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IT FELT GOOD TO PRETEND she was fine. In fact, she much preferred it to the pitying looks Roan and Enloris both gave her, and even sometimes Ylid. She had no idea what to do with their sympathy. Something about it felt dangerous.
So, instead, she smiled and walked arm in arm with Otsana towards the camels, pointing out beautiful, foreign, and delicious things along the way. She had a feeling Otsana also wanted to bar off their pity, so the two kept their discussion light, their faces serene or joyful.
Arnes kept his distance from her, she’d noticed. He and Roan had argued just before they left, and though she hadn’t heard what they’d spoken of, she knew she’d been the subject.
If they’d gained answers from the hostage, she didn’t know. She also didn’t know where the hostage went after they were done with them. Arnes and Enloris had been trading off holding onto the amulet thus far, and she worried that’s where they’d ended up. Only, wouldn’t they say so? To let them know they were halfway to their goal?
Part of her wanted to believe that they’d also ask her permission before they shoved a beaten up soldier into an eternal void of darkness, but after what happened earlier, doubt poisoned her thoughts. She hadn’t had a chance to ask them about any of it, as they’d all gathered more supplies and left quickly after Otsana had awoken, worried they’d run out of daylight sooner than planned.
They stopped just outside Yamal at a little stable near some palm trees that had horses and those goblin-faced creatures she’d noticed on the way into Yamal.
“Are those camels?” she asked Otsana.
She nodded. “Funny looking, aren’t they?”
“And they’re the creatures that spit on Roan?”
Otsana leaned her head back and laughed. “Yes! They are. You should’ve been there.”
Evyn grinned. “I would’ve loved to witness that.”
“Hey!” Roan protested from behind them. She turned to see, however, that his eyes held a glimmer of amusement. “It was quite the traumatic experience for me.”
Both of them just laughed in response.
They purchased four camels and a horse for Roan from the stable. Arnes and Arrius got their own camels since they were the largest of their party, while Otsana and Ylid shared one, leaving Enloris and Evyn to share the other.
Her heart flipped as she walked alongside him to their camel, her mind making things worse by reminding her what his body looked like beneath his clothes, only to then pivot into the dark and uncomfortable realization they hadn’t really spoken since the interrogation. She could feel the silence pulling between them like a taut string poised to snap.
Evyn worried that it would end up like it had been in the forest after the amulet. She’d been told the ride ahead would take till the following morning, so they’d be staying the night in the dunes once before reaching the capital city Aemilius.
That was a long time to not be speaking to someone, but she supposed it was also enough time to hopefully mend things before they fell apart beyond repair.
One of the hostlers bade the camel kneel down so that they could climb on. Enloris got into the cushioned saddle first, before reaching down to help Evynria sit in front of him. She found herself nestled quite tightly against him and couldn’t help swallowing thickly, noticing the way his strong thighs cradled hers, and the heat of his chest against her back. She swallowed thickly, her whole body tingling with nerves.
“Are you comfortable?” he asked quietly, his warm breath tousling her hair, which sent a small shiver through her.
Evyn could only nod.
The hostler taught them both how to use their reins to signal different messages to the camel, ending with a pat on its neck that told the camel to stand.
The creature leaned forward precariously, Evyn’s heart and stomach lurching at the angle, but Enloris wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to him. Her entire body tensed as her heart fluttered from the contact, and from the easy strength with which he held her in place up against him. Then the camel lifted their front legs and Enloris leaned their bodies forward slightly. In one hand, he held the reins and in the other, he held Evyn, having slid his forearm back over her abdomen to instead splay his hand against her belly, holding her against him until the camel straightened fully.
He let go of her immediately after, even sliding back a little further so they no longer sat flush against one another, and she found her heart dipping in disappointment.
The first hour or so of their trek was oddly silent. Even Arrius only quietly hummed to himself, the only sound besides their camels and the winds skating across the sand. The hot sun beat down on her, sweat seeming to line her body from head to toe. Perhaps the heat was what kept them all silent. Thinking properly felt impossible, let alone holding a conversation.
The new clothing, veil hanging from her nose, and scarf around her head gratefully worked much better with the sand and heat than the clothes she’d been wearing on the way into the desert from Elvadyn.
Hills of golden sand stretched before her, reminiscent of billowing bed sheets hanging from a laundry line for as far as the eye could see. She remembered suddenly that when this desert ceased, they’d be in Aemilius, and she’d be joining Arnes and Ylid to visit the Monarch there.
She couldn’t decide how she felt about that, other than a strong wave of nerves—especially after the interrogation earlier. It had also been quite some time since she’d had to play the role of the noble, and she couldn’t remember a time where she’d met a country’s leader. She roughly knew Emilian customs: how they bowed, the way they preferred to eat throughout the day, how they’d rather you look them in the eye when speaking, and clearly, after those baths, how little shame they felt being nude in public. But it had been so long, it was possible some subtleties had changed, or evolved.
Evyn found herself thankful Ylid would be with them, at least, so she could ask them for advice on how best to behave in their court. And she was sure they’d all be dressed properly before going.
She sighed quietly through her nose. That wasn’t truly what she was worried about. Again, her mind tried to distract her with lesser concerns, avoiding what rattled like a sleeping beast in her skull.
What would truly be needed from her on this quest?
Evyn had originally been recruited as their healer, but how was that going to be necessary in convincing the ruler of a country to side with their cause? Something else had to be going on and her stomach tightened at the idea that it had to do with her newfound abilities. After what had happened with that soldier, she worried meeting with the Monarch would feel just as violating.
She found her jaw clenching and rubbed at it to get it to loosen. Evyn found herself, yet again, becoming a political tool due to her magic. First with helping her parents’ ambitions in court, their asking for higher taxes, and with their townspeople’s opinions. And now this.
“I’m sorry,” Enloris said softly behind her.
Her body clenched with surprise, not only at the sudden break of silence, but also his words. A slight knot built in her throat and she blinked back tears.
“It wasn’t your fault,” she said quietly back, just barely turning back for him to hear.
“No, but I can’t imagine how hard that was for you, and I... only wish I could’ve prevented it.”
She sighed through her nose again. “I wish I could have, as well.”
“What you did made a difference, though,” he added.
Her shoulders slumped. Making a difference in that arena wasn’t something she ever wanted for herself. “Oh?”
“They weren’t... cooperating before,” he continued, quietly so only she could hear him. “And then your words changed that.”
“My words?”
“When you told them you didn’t want to see them that way again,” he answered. “Just after you left, they cried, and could barely stop apologizing. Told us everything we needed to know and more.”
Her hands tightened on the ring at the front of the saddle, and she rolled her lips together, before clearing her throat. “I just... saw myself in them, is all.”
“Yourself?”
She nodded. “I can’t count how many times I’ve healed wounds like that... on my own body. Maybe it wasn’t even them that I pitied, but my old self.”
Enloris remained quiet for a while, and she wondered whether she should have said what she had. Perhaps it wasn’t something one was meant to share with others.
“Because of your brother?” he asked, though his voice had a rasp to it that it hadn’t before. “It was that bad?”
She rolled her lips again, blinking hard to hold back tears, before finally nodding. “Sometimes worse.”
“I didn’t think...” Enloris began, but trailed off. “I’ll make sure you never have to do anything like that ever again. Your healing and your words did far more than our wounding ever did, anyway. That can be the way forward.”
It took her a moment to fully let his words sink in. That her healing and words had been what had made the difference. That there could possibly be a way without violence. She tried not to let her heart lift with the hope, but couldn’t help the way it swelled at the idea.
A tear fell on the saddle and she panicked, swiping at her eyes with her wrist and the back of her hand as subtly as she could. She reached for her canteen and took a large gulp.
“What were you able to learn?” she finally asked, trying to move the subject away from her.
“He told us they knew of you, knew of us all. They were the ones who planted the amulet, as we assumed, and they did have a seer and some kind of informant, both who told them of our traits to use against us.”
Evyn nodded, even as her heartbeat sped up in fear. So Arnes had been right, after all, but something stoked a fire in her about that. She just couldn’t pinpoint what exactly.
“They’re from South Galvany, also as you said when you had your vision with the tea in the dressing room. The king didn’t hire them, though. Apparently, they were hired by someone else and told it would help keep South Galvany safe if we didn’t succeed. They were also given special instructions on who to target among us. Mainly you, Otsana, and Arnes.”
He said the last with a slight growl in his voice.
“How in the world would the War Of All help anyone, let alone the country that’s said to be its epicenter?” she whispered, but forcefully. For some reason, she still wanted to keep the discussion between them.
“No idea,” he replied just as quietly. “But Arnes supposed it was the Supremacists. There are apparently groups from both North and South Galvany who believe their side and their king is superior to the other, and they believe if the war were to happen, the winner would be able to take back the other half of Galvany, making it whole once more.”
Evyn’s nose wrinkled slightly in disgust and she cursed under her breath at the both of them. She heard a small breath from Enloris that could have very well been a laugh, so she turned to look back at him. He smiled a little guiltily, one eye shut from the sun.
“Apologies, I just never tire from hearing you curse.”
She couldn’t help but chuckle a little, before turning back to sit forward. “You are forgiven... slightly.”
“Magnanimous of you,” he said from right behind her shoulder.
She turned again to look at him, and found his face close to hers. Her eyes instinctively went from his eyes to his lips, before she turned to look ahead again, entire body flushing with heat that did not come from the sun.
“You’re quite welcome,” she said, but it had lost all the earlier mirth.
To think she’d looked at his lips so naturally, as if they were hers to capture with her own—oh. Oh no, oh no, oh no.
It had been so long since she’d felt like this about anyone, she hadn’t even realized till now. All previous times she’d felt like this had ended disastrously, so her heart pounded in her chest.
Since she’d be in close quarters with Enloris for quite a while yet, she decided not to think about it anymore, and banished all thoughts of it from her mind.
They rode on in companionable silence for a little while longer. At one point, they passed around the dates and dried meat to keep up energy. Evyn repeated the incantation in her head that she’d been given to ward off snakes and scorpions while they slept. She’d been profusely grateful to learn of it, as being bit once on this journey had already been once too many.
Slowly, a ruined city appeared on the horizon. At first, Evyn had assumed it was a vivid mirage, until it grew larger and clearer the closer they got. The city leaned on its side, half sunken in the sand like the statues outside of Yamal.
“Should we stay here for the night?” she asked the others.
Ylid turned around and shook their head. “People already live there. Best not to split their resources.”
Evyn’s eyes widened and she turned to look at the sunken city once more. Squinting against the bright sun, she began to notice details she hadn’t before—a clothing line strung from one building to the next, a camel in the far distance, curtains fluttering in an errant desert breeze.
“Who are they?”
They frowned. “The Displaced from Corynthus.”
“Corynthus?” she asked, brows drawing together.
Otsana, who held the reins from the front of the saddle, slowed their camel to ride alongside Evyn and Enloris.
“My people weren’t the only ones displaced by the treaty, though I believe they were the first to... fade away. Some of the others are around, but just barely hanging on, hiding in the corners of the world no one wants.”
Evyn’s chest tightened and she looked back at the city ruins again. How did they live out here in the middle of nowhere? There were a few palm trees, and what looked to be a well on the outskirts as they passed by, but some of the buildings’ roofs had been demolished by the sands, while others sank beneath. Especially knowing this wasn’t their homeland, but were forced to make do...
“Why does no one do anything for them?” Her voice sounded raw.
Otsana glared at the ground, her jaw set. “Because that would be admitting they’re responsible for their suffering. Better to ignore them altogether than admit they harmed so many.”
She shook her head in dismay, whispering, “Unforgivable.”
“It is,” Otsana nodded.