Eight

Today is my last day at Lithia Runners, but while I don’t know what I’ll do for money, I have to admit that it might be for the best. Since my date with Roman, something has changed between Stacey and me, and not for the better. She’s never asked me about it, for one thing, and she doesn’t even know it was a total disaster. But I definitely get the feeling she doesn’t want me to be seeing Roman. Stacey and Alex both.

I want to ask her about it, but it’s so awkward being around her now that I don’t know what to say. I have a hard time with this sort of thing. After my mother died, I grew up in self-defense mode, and I sometimes think that this is the reason I have a hard time communicating with people on certain levels. That is, I don’t really know how to be close to anyone.

Most of all, it makes me sad. Stacey no longer jokes around with me. We still run together, but when we lace up for our evening runs, she hardly says a word other than You ready? or Let’s go or Hurry up, it’s getting dark. It’s as if going running with me has become one of the chores she does in the store every day.

As we warm up, Stacey dons a bright, neon-orange running cap and jogs in place for a few seconds while I stare at it.

“Careful,” I say, attempting a joke. “You might disrupt air traffic with that thing.”

She actually gives me a bit of a smile, then turns her head to show me the letter “S” printed on the back. “It’s from David,” she says. “He wanted to personalize it, as if anyone else would be caught dead in it. It’s a little peace offering.”

“A peace offering?” I ask, but Stacey abruptly turns cold again.

“Come on, let’s go.”

Stacey and Alex both warning me about Roman seems to be some sort of jealousy thing. I understand it with Alex, since he’s already asked me out. But Stacey? Despite their recent squabbles, I can tell that she adores David, and David loves her. I don’t know why she would care who Roman goes out with at all. Unless she still has feelings for him. Or unless it’s me she doesn’t want him going out with.

Or unless Roman has some hold on her that she has not been able to break free of after all these years.

I can see that, I really can. Even though I walked out on my date with Roman, I still like him. I still want another chance. There is definitely something different about him. The strangely eloquent way he speaks. But then, he’s an actor and he does a lot of Shakespeare. His silence. The way he looks at me, a lustful yet confident and knowing look, like I am his already, even though I am anything but.

When Stacey spoke to him that day in the store, he studied her with a similar intensity, but his eyes didn’t linger on her. His gaze was a little dismissive, as if to let her know he had moved on.

Moved on to me.

I can’t blame her for being upset. I arrived out of nowhere, and in return for her generosity, I appear to be stealing the attention of the number-one bachelor in Lithia. The one she’s saved a little place in her heart for. I should know better than to mess with something like that.

Still, I wish we could move on. I wish she would let it go, or tell me what’s on her mind, since I don’t even know where to begin. But that is not going to happen today. We’re approaching the Lost Mine Trail, where, as we ascend, talking becomes impossible.

Stacey picks up her pace, cutting me off. “Hey!” I shout, but she doesn’t look back. I slow a bit, lingering behind her as I consider what to do. I want to just let her go on ahead, but on the other hand I’m tired of holding back. And I’m tired of feeling bad and not even knowing what I did wrong.

So I pick up my pace, and in less than a minute I am passing her. I can hear her breathing, pained, as I accelerate up the hill and around the bend. I should slow down now, but I don’t. I’m feeling better than I have in a while, being able to run off all this bad energy. I feel stronger than ever, and my muscles are working beautifully, my lungs open and full. I’m feeling free, for the first time in a long while.

I hear a noise behind me. It sounds like Stacey shouting. She’s angry that I passed her, and I really shouldn’t have. I remember my promise to David. Keep an eye on each other, he said.

And so I turn around.

Then I think I hear a voice, or was it the wind? Then a piercing scream.

Now I am running full speed, racing back to where I’d passed her, the wind howling in my ears. I slide down the gravel path, tripping as I round a curve, then another. I must’ve gone farther ahead than I thought, or maybe Stacey had turned around and was heading back. She must’ve fallen, twisted an ankle or worse. I try to go faster, but the trail is unforgiving and won’t let me.

And then I nearly trip on it—a running shoe in the middle of the path. Stacey’s shoe. I stop and look around.

I pick up the shoe. There are drops of blood on it. So she did hurt herself—but if that’s the case, then where is she?

I call her name, spinning in circles on the path, looking for any movement in the trees, my ears strained for any noise. The evening light is fading fast, and my eyes can make out very little in the darkness of the trees. My heart is beating faster than it does even when running up this mountain, and I raise my voice, shouting her name.

“Stacey!”

I remember that time she snuck up behind me, and I’m beginning to wonder whether she’s playing a trick on me, some sort of cruel trick to get back at me for whatever is bothering her. But it’s not funny.

“Stacey! Where are you? Stacey!” I am screaming now, as loudly as I can, my voice tearing in my throat. I wait for a response. I hear nothing, the woods suddenly more silent than I’ve ever heard them. I call again. And again.

There is no reply.

Sweat stings my eyes as I look on the ground again, for signs of anything. I see something bright on the side of the trail and run over to see what it is. My body fills with dread as I lean down and pick it up.

A hat. A bright orange neon hat. With an S on the back.