CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Revelations

The next several days passed with little fanfare. The forge had been put to use and Gareth himself saw to teaching his flock how to defend themselves, as well as training Paetrik in the ways of the Faith. No more was said about Paetrik's discomfort with Fydelis, but Gareth was aware that in passing, their eyes met and suspicion sparked between the two men.

Throughout the evening meal, Gareth sat next to Fydelis who had been trading glares with Paetrik. In truth, except for their sleeping arrangements, Paetrik spent much more time with Gareth than Fydelis did these days.

"What is it with you two?" Gareth finally asked as he and Fydelis left the dining hall together.

"A simple matter of taste," Fydelis said with a small shrug. "I find him rather inedible, myself."

Gareth smirked. "I hope you are joking."

Fydelis fixed him out of the corner of one eye. "He seems to have an appetite for you, Crusader."

Gareth cleared his throat, being uncomfortably reminded of the conversation in the hallway he'd had with Paetrik on the night Fydelis had been struck down with a seizure. "I think you are mistaken."

"Am I? I would devour you myself. I wonder if it would make him mad with envy to know I'd already had a taste of you."

Fydelis's initial kiss and Gareth's distressing reaction to it came rushing uncomfortably back, as did his arousal when pressed up against him. "Enough!" he barked and pushed past him, thundering up the stairs to his chambers.

"Touch a nerve, did I?" Fydelis teased behind him as he followed him up the steps.

"Why is it that every time I start to tolerate you, you insist on reminding me what you are?" Oh tonight would be another night of painful prayer, that much was for certain.

"Hm." Fydelis shrugged. "Just one of my many talents. You should let me share some of my others."

"Demon, you may have my soul now, but my sword belongs to the Creator and my heart will always belong to another."

"That doesn't mean I can't have your body…"

"Enough!" Gareth barked again. He was becoming far too agitated, and hated to admit it was because this creature had already gotten to him. If Fydelis were human, his desire for him— for sin— could be no less.

Fydelis was silent for several moments and Gareth turned, seeing that he had stopped several steps down from him. "All right then," Fydelis said , and a smile crossed his lips, one that did not touch his eyes. Without another word, Fydelis turned and walked back down the stairs, then kept going, leaving Gareth standing alone and dumbfounded outside of his own room.

 

***

The snow came early, while they were finishing up the fourth and final house in the square for the season. At first, Fydelis seemed mesmerized by the tiny white flakes that stuck to his dark eyelashes, but by the time the house was finished, the snow had lost its magic.

Gareth couldn't help but smile when he remembered it during one evening meal. He ladled his flock's dinner into bowls and handed one to Eva. "Please take this to Brother Fydelis."

Fydelis was huddled by the fire, his knees drawn up and shivering under a blanket. He accepted the bowl from Eva, frowning over his shoulder at Gareth as he held the steaming stew close to his face. Although Gareth found his exaggeration somewhat entertaining, Fydelis had earned it. He'd worked very hard to get the houses built before their leaving.

"Where have you been sleeping?" Gareth asked, coming to sit beside him. In the past few weeks, he'd seen very little of Fydelis aside from his help with the building. He hated to admit how much he missed his insolent banter at times.

"Not sleeping much, but when I do it's been in the church cellar."

Gareth winced at the thought. Although he had been glad for the small reprieve from waking up so close to temptation, the thought of Fydelis's discomfort was disconcerting. "Why?"

Fydelis shrugged, looking down into his bowl. He was hunched over under the blanket and looked small, much more like a forlorn waif than the demon Gareth knew he was. "I figure you'll have more than enough of me on the road. No reason you shouldn't be getting some sleep now."

The mention of them leaving brought the realization back to the forefront of Gareth's mind. "Yes. Tomorrow?"

"Evening. Don't worry, you'll have plenty of time to say your goodbyes." Fydelis offered an unconvincing smile.

"I see." Gareth looked around the room at his small flock. Would they be all right? Had he given them enough to survive? Enough hope?

"They will be fine, Crusader." Fydelis said softly.

Gareth nodded absently, feeling already a million miles away. He noticed Fydelis's eyes fix hard on something across the room and he followed their path to where Paetrik had just entered. The two locked stony gazes for a moment, then Paetrik turned and left the hall. Gareth began to rise and go after Paetrik, but stopped when Fydelis's hand curled around his arm. Gareth glanced between Fydelis's hand and his face and was met with a hard stare.

"Is something amiss?" Gareth asked, lightly brushing off Fydelis's hand.

"Nothing that I can't handle." Fydelis went back to his stew as though the exchange had never taken place. "Please don't go after him just yet," he said, almost a plea. Gareth settled back down, confused by Fydelis's odd behavior. Part of him wanted to tell Fydelis that he'd missed seeing him so often, but that was an admission he was not yet ready to make, least of all to himself.

"He's in love with you, you know," Fydelis said, blowing into his bowl.

"I… what? Has he told you this?"

"It's obvious. The way he looks at you… the way he looks at me. Has he yet approached you with his feelings?"

Gareth was uncomfortably reminded of several occasions over the last few weeks where Paetrik's stare had become far more intense, and his closeness uncomfortable when Gareth helped guide him through ritual and prayer. But aside from that day when Fydelis had suffered his seizure, Paetrik had said no more about his feelings towards his mentor. "No. I think he perhaps has some confusion. He feels indebted to me for sparing his life, but that is all."

"Hm. I wonder," Fydelis said thoughtfully. "Do you miss me, Father, warming your bed?" He slanted his eyes towards Gareth, who looked around nervously to be certain he'd not been overheard.

"I feel concern when I don't see you for some time." His answer, he knew, would be unsatisfactory for Fydelis, but it was the only one he could give. In truth, he had awoken quite often during the night, thinking he'd felt Fydelis's presence, only to be disappointed to find himself alone, then frustrated by his own reactions. But the demon would not care for his concern. He was merely there to oversee and mock when the occasion struck him as he'd made it clear from the start. Certainly, there was something there behind Fydelis's smile, some pain, but what else could one expect from the aspect of Regret?

"I see." Fydelis met his gaze straight on, until Gareth felt uncomfortable enough to have to look away.

"Are you warm enough? At night, I mean," Gareth asked him.

"As warm as can be expected," Fydelis sighed and raised the bowl to his lips, slurping up the heavy broth. "You'd best go see to Paetrik."

Gareth was somewhat taken aback by Fydelis's sudden change in attitude and subject once more, but truthfully, the current topic was becoming uncomfortable enough that Gareth would have to spend quite a while meditating upon it and examining his own feelings. "Excuse me," he said and stood up, wondering if he should really go after Paetrik, or if Fydelis was offering another test of his resolve. Perhaps he was building him up for more taunting later on. In the end, it made no difference, because as he left the hall, Paetrik caught up to him.

"Father Gareth, tonight, may I come to your room? I have a matter I feel it is important to discuss."

Alarm prickled up Gareth's spine but he forced a smile. "Can we not discuss it now?"

"I—" Paetrik's eyes darted around as the voices of children laughing could be heard coming around the corner. "Please? Later?"

Gareth's neck felt like it had been forged in iron, but he managed a stiff nod. "All right then. Come see me before you retire, after the evening prayer."

Paetrik nodded, his face flushed with relief, and he trotted off, leaving Gareth even more confused. Was Fydelis right about him? Gareth couldn't imagine that Paetrik would be so bold as to come to his room to proclaim his intent. No, it had to be something else— something private that he was uncomfortable discussing where they could be overheard. Gareth sighed. Between arrogance and denial, he wasn't certain which might be worse, or which one of those things might be hiding the truth.