The afternoon before Rosa’s trial, Esther answered a knock at the apartment door to find Maggie brushing a frosting of snow from her hair. Her smile looked as bogus as a snowman’s crooked grin of pebbles.
The morning after the awful dinner at Rosa and Allen’s apartment, Esther had changed her plea to guilty and accepted District Attorney Turner’s deal. In the two months since, she barely left the house except for her part-time job at the bookstore, where she was assigned to unpack boxes rather than sell books at the counter. She stayed home from the weekly women’s group meetings and she hadn’t heard a single word from Maggie or any of the other women in the SDS collective. She tried not to blame Maggie for her silence; everyone knew Maggie was Rosa’s best friend. Just a few months ago, Esther had thought Maggie was her best friend, too.
“I guess sisterhood isn’t that powerful,” Jake had observed. Esther argued with him, but her heart wasn’t in it. Maybe he was right.
Maggie wiped her glasses on her scarf, succeeding only in smearing them. “Hey. Can I come in?”
Esther took a step back so Maggie could enter. Esther touched her finger to her lips. “Molly’s sleeping.”
Maggie nodded and followed Esther silently into the living room. At least that response was better than Rosa, who usually raised her voice at the request to be quieter, insisting that babies had to learn to sleep through talking and music and meetings.
“How’s Molly doing?”
What kind of answer did Maggie want, pleasant or honest? Esther sat at one end of the sofa hugging a hand-me-down pillow with orange blossoms. “Fine. She’s crawling. Still not sleeping all night, though.” Maggie loved kids, claimed that the only negative to being a dyke was the difficulty making babies. But she hadn’t come over to discuss Molly’s developmental milestones. “What’s up?”
Maggie rearranged herself at the other end of the sofa, tucking one leg under her. The tip of her tongue peeked between her top and bottom teeth, like it always did when she was nervous. “I can’t stand this,” she said.
You can’t stand it? Esther wished she could sob her misery into her old friend’s arms. She didn’t trust herself to speak past the lump in her throat, so she just shrugged and waited for Maggie to continue.
“This is really hard. I’m sorry that my support for Rosa means not being here for you. I want to help.”
“Help me?”
“Both of you. Rosa is just as miserable as you are. Not that she’d ever show it.”
“Did she send you here?”
Maggie shook her head emphatically. “She’d be furious. This is my idea, because I want you and Rosa to work this out. So you don’t have to testify against her tomorrow.”
Esther put her foot on the rocking chair next to the sofa and pushed. The squeak of the springs, rusty under the denim-patched pillow, was loud in the silent room. Soon Maggie would leave and Molly would wake up from her nap. Esther would bundle her in the plush rose-colored snowsuit with bunny ears that Mama bought in preparation for Molly’s first Michigan winter. Dressing a baby girl in pink was conforming to gender stereotypes, but Esther loved the slippery feel of the fabric and the hopeful color. They would walk to the neighborhood park and Molly would ride the baby swing, squealing with delight at every rise and fall of the arc.
“Is there anything I can do?” Maggie asked.
“Talk to Rosa, because she’s the only one with a choice now. I have to tell the truth about what happened. I mean, how can that be wrong, telling the truth? We did it, you know?”
“Rosa sees it as a betrayal. Besides, is there only one truth here? There are no possible nuances of motivation or necessity?”
Esther let herself sink back into the sofa, so weary. If only she could disappear into the lumpy old stuffing. “The truth is that we caused an accident and a cop was hurt.”
“He’s not hurt that bad. Rosa says that—”
“He’s paralyzed,” Esther interrupted. “That’s pretty bad. Listen, I know you want to help. And I know Rosa is a force of nature. It’s impossible to say no to her. If I didn’t have Molly, I probably couldn’t do it. But I do have Molly, and I’m going to tell the truth tomorrow.”
“Can’t you try one more time to talk with each other?”
Trying to talk with Rosa when she was determined was a complete waste of time. Maggie must know that after all these years. Feeling so isolated and alone these days, Esther was growing equally as resolute. Whenever she pictured her sister, she saw the black and white television image of Rosa’s face. An ashen oval framed by high voltage hair.
Esther shook her head. “Won’t do any good.”
“She’ll never forgive you.” Maggie’s mouth moved stiffly, as if forming the words took great effort.
Esther stood up. “I know that.”
“Please try once more.” Maggie was begging. “I’m scared. If anyone can persuade Rosa, it’s you.”
How peculiar that Maggie would say that. She was usually so smart about people. Esther never had much influence over Rosa. She had always been the little tag-along, the follower, the faithful sidekick. And now, when the stakes were so high for both of them, Esther felt even smaller. No. Despite Maggie’s wishful thinking, Esther had absolutely no influence on her big sister.
Esther spoke before Jake was through the door. “Maggie was here today.”
“What did she want?” Jake tossed his coat on the rocking chair and leaned down to kiss Molly’s forehead.
“Just for me to change my mind and not testify tomorrow.”
“Great, so they slap you in jail? You’ve got a deal with the DA. Does Maggie remember that detail?”
Esther didn’t answer.
“Did Rosa send her?”
“Maggie claims not. She says Rosa is miserable.”
Jake sat on the sofa and put his arms around Esther, gathering her and Molly against his body. “I hope she is. Serves her right, treating you like a traitor.”
“Rosa can’t help it. She can’t believe that anyone, me or you or Allen or Maggie or anyone, could disagree with her on something this important. I admire that about her, how unshakeable she is.”
“Well, I don’t.” Jake emptied his pockets onto the coffee table. Stethoscope, reflex hammer, dog-eared laminated card with pediatric emergency dosages, two-inch tall blue plastic monkey that opened its arms and legs and squawked when you squeezed its back. At the sound, Molly opened her eyes, pulled away from Esther’s nipple, and reached for the monkey.
“You’re the Monkey,” Jake said to Molly. “Let me wash this first, then you can play.”
“Well, I do admire her,” Esther repeated, loud enough for Jake to hear over the splash of the kitchen faucet. “I just wish she didn’t demand everyone’s agreement.”
“Everyone’s obedience, more like it.” Jake squeezed the monkey twice and handed it to Molly, who brought it to her mouth and sucked on the head. “I can’t believe you guys come from the same parents. How did you turn out so different? She’s warped.”
Esther shrugged. “She thinks I’m the one who’s warped.”
“Well, I’m starved.” Jake held out his arms to Molly. “I’ll play with her while you make dinner. And tomorrow we’ll see what the jury thinks about who’s warped.”
It’s not the jury’s opinion I care about, Esther realized as she opened the refrigerator for the leftover brown rice.
When she heard Jake and Molly’s laughter from the living room, Esther dialed Rosa’s number. The empty rings of the telephone echoed in the dark hallway.