| |
The flowers were starting to bloom in front of the school. Or maybe they were weeds. I never understood the difference. Point is, there were flower-like things in front of the school now. Which meant spring was finally here. A time of colorful landscapes and bright sunshine. Flowers, bees, lakes, sunshine, apple pie...
...and allergies.
Achoo!
Jack sneezed right into his arm next to me as we were walking up to the school entrance. He always had a sneezing fit when the seasons changed. I wasn’t sure if it was something that ran in his family, but I know he wasn’t the only one to have that issue.
Achoo!
Cause I had it too.
Rubbing my nose with my sweatshirt sleeve, I said to Jack, “I’m not sure whether I hate or love spring.”
Jack nodded. “It would be a lot better if it didn’t change things so drastically.”
“Feels like just yesterday it was below freezing point.”
“That was yesterday.”
“Oh,” I replied. “That explains it then, doesn’t it.”
Faith was taking her own day off that day. This was normal, and honestly, she deserved to have some time off. Even now, I don’t think I could imagine all the thoughts running through her head. It must be tiring.
Isa came to school early, apparently to help the art club. She wasn’t part of it, but one of her friends were. With every spring comes an open house at every school, so the art club needed to decide what to showcase in the halls at our school.
As we walked down the halls, Jack ran his hand through the grooves of the painted brick walls. He did it without thinking, really. I think it just calmed him down.
As we kept walking, I resisted the urge to look at the students around us. I didn’t want to have to worry about anything. My heart was racing, and I was internally shaking. This had been mornings for me for the past few days, but why? The only thing I could think of is the weather was somehow accelerating my anxiety. I realize now that isn’t possible. But I still thought it was that. So I sucked it up, and rode it out.
Eventually, I reached my first period classroom. I waved goodbye to Jack, and a wave of warm air blasted through the door as I opened it. The windows were open, and the smell of spring was most prominent in this room. Fresh grass, the smell of flowers. The only thing missing were bees, but I think I could live without bees swarming classrooms.
It was definitely a nice place to be though, which was an odd change of pace, but I accepted it. I sat down in the chair I always sat in, and did my best to ignore the faces that were staring at me as I came in.
I was getting better at that.
* * * *
I looked at the painted wood door in front of me. It was supposed to be purple, but you could hardly tell. The sun practically bleached it into a new shade of blue. I raised my first, then knocked three times. I waited for a bit, but there was no answer. Which meant Faith’s parents weren’t home. And Faith wasn’t going to answer.
“Faith,” I said loudly. I waited a bit before continuing. “I’m coming in, is that alright?” Still no answer.
“Guess so,” I told myself under my breath.
I turned the slightly rusted bronze knob, and slowly pushed the door open. No lights were on, but they didn’t need to be on. Sunlight was enough here. I looked around the house. It didn’t really look like anything had been moved by someone who wasn’t Faith’s parents. Meaning she probably hadn’t eaten all day.
I went to her fridge and took out two oranges. It wasn’t a meal, no, but some food is better than none. Then I went up the stairs and saw Faith’s door was open.
Even though I shouldn’t have, I let myself in. Faith was laying on her bed, covered in her blankets. She peeked out to look at me.
“Oh,” she said. “Hey.”
“Heya,” I replied. I went and sat on the edge of her bed, handing her an orange. “I brought you something to eat.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Come on Faith, I know you love oranges.”
She looked at me for a few seconds, then groaned and sat up, gently taking the orange from my hand and peeling it.
“Jack’s not with you?”
“Nah, he got detention again.”
Faith shook her head. “Idiot.”
We both sat in silence for a while. I looked around Faith’s room. None of the lights were on, and the curtains were closed. Judging by how I found Faith when I got here, I imagined she was trying to sleep. I probably woke her up.
“Sorry, by the way.” I said.
“Sorry?” She asked. “For what?” Her tone suggested she genuinely didn’t know what I was apologizing about.
“You were trying to sleep, right? I must’ve woken you up. So... sorry about that.”
Faith let out a small smile before hiding it behind an orange slice. “Don’t worry, I would've had to get up sooner or later. I’m sorta glad you came. I’m surprised you’re not spending time with Isa, though.”
“Isa’s doing fine. I think. She doesn’t need me right now.”
“But I do?”
“Don’t you?”
“...”
Faith shuffled around in her bed a bit. For some reason, that question seemed to make her uncomfortable. “Yeah,” she said. “I guess I do... I don’t get it though.”
“Don’t get what?” I asked.
“Well, are you happy being here right now?”
“Hmm... I’m not sure. If I’m being honest, I don’t like the dark much. But you probably do, that’s why I haven’t turned on any lights or opened the curtains.”
“But you would be happy if you were with-”
“No, I wouldn’t.” I interrupted her. That caught her by surprise, even made her jump a bit. “If I was off with someone else right now while knowing you needed somebody here, I wouldn’t be happy.” Even I noticed the change in my tone with the next sentence. “I’d be sad, I’d be worried, I’d be a mess of emotions.”
I could feel tears welling up in my eyes, but I brushed them away. I didn’t like imagining sadness or loneliness, maybe because those emotions have haunted me a lot lately. Were they haunting Faith too? I guess I’ve never asked that question until now. Did we feel the same kind of emotions?
“Josh...”
“Ah ha ha, sorry, got a bit carried away with my emotions there.”
In the next instance, I felt arms wrap around me. They were Faith’s. This wasn’t an energetic hug like Isa’s, and it wasn’t an unconditional one like the kind your family gives you. This one had emotion behind it, but I couldn’t describe it. Not well. But it felt suffocating too. Like this wasn’t supposed to be happening, I guess. But at the same time, I didn’t want to break away. So I hugged back.
“I’m glad you care about me, Josh.” Faith said quietly. “You don’t know how happy that makes me.”
“I care about all of you.” I replied. “If Jack or Isa were feeling bad, I’d check up on them too.”
“What if it was all three of us?”
“I...” I paused. “I don’t know, honestly. I’d probably end up feeling bad then, and we’d all just be a big blob of sadness.”
“Knock knock,” Jack’s voice spoke to us from behind us, followed by the lights turning on.
“Oh!” I replied. “Jack! Come on, get in this hug.”
“I’ll pass. Hugs aren’t really my thing.”
“Oh right,” I said. “Fair enough.”
We broke from the hug, and Jack sat next to us on the bed.
“So,” Faith started. “What did you get in trouble for this time?”
“You know,” Jack said, scratching his head. “the usual.”
“The usual” meant one thing – did something a substitute teacher wasn’t used to. Whether it was constantly clicking a pen, snapping his fingers, or tapping his cheekbone with his finger, Jack tended to do something that substitute teachers really didn’t like. It wasn’t his fault, though, he couldn’t control it. He kinda just did it absentmindedly until someone pointed it out. He only ever did it when he was stressed or trying to focus, though. I believe the term for it is “stimming.” He also plays with his hair or scratches his head when he’s mad or confused. Most of the time, a mix of both emotions.
Me and Faith broke from the hug, and I invited Jack to sit on the bed with us. He was fine with that. I was going to get up to get him an orange too, I didn’t want him to feel left out, but he told me to just stay on the bed, he was fine without it.
We all talked about all sorts of stuff that day. Isa never came over, but then again, I never told her where I was going. Even without her, though, I still had a great time just talking with my friends.
When we were leaving Faith’s house, she stopped me at the door, and told me she was happy I was improving. I didn’t know what she was talking about at the time, but I replied to it with a simple, “Thank you.”
That always seemed to work with compliments.
* * * *
Have I mentioned I have love/hate relationship... with bees?
On the one hand, they pollinate flowers and look cute. They do a lot for the environment and I’m glad they’re around. If I could keep one as a pet, I would. But, on the other hand, they sting. And I seem to be the prime target for that.
“Ouch!”
I jolted my arm in surprise and the bee flew off, even though I knew it wouldn’t get far.
That was the thing about bees; they don’t go far after they sting something. They lose their stinger, and then they die. They never get far after they attack. But that confused me, too. Why would they attack in the first place? Surely, they’re smart enough to know that it will kill them. Bees aren’t that stupid, right?
Then I started to think that maybe bees didn’t do it for themselves. Maybe they didn’t attack to protect themselves, but rather to protect their friends. After all, if there’s danger present, wouldn’t you try to protect the people you care about?
So, I figured out that maybe bees give up their own lives to protect the ones they love. And then some bees just stung people to sting them. Maybe they want to go out with a bang.
I rubbed the spot where the bee stung me. I didn’t understand why that bee stung me, though. I wasn’t doing anything; I was just walking around. Maybe the bee was just having a bad day.
Can bees have bad days? I asked myself that question. Then again, maybe there was another reason as to why it stung me. Maybe it wasn’t just a bad day. But then that does bring up the question, why did the bee sting me?