Pablo had almost forgotten just how fucking adorable Sebastian Walton was. How long had it been since he’d seen the cute little blond? Probably last time was Cecilia’s wedding.
The messy windswept hair had darkened to a more honey blond than the bleached blond he’d had then. He liked it better. It went really well with the sky blue eyes framed by honey colored lashes. A more natural look.
Across the bridge of Sebastian’s nose was a smattering of freckles. Too sweet.
“I think I hear Hector calling you,” he said.
Sebastian continued to stare at him, rather like a deer caught in headlights. His tongue darted out to run over his bottom lip. It took everything in Pablo not to trap that tongue within his own lips. Later perhaps.
“Sebastian?”
“Oh. Yeah, sorry. It’s, well, it’s been a while since I’ve seen you, I guess. You’re still a cop?”
He grinned. “Yes. And you’re still a student.”
“Just for a short time. I graduate next semester.”
“I love smart guys.” When Sebastian blushed, Pablo couldn’t help but be glad he’d said it. So adorable. “What is your major again?”
“Pre-med.”
“Ah, yes, I remember now. A doctor.” He folded his arms in front of his chest. “How sexy.”
“S-sexy?”
“Uh-huh. I think so anyway.” He tilted his head to the right side. “Girlfriend?”
“No.”
Pablo was pretty sure Sebastian was gay. Had been gay even back when Pablo had taken the chance and kissed him in the pool out back. But since then, Sebastian hadn’t said so. He’d certainly know if Sebastian had. Obviously the younger man had his reasons for keeping quiet. But Pablo was curious.
He stopped himself from speaking about it. Yet. “I think Hector wants you to join him in the backyard.”
Sebastian swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Right. Um. Thanks. See you?”
“Actually I thought I’d join you outside for a beer.”
Sebastian nodded. “Okay then.”
* * * *
Pablo slapped his brother on the back as he stepped outside holding the icy cold bottle of beer he’d chosen from the refrigerator. Hector sat at a round table with a blue umbrella looming over it for shade. Sebastian sat opposite him at the table. Beyond the cemented covered patio lay the gated pool area.
It was too cold for swimming just then. In a few months it would be spring and perhaps warm enough to swim again. He suspected he’d probably still be living at the old house.
He chose the lawn chair closest to Sebastian and plopped down heavily in it. With CeCe living with her husband in Palmdale, and Hector away at school, Mama was by herself. Or had been until he’d moved back. She had her friends and neighbors who’d look after her, but Pablo was glad she had him now. Peter had been a real dick. The thought of that made him smile a little. He’d been sorry it hadn’t worked out with Peter, but not sorry to be with Mama.
“Mama said you broke up with Peter,” Hector said, as though reading his mind.
Pablo took a large swallow of the cold beer. “He broke up with me.” He shrugged. “Not that it matters. I would have done it if he hadn’t. Irreconcilable differences.”
“I thought maybe he was a dirty cheater.”
“Nah, just an ass. It happens.” He leaned forward to ruffle Hector’s hair. “What about you, little brother? You got yourself a chica?”
Hector smacked him away. “Yes, as a matter of fact. I’m seeing a girl at school. Diane.”
“She didn’t want to come to meet us?”
His brother rolled his eyes and then gave Sebastian an “I told you so” look. “We only started just before Christmas. It’s too soon to bring her. She went to see her own family. From Chicago.”
Pablo smiled. “But no girl for you, huh, Sebastian?”
Sebastian’s cheeks got pink, but instead of answering he brought his beer bottle to his lips.
“He’s shy,” Hector answered for him. “He’s got girls interested, but he doesn’t know how to talk to them.” He shook his head. “Remember it was CeCe who pursued him.”
“Maybe you should give him pointers, being the stud you are and all.” Pablo laughed when his brother scowled. “Seriously. I’m surprised you don’t have a girlfriend, Sebastian.”
“I’m going to school to learn not find a girlfriend,” Sebastian said quietly.
“Wise man. Don’t waste that Stanford education.”
The sliding door opened to reveal Mama standing there holding a spatula. “Hector, come help me with the dinner.”
“Coming, Mama.” Hector rose and headed inside, closing the door behind him.
Pablo gazed out at the pool. “Do any swimming up there?”
Sebastian cleared his throat. “Not too much. Not working today?”
“No, today is my first of three days off. Then I’ll work four days, long shifts. I asked for these days knowing Hector was coming.”
“I hope you didn’t mind that I came, too.”
Hector had called just two days earlier to ask if Sebastian could come for a visit, too. He’d originally been planning to go skiing with another group of friends but according to Hector the trip had gotten canceled and Sebastian didn’t want to hang at Stanford alone.
“Don’t mind at all. I like seeing you.”
Sebastian fell quiet, seeming to be very interested in his beer. Pablo was about to say he was going in to see if more help was needed when Sebastian shifted just a little in his chair.
“Was it hard?” Sebastian asked in a near whisper.
“What?”
“Coming out to everyone. Your family, friends, co-workers. I would think it was really hard to have everyone judging you like that.”
Pablo nodded and set his beer down on the table. He wasn’t going to lie to Sebastian. It had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done. “Yeah, it was. It took a lot of thinking and wondering for me to decide to tell everyone I was gay. My family comes from a long line of pretty strict Mexican Catholics. I wasn’t entirely sure how they would react. I thought they’d be accepting, but, you know, it’s difficult to tell. You can only hope.”
“But they did.”
“Yep. I lost a few friends and sometimes work can be tense,” Pablo admitted. “There’s still a lot of macho attitude in the force. Guys don’t want to work with you, stupid pranks played on you, that kind of thing.”
Sebastian bit his lip. “Sounds awful.”
He shrugged. “It’s no picnic. But I had to be true to myself. Even if no one I’d known before wanted to know me anymore, I still had to do it. No regrets.”
“You’re very brave.”
The sliding door opened again and Hector stuck his head out. “Dinner’s ready.”
* * * *
Pablo stood brushing his teeth just before bed. After dinner, he, Hector and Sebastian had cleaned up the kitchen, and then they’d all played a board game. Hector had announced just before they’d all retired that in the morning he and Sebastian were going to the zoo. Something they’d done often as children. Pablo had been invited to join them.
He rinsed out his mouth, set his toothbrush down, and turned toward the door leading to Sebastian’s room. He should probably let it go. Just turn around and enter his room, turn out the light and get some sleep.
But he couldn’t.
Pablo tapped lightly on the door.
“Come in.”
He twisted the knob and found Sebastian sitting on the edge of the bed. Not a good place to find someone when thoughts of burying yourself deep inside them wouldn’t leave your mind, Pablo decided. Perhaps he should make up some lame reason for coming into the room and then go back the way he came.
“Can we talk?” he asked.
Sebastian glanced up at him, his blue eyes wide with uncertainty. And something else Pablo couldn’t quite figure out. He wanted to, though. Pablo slid the lock to the bathroom door as he also made sure the door out to the hallway had also been locked. They were about to have an important conversation and he didn’t want Hector or Mama to interrupt and freak Sebastian out.
“You okay?” Pablo sat next to him, the weight of him squishing the mattress down.
He nodded, but he sank his teeth into his bottom lip. “Just thinking.”
“About what?”
“What we were talking about. You know, before dinner.”
“Is there something you want to say, Sebastian?”
Sebastian let out a shaky breath. “When I was sixteen you kissed me.”
Not quite what he had expected, but Pablo went with it. “Yes.”
“But you never…I mean, then nothing. You didn’t talk to me or do it again or even acknowledge it.”
Pablo sighed. “I shouldn’t have kissed you that day.”
“Oh.”
“It’s not what you think, cariño. You were too young and too uncertain and you were seeing CeCe. It was wrong.”
“Then why?” Sebastian whispered.
“I was really attracted to you, I wanted you, and I just couldn’t resist you that day.”
Sebastian wouldn’t look at him, but he said, “I was attracted to you then, too.”
“How come you haven’t told anyone?” he asked gently.
“That I’m gay?”
Pablo reached for his hand, held it. “Yes.”
“Scared, I guess. What’s everyone going to think?”
“So no one knows? Not even Hector?”
Sebastian shook his head. “No. I sometimes go to San Francisco on the weekends to a club there. That’s where I meet guys.”
“You use protection, I hope.”
“Yeah, always.”
“Good.” He squeezed Sebastian’s hand. “You know Hector would be totally cool, right? And me. Mama, too.”
Sebastian’s bottom lip trembled. “It was just easier not to tell anyone. But it’s killing me. I’m depressed all the time. I don’t know how much longer I can pretend.”
“Then stop, Sebastian. It’s okay.” He put his arms around Sebastian, intending to offer him comfort, a shoulder to cry on, should he need it. But Sebastian’s chin came up just as he drew the younger man to him, putting his lips within kissing distance. Just like in the pool, Pablo knew he should resist. But just like back then, he didn’t.
Pablo covered Sebastian’s lips with his.