I’m sorry but I have to interrupt your book here to tell you that you are full of shit.
I beg your pardon?
You’re full of shit! You’re spinning, mate, spinning the truth to try and make yourself feel better.
Who the hell are you?
I’m you. I’m Lotta from four years ago and I’m butting in here to let you know that I’m on to you.
Me from four years ago! Wow. Hello back there, how are you feeling?
I’m a little hungover actually but not too bad, nothing a few painkillers won’t fix.
Now you mention it, I can’t remember the last time I bought painkillers.
Whatever. Anyway, I don’t believe you. I don’t believe you are actually fine with not-drinking.
I am!
Bullshit. Come on! Level with me here . . .
It’s the truth. The other night we had some friends over and I was chatting and laughing and I didn’t care that I wasn’t drinking wine.
Were the others drinking?
Yep.
And you didn’t care?
That’s their choice. That’s fine. Look, I know you can’t believe that I’m honestly having fun without the wine but I’m telling you, I am. It’s only because I had to take it away that I’ve discovered wine isn’t necessary to have fun.
Yes it is. Everyone loves having a few wines and getting merry and loose.
But what you’re going to discover is that you can get merry and loose without the alcohol. Trust me on this. It’s being with people that makes you happy, and a bunch of other things you’re going to discover.
What like? Marathon running?
Sadly, no, though that would do wonders for the thighs. But you wait, there are some really cool things coming your way.
I bet they’re all square and lame.
And that’s why I’m not telling you what they are! Because I know you’ll just think they’re boring and lame because your life is so full up with boozing. But they’re not. They’re really great and they make you feel happy. You just wait. Oh, and I look better, too, that’s for sure. I’ve lost weight, my skin is healthier, I’m less puffy, and I’m making more effort with my clothes and grooming.
Shit. Really? I thought I was a lost cause in that department.
Well, I’m still Lotta so I’m not uber-groomed or fashionable but things have definitely improved in that area of my life. I’m just better all round. So stop calling me a liar. This is the honest deep-down-in-my-bones truth. I do feel better. I feel happier and clearer and healthier and better and I’m happy to be a non-drinker.
Oh come on! Puh-lease . . . Everyone knows that’s just not true. How can you possibly be happier if you can’t drink alcohol ever? You’re just saying that because you want us to believe that it’s okay not-drinking. I think you’re clinging to what those blokes Carr and Vale told you because you’ve got no choice, but in fact you feel dull and boring and sad and glum.
Well, I’m not going to lie and say I never feel any of those things.
Told you so!
But those feelings come and then they go. I deal with them, they don’t last long and then I get back to feeling calm and content.
What about at social celebrations, parties and weddings? Aren’t they just hell now?
Well, no, actually. And if you let me continue with my book I was about to go on and describe in great detail all the fun times I have over the next couple of months . . .
Can’t you cut to the chase and summarise?
Sure! Went to a wedding, had a lovely chatty time and ended up in a mass sing-along with the guitars out under fairylights in the courtyard.
That does sound fun.
Had a lovely dinner out with a bunch of girlfriends, drove everyone to the restaurant and back, chatted and laughed all evening while eating delicious Japanese cuisine.
Mmmm.
Went to a hens’ party! Wore a purple feather boa all night as per the bride-to-be’s instructions. Had such fun chatting and hanging out with all the other women. Went to a nightclub and danced!!!
Really? Had fun dancing at a nightclub? And didn’t touch a drop?
Yes! The music just made me feel so good and it was really fun having a boogie in a dark and crowded room. And I tell you, the feeling I had walking away from the nightclub and getting in the car to drive home was FANTASTIC!
Okay, calm down, you don’t have to shout.
And the feeling I had waking up in the morning was EVEN BETTER!!!
You’re a freak.
So are you. Anyway, then I went to another wedding and ended the night with a huge boogie—so fun! Then I flew away for a child-free weekend in Sydney with a girlfriend and had a blast. Loads of shopping, eating, sightseeing and no alcohol involved! Can you believe it?! Then I went to a gig of one of our favourite bands, Elbow.
Elbow come to New Zealand? Awesome!
OMG, I am telling you it was brilliant. I sang along to all their songs and felt teary with emotion, I was sooooo happy. And I didn’t have to think about going to the bar and getting drinks or falling over randomly like I did at the Jarvis Cocker concert.
Jarvis Cocker also comes to New Zealand? So much to look forward to!
Um . . . you’re actually going to completely ruin that concert by getting shitfaced and not remembering the music at all.
Oh.
Don’t worry, you’ll fix yourself in time for Elbow. Anyway . . . back to my list of fun times . . .
Nah, I’ve had enough. I get the point. How do you manage it? What’s your secret?
Every time I’m faced with a night out I think very clearly about what the event has to offer, what is likely to be good and fun about it. Is it about catching up with old friends? Is it about meeting new people? Is the food or music likely to be amazing? The venue? What does the event actually offer aside from what you probably think every event offers, which is an opportunity to drink more than usual?
Is that what I do? I suppose . . . maybe . . . look, I don’t want to be thinking about this right now.
Of course you don’t.
And anyway, you can’t tell me that aside from these supposedly great nights out, you were all the time feeling fine.
Well, mostly, yeah. I mean, there are some times that I feel a bit glum but I examine what’s going on now rather than just reach for a wine. Besides, nothing ever lasts that long anyway.
So life is peachy?
Pretty peachy, yeah. Things are trucking along nicely. I’m seven months sober, I’ve got my lovely blog, my lovely Auckland life, lovely neighbours, great friends, kids are happy in school, I’ve started writing my thesis and generally I’m just feeling good. It would take something pretty major to upset me now . . .