When we first sit behind the steering wheel of a car, we usually feel like our stomach is tied up in knots. We flip-flop between terror and excitement. After a while, though, when we have some experience driving, the fear and excitement wear off. And when driving becomes routine, we may even begin to take dangerous chances.
We eat, talk on our cell phones, try to find our favorite CD, and talk to our friend in the next seat, all while driving on busy streets without giving it much thought. Somewhere in the back of our minds we know that accidents happen, but we think that they would never happen to us because we are in control, and then . . . BAM!!!
We look up from our CD player, drop our cell phone, spill our soda, only to discover we’ve rear-ended the car in front of us. At first we blame everyone else, but in reality, we weren’t paying attention. We thought we had everything under control. We ignored the possible negative consequences of our decisions and ended up paying for it.
What we thought could never happen to us . . . happened.
The same thing can happen when we begin dating. At first we’re excited and nervous and we try to do everything right. We’ve heard for years that we should not have sex because we risk getting pregnant or getting infected with a sexually transmitted disease, like herpes or gonorrhea. But after a while, we have our first kiss. Then, kissing eventually leads to touching. Touching quickly proceeds to . . . well, you get the picture.
We look around at our friends who are having sex and most of them aren’t pregnant and no one ever talks about having an STD. Sure, some get pregnant—but we tell ourselves that they took too many chances. That won’t happen to us because we’ll be careful.
Why not have sex? After all, getting pregnant or getting an STD won’t happen to me.
Remember how Jesus undressed Satan’s lie in lesson one? In this study we are going to undress the lie that says “It can’t happen to me.” We will:
1. Take an honest look at the consequences of sex before marriage
2. Think through how we can decrease our vulnerability to those consequences
3. Study God’s Word to understand the plan He has laid out for us to enjoy the best sex possible and to enjoy it for a lifetime
Before jumping into the lesson, take some time to pray and ask that God would give you wisdom to understand His will for your life.
Now, let’s do a quick review from last week’s lesson.
The affair of David and Bathsheba happened around 1000 B.C. That’s about 3,000 years ago. Over the past 3,000 years, many things have changed, but one thing hasn’t changed: People still believe the lie “It can’t happen to me.”
Sit back and get ready for Lakita to bring this problem to the present. As you watch the video, write down questions or thoughts in the journal space provided. As you watch the video, be sure to write down any thoughts and questions you have while Lakita talks. Take a moment to talk with the group about your questions and thoughts after watching the video.
If you were offered a choice between drinking from a fresh bottle of water or a bottle that had been used by four strangers, which would you choose?
How did you feel when you heard the story of Nushan Williams?
“Stay away from the stove, it’s hot!”
“Don’t cross the street; it’s dangerous!”
“Don’t talk to strangers!”
“Don’t have sex before marriage!”
People have been telling us not to do things our entire lives. As kids, hearing “because I told you so” or fearing punishment from our parents kept us mostly in line. But as we get older, we want to find things out for ourselves. We become like Adam and Eve in the garden. We wonder, Do I really have to be afraid?
God gave us curiosity, and exploring the world around us is a gift. God also gave us a brain and His Word so that we can safely explore within the boundaries He set in place. We can enjoy life and not suffer negative consequences if we honor His plans for us.
So how much do you know about the real consequences of sex? Take the quiz below and find out! This is the first step in undressing the lie “It can’t happen to me.” You might be surprised at just how vulnerable you are.
Circle one answer for each question below.
1. How many people a day get a sexually transmitted disease?
a. 100
b. 5,600
c. 15,800
d. 42,000
e. 120,000
2. In any given year, how many new cases of sexually transmitted diseases are reported?
a. 500,000
b. 1 million
c. 10 million
d. 12 million
e. 15 million
3. What percentage of people who contract an STD are high school and college students?
a. 10%
b. 25%
c. 50%
d. 66%
e. 93%
4. People who have a sexually transmitted disease always know they have one.
a. True
b. False
5. Which causes more deaths worldwide?
a. Hepatitis B
b. AIDS
6. STDs cannot be transferred through oral sex.
a. True
b. False
7. How many girls over the age of 12 are living with herpes?
a. 1 in 1,000
b. 1 in 500
c. 1 in 100
d. 1 in 10
e. 1 in 5
8. How many guys in high school who are sexually active will have at least one STD?
b. 1 in 500
c. 1 in 100
d. 1 in 10
e. 1 in 4
9. One in three girls will be pregnant at least once before the age of 20.
a. True
b. False
10. If you are a Christian who is sexually active, you are less likely than a non-Christian to get pregnant or contract an STD.
a. True
b. False
Before we look at the answers to this survey, let’s take a look at a great man who experienced some severe negative consequences when he took sex into his own hands.
It seems like every other week a well-known celebrity or person in power gets caught with their pants down by the media.
Do you think Kobe Bryant—one of the highest paid and most popular basketball players for the Los Angeles Lakers—thought he would face rape charges after he slept with a 19-year-old in Colorado? Do you think Bill Clinton thinks that his moments of pleasure with a White House intern were worth facing impeachment as president of the United States?
Many people with money, power and fame believe the lie “It can’t happen to me” because these things give them a feeling of invincibility. They think they can beat the odds. You might be surprised to learn that one of the greatest followers of God believed that same lie. Thousands of years later, his story can help us undress Satan’s lie.
David loved God. And God loved David so much that He transformed him from a shepherd into the king of the nation of Israel. David’s power and greatness caused his enemies to tremble with fear. Throughout his life, David practiced self-control, self-discipline and delayed gratification. David only did as God told him. And God blessed him because of it.
Read 2 Samuel 7:8-17.
Describe how you would feel if you were David and God’s prophet Nathan spoke these words to you.
Even great men have times of weakness. David is no different than you or me. For a few moments of sexual pleasure, David decided to play the odds and believe the lie “It can’t happen to me.”
Read 2 Samuel 11:1-5.
Describe David’s feelings when he found out that Bathsheba had become pregnant.
If you became pregnant, or were responsible for a pregnancy, what thoughts and fears would you have?
In ancient Israel, the consequence of sleeping with your neighbor’s wife was death (see Leviticus 20:10). Even the king of Israel could be killed for adultery. Instead of facing the death penalty—which he deserved by law—David tried to get rid of the problem.
How did David try to get rid of the unwanted pregnancy? Why didn’t it work?
Read Exodus 20:1-17 and decide how many of the Ten Commandments David disobeyed.
Read 2 Samuel 12:1-13.
Did God allow David’s sin to remain a secret? Make a list of the consequences David faced.
How did God respond to David’s acknowledgment of his sin?
If you are sleeping with someone, you are sleeping with every person that person has ever slept with and are at risk for every STD that might have been passed on.
The activity below will help you understand the consequences of choosing to give up your virginity.
Your group leader will give you a card that either says “virgin,” “sexually active with an STD” or “sexually active with no STD.” Follow your leader’s instructions to find out who is safe from STDs.
When the game is complete, look around to see who is still sitting. Only the people who remained virgins are guaranteed to have avoided an STD or pregnancy. Take a look at the Sexual Exposure Chart:
|
Number of |
Number of |
|
1 |
1 |
|
2 |
3 |
|
3 |
7 |
|
4 |
15 |
|
5 |
31 |
|
6 |
63 |
|
7 |
127 |
|
8 |
255 |
|
9 |
511 |
|
10 |
1023 |
|
11 |
2047 |
|
12 |
4095 |
Note: Data assumes that every person has only the same number of partners as you.
Are You as Wise as You Thought?
Let’s check out how you did on the Sexual Consequences IQ Test. Compare your answers to the actual answers below:
1. How many people a day get a sexually transmitted disease?
Answer: d. 42,000
2. In any given year, how many new cases of sexually transmitted diseases are reported?
Answer: e. 15,000,000
3. What percentage of the people who contract STDs are high school and college students?
Answer: d. 66%
4. People who have a sexually transmitted disease always know they have one.
Answer: b. False
5. Which causes more deaths worldwide?
Answer: a. Hepatitis B
6. STDs cannot be transferred through oral sex.
Answer: b. False
7. How many girls over age 12 are living with herpes?
Answer: e. 1 in 5
8. How many guys in high school who are sexually active will have at least one STD?
Answer: e. 1 in 4
9. One in three women will be pregnant at least once before the age of 20.
Answer: a. True
10. If you are a Christian who is sexually active, you are less likely than a non-Christian to get pregnant or contract an STD.
Answer: b. False
Sex has consequences. If you choose to wait to have sex until marriage, one consequence could be a lifetime of amazing sex. If you choose to have sex outside of marriage, one consequence could be an STD or pregnancy. Do you think it could happen to you?
As it ended up, David was responsible for Bathsheba’s pregnancy. We saw how fear guided him to make some life-changing decisions with disastrous results. Did you notice that David made all these decisions without Bathsheba’s input? This was another poor choice. When a woman becomes pregnant, the man and the woman have to make choices together.
What stands out to you from the stories of David/Bathsheba?
What surprised you from today’s lesson?
Over the next six lessons you will use the T-Chart (see below) to help keep track of what we are learning in each lesson. Each week you’ll make an entry about the negative consequences for having sex, e.g., high risk of contracting an STD and significant risk of becoming pregnant. You will also make a list of the positive consequences of following God and practicing 100 percent abstinence until marriage.
Take a moment to fill in the T-Chart with what you’ve learned from this lesson.
