai, but this was too short. She wouldn’t even reach Hiro’s age. He pulled her closer, burying his face in her hair again to hide the pain ripping through him.

Her arms tightened around him. He felt her lips brush against his cheek. She was comforting him, when it should be the other way around. His mind was already racing, though. If human science failed, maybe yokai magic would have the answer. It was a slim chance, at best. King Toramaru held powers that astounded even his sons, powers gained during his millennia rule. Yet his father hadn’t been able to save their mother from dying. Still, he had to do something, anything. I will not let you die!

He kept his rash declaration to himself, not wanting to give her any false hopes. Now he understood why she had no pictures of her family in the shrine—having her own father attack her and her mother like that no doubt made it hard to look at them.

“I…” What words of comfort could he really offer that wouldn’t just be empty platitudes? Instead, he asked one of the questions her story had left unanswered. “How did you come to live with Hiro?”

“My father had no family and my mother’s parents wanted nothing to do with me. They were afraid I was like my father. A week or so after the attack, while I was still in the hospital, Ito-san began visiting me. He’d been best friends with my father since high school and they’d gone to work for the same company after they graduated. He’d always been kind of like an uncle to me growing up. He told me that something inside him had screamed at him to stop my father from leaving work that day. He could tell something was off, but he allowed my father to brush his concerns aside. I think, in a way, Ito-san blamed himself a bit, though it wasn’t his fault.

“After I was released from the hospital, he adopted me and brought me here. My parents’ estate left me with a little money, as well as the house, which he sold. He invested the money so there would be plenty to cover my medical expenses as I got older. He never took any for himself—though I tried to offer it. After he died, I learned he’d added his own money into my accounts too, and he left me this house, which he’d lived in since he was a child. He was a good man. He was patient and kind, encouraging me not to just laze away what was left of my life. I loved him very much.”

“Knowing Hiro, I can say with confidence that he loved you too.”

Kazuki held her for a long time, as much for his sake as for hers. Never before had he felt the fragility of her humanity as he did now. He could feel the crumpled letter from Reito stiffening his pants pocket. Since they’d arranged to exchange messages through the tree, new letters had arrived from Reito daily, giving Kazuki updates of the week’s news and asking for input on any issues that needed a more authoritative response.

The one thing that never changed was the lack of word on Yuji. Not so much as a sighting of him since he’d attacked Kazuki, or even a notion of where he might be living.

Reito’s letters made it clear that things were growing tense, the people restless. Never had they gone so long without someone from the ruling family being visible or active among the populace. How much longer before they grew suspicious, began wondering if they’d been abandoned altogether?

Since the letter had arrived that morning, Kazuki had pondered the situation. He knew he should return home. As Karasu had rightly noted, he could pop back to visit Sakura regularly. As long as he was careful about the timeline, he could probably figure out how to see her every day, even if transporting back and forth would be taxing.

But not now. If he left, she’d be all alone again, alone and trying to take care of herself. He’d already been doing the shopping for her while she was in school and quietly cleaning during the day, just small things, so she didn’t have to do them when she got home.

Surely Reito would understand when Kazuki explained it…he had to. Kazuki needed his help. If anyone could find a cure for Sakura, it would be the sharp-brained kitsune who’d served his father for so long.