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Anytime I have girl troubles, I go to one place—straight to Jake. Not that he’s an expert or anything, but I trust his advice. He and Liza know me better than anyone else. I don’t even have to say much for him to pick up on the fact that I’m all messed up.
He sits at his desk in the cramped office located in the back of the hardware store. Dented filing cabinets line one wall, and a mini-fridge rests in the corner within easy reach of his desk. He enters purchase orders into a spreadsheet, while I perch on the edge of his desk, clicking his stapler.
He snatches it out of my hand and stares. “Out with it.”
I focus on my hands, remembering what they were touching only a few minutes ago. “God, she’s an excellent kisser.”
Jake leans back in his chair and belts out a laugh. “Man, you got it bad.”
“It doesn’t matter. She’s made it clear she’ll be leaving soon. Why do I do this to myself?”
He abandons his accounting work and puts his feet up on his desk. “Because you haven’t been laid in two years. Not since that redneck from Ocilla sent a bullet whizzing right past your left ear.”
My jaw clenches. “Don’t remind me.”
“Or because it’s been three years since Willow dumped you at the altar?”
The mere mention of her name makes bile rise up my throat. Willow and I grew up together and went off to college together. She was my first, and I thought she was the one. She left me for a bigwig real estate investor, and I took a downward spiral, landing in every honky-tonk in the South, trying to sex her face out of my mind. All that did was give me a huge case of regret and a stare-down with a shotgun from a redneck’s boyfriend.
“Rehearsal. She left me at the rehearsal, not on the wedding day.”
He holds his hands out. “Oh, my bad. Like that’s any better. You didn’t listen to me when I told you she was using you as her ticket out of this town. She knew her daddy didn’t trust her to go off to college unless you were right there beside her, keeping watch over her. You were in looove.” He draws out the word and makes kissy-face noises.
I roll my eyes. “No one likes a ‘told you so.’ But I know. You told me so. I get it.”
“Or could it be that this sassy out-of-towner tight little package blazes into town and brings something in you back to life?” Jake drops his feet to the floor and leans over the desk to make sure I’m listening. “You think she’s too good for you, don’t you?”
I shake my head. “Nope.” Suddenly a hangnail is way more interesting than this conversation. I should have ridden around in my squad car, talking to myself.
Jake pokes me in the side. “Let me tell you something, brother. No one is too good for you.”
The door is flung open, and Liza walks in, holding two coffee cups. She kisses me on the cheek. “Sugar, I’m so sorry about that.”
“Don’t worry about it. Please don’t tell anyone else.”
Jake takes one of the coffee cups from Liza, and she sits in his lap. He stares at her. “What did you do this time?”
She bites her lip to hide her smile, but it overcomes her face. “I didn’t mean to, but I walked in when he and Andie were in the middle of a huge lip-lock.”
I groan. “Stop, Liza. It wasn’t that bad... was it?”
She waggles her eyebrows at her husband. “Lord have mercy, I have never seen him all over somebody like that. I swear, if I was two minutes later, there would have been clothes flying everywhere. The health department would have shut down In A Jam in two shakes.” She fans herself.
Jake chuckles, his big belly jiggling her. I shoot him the bird.
“You know I love you. I’m happy for you.”
“Whatever.” I check my watch. Time to cruise the streets in search of criminals.
“He was telling me Andie is too good for him,” Jake says.
My mouth drops open. “I did not say that.”
“You better not.” Liza tosses her empty coffee cup in the trash then picks up a cigarette and lights it. “She’s not. You are perfect for each other.” She ruffles Jake’s hair. “Like us.”
He runs a hand under her T-shirt, making me cover my eyes. “Guys, please. I’m right here.”
“I love to make him squirm,” she says to Jake before looking back up at me. “I could tell you stories about your sister and my—”
“Stop. She’s going to be leaving soon. I’ll be here. End of story.”
Liza holds out her hands as she takes in my crappy excuse. “Okay. Sure. Then why the hound-dog face?”
I stand and bang my head against the wall. With the whine of a teenager, I reply, “Because she’s such an excellent kisser.”
Jake laughs, and Liza jumps off his lap. She squeezes me around the waist. “See, you guys are perfect for each other. Those were her exact words about you.” She waves and slips away to straighten up the plumbing aisle.
Hmm. Maybe Andie feels it too. Maybe she’ll want to give us a chance, and she’ll want to stay here. Maybe she’ll love it here and want to help revitalize downtown. Yeah. When pigs fly.
In my crazy dream-like planning state, I forgot where I was.
Jake smirks. “Hey, Bruce,” he says when I turn to leave.
I put my hands on my hips. “What?”
He makes kissy-face noises again. I flip him off and hear his cackles as I exit the hardware store. Andie feels it too. Sweet. Now I need to ever so slightly convince her to stay. And not for the town, but for me.