If the weekend without Beck and Seth had been miserable, coming to the hospital on Monday morning had been even worse. She was exhausted. After a double shift at Bazookas and insomnia last night, followed by her father’s well-meaning questions this morning, Heavenly felt as if every ounce of energy and happiness had been wrung from her boneless body. She’d done the right thing in letting them go. But returning to her bleak, empty world after they’d shown her romance and awakened the woman inside her was annihilating her. With them, she’d crossed boundaries, been brave, felt more excitement than she’d ever dared to imagine. She’d actually had something besides duty to live for.
Now it was all gone. Everything was gray again.
Would being committed to them be so terrible? the devil on her shoulder asked.
After all, look at Raine.
Heavenly closed her eyes and sighed. Yes, the woman seemed happy and loved…but she was in charge of a house, responsible for two men…and soon twins. At the idea of adding all of that on top of her father, fear gripped Heavenly’s throat. Insecurity nipped at her heels, too. Raine made managing it all look so simple. But Heavenly wasn’t Raine. How would she ever please two men who had decades of experience when she had none? She’d said yes to dating them, thinking she’d have some adventure, show some gumption. What was the harm in that?
What an idiot.
And the closer the clock crept toward the lunch hour, the more dread filled her. Beck had texted minutes ago, asking if she was coming to the cafeteria. It had crushed her to send back a simple No.
Suddenly, Kathryn was beside her with prying eyes, forcing her to hold in miserable tears. “What’s the matter? Did your love boat with Dr. Beckman hit an iceberg?”
Heavenly bit back a nasty retort. Her father had raised her not to say anything at all if she had nothing nice to say. “Did you need something, Nurse Hitch?”
“Deliver this note to the chaplain.” The brunette shoved an envelope in her hands.
Thirty minutes later, Heavenly returned, glad to have had even a few moments away from that sow. But now that she had only busywork to do, heartbreak was setting in again.
Behind her, the double doors opened. She turned—and almost fell apart when she saw Beck coming straight toward her, tray of steaming food in hand.
Her knees buckled. Her heart stopped. Even though she’d left him with almost no explanation, he was bringing her lunch?
He handed her the plate. She took it with numb fingers, aching to touch him instead. “What’s this?”
“No matter what, I’m going to make sure you eat.” Beck scanned her face, gaze drilling down into her. “I see you’re not sleeping.”
After thinking about him for days, being so close yet so far away now was hard, but his unexpected caring ripped her chest wide open. “You’re not, either.”
It was obvious. His red-rimmed eyes and sunken cheeks told her he was suffering. Gosh, the guilt… She’d suspected she had hurt him, but seeing the pain she’d caused undid her.
“I can’t. Every time I close my eyes, all I see is you.”
She wished he’d stop talking almost as much as she wished he wouldn’t. His hoarse confession was an awful, sweet agony. But she had nothing to give him, so the worst thing she could do now was leave him with hope.
“Thank you, but you don’t have to worry about me anymore. Please take care of yourself.” Not touching him felt foreign, and it was a good thing her hands were full or she would have been weak.
“You’re welcome, but I’m not letting you walk out of my life for good unless you look me in the eye and tell me you don’t love me.”
His words punched through her chest and squeezed her heart. Her knees almost gave way. Silently, she pleaded with him not to make such a demand. Beck only leaned closer, his stare like a crowbar.
An orderly brushed by them, followed by one of the interns reading the tablet in her hands. Kathryn strolled past with a sniff, on her way to her locker, probably to retrieve her purse for lunch. Jennifer and Marcella followed, obviously more than a little curious.
Heavenly closed her eyes. Her voice shook. “Don’t make me lie to you.”
“Then don’t,” he growled. “Tell me what’s going on.”
She scrambled for something to say. Nothing came to mind, and she braced herself to endure the terrible lash of his frustration.
The phone at his side trilled, saving her. He cursed, then ripped the device from its clip and glared. As soon as he scanned the screen, his head popped up. “Wait here.”
Now he was angry. She saw the fury all over his face, heard it in the warning of his tone. “All right.”
With a nod, he spun around and charged for the security door between the waiting room and the unit. With a swipe of his badge and a shove against the handle, the portal flew open.
Then Seth walked in. Why was he here? Heavenly sucked in a breath. Their gazes met and locked. He looked a little rough, like he hadn’t shaved or slept. But he also looked determined.
Her heart tilted, nearly skidding to a stop.
“Are you sure?” Beck asked beside him.
Seth held up his phone. “This look right?”
Beck grabbed the device and studied the screen, then gave Seth a decisive nod. And a dark smile. “Absolutely. Do I need to loop anyone in?”
“All done.” Seth sounded supremely satisfied.
What on earth were they talking about? She watched them both stride by, blinking after them.
“Hi, angel.” Seth nodded her way. “I’ve missed you.”
She’d missed him, too. Terribly. Like there was a hole not only in her heart but her life.
“Eat something,” Beck demanded.
Then they disappeared together around the corner, heading for the supply room that held the nurses’ lockers.
Okay, this was just getting weirder.
Slowly, Heavenly settled the tray on the counter beside her, grabbed the apple off her plate, and followed.
To her shock, Beck appeared once more, striding back toward her with an unexpected grin. He wrapped his hand around her elbow, his eyes gleaming. “Stand here and listen. You’ll like this.”
Heavenly leaned around to glance into the supply room, see who was inside. She caught sight of something really unexpected and gaped. “Why are Seth and Kathryn—”
“Shh.”
Jennifer and Marcella dashed into the hall, purses over their shoulders, glancing behind them as Seth, now smiling at Kathryn, sauntered her way and kicked the door half-closed.
“Well, hello there.” Seth’s drawl sounded surprisingly seductive.
He’d spoken in that same voice the night of Raine’s holiday party, when he’d whispered all those deliciously naughty suggestions in her ear and made her shiver. Why would he talk to Kathryn that way?
“Hello yourself, hottie,” Kathryn cooed. “You don’t work here. I would have noticed you. Got a name?”
“Seth.” He chuckled. “I’m just here for the afternoon. The hospital hired me to check the security in the unit, eliminate any vulnerabilities in the employee locker area.”
“Really?” Kathryn sounded surprised. “We don’t have a problem.”
“They tell me one of the lockers has been tampered with.”
Suddenly, Heavenly understood. She turned to Beck with a wide-eyed whisper. “He’s trying to get her to confess?”
“Just wait.”
“That’s a rumor,” Kathryn dismissed Seth’s reply. “I heard it, of course. I know everything around here, but there’s no proof.”
“Huh. Well, if it’s nothing, maybe you could help me. A sweet thing like you must be trustworthy. After all, you can’t be that sexy for nothing.”
“You think I’m sexy?” Kathryn purred.
Heavenly pictured the woman batting her lashes and rubbing against Seth. Her whole body tensed.
“Mmm,” Seth moaned. “Absolutely, baby.”
Suddenly, Heavenly felt Beck wrap his palms around her fists. She was shocked to find them clenched, her nails biting into her skin, as fury pinged through her system.
Gently, he unfurled her fingers. “Easy, kitten. Pull your claws in.”
How could she? Every word Seth spoke was downright painful, even if he was manipulating Kathryn for a good cause.
Beck squeezed her hand. “Trust me, he’s no more interested in that bitch than I am.”
“Well, flattery will get you everywhere.” Kathryn’s flirty laugh set Heavenly’s teeth on edge again. “How can I help you, stud?”
“That’s very kind of you, Nurse… I didn’t catch your name.” Seth’s drawl sounded low, almost intimate.
Another pang threatened to cave in Heavenly’s chest. She’d let him go, so she had to accept that, someday—probably soon—he’d move on. Even if this performance was for show, it was killing her.
“Kathryn Hitch, but you can call me Kat.” She dropped her voice to a throaty murmur. “I love to scratch my nails down a strong, sturdy back like yours.”
Did the woman think that was flirting?
“Do you, now? Well, maybe you’ll help me so I can get my work done quicker. The sooner I do, the sooner I can persuade you to show me exactly how you earned your nickname. What do you say?”
“I’d love to.” There was Kathryn’s grating laugh again. “What do you have to do?”
Heavenly heard the rustling of paper before Seth spoke again. “I’ll check out these two lockers over here. This one is yours, right?”
“Yes.”
“So, it’s fine. Can you look into this one for me?”
“Heavenly’s?”
“Yeah. According to this report, she indicated she’s had some problems.”
“Of course she’s said that.” Heavenly could all but hear the roll of Kathryn’s eyes in her voice. “That mousy, pathetic half-wit is so desperate for attention that she’s willing to make up ridiculous lies. I’m in here every day, so I know her tears about this are fake. I’m sure a smart guy like you has encountered her type. She constantly flirts with men because she’s hoping one will fall for her annoying, sweet-little-girl act.” Kathryn made retching noises. “Trust me, she’s a helpless, hopeless hot mess.”
It took all of Heavenly’s self-control not to race into the locker room and slap the nasty heifer. But she wouldn’t stoop to Kathryn’s level. Instead, she bit back her distaste—and a scream.
Beck caressed her shoulders. “Don’t let her get to you, little girl. Don’t give her that power.”
His reassurance nearly unraveled her. Heavenly wanted to wrap herself in his arms and melt into his safe, familiar embrace. But she couldn’t take advantage of him like that.
“I know exactly the sort you mean,” Seth assured. “No wonder you’re not friends with her.”
“I wouldn’t lower myself,” Kathryn spat. “She’s a waste of time—mine and yours. Listen, why don’t we forget about the wretch’s locker? You and I can go grab some lunch. After all, a big, strong man like you should keep his strength up, especially for what I have in mind. I know someplace private we can go so I can rock your world.”
Heavenly felt her jaw drop. “Is she for real?” Then she turned to Beck. “Does that actually work?”
He scoffed. “Not on me.”
“Oh, baby. Do you need a real man to pay proper attention to that soft little kitty of yours?” Heavenly heard the megawatt charm in Seth’s voice.
“Oh, I’m going to be sick,” Heavenly muttered under her breath.
“My kitty loves to be petted.” Kathryn giggled. “And I’ll bet you know how to stroke me just right.”
Beck grimaced. “I’m going to be sick, too.”
Seth chuckled. “I think you’re trying to distract me, baby.”
“Why would I do that?” Kathryn asked coyly.
“You tell me.” Seth’s tone suddenly took on a hard edge she didn’t recognize.
No one else had stepped into the room, so that must be Seth’s voice…but she’d never heard him use that much force or command when he spoke.
At the sound of it, a tremor skittered through Heavenly.
“Your voice is manly,” Kathryn swooned. “It makes me…wet.”
“Is that right? Then let’s hurry this along,” Seth murmured, his voice turning inviting once again. “Open that locker.”
“Technically, I can’t. It’s against hospital rules.”
“It’s all right. It’s not like you’re breaking in. I’m giving you permission.”
“Really?” She sounded intrigued. “Did they give you the combination? I mean, I’d need that. I don’t know it. Of course.”
He chuckled. “Oh, you’re too smart to let something as silly as a few numbers get in the way of getting into that stupid girl’s locker. You’re better than her, after all.”
“I-I shouldn’t.”
“Do it,” Seth whispered. “For me… Did I mention I have a really talented tongue?”
Heavenly cringed. That shouldn’t hurt, but it did. “I can’t listen anymore.”
Beck gripped her shoulders and made her look him in the eye. “Stay strong.”
She wanted to…but she remembered Seth’s amazing tongue all over her most sensitive flesh. Gosh, she couldn’t forget it any more than she could forget Beck’s hands on her. Or either of their mouths hungrily devouring her own…
Suddenly, Bridget Lewis appeared and eased in close to Beck, who placed a finger over his lips for silence. The no-nonsense nursing administrator nodded, then sent Heavenly a reassuring smile before listening to the nauseating drama.
“Now you really have my attention…” Kathryn perked up.
“All you have to do to find out for yourself is spin three little numbers on that girl’s combination and open one itty-bitty door.” Now Seth sounded cocky. “You know you want to… In case you were worried, I’m told any potential triggers on the locker doors have already been disabled.”
“Oh?” Kathryn giggled. “And you won’t tell?”
“Why would I? Hell, I might even applaud you.”
Heavenly listened intently. After a pause, she heard a soft ting of metal, indicating that she’d opened the locker door. So that bitch had somehow gotten her combination? A wet, squishy splash that Heavenly didn’t understand followed. Then Kathryn let out an ear-piercing scream.
“Oh, my god! Oh, my… What happened? You told me the locker was disabled!”
“Oops.” Seth laughed.
“You fucking liar!”
“But at least I’m a good one. I can spot a bad liar from miles away, and you’re the worst.” Suddenly, his voice dropped again, turning cold and unforgiving. “You’ve been terrorizing Heavenly.”
That accusing growl peppered goose bumps all over her body.
“You’re blaming me?” Kathryn screeched. “How dare you?”
“How dare you harass and threaten her?”
“You have no proof.”
“Wanna bet?”
“I’m reporting you to security.”
“Please do. In fact, call them now. I’ll wait until they get here. Then I’ll tell them you opened a volunteer’s locker without permission.”
“You can’t prove that.”
“Actually, I can. I have the video evidence on my phone.”
Heavenly sent Beck a shocked stare. “How did he get that?”
“Seth and I planted a recording device in your locker two weeks ago, with Nurse Lewis’s permission. Kathryn needed to be stopped. It was the only way we could catch her in the act.”
“You and Seth?” Worked together…for me?
Something dangerous fluttered in her chest.
A pained expression lined Beck’s face as he dragged a knuckle down her cheek. “Don’t you know we’d do anything for you, little girl?”
“Are you a cop?” Kathryn gasped.
“No. I’m your worst nightmare. You played games with the wrong woman. I’m going to make sure you pay.”
With an indignant howl, Kathryn ran out of the supply room, wiping away dark red liquid—was that blood?—from her eyes. Heavenly gasped and snapped a glance at Beck, who laughed at Kathryn.
“Stop right there, Nurse Hitch,” Bridget Lewis barked.
“Help. Look what’s happened to me!” Kathryn demanded as she sent Bridget a pleading stare. “I’ve given four good years to this hospital and I don’t deserve to have tainted blood all over my—”
“You bullied a volunteer who did absolutely nothing to you. That’s not acceptable.” Nurse Lewis turned to the security guards. “Walk with me while she gathers her things, then escort her to the door.”
“The door?” Kathryn screeched.
“Yes, Nurse Hitch. You’re fired.” Bridget dismissed her and headed toward the lockers.
Beck gave Kathryn a mocking little clap.
She turned a seething glare on him. “You’re in on this?”
“You bet your ass I am. Couldn’t happen to anyone more deserving.”
Kathryn narrowed her eyes, glaring at Beck with malice. Heavenly almost stepped back at the pure hate in her expression.
“You set me up just because you wanted to protect your girlfriend’s tender little feelings?”
“Actually, you’ve been miserable to almost everyone in your unit, Nurse Bitch. Or rather, Hitch. But you’ve been especially awful to Heavenly.”
Seth stepped out of the locker area with a broad smile and twinkling eyes. “Hi again, angel.” Heavenly’s heart skipped as he quickly ate up the distance between them, then turned to Kathryn. “We set you up because you’re a helpless, hopeless, hot mess who’s desperate for attention. Well, you got it. Enjoy.”
As the security guards led a sputtering Kathryn away, Beck grinned, raising his palm in the air at Seth. “Way to go, man. We got her.”
Seth grinned, high-fiving him. “Hell yes, we did!”
Heavenly watched, dumbfounded. They were still taking care of her, despite…everything. Because they still cared. She had the strongest urge to rush to their arms and pepper their mouths with kisses.
She didn’t.
“Thank you. Both of you,” she said instead. “This means more to me than you know.”
Before she gave in to her urges, she retreated to the nurses’ desk alone.
Hump day. More like humped day. It had been another awful one. Heavenly hated being down all the flipping time. But every morning her alarm went off, her reality was still the same. Her father was weaker, her schedule was overwhelming, her wallet was empty…and her life felt beyond meaningless without Beck and Seth.
Oh, they tried to engage her every day. Beck still brought her lunch and did his best to coax her into conversation. Seth showed up at the end of her shift and walked her from the hospital to the bus, talking to her about anything and everything—how much he missed her, the fact his new business was surprisingly busy, that he still found California weather baffling. He smiled, flirted, charmed.
To be honest, they were wearing her down.
Damn it, she was trying to be noble. Why did it have to be so hard and hurt so much?
There was one bright spot in her life. It had been eight glorious workdays since Kathryn had been fired. The look on that hag’s face when Nurse Lewis had escorted her to her locker for the final time, then walked her out the door had been sweet. Heavenly hated to relish in anyone’s misfortune, but Kathryn had gotten what she deserved.
Since her dismissal, the ER had been blissfully peaceful. Even Marcella had been nicer. And instead of Heavenly being worried about placating Kathryn in order to get a decent recommendation after graduating from nursing school, Nurse Lewis had all but assured her that she had a job if she wanted one.
It was a relief.
Too bad graduation wasn’t coming anytime soon.
With a sigh, she stepped off the bus, avoiding a twitching man who looked wild-eyed and picked at his pockmarked face as she dashed toward the pharmacy. Thankfully, the first official day of spring was tomorrow and she had a bit more sunshine to walk with every day. The trek to this discount location was necessary…but had been a little scary during the dark winter months.
Heavenly waved at the camera, and they buzzed her through the barred door without incident as she clutched her purse. It held exactly three hundred twelve dollars. Once she left here, she’d have eleven dollars and some change to feed her and her father for the week, but he would have his life-saving meds. Nothing else mattered. At least not for nine days. That’s how long she’d have to come up with the rest of the rent. It was a tall order, but she’d learned to flirt better at Bazookas. Tips were slowly improving. It would be all right.
There was a line at the pharmacy, and the wait took longer than expected. Finally, she reached the counter and smiled at the tech, who nodded and reached into the bin for her father’s meds.
He glanced at the invoice stapled to the cluster of bags. “That will be eight hundred four dollars and seven cents.”
She froze. “There must be a mistake. It’s always three hundred dollars and twelve cents.”
It couldn’t be more than that or she’d have to dip into her already depleted rent stash to afford it. And then where would the money to put a roof over their heads come from?
The fifty-something man shrugged and pointed. “This one isn’t covered by your insurance anymore. And this one had a price increase as of March first.”
He handed her the invoice. She looked down at the numbers. The bold black digits swam in her eyes. But the damning facts blared at her in black and white.
The cost of her living had just increased by twenty-five percent without warning, and she had no way to pay for it.
She tried not to cry. Where would she come up with another five hundred a month? Would she have to resort to stripping? Prostitution? She was already eating as little as possible and had whittled their living expenses down to nothing. It was impossible to find a cheaper apartment. She’d looked, especially after Mr. Sanchez had hit on her.
Heavenly swallowed. Panic encroached. The man behind the counter was staring. She didn’t know what to do.
Blinking, she forced herself to look at the numbers again. “I-I’ll take these two today and come back for the others tomorrow.”
“Sure.” He rang them up and took her money as if he wasn’t completely terrifying her. As if he wasn’t forcing her into an awful position.
She hadn’t even managed to wrest control of her trembling hands and get her change into her wallet before the tech was leaning around her and helping the elderly gentleman just behind.
After picking up the meds, Heavenly stumbled out into the last of the March sun. She gulped in brisk air, trying to find calm, doing her best not to crumble and fall.
Why the hell was she so alone in the world? Because she had no siblings to share the responsibility. No aunts or uncles or cousins to help her carry the load. Because her own mother hadn’t loved either of them enough to stay and bear the responsibility.
It had taught her a valuable lesson.
Beck and Seth care, maybe even love you. They vanquished Kathryn for you…
She bit back a sob. Yes, she could just picture going to them and begging for forgiveness one minute…and money the next. She’d look disingenuous, gold-digging, and heartless. They might have contempt. They might even hate her.
There had to be a different way. She’d figure it out, get creative. There were other opportunities to make money, right? Maybe she could talk to Nurse Lewis about cutting back her hours at the hospital for a few months…but she couldn’t until May. Her nursing school gave her class credits for volunteering thirty hours a week. She’d graduate faster and spend less money on tuition by getting this valuable experience now.
The world is a hard place, and I’m not staying when it’s only going to get harder. Take care, kid…
Heavenly pressed a hand to her chest and shoved back the final words her mother had uttered to her before waving good-bye and driving off for good.
Letting out a shaky breath, she reviewed her options as she made her way to the bus and slid into an empty seat on numb legs. She stared sightlessly out the window as she reviewed the facts. One, she had enough money for everything except the rent. Two, if she didn’t have her father to worry about, she would go homeless until she could scrape together more funds, but she couldn’t have a man as sick as him on the streets, and she wasn’t naive enough to think she could show up at the VA hospital, sob story in hand, and convince them to admit her father until she found someplace else to live. Three, Mr. Sanchez had given her a way to pay the rent.
She just had to be brave enough to give him what he wanted.
Heavenly closed her eyes. Was she really going to have sex with her landlord?
Wasn’t it a small price to pay to keep her father safe, warm, comfortable, and happy?
Yes.
But she’d be damned if she’d sacrifice her dignity and her virginity to that man. He would not be her first sexual partner. She had so little control over anything in her life, but by damned, she could control this. Beck and Seth had shown her it could be good. She didn’t want her first memory of intimacy to be so bad.
Gosh, she’d give anything to choose one—or both—of them to be her first. At the thought, she laughed out loud. Several people on the bus stared at her as if they worried she’d come unhinged. Obviously, she had. What a lovely, ridiculous fantasy.
What a waste of energy to ache for something that couldn’t possibly happen. She loved them too much to give them hope, only to walk away again.
So…she would have to think of someone not hideous to break her hymen. Someone she would be safe with. Someone who would be kind. Someone who would do his best to make it all right. Someone who didn’t care why she was having sex with him and wouldn’t ask too many questions. Her choices were limited.
Dr. Manning had given her a very wide berth since Beck had stepped in on her behalf, thank goodness. She barely knew anyone else at the hospital. She’d had a few friendly conversations with one of the new interns who was both gay and newly married. Sure, she could pick a random customer at Bazookas. At least one hit on her every shift. But she’d be a piece of ass to them. It would still feel cheap. If she was going to do something that meaningless, why not just sleep with Sanchez?
The only other people she knew in LA, she’d met through Raine. As soon as that realization streaked through her brain, the choice became obvious: River. He was still looking for a job. He had time on his hands. He liked women—a lot, from what she’d heard. He wouldn’t mind doing her a favor, right?
Gosh, she hoped not. She didn’t have many options, but she’d visit him tomorrow and find out.