Luca snuck back under the covers after a visit to the bathroom and a brief stop in the kitchen to get another bottle of champagne and two glasses. He patted himself on the back for putting the bottle in a wine cooler, seeing as his husband now was snoring in their bed.
He scooted close and watched Gus in the dim pink light. Gus looked so relaxed and carefree, all spread out in their bed. Luca ran a fingertip along the contours of his husband’s mouth. Gus mumbled and turned toward him, putting a warm hand on Luca’s stomach.
He wasn’t surprised Gus had fallen asleep. After all, Luca had kept all the dirty promises he’d whispered during their first dance, and then some. Gus had screamed the walls down after his third orgasm, and Luca had been afraid the cops would come knocking, thinking someone was being killed. He snickered. He’d give his husband a few minutes of rest, then he’d wake Gus up. Maybe with his tongue on a nipple.
He took a deep breath and rested his hand over Gus’s. He was happy they’d decided to spend the wedding night in their own home and not at a hotel. They both loved their bed, and Gus had insisted that it wouldn’t be a proper wedding night without the porn-y lights.
Luca giggled at the memory of Gus walking in on him as he’d glued LED strips all over the headboard and the bed frame when they’d just moved in together. At first, Gus had been skeptical and muttered something about them wanting the lights turned off when they slept anyway. Luca had just smiled, chosen the red lighting, and proceeded to show Gus the purpose by fucking him thoroughly through the mattress.
Gus never complained again. He started calling them “the porn-y lights” and had insisted they spend their first night as a married couple making love in the intense red light. As always, when they finished having wild monkey sex, Gus had changed the color to something softer. Pink for romance on their first night as husbands.
Luca’s chest ached as he lay there, observing Gus. They had so many great memories together, and he’d almost ruined everything today. But that word was like a red flag to a bull.
Freak.
It triggered the fight or flight instinct in him, and since he wasn’t a fighter, he always ended up running. Like that time before Gus, when he’d been out to a club with friends. A cute and ridiculously tall guy had flirted with him all night. Before long, he’d been pinned to the back wall by Mr. Tall, who’d held both of Luca’s hands over his head with one of his huge ones, and the other did stuff to his dick that probably was illegal in some states. He’d been close to coming in his pants when the guy had bent down and whispered in his ear.
“Wanna get out of here and get your freak on?”
Luca’s dick had wilted so quick, he’d been afraid it would retreat into his body and never come out again. He’d struggled to free his hands until the tall guy got the message and let go. Without a word, he’d run away and hidden in a stall in the men’s room, where he’d sat with his head between his knees, trying not hyperventilate.
His mother could have destroyed their relationship today. But Gus knew him well enough to be certain he hadn’t run from them, that something else had caused him to flee. Luca had never believed such a thing as absolute trust existed, never thought he’d find someone who’d be on his side, no matter what.
Until he found Gus.
Gus, who’d done everything in his power to show him his love. And his vows at the ceremony only put words to the actions and confirmed what Luca knew in his heart.
Luca hadn’t been able to get through his own vows without sobbing. When Gus had started talking, tears had streamed down Luca’s cheeks, and he’d been thankful for the veil hiding his face. Gus’s deep voice had been full of emotion and had broken several times. Luca would remember every word, forever.
Luca. I wrote my vows the day after I asked you to marry me. I was so happy, my heart overflowing, and I couldn’t keep all my emotions inside. So I wrote them down. I practiced my words a million times, and if you were to wake me up in the middle of the night after a thirty-six-hour shift at the hospital, I would still be able to say them back to you.
But something happened today, something that made me reconsider my words. Only an hour before our wedding, when everything was supposed to be rainbows and unicorns, something happened. Something that made you really upset, and I…I need new words now.
So this is me. Unrehearsed. Speaking from the heart.
Luca. My sweet, darling Luca.
When we grow up, we’re told our parents will love us no matter what. Unfortunately, that’s not always true. Sometimes, the ones we count on to always have our backs are the ones who let us down the most.
But today, I stand before you, promising you my unconditional love. And I want to make sure you understand I mean it.
I promise to kiss you every morning even when your breath smells like death warmed over. I promise to feed you when you’re hungry and grumpy, and when you throw one of your famous fits, I’ll tickle you until your happy laughter returns. I promise to still love you when you insist on warming your icy feet on my legs under the covers. And I promise to always laugh at your corny jokes.
But my vow to you goes much, much deeper.
I will always stand by your side. I will always be proud to call myself your husband. I will always have a supporting hand for you and a shoulder for you to cry on. I’ll lend you my ear when you need to talk, nurse you when you’re sick, and be your shield when you need protection. I promise to be your best friend and biggest supporter.
My love doesn’t come with strings attached, Luca. I give it freely and unconditionally and forever.
This is my solemn vow.
“What are you smiling at?” Gus’s husky voice pulled Luca out of the memory.
Luca leaned forward to give his husband a quick kiss. “You,” he murmured against Gus’s lips. “I was remembering your vows.”
“I meant every word.” Gus encircled his waist and pulled him closer.
“I know, honey.” Luca wiggled so he could look his husband in the eye. “I’ve never doubted your feelings.”
Gus hummed and kissed his temple. “Good,” he murmured.
Luca waited for the questions Gus had every right to ask, but they never came. He just caressed Luca’s back and kissed him over and over wherever he could reach, while making cute, content noises. A happy sigh, a satisfied hum, or a tiny moan when Luca’s fingers found his sensitive spots.
Again, Gus’s easy acceptance, how he always supported and encouraged, and never asked for anything but Luca’s love and respect in return, stunned Luca. Anyone else would have demanded to know his story a long time ago. Maybe even questioned his trust for not telling it. But not his loyal husband. Geeky, adorable Gus.
“I had just turned eighteen when Mother found me on the couch with a guy,” Luca said, filled with a sudden need to tell Gus everything.
He could feel Gus stiffen when he started to talk. He didn’t say anything, just kept caressing Luca’s back, but the small tilt of his head told Luca everything he needed to know. Gus’s entire focus was projected at him, and it gave Luca the courage he needed to continue.
So he told his husband all about that dreadful spring and how he’d almost ended up at a camp to cure his gayness. He told Gus about the first year at college, how he’d concentrated on school and kept to himself, not making friends or going out. He spoke about the loneliness that had threatened to consume him and how he’d isolated himself, until that day one of his professors had spoken to him and asked what was wrong. She’d noticed he’d changed, become more withdrawn over time, and she’d been worried.
He’d broken down in her classroom, cried and sobbed and raged, but she’d taken it in stride, locked her door, and listened. When he’d calmed down, she’d told him about the LGBT Rights Group and given him a phone number he could call to get in touch with the Poetry Club.
He was convinced those thirty minutes with his professor had saved his life. After their conversation, he’d decided to take his life back and had started attending meetings at the LGBT Rights Group. But it was in the Poetry Club he’d thrived.
“I met a guy called Edgar,” Luca said and shivered as Gus’s hands continued to map out every inch of skin on his back. “He was a British exchange student, and he lived and breathed poetry. I think he knew all Shakespeare’s sonnets by heart.”
“Wow. That’s impressing.”
“Yeah. He was so different from everyone. He walked around campus with a book, reading poems out loud even if he was alone. And in the middle of a conversation, he’d go quiet and start scribbling on whatever he found. A napkin. My hand,” Luca chuckled.
“He sounds awesome.”
“He was.”
“What happened?”
“Nothing happened. He had to go back to England. We promised we’d keep in touch, but we were kids…” Luca’s voice trailed off.
“I get it. College isn’t the time to nurture long-distance friendships.”
“No,” Luca agreed. “He loved to dress in women’s clothes. He said he was straight, but I don’t know. He had a goatee but wore short skirts and crop tops. I was…fascinated with the juxtaposition.”
“Mhm,” Gus’s fingers drew swirly patterns on his back, and Luca felt completely safe. Loved.
“I guess he inspired me. I didn’t start experimenting until after he’d gone, and he was much more exaggerated than I’ve ever been. But he opened my eyes to other possibilities.”
Luca needed courage for the next part, so he tilted his head up and looked into Gus’s eyes. His husband seemed to understand because Gus leaned in and took Luca’s lips in a searing kiss. There was nothing gentle about it, only raw passion and an insistent tongue. Gus threw his leg over Luca’s hips and rubbed against him.
Luca broke the kiss when his lungs burned with oxygen deprivation, and they both gasped and breathed heavily. Luca touched his own lips, wondering if they were as red and puffy as they felt.
“Wow,” he whispered.
Gus was usually tender and loving and didn’t show this animalistic side often. What had triggered it now?
When his breathing had calmed, he continued. “After Edgar had been gone for a few months, I found one of his skirts in my closet. It was a black and white plaid skirt. Short and pleated and really cute. And I…I tried it on. It was the only time I ever wore a skirt. I didn’t like it; it didn’t feel like me. But I had to try.”
Gus hummed in encouragement.
“There was a knock on my door, and…” Luca’s voice trailed off. He would never forget what happened next. Even now, as he was safe in his husband’s arms, his stomach twisted into a knot. “It was my mother,” he whispered.
“What? Oh, no!”
Gus’s arms tightened around him. Luca felt a tender kiss on his forehead and closed his eyes as he thought back on what happened next.
At first, Luca had been happy to see her—he hadn’t heard from her since that last day when he’d picked up his things. He’d thought that her showing up in his dorm must mean she’d changed her mind and wanted him back in her life. And maybe it had, but Luca never found out.
She’d stood there and stared at him, her gaze, black with rage, had swept over his figure, taking in what he’d been wearing. She had focused on the short skirt showing off his long hairy legs, and she’d started screaming.
Every word that had come from her mouth had crushed Luca’s hopes just as effectively as if she’d torn his heart from his chest and stomped on it. Her voice had grown more and more shrill, and his door had still been wide open, so everyone on his floor had heard her every word. But the only thing Luca had heard was that one word.
Freak.