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Startled by the shout, I jerk away from where I’ve lain Siennah down. I didn’t want to just leave her on the road. It wasn’t for sentimental reasons. Something about it felt... provocative. Like leaving her out in the open was daring someone to come after me. She was, after all, the mayor’s daughter, and I have to believe she’ll have people looking for her.
I look around and see someone running out of the forest heading straight toward me. Actually, two someones. And they’re coming fast.
Well, crap. That didn’t take long.
I’m too tired to fight. I think about surrendering. But after I wipe the sweat from my eyes, I realize they’re not coming to kill me.
“Jessie!” Kelly shouts. “You’re alive!”
He bounds through the tall grass, laughing and crying at the same time.
I’m exhausted, and yet I find the energy to run. My legs feel like rubber, yet they carry me.
We crash into each other at full speed and fall in a tangle to the ground. He smothers me in kisses and tears. I want to kiss him back, but all I can think about is the blood on me. Siennah’s blood. What will he think when he finds out I’ve killed our own classmate? He knows there’s always been bad blood between us. Will he think I did it out of spite?
A shadow passes over us. I glance up and see Reggie. He looks embarrassed. “Hate to break up this reunion,” he says, “but we’ve got company.”
He pulls us both up, and the look on his face turns to alarm. “You’ve lost weight,” he says, staring at me.
“That’d be the Long Island Diet.”
He gives me a horrified look.
“I mean, I haven’t had time to scavenge very much. I’ve been a little... distracted.”
“Well, you need to be eating better!”
I frown at him. “What are you, my mother?”
He glances down at my belly, and it makes me feel self-conscious about myself. He turns to Kelly and makes like he’s going to say something. But then he shakes his head.
“What?” I say, my gaze jumping from one to the other and back again.
“Nothing,” Kelly says. “Can you run?” He points toward the woods. “I’m afraid that’s my fault. I shouldn’t have shouted.”
“Well, they were probably already on their way here. There was a fair amount of yelling going on before you arrived.”
“That’d explain why we didn’t see many in the woods.”
“I don’t really think it matters why, guys,” Reggie says. “They’re here now.”
I nod. “My stuff’s back there,” I say, pointing to where I’d taken Siennah’s body. “I just need to grab it.”
“Okay, let’s go.”
“No, you stay here.”
I’d rather not have to explain what happened to her, but they follow me anyway. I try to lead them away from the body, but Kelly won’t let go of my hand. Reggie tags along, glancing back frequently to keep an eye on the infecteds. He doesn’t notice when we’ve stopped and nearly ends up stumbling over her corpse.
“Who—” he starts to ask, before recognition comes over him. “Is that Siennah Davenport?”
I nod.
“What the fuck?”
She’d died with her eyes open, and I hadn’t gotten around to closing them. She’s staring up at the sky. Her neck is a bloody mess, skin sliced from ear to throat. I’d laid the knife on her chest.
“Yeah,” I say. “I know.”
“What the hell is she doing here?” Kelly asks. He finally lets go of my hand and steps back. “Was she— You killed her?”
I nod and reach over and pick up the sword. I leave the knife. It’s actually been far more useful against the living, but I don’t think I can bring myself to touch it again. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You did this? You killed her?” Kelly repeats. “Why?”
“Seems obvious enough to me,” Reggie says, trying to draw him away.
“How did she...? Was she a Live Player?”
“No,” I tell him. “But she did come here to kill me.”
I’m tempted to tell them she followed them across the Sound. I want someone else to bear some of the guilt I feel. But I know they don’t deserve it. They obviously didn’t know they were leading her right to me. She’s dead now. And they’re here. Regardless of how it had all happened, I’m actually grateful for both of those things.
“Time to skedaddle,” Reggie announces. He starts to reach for the knife, but I stop him.
“Leave it.”
“But it’s a good knife!”
I turn and start heading down the hill, moving away from the woods. “Coming or not?”
They follow, but any excitement and relief we’d felt quickly dissipates. I feel like Kelly’s judging me. He keeps his distance. And he keeps his mouth shut. So does Reggie, even though I can tell he’s dying to know what happened. He wisely doesn’t ask. He figures he’ll eventually find out, and he’s right. I’m just not ready to talk about it right now.
No one speaks until we reach the compound some thirty minutes later, after taking a more circuitous route that skirted the trees for a while so that we approach from the opposite direction. By then, the tension in the air is so thick, you could cut it with a knife. And leave it to Reggie to cut it with one of his classic jokes. Upon seeing the damage wrought by the storm, he can’t restrain himself any longer: “Damn, girl,” he jokes, tapping my hand holding the sword. “You do some redecorating with that thing?”
Kelly glances at me, then we both burst out laughing. Reggie grins. I can tell he’s relieved to see and hear it.
“I like what you did with the place,” Kelly tries. It’s so bad we all burst out laughing again.
“I just want to say,” I tell them, “I didn’t kill the guard. I shot him in the leg. Arc lied about that so they could justify sending the LP team after me.” I don’t know why I need to say it. It doesn’t explain anything else. Maybe I just want them to understand I didn’t come back here with the intention of killing anyone. It didn’t start off that way.
“You don’t have to explain,” Kelly says. “Back there, at Siennah, I wasn’t judging you. I was just... shocked. I didn’t expect to see her here. Certainly not dead. I mean, we knew her, for god’s sake.”
I shake my head. “That wasn’t Siennah. I don’t know what happened to her, but that wasn’t her. She wasn’t the same.”
I look away before adding, “And neither was Ashley.”
“None of us is,” Kelly quickly says. “Not anymore. This place changes people.”
“Okay,” Reggie says. I can see he’s eager to change the subject away from Ashley. “Now that we’re here, what are we doing?”
I quickly brief them about the failure to Arc’s codex and how it’s going to end with a command being sent for everyone’s implants to activate.
“Everyone? As in everyone here on the island?”
“Everyone in New Merica.”
“New Mer—” he chokes. “But that’ll kill us all!”
“Exactly. But if we can get the mainframe back up and running, I can hack in and stop it. We can, together.”
Kelly shakes his head. “We don’t have those kinds of skills,” he says.
“But Micah did.”
“Micah’s dead. He is, isn’t he?”
I nod. “Twice. But I think I know where his tablet is. Everything we need is on it.”
They’re both quiet for a moment. I can see them working it out in their heads, the chances of us being able to hack the codex. And that’s assuming we can somehow get the mainframe running again and the towers transmitting so we can seed the Stream.
“How much time do we have?” Kelly finally asks.
I give them a quick shake of the head. “I don’t know. Once we start getting headaches, an hour. Maybe two. Maybe ten. It’s anyone’s guess.”
“How do you know all this?”
“It’s too long a story. If we survive, I’ll tell you.”
Reggie nods. “Well, I’d rather not experience that damn headache again, so we’d better get moving.”
I turn to Kelly. “The tablet’s buried beneath the rubble of that collapsed building over there. Reggie can help me get to it.”
“And what can I do?”
“I need you to get to the backup generator in the shed near the back fence so we can reboot the mainframe. You good with that?”
They both nod.
“And Kel, be careful. With the fence down and no power, the Discorporated will have gotten inside.”
“The what?” he asks, frowning.
“Them,” I say, pointing toward the forest. “Try not to kill them if you don’t have to.”
“Why not?”
“Later. I’ll explain later.”
* * *
“Try not to kill them?” Reggie pushes, as I lead him around to the other side of the collapsed building. “Suddenly everyone thinks they’re not monsters anymore. Or are we just killing the living these days?”
I turn a cold hard stare at him.
“Sorry,” he apologizes. “That came out a lot harsher than I meant it. I’m just trying to understand.”
“No, they’re not monsters,” I reply stiffly. But I don’t elaborate, either. I told Kelly I’d tell him later, so Reggie can wait, too.
We pass a spot where the ground has been disturbed. “There,” I say, gesturing at the bare patch as we walk by. I don’t glance over at it. I don’t even want to acknowledge it, but I do for Reggie’s sake. He deserves to say his goodbyes.
The dirt has begun to dry and the surface is starting to crack. There are mushy clods of mud everywhere and a small mound to one side. Thankfully, all the blood has been washed away.
He stares at it for a long time. I hold my breath. Finally, he nods and says, “You didn’t have to do that for her. She didn’t deserve a proper burial.”
“Don’t remember her that way,” I say. “It’ll tear you up inside.”
“Remembering the good parts already is, knowing they were all lies.”
“Reggie... They weren’t lies.”
He regards me with dark eyes. “This place has turned us all into something bad. I wish I’d never mentioned coming.”
“None of this is your fault.”
“It’s all our fault.”
I take a deep breath and slowly nod. “Yeah. But I’m done killing. I can’t do it anymore. Not them. Not anyone.”
He blinks slowly at me. “Okay,” he says. But I know he doesn’t believe it. This place makes us do things we don’t want to do. I didn’t want to kill Siennah.
“I’ll be around the other side of this collapsed building, Reg. When you’re done here, you can help me with the tablet.”
He grabs my arm. “How did she do it, hack our implants?”
“There’s no time, Reg.”
“Please. I need to know.”
I shrug. “I’m not exactly sure. All I know is she needed an intact implant to do it, possibly as a key or a bridge. She extracted it from a Player.”
“Micah?”
“No.”
“How did she do that without triggering the autodestruct?”
“Reggie, please.”
“I need to know,” he growls. He won’t let me go.
I tell him about the instructions I’d discovered on Ben’s Link. “The Coalition knew. They’d apparently worked it out. I’m guessing they knew a lot of things about the tech, much more than we ever imagined. More than Arc suspected. Ashley figured it out from them. And it’s too bad, because if she’d come to us with this, if she’d helped us, we could’ve avoided all this and taken down Arc. All those things she was so angry about, it didn’t have to be.”
“I’m not sure it would’ve made any difference,” Reggie says. “I think she was always going to get there. She’d been spiraling for a while. There was nothing we could’ve done to stop it.”
I can’t tell if he’s saying it to give himself a way to say goodbye and good riddance to her and feel halfway decent about it, or if he actually believes it because he knows things about her that the rest of us never did, things that may not have made any sense before, but do now. Things he was willing to disregard because he was too close.
“Well, don’t take too long,” I say. I turn away to give him time to deal with his grief alone. One way or another he needs closure, but he needs to get it quick.
“You don’t deserve this,” I hear him say. I know he’s addressing her, not me, because his voice is hard, bitter, rather than sympathetic. “Not after what you did, Ash. Not to me and Kelly and Missus Daniels. And Jessie didn’t deserve what you did to her, either. She was your best friend. You brought this down on yourself. If it were me, I would’ve left you undead.”
Those last words send a chill down my spine, not because I actually believe them or that he’d actually do such a thing, but because he says them out loud knowing I’m listening. Before all this happened, I never would have thought him capable of even entertaining such terrible thoughts, but now...
It’s like the boys have said: this place has changed us all, and not for the better.
He rejoins me at the far edge of the demolished building. Somewhere underneath all that debris is the other tablet. I hope and pray it’s Micah’s and that it’s not damaged. New Merica may have stalled in its technology development after it shut itself off from the rest of the world after the war, but it’s done one thing right, and that’s figure out how to make Links nearly indestructible. The fact that Reggie’s Link sustained very little physical damage and still works after taking a round at nearly pointblank range is proof of that. Micah’s tablet, however, predated the war and Arc. For all I know, it could be completely ruined, whether by the collapse of the building onto it or by the rain.
“There?” he asks, pointing.
I nod.
“Then I guess we should—”
He stops and turns his head. He makes like he’s listening. I thought I’d heard something, too. But I don’t hear it now.
“What is it?” I ask.
He turns back to me, frowning. “N-nothing,” he says. “Thought I heard—” He shakes his head. “Nothing. It’s nothing.”
I give the grounds a sweeping glance before turning back to the debris pile. I’d heard the faintest of whispers inside my head, but I don’t mention it, because I know that’s not what had distracted him. The whispers in my head are my own private bit of torture. So I decide he’s just a little extra sensitive right now, given that this is where Ashley died.
I reach over and start pulling at a piece of the corrugated roof. It seems stuck. I tug harder, but it still won’t budge. “I could use a hand here, Reggie.”
He’s still just standing there, his attention clearly elsewhere. I take another look around and still see nothing out of the ordinary.
“Reg!”
He jumps. “S-sorry. I guess I’m seeing ghosts. Or hearing them. I don’t know.” He shivers and reaches for the corrugated panel. “It’s this damn place, got me spooked.”
Just as I’d suspected.
“Well, stay sharp,” I tell him.
He nods.
The panel lets out a loud metallic squeal as we pull it off the pile. As Reggie drags it out of the way, I reach for another piece. I’m able to handle this one by myself. I flip it off to the side, trying to guide it gently to the ground so it doesn’t rattle too loudly. I have to stop and take a rest.
“You okay?”
I shake my head, but then nod. “I’m fine. Just haven’t had much time to rest or eat properly is all.”
“Yeah, so you already said,” he scolds. “You should let me do this.”
He reaches into his pack and throws me a bag.
“Corn nuts?”
“Picked them up at the clubhouse,” he says, haughtily, as if he’s imitating some rich aristocrat. “Just a quick pick-me-up before finishing the back nine.”
“Right,” I say, rolling my eyes.
They’re so stale I don’t have to worry about them cracking my teeth. Soft and tasteless. But they do fill a small hole in my belly and give me a sense of fullness, even if I’m not feeling any stronger. For that, I’ll have to wait a bit.
The removal of the second panel has exposed a pocket underneath some girders. I can see about eight feet into the darkness. I think I can see Ben’s large black duffle bag in the back. “Looks like we might get lucky,” I say, hopefully.
“Damn lucky,” he agrees. He starts to climb in, and I tell him to be careful. “I’ve been in tighter spots than this, brah. Quite recently, in fact.”
I don’t know what he means, but I don’t argue with him. I know it’d be useless. Once he sets his mind on something, there’s very little that can stop him. He gets down onto his stomach and shimmies his way underneath. After some grunting and cursing, he starts to backup.
“Can’t reach?” I say.
“This what you’re looking for?” He sits up, pulls the bag out, and heaves it over to my feet with a grunt.
“Geez, careful!”
I unzip the bag. It’s soaking wet and filthy. Everything inside is wet, too, and all jumbled together. I’m starting to lose hope.
“Is that a game controller?”
“Yeah,” I reply. “It’s how Ben managed to send in those CUs to attack us. And part of Ashley’s hack.”
I sift through the rest, then dump the entire bag out onto the ground. “It was here,” I say, growing frustrated. “I put it in the bag! Why is it not here?”
“It might still be under the pile,” he says. “I can go back under and take a look.”
I glance over at the opening. “No. The bag was zipped. It didn’t fall out. I don’t understand. It was in the bag! And the implant, too. It’s not here, either.” I start pawing through the grass, searching for the tiny device. It had come disconnected from Ben’s Link during the chaos of the storm. It’s possible it didn’t make it into the bag, and if it was the only thing, I might believe that’s what had happened. But the missing tablet? I’m one hundred percent certain I’d slipped it into the bag right before I tried to get out.
“Someone stole it.”
“Calm down, Jessie. It’s probably just—”
“Grant!” I growl, straightening up. “Damn it! It was him. He was here. He tracked me here and must have—”
I jump to my feet, listening.
“What is it, Jess? And who’s Grant?”
“You didn’t hear that?”
He listens for a moment, then shakes his head. “Just the wind.”
“The screaming? You don’t hear it?”
“Um... no? I mean, I heard something earlier that sounded like a door slamming shut and someone pounding dirt, but—”
I grab my head. “No. Stop it!” I yell. “No no no no... Oh my god, the pain!”
“What are you—? Jessie? Is it the headache? Jessie, are you—”
“No! Oh, god. It’s Jake,” I gasp. “He’s in a lot of pain. It’s killing him!”
Reggie grabs me. “Jessie, Jake’s dead.”
“No! I can hear him in my head! He hurts! Oh god, he hurts so much! He can’t stop the pain.”
“Jessie! What are you talking about?”
“I can hear him,” I pant. “I can feel him. He’s here. He’s close! I need to find him.”
“Jessie, no!” He grabs my arm to stop me from running off. “Jessie, he’s gone. Listen, I think you’re just—”
But then he stops, because he hears something, too. Except this isn’t inside his head like it is inside mine. This is a real shout, and it’s coming from somewhere near the back of the compound. It’s echoing off the buildings, but we both know instantly where it’s coming from, because the shout isn’t coming from Jake, it’s coming from Kelly.
I wrench my arm out of Reggie’s grip and tear off down the path, skirting the main building. I skid on the wet grass and nearly fall. But Reggie’s right behind me and he catches my arm, stabilizing me. More screams rend the air. I can hear the terror in my ears. I can feel the pain and rage inside my head.
“Kelly!” I scream. “Oh, god, no! Kelly! Jake, please, don’t!”
I see the two of them outside a single, small building on a remote part of the compound. The shack is separated from the other buildings by a small open field and is connected to them by a winding overgrown cement path. The door accessing the backup generator is open, and I can hear the soft chug of the diesel motor coming from inside. Jake’s on Kelly’s back, tearing into him with his teeth, shredding his clothes, shredding flesh. Kelly staggers. Blood’s pouring from multiple spots on his back, neck, and shoulders. He tries to bat at Jake, but can’t reach him. He spins around, bucking and twisting to throw Jake off. He’s trying desperately to stay on his feet, knowing if he falls it’ll all be over.
“Stop it!” I shriek. “Jake!” I start to run but trip over the edge of a walkway and go flying. Reggie leaps over me, bellowing.
But it’s already too late. He realizes this and stops some forty feet shy of the pair.
“What are you stopping for?” I cry. I jump up and start running again, but Reggie grabs me and wraps his arms around my waist. He lifts me up so I can’t run. “No!” he hisses. “No, Jessie! Stop!”
“Nooooo!”
I try to break free. I’m frantic now, screaming and crying, fighting him. He turns me around so I can’t see what’s happening. My arms are wrapped up in his. I buck and kick, but he won’t let me go.
I catch a glimpse of them. Kelly’s on his knees now. Jake’s still on his back. Kelly’s weakening. His struggle grows more feeble, less effective, while Jake only appears to be getting stronger. There’s a terrifying sound coming out of Jake’s mouth, a mixture of primordial pain and triumph. He arches his back and howls.
I kick Reggie’s shin, and he grunts and drops me.
Jake bends down and tears off the side of Kelly’s scalp.
“Nooo!” I wail. “Oh god, no! Kelly, no! No no no!”
Kelly manages somehow to get back to his feet. Jake’s still on his back, still clinging to him with one arm wrapped around his neck, the other around his chest. Both boys are covered in Kelly’s blood. Kelly looks over at us. We lock eyes, and I can tell he knows this is the end for him.
Jake raises his head and opens his jaws. I hear bones snap as he crushes Kelly’s shoulder. Kelly’s face pinches, and he grunts.
“No, Kelly, no,” I sob, and drop to my knees.
Kelly reaches out to us. “Take... care of her,” he gasps. “Of... both of...”
He drops to a knee, but gets back up. Seeing him struggle like this kills me. “Kelleeeee!” I cry. “Nooo! Goddamn it, Jake! You fucking sonofabitch! I’m going to kill you!”
Jake finally looks over. There’s nothing but death in his eyes, and nothing but his pain and an inchoate rage in my head. He snarls again, then drops off Kelly’s back. He takes a shambling step toward us. I can feel Reggie trying to pull me away, but I’m overwhelmed by his presence inside of me. He’s in so much pain he no longer has any sense left in him, and I know it’s my fault. Sister Jane had warned me about this. I’d sickened him before he died by giving him that contaminated injection of Father Heall’s blood.
“I’m so sorry,” I moan.
Kelly’s dying, yet he somehow manages to tackle Jake. His own cries are little more than drowning gurgles. He tries to speak. He tells us to run.
“Jessie!” Reggie hisses. He’s got my arm. I’m straining against him. “We have to go! Now!”
Kelly stands up one last time and staggers toward the generator shack. He’s got a hold of Jake’s shirt in his hand, dragging him away from us. I can’t understand how he’s got any strength left in him, other than knowing he’s trying to save me. But I don’t want to be saved. I can’t live without Kelly. I can’t live with what I’ve done. He stumbles and falls into the doorway. Yet even then he refuses to quit. He pushes off with his feet, pulling a struggling Jake with him. I lock eyes with the monster. Something seems to register in Jake’s face. But the voice inside my head is still an incoherent explosion of physical and psychic pain.
Kelly wraps his legs around Jake’s neck to hold him there, then he grabs something off the floor with his one good arm. It looks like a piece of metal pipe. He extends it over his head. I hear it tapping against the side of the generator. There’s a screech of metal and liquid begins to pour out onto the floor.
Reggie grabs me by the shoulders and tries to turn me away. “Don’t look,” he whispers in my ear.
But I can’t look away. Jake’s almost wrestled his way free. But before he does, flames erupt inside the building. It envelops them both. I scream.
The sound of it is hurled right back at me when the building explodes.
