Exercises are given in italics
A
abuse 29
the achiever 102–3
activated stress response 87–8
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) 28–30
types of 29–30
Anda, Robert 29–30
about anxiety 112
maladaptive stress response 22–3, 56–8, 60–61, 112
and overanalyzing feelings 139
avoidance and distraction 136–7
awareness 86–7
of behavioral patterns 129
of emotional defenses 143–4
B
behavioral patterns
awareness of 129
changing 127–32
behavioral psychology 69
beliefs
consequential 75–6
global 75–6
impact of 73–5
the body
and meditation 120–21
and stress 61
and Therapeutic Inquiry 154
see also emotional body
and children 43–6
creating inner boundaries 160–61, 218
Establish a Healthy Boundary 207
healthy 205–206
healthy vs unhealthy 201–203
Identify Your Response to Boundary Violations 204
and relationships 201–203, 206–207
saying no 206–207
C
change
and feeling safe 110–11
and relationships 207–209
childhood experiences
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) 28–30
memories of 33–4
trauma 37–9
What Have Been the Key Trauma Events in Your life? 37–9
children
and boundaries 43–6
egocentric nature of 8–9
co-dependent relationships 51
cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) 70
cognitive psychology 70
collective trauma 36
confirmation bias 92
consequential beliefs 75–6
the controller 104–105
boundaries 19, 21, 35, 43–6, 160–61
connection between 49
ignoring 134–5
love 19, 22, 35, 47–8, 99–100, 161
meeting 159–61
and personality patterns 101–106
unmet 99–100
Were Your Core Emotional Needs Met? 49–51
covert trauma 30–32
cultural norms, impact of 35–7
cycle of trauma 36–7
D
despair and healing 11
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health 71
distraction 136–7
Duschinsky, Anna 135
E
ECHO: four stages of trauma 20–24, 52
emotional defenses 135–6
analysis 138–40
avoidance and distraction 136–7
awareness of 143–4
blaming others for our feelings 140
empaths 141–2
Open to Your Emotions 162
Situation, Feeling, Response 144–5
somatizing 142–3
state changing 137–8
emotional freezing 66–9
emotional healing 10–11, 165–6
emotional resilience 42
importance of 18–20
emotional self-harm 134–5
emotional shutdown 5–6
emotional suppression 72–3
emotions
and childhood experiences 5, 7–9, 12
core needs 19, 21–3, 35, 42–51, 159–61
disconnection from 152–3
feeling 6–11
layers of 164–5
and maladaptive stress response 61–2
meeting 159–61
naming 165
Open to Your Emotions 162
and personality 77
positive vs negative 71–2
and psychology 70–71
resistance to feeling 157–67
Therapeutic Inquiry 150–56
and toxic positivity 71–2
transforming 83
What Do You Believe About Your Emotions? 76
see also feelings
empaths 141–2
empathy 192–3
encouragement 193–4
events. see triggers
exercises
Are You Living in a Maladaptive Stress Response? 63–4
Establish a Healthy Boundary 207
Give Positive Reinforcement 178
How to Meditate 119–20
Identify Some of Your Inner Critic Attacks 176
Identify Your Response to Boundary Violations 204
Open to Your Emotions 162
Rate Your Nervous System Day-to-Day 93–4
Recognize that You’re Attacking Yourself 175
Situation, Feeling, Response 144–5
Tell Your Inner Critic to ‘Fuck Off’ 177–8
Were Your Core Emotional Needs Met? 49–51
What Do You Believe About Your Emotions? 76
What Have Been the Key Trauma Events in Your life? 37–9
Who’s Your Idealized Self? 106
Your Therapeutic Inquiry Practice 155–6
experience. see childhood experiences
F
fawning 101
feeling emotions 6–9
and healing 10
resistance to 157–67
feelings
analysis of 138–40
avoidance and distraction from 136–7
blaming others for 140
and empaths 141–2
overanalyzing 139
self-regulating 121
shutting down 72–5
state changing tools 137–8
Felitti, Vincent 29–30
fight or flight response 57–8, 89
rating scale 93
rating scale 92
friendships 189–90
G
gaslighting 204–205
gender identification 35
global beliefs 75–6
H
healing 12–13, 23–5, 165–6, 183–4
and despair 11
practice 214–16
RESET model 81–4
and sadness 11
setbacks 219–20
and stress 62–3
the heart and Therapeutic Inquiry 154
help 191–4
asking for 187–8
audit 194–6
the helper 101–102
highly sensitive people 141–2
holding space 191–2
homeostatic balance 19–20, 22–3, 42, 55–64, 90–91
changing 127–32
definition 59–61
and meditation 120–21
household dysfunction 29–30
I
idealized self 100–101
Who’s Your Idealized Self? 106
immobilization 89–90
rating scale 92
inner critic 170–73
defense against 176–7
disengage with 177–8
eliminating 173–8
Give Positive Reinforcement 178
Identify Some of Your Inner Critic Attacks 176
identifying 175–6
Recognize that You’re Attacking Yourself 175
recognizing 174–5
RIDD method 173–8
Tell Your Inner Critic to ‘Fuck Off’ 177–8
inner resistance 157–67
intimacy 187–8
J
James, William 69
K
Kaiser Permanente 28–9
L
Levine, Peter 34
listening actively 193
creating inner love 161
physical touch 48
unconditional 47–8
M
maladaptive stress response 22–3, 56–8, 60–61, 112
Are You Living in a Maladaptive Stress Response? 63–4
blocks healing 62–3
and emotional body 61–2
and physical body 61
effects of 120–21
How to Meditate 119–20
key principles 117–19
moving meditation 116
trauma-informed 115–16
and trauma triggers 115–16
memories
childhood experiences 33–4
resurfacing 34
the mind 154
mobilization 89
rating scale 93
N
needs. see core needs
negativity
inner critic 170–78
negative emotions 71–2
neglect 29–30
homeostatic balance 19–20, 22–3, 42, 55–64, 90–91
immobilization 89–90
maladaptive stress response 22–3, 56–8, 60–61, 112
mobilization 89
overloaded/stress response 22–3, 59
Rate Your Nervous System Day-to-Day 93–4
rating scale 92–4
recognizing the state of 82, 85–95
RESET model/resetting 81–4
self-regulating 22, 111–12, 161
socialization 88–9
and stress 87–8
triggers 91–2
understanding 82
neuroception 91
neurodivergence 35
O
overgeneralization 33–4
P
parasympathetic nervous system 46, 88
parents
feelings towards 13
influence of 7–9
patterns
behavioral 127–32
personality 101–106
Pavlov, Ivan 69
the peacekeeper 105–106
the perfectionist 103–104
personality
the achiever 102–103
the controller 104–105
and emotions 77
the helper 101–102
patterns of 101–106
the peacekeeper 105–106
the perfectionist 103–104
physical body
and meditation 120–21
and stress 61
and Therapeutic Inquiry 154
physical touch 48
Polyvagal Theory 87–8
positivity 178
encouragement 193–4
positive emotions 71–2
toxic positivity 71–2
priorities in relationships 201–203
psychology
behavioral 69
cognitive 70
definition 70
and emotions 70–71
history of 69–71
psychoneuroimmunology 61
R
rating scale: nervous system 92–4
Redfield, James 113
relationships 183–4
and boundaries 201–203, 206–207
and change 207–209
co-dependent 51
friendships 189–90
gaslighting 204–205
intimacy 187–8
physical touch 48
priorities in 201–203
support network 188–91
see also love
RESET model for healing 81–4
resilience 42
importance of 18–20
resistance 157–67
responsibility 203
RIDD method (inner critic work) 173–8
S
sadness and healing 11
and change 110–11
creating inner safety 161
and self-regulation 110–11
self-harm, emotional 134–5
self-regulating 111–12
feelings 121
meditation 112–19
nervous system 22, 111–12, 161
and safety 110–11
sexual orientation 35
socialization 88–9
rating scale 93
state changing 137–8
activated stress response 87–8
maladaptive stress response 22–3, 56–8, 60–61, 112
nervous system 87–8
support network 188–91
sympathetic nervous system 46, 87
T
Therapeutic Inquiry 11, 150–53
centres of 153–5
Your Therapeutic Inquiry Practice 155–6
touch 48
toxic positivity 71–2
trauma
childhood 28–30
childhood experiences 37–9
collective 36
conferences 16
covert 30–32
cycle of 36–7
definition 17–18
and emotions 66–9
meaning of 231–2
memories of 33
and overgeneralization 33–4
recurrent 33
Trauma Super Conference 16–17
U
unconditional love 47–8
unconscious mind 58–9
V
vagus nerve 87–8
vulnerability 187–8