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THE BED WAS SOFT UNDER me.
The air was cool around me.
And his arm was a heavy weight around my waist, all but pinning me in place.
I’d slept.
Dreamlessly, I slept. No nightmares, and no haunting dreams of the two of us on the beach, either. Just...peace. As my lids came open, I was brutally aware of his silence and the soreness of my body.
Could I slip out of the bed? Go shower, I thought. Compose myself and figure out how to go on from here—
His hand spread wide over my belly and his lips touched my shoulder. “You’re awake.”
Closing my eyes, I scratched that plan. I’d just have to fake the composure.
That was okay. I’d been faking my way through life for a very, very long time.
“It would appear you are, too,” I said, keeping my voice level as I stared out the round window situated in the middle of the wall. During the day, it faced out over the garden. That was another plus my apartment had. The building had four tenants and the owner kept the top floor to himself. He also had full control of the backyard, although we were allowed to enjoy it, as he’d phrased it. Just then, I wouldn’t mind being out in the backyard, with a stiff drink, while I figured a way out of the mess I’d created.
The mess...
I closed my eyes, turning my face into my pillow.
A hand stroked down my hair and Drake kissed my neck.
“We need to talk.”
“I’m not much for pillow talk,” I grumbled, my cheeks going red as I imagined just what he might want to talk about. Maybe he would be up for distractions. Rolling around, I reached down and found that he was naked. Just as I’d hoped. Naked, and already hard, although he hardened even more against my palm. “If I’m in bed, I’d rather be doing other things. This sounds more fun.”
Truth be told, I’d wondered about this...a lot. What would it be like, to lie next to him, feel the warmth of him next to me, speak to him in soft, quiet voices while our skin cooled and our hearts slowed.
It would have been rather wonderful.
Except the talk he wanted to have wasn’t anything I wanted to share in.
Under my hand, his cock was hard, silk stretched over iron and when I stroked him, he pulsed in my hand. I felt an answering pulse deep in my pussy. Why talk, anyway? Sex sounded better.
His lids drooped and he moved into my hand, then, to my shock, he rolled me onto my back, caught my hands and pinned them over my head. “We talk,” he said, his voice flat, his cock a brand against my belly. My pussy throbbed, ached. He was so close...so close. “Then, we can do whatever you want in bed.”
“Whatever...” I heaved out a sigh and focused on the shadowy ceiling. “Why can’t we do that first?”
“Because you seem determined not to talk.”
Jerking one shoulder in a shrug, I flicked a look at him. His face could have been carved out of stone. “I don’t see any reason to talk, baby.” Then, because hiding behind a mask was safer, I let a smile play over my lips. “Really, Drake. I’d think you’d be happy. Ten years ago, all I ever wanted to do was talk your ear off and try to get you to stop being so serious. To have fun. I didn’t understand how serious work was—how serious life was. I was just a silly, foolish girl who had no reason wasting your time, but I’ve learned my lesson. Talking is waste of time. Why bother with it?”
“You...” he stopped. Shook his head.
He pulled away from me and I felt cold, lying there without his body to warm me.
“You weren’t foolish, and you weren’t silly.” His voice was clipped and short.
He’d turned his back to me and I sat there, pulling the blanket around me. It did nothing to warm me, though. His spine was a long, rigid line, his shoulders just as tense. “I was the foolish one, Shan. I was seven years older, and I never should have gotten involved with you. But I did and...”
He stopped, sighed.
“No point dwelling on the past,” I said, forcing the words out in a light tone even though it all but choked me.
No point...
I was such a hypocrite. Such a fool.
I did nothing but dwell on the past. Nothing but let it drag me down, all but strangling me with its chains.
I went to climb from the bed, my legs rubbery but as I started to rise, his hands caught my shoulders, tugging me back against him.
“Why?”
I stared at the window, the way the moonlight glinted off the glass. “Why what?” I asked numbly.
“Why did you lie to me?”
There was no point in lying to him. “I didn’t lie. I’m pretty sure never counts as a long time, Drake. And you don’t get much more careful than virgin.”
His sigh kissed my cheek and then he slid his arm around my waist, tugged me back against him. “Let’s try this...why didn’t you tell me?”
When I opened my mouth, I didn’t know what I expected to come out. It certainly wasn’t the laugh. That long, bitter laugh that didn’t stop until I was all but doubled over, aching from it, ready to cry.
His hand stroked up and down my back. “Shan...talk to me.”
I batted his hand away and climbed out of the bed. This time, he made no move to stop me.
“Why didn’t I tell you?” I parroted back to him as I opened the closet and pulled out the robe I’d left on the hook there. The soft silk did nothing to warm me, but I needed some sort of barrier before I faced him.
Over the expanse of the darkened bedroom, I glared at him.
“Ten years ago, you rather plainly told me... I don’t fuck naïve little virgins,” I said, mimicking that tone. Oh, I knew it well. I’d heard those words. So many times, in my sleep. They’d left some of the deepest scars on me, but it wasn’t just the words. It was how he had looked at me as he said it. That scathing, dismissive look.
“I didn’t want to burden you with my virginity,” I said, jerking my hair free from the collar of my robe until it could hang down the back. As he climbed off the bed, staring at me, his expression stark, I angled up my chin and glared at him. “It was my...problem and I chose how to handle it. You don’t need to concern yourself with it. You just happened to own the dick that ended it.”
Turning on my heel, I stormed into the bathroom just behind me.
I snapped the lock into place as I heard him striding toward me.
“Open the door, Shannon.”
“There’s no need,” I said sourly. “You wanted to talk. Fine. We talked. Now I want you to leave.”
Pressing my head against the door, I sucked in a deep breath, desperate for air.
And I listened.
It was a very, very long time before I heard the sound of his footsteps.
* * * * *
SUNDAY IT RAINED.
All day.
A cold, dreary rain that kept me penned up in the house. Some part of me wistfully thought of the pretty little apartment a block away, with a window seat and a rooftop garden. I could have spent the day curled in that window seat with a blanket, a book, and booze. Booze might ease the misery inside me, at least for a while.
I was giving it the old college try, anyway.
The better part of a bottle of wine hadn’t done anything to erase the misery, though, and I sat on the couch, staring out the floor to ceiling windows of my sterile little condo, shivering despite the blanket and trying to figure out the next step.
I’d accomplished what I set out to do.
I’d just wanted to be with him.
Only once.
A book lay next to me, untouched.
Reaching for the mostly empty glass of wine, I cradled it against my chest and let my mind wander.
What next.
Did I truly want to go back to working for him, knowing that he knew, that he’d known all along?
Did I want to see whatever emotion he might feel for me?
Then, as I sat there, confused and tired, Mai’s words came back to haunt me.
If anything personal arises, you’ll be done at the company.
I’ll be done.
Swallowing, I shifted my gaze to the laptop computer lying on the coffee table.
So far, he hadn’t called, not even once.
That was, well, unusual.
Normally he would have called several times to go over the schedule for the coming week, to make sure I was ready for the trip we had coming up on Thursday. But he hadn’t called. Not even once.
With a hand that shook, I reached for the computer.
No. I didn’t like this job, but he’d thrown me out on my ass before. Not literally, perhaps, but the result had been the same. Everything that came after was the result of that. I couldn’t go through that again.
The knot inside my chest spread and my hands started to shake. “Maybe I should have thought this through better.”
With the laptop in hand, I shifted around and put the wine down on the table next to me.
I was done here.
I’d done what I set out to do.
He’d gone through a number of admins in a short period of time before. Would it really surprise anybody if I left so soon?
It settled wrong, doing it this way. It felt like I was giving up.
But I’d rather quit than be forced out.
My terms. I’d do it on my terms.
––––––––
I WORE RED ON MONDAY.
Red was a power color.
It brought me confidence and confidence was something I desperately needed as the car came to a stop in front of my condo. Jake came around to open the door for me and he paused a bit before he opened the door. “Is everything okay, Ms. Crosby?”
“Of course, Jake. Why wouldn’t it be?” I had a resignation letter tucked inside my bag and there was a lump in my chest as I slid into the car.
The empty car. I frowned and looked over at him. “Where is Mr. Gallagher?”
“We’re picking him up on the way. He needed a few more minutes.”
I nodded and settled back in the seat as he shut the door.
He needed a few more minutes. Frowning, I tucked my hands in my lap and looked outside. I wouldn’t think about it. It wasn’t anything I needed to concern myself with, really.
Jake moved smoothly into the traffic. The question leaped from me without me realizing it had even formed in my mind. “Do you know what the hold-up was?”
Jake seemed to know everything, something I’d already figured out in the few short weeks I’d been around. He slid me a look in the mirror, shrugged. “He was meeting with Hannah and Ms. Gibbens, I think.” Then he blew out a sigh. “You’ll probably be hearing about it, whatever it is. There was a look in his eye when I dropped him off. Heads are going to roll, and soon, if I know the man.”
My palms started to sweat.
And I was painfully aware of that resignation letter. Although it waited in the bag I had tucked on the floor next to my feet, it felt like a weight, one that hung around my shoulders.
Perhaps I should have emailed and given him a heads-up.
I’d be damned if he fired me.