Chapter 8
NAKED GAMES
Doing as if possessed by a deity and pulling out the nipples of her breasts, she pushed her skirt-string beneath her private parts. Then the Plain of High Heaven shook and the eight hundred myriad deities laughed together.
Kojiki, a.d. 712 1
The kimono of the tayu was very long. To keep it from dragging, she would gather it up in one hand just beneath her magnificent, wide silk obi, allowing men a peek at her red under-slip. Later, in the privacy of her apartments under her patron’s gaze, she would slowly undo her hair, letting it fall over her shoulders. Next, she would untie her obi and open her kimono to show him her beautifully embroidered silk undergarments. This simple act created excitement without frustration. He knew what was coming. When she opened her kimono, her posture revealed her as a woman of blood and fire, ready to satisfy his most sensual urges and erotic impulses. She intrigued him with unexpected beauty, then overwhelmed him with irresistible sensuality. She was also completely nude.
The tayu was both magic and sorcery, and symbolized life’s most carnal pleasures. You also should revel in the enjoyment of your naked body. Celebrate your sexuality. Embrace it, show it, as if to say, I have it, and it’s a good thing. Take responsibility for your sexual powers and use them to seduce him and pleasure yourself. But keep this in mind about games: Never do anything you don’t want to do. Never do anything you consider demeaning. Never do anything unsafe.
STRIPTEASE
Western-style striptease was introduced to Japan after World War II during the U.S. Occupation (1945–52), when the girls chose to take off their clothes in theaters rather than turn to prostitution. The Japanese realized that nudity, something they regarded as natural, was much sought after by foreigners. So, instead of the Cherry Blossom Festival, they started the Festival of Breasts. A new word was coined, nudo, an idea that had not previously existed in Japan. Sutorippu gekijo, “striptease theaters” became popular.2
Stripping is every woman’s overriding fantasy. It is both a defiant and seductive act, the classic test of your female sexual impact, where the art of the tease is your path to pleasure. Strippers look so incredible, powerful, and desirable. Incorporate the movements of the striptease into your workout and you will have the most amazing body in your life: strong and limber, taut and tight. A lean, feminine machine.
A striptease can be partial, simulated, decorated, even disguised. You are in complete control, deciding how much or how little you will remove. Never lose sight of that power and use it to your advantage. Do your dance slowly, have fun, and act like you own the place, including the man in it. You will, when your dance is over.
- It all comes down to attitude. It doesn’t matter what you take off, it’s how you do it. Study strippers’ routines in films or TV shows, then practice in front of a mirror until you feel confident enough to try it in front of him.
- Make sure your “stage” is set up and ready with the right lighting and décor.
- Check your music ahead of time and make certain it’s cued in, then start the fireworks.
- Be in costume when he shows up at your door. You can either surprise him or find out ahead of time what turns him on. What you wear is important.
- Think of your outfit as layer upon interesting layer. Try a long dress that zips down far enough for you to give it your all. Make sure what you have on underneath is pretty and feminine, even sparkling. Years ago only professional strippers wore thongs; now you can buy them and other erotic underwear at fashion outlets.
- The courtesan wore high, high clogs. High heels elongate the leg to an erotic pinnacle. They are an absolute must and should never be removed during your strip.
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High geta or clogs slowed the gait of a courtesan
and drew attention to her legs and feet
- In geisha dances, movement was not as an end in itself, but a means to an end—a series of steps leading to striking a pose. Elevate the sexuality of your dance by striking a provocative pose when you feel the urge.
- Run your hands up and down your curves, lingering on your breasts, hips, and thighs. Then unzip your gown and fling it aside. Keep him anticipating what you will do next. Stripping is more about not showing than about showing. That’s why the dance is called “strip tease.”
- Take off your bra, shake your breasts, and pinch your nipples as you “bump and grind.”You can either keep on or take off your G-string,then squat down on your haunches, looking at him with a sexy smile, letting him savor the proximity of your nakedness, making him sweat. If he reaches out to touch or pinch you, playfully smack his hand away, then run off, inviting him to follow . . . and make love to you.
- In Tokyo, a stripper never watches another stripper perform unless invited. Do not invite your girlfriends or his friends to watch you strip. Your strip is for you and your man only.
LAP DANCING
Seventeenth-century erotic novelist Ihara Saikaku noted that the ordinary women of the town often took as much pleasure in sex as their male counterparts, sometimes to the point of nymphomania.3
A steamy lap dance is a mutual pleasure. Slip into something that makes you feel sexy and feminine, whether it’s lacy lingerie or a tight T-shirt and a thong. And high heels. Turn on your favorite music to loosen up your inhibitions. Poised over his lap and standing as close to him as you dare, move in time to the music, slowly tracing your body with your hands, up and down your breasts, circling your nipples, fanning them across your pubic area. Then turn your back. Don’t worry, he can’t take his eyes off you. Bend over and run your fingers up the backs of your legs, all the way up to your tight buttocks. Trace your fingers down the crack and over your hips. Go for some grinding while you are doing your gyrations. Turn around and face him with a sexy, knowing smile. He knows what’s coming next and he can’t wait.
How to Make Whipped Cream
- Heavy cream whips better than whipping cream due to its higher butterfat content. Light cream, also called coffee cream, does not whip.
- Before whipping, chill the cream, bowl, and beaters. Warm cream may not whip.
- An electric mixer works best. Begin at medium speed, moving the beater around in the bottom of the bowl to whip the cream evenly. As it thickens, reduce the speed so you can whip to fairly stiff peaks for spreading on his favorite parts of your anatomy.
- Add sugar and dry flavorings such as instant coffee, vanilla powder, or spices when you begin. Liquid flavorings such as vanilla or other extracts, brandies, or melted chocolate are best added at the end in small amounts so they won’t soften the cream.
- Apply to your body promptly, since whipped cream does not retain its shape for long, unlike your man’s penis as he licks it off.
Biting seductively on your lower lip, push his knees apart and slither your body down the length of his torso. Remind him that he can look all he wants, but he can’t touch until you tell him. You are in control. Let your hands roam all over your body, everywhere, testing where your sexual power comes from and where it will take you. finish your seduction by simulating the sex act with him and see where it goes from there. There’s no place for him to go but up.
HIS JUST DESSERTS
In Tokyo’s red-light district of Kabukicho, a man can go to a club specializing in whipped cream and get his fill of the creamy stuff. For a set fee, he takes a girl to a private room, removes her clothes, and covers her in lactic love. If he is unable to lick her clean, he is fined.
Play this game with your man and you determine what the fine will be. A night of seduction with whipped cream is enticing. You can use ready-made, but the best is from your own recipe. Whipped cream is fast to prepare. Make it ahead of time to get it perfect and have ready. His performance with his tongue has a lot to do with the smoothness of the cream. He won’t be able to get enough of it or you.
You’ve stripped down to nothing or close to it, had your fill of whipped cream. What’s next? Making love? No, keep the momentum going—and his anticipation level high—with your own private live sex show.
LIVE SEX SHOWS
In Old Edo’s Yoshiwara, the courtesan was the pinnacle entertainer. Her performances were exclusive, for her patron’s eyes alone. Beyond her private rooms lay a vibrant, raucous world of sex. A common sight was a yujo on a theater stage, singing a vulgar song as she gradually undid her obi and opened her kimono, revealing herself to ogling onlookers.4 Until after the Meiji period, misemono, the sideshows popular at fairs and festivals, included among their acts a girl hoisting her kimono as men blew between her parted thighs with a feathered tickler.5 Other shows were evocative, daring, and bizarre in tone. Men with exceptionally long penises and women with extravagant pubic hair were featured. The open display of intercourse between a stallion and a woman was recorded from the 1790s up to 1863, but the practice came to an end when a woman passer-by was killed.6
In 1958, Japan passed the Entertainment Control Law designed to limit the influence of the yakuza, Japanese mafia, in the mizushobai, or sex trade.7 Yet in Tokyo’s Kabukicho district, and its counterpart in Osaka, a fast and loose reputation of nearly three centuries is flourishing. Live sex shows thrive. Beginning mid-morning and finishing before midnight, women dance naked and perform sexual intercourse on stage for the admission price. Most theaters feature a small, circular additional stage, which rotates when the action heats up. Some girls become “idol strippers,” aidoru sutorippa, receiving fan mail and becoming the focus of magazine stories.8 The himo, pimp, is involved, but he is considered no different from a manager in other businesses.9 This world of sex exists in a parallel universe alongside the ordinary world, never touching it.
Although the bondage, sadomasochism, lesbian acts, and audience participation in modern sex shows can be raw and at times shocking, the provocative techniques and moves of the girls are instructional if you have the daring. “Pretend” can be arousing for both of you. Here are some tips if you want to give him his own private live sex show.
- In Tokyo, high-class intimate bars with no stage often have private shows. Showcase your act impromptu in an open space in your living room, a cozy nook, sunken conversation pit, or a polished tiled entryway.
- In open steji, “open stage,” a girl squats or lies inches from onlookers, spreading her thighs as far as possible. A pink spotlight highlights her delicate flesh. Lie on your back and open your legs, gracefully tracing an arc in the air like an opening fan. A big flashlight or a penlight and a magnifying glass will give your partner a better view. Don’t let the light get too close to your body. Things will be hot enough.
- Squatting over sheets of paper, girls write messages of good luck with writing brushes gripped in their vaginas. Try it. Your writing may not the best, but he’s certain to keep this note in a special place. The girls also dab their genitals with black ink; audience members then press white paper to make personalized “fish” prints. You don’t have to worry about your writing with this one.
- In “vinyl clubs,” a girl is wrapped in a vinyl bag. Men feel her breasts and genitals through the vinyl, never touching her skin. To heighten foreplay, wrap yourself up in a sensual fabric and let him touch you through the material.
- Inviting a man on stage, the girl removes his pants and folds his underwear, allowing him to keep on his shirt and necktie. Next, she swabs his penis with alcohol and puts on a condom. He fondles and suckles her, has intercourse with her, then returns to his seat. Follow the same scenario for a stimulating twist on making love.
- Tachi sho, “touch show,” is where men take turns fondling girls. For “customer service,” a girl approaches the audience with a small basket containing a Polaroid camera and a tub of wet-wipes. After the men clean their hands, they are invited to feel her body and take do-it-yourself porn shots. Charge up your digital camera and let him take his best shot, then check out the photos on your computer.
A sex show is high stakes foreplay. You have turned him on to the point where he can’t wait to make love to you. Up the ante with a little game or two first.
SEX GAMES
In an Old Edo legend, a monk turned ferryman with an indefatigable penis fell prey to the appetites of the lady of a castle and her three maids. The women kept him prisoner, inventing games to play, including shutting him up in a large bag, “ . . . having first cut a hole big enough for his penis to protrude when required.”10 A sex game is any game that gives you and your partner pleasure. Here are some ideas to get you started.
- At nopan kissa (a contraction of “no-panty kissaten [tea shop]”),11 waitresses wear nothing but a little apron and serve expensive cups of tea and coffee on mirrored tables above mirrored floors. Try this at home, placing small mirrors at strategic angles, or give your lover a hand mirror so he can see your best side.
- Make your hairdryer into a wind machine by attaching a few feathers to the nozzle with strong thread. Sweep them over each other’s palms or soles of the feet, or other areas if he is game, or your breasts, belly, and between your thighs. Never use the hot air button or strong air. Never blow into your vagina or any other body orifice.
- Some hostess bars feature a game with regulars called “strip dice,” where everyone ends up nude. The final throw takes place in a hotel room. Play this one with loaded dice. He won’t care if you win.
- Another hostess bar game is “pluck it.” Men and girls alternate throwing the die. Each throw must beat the one before it. Whoever fails must give up a pubic hair. The successful thrower plucks the loser. You can improve on this sexy game: The winner plucks the pubic hair of the loser with his or her teeth.
- The yujo took pride in her plucked and clipped pudendum, indicating her sexual skills.12 If your man is turned on by bare genitals, let him shave you. With both of you nude, stand with one leg on the closed toilet seat while he sits on the edge of the tub. Use a sharp, but not too sharp, razor, and soap. He’ll get an erection, and as he feels your vagina, you can both enjoy your juices beading up on the naked lips like dew on the pink petals of a cherry blossom.
The ultimate sex game requires not only complete trust and confidence in your lover, but silken ropes and pretty knots. Bondage. Taboo, or “to do”? You won’t know until you ask.
SHIBARI: “EROTIC BONDAGE”
The Japanese have turned knot tying into a beautiful art, from gift packaging to the obijime, cord, encircling a geisha’s sash. Shibari, bondage, began with the martial art of restraint known as hojojutsu, in which samurai practiced capturing or detaining the enemy with ropes in the least possible amount of time. Hemp rope, asanawa, became a symbol of power.
Shibari is one of the most popular themes in shunga: a prostitute is shown stripped to the waist and tied to a rafter as punishment; a nude girl is bound with intricate knots; or a courtesan is tied spread-eagled to a pole and gagged with her own hair, eyes wide, head lolling back and toes arched upward in ecstasy as a man penetrates her. Since the 1960s, special theaters have featured a nawashi, rope artist,13 to tie up a dorei, a willing female.14 Today, erotic bondage figures prominently in manga and porn videos.
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Indulge in elegant bondage with a decorative
obi or sash and a length of Japanese cord
No longer the taboo it once was in America, bondage is the second most popular fantasy after group sex. It is resistance training of a sexual kind, a symbolic domination rather than physical or mental. When you are tied up à la nawa-kesho, “applying rope like a cosmetic art,”15 you look and feel sexy because it builds anticipation of what is to come— you! This heightens your arousal. When you’re tied up and ready to go, he can kiss, tickle, fondle, masturbate, or tease you to orgasm. While unable to move, a slow orgasm, oruganzumi,16 can be a mind-blowing experience if you are willing to let it happen. Let go and yell as loud as you want, reveling in your pleasure and loving every moment. When it is his turn, fasten his hands, blindfold him, and seduce him by stroking his penis until he is fully aroused. Then stop. Then more. Make it different each time. Not knowing what comes next will drive him wild to the point where he is begging to be untied. And when you do, he will return the pleasure of delicious torture so you can reach orgasm in each other’s arms. Bondage is liberating. Is that a surprise?
- Bondage kits are available for what aficionados call a “pleasurable lashing,” but don’t scare him off by greeting him in a black leather miniskirt, six-inch heels, and cracking your whip.
- Genuine shibari requires rope. In general, you can use leather or rubber straps, silk cords, pajama belts, bathrobe sashes, scarves, or ribbons. You want the knot to be comfortable but firm, so it can’t be gotten out of easily. Be careful with stockings. They can be difficult to untie quickly should an emergency come up.
- Take turns. You want equality of pleasure, don’t you?
- Who goes first? If you enjoy allowing him to be the meijin,“skilled master,” spread your arms and legs like the courtesans in shunga and go for it. You want him to bring you to orgasm without feeling uncomfortable or getting loose, while you struggle as hard as you like.
- Tying him up can be interesting, especially if he is the “alpha male” type. With you as the onna shujin,“mistress,” he can relax without worrying about his performance.
- Shunga often depict a courtesan tied to a post on the ground. Your four-poster bed will work, or a soft futon on the floor with your hands and feet tied to something nearby that can withstand you pulling hard on it.
- Or, have him tie your wrists, ankles, elbows, soles, thumbs, and big toes together. These are “sex points,” where compression boosts arousal. Another fun “rope trick” is shinju,“pearls,” tying up your breasts to emphasize your nipples. For extra fun, try sakuranbo, “cherry,” tying up your buttocks to emphasize your vagina.
- Velvet-lined handcuffs can be exciting and don’t hurt like metal ones, but neither cuffs nor chains give compression. Any apparatus that locks can pose frustration if it doesn’t work properly, not to mention danger or embarrassment if it won’t come off.
- Gagging is optional. Avoid using adhesive on your mouth. It will do more than ruin your lipstick and is difficult to remove.
- Blindfolds are a matter of trust. Silk blindfolds build a titillating sense of suspense. Silk’s sensual feel will enhance your experience and what you can’t see will thrill you.
- Private sex shows sometimes include participants stripping and playfully whipping each other. Don’t be afraid to tell him how far he can go. You can always be open to negotiations. No action should ever be painful or dangerous.
- Try playing headmistress to his naughty schoolboy. Take charge with a pocket paddle that delivers varying sensations ranging from a tickle to a stinging feeling.
- Or reverse the power play and be his slave as he wields a stretchy, versatile latex whip. You will sweat as well as experience a delicious orgasm as the foot-long elastic strands gently create a beguiling blush on your breasts or quivering buttocks.
- For a different kind of adventure that will drive you over the edge, experiment with nipple clips that tease with pressure from adjustable clamps attached to a battery pack. You or your man can set them tingling with vibrations focused right where they provide the greatest sensation.
Some Basic Bondage Rules
Words of caution: Do not try bondage unless you have complete confidence in your partner. Discuss what you mean by being dominated, along with his ideas. Only begin with mutual consent. It is imperative to discuss signals beforehand; neither of you should ever be in a position where you are incapable of signaling. Let him know how he can distinguish any distress, from physical, such as cramped wrists or legs, or pain anywhere in your body, to sexual. Never tie anything around the neck. Nothing must be inserted in the mouth that can block an air passageway. All gags and knots must be quick-release. Never leave the room when he is tied up and helpless, and demand the same from him. Don’t keep him or allow yourself to be tied up for more than half an hour. Avoid group bondage scenarios with his friends or strangers. Someone could be careless, or worse, put you in a dangerous and life-threatening position. Trust is everything.
You might not be adept at bondage games right away. Your knots can come apart at an inopportune moment, or you can’t get them undone, or you climax quicker than you thought you would. It’s all part of the game.
ENTERTAINING THE PEEPING TOM
In Japan, voyeurism has long been a popular pastime, a titillating theme of shunga where even mice sometimes join in the fun, and a favorite in erotic literature. The Story of an Incorrigible Libertine Who Was Small Enough to fit into a Pocket, published anonymously in 1711, tells the tale of a man given a pill by a faerie that made him so small he could slip unnoticed into others’ amorous encounters.17
In real life, the curious of Old Edo used telescopes to spy on lusty neighbors. In their own homes, men and women were known to peep around the easily moved room-dividing screens. In crowded city streets, spectators of both sexes ogled fast-moving young porters on errands, their kimonos rolled up to the groin. If you want to add some excitement to your lovemaking, do as the geisha did when she allowed the maiko to peek from behind the screen to learn about sex. Be naughty the next time you and your man fool around and leave your shades open.
Today, clubs feature small cubicles with one-way mirrors, where customers peer into a “bedroom” and watch a nude girl play with her breasts, rub her genitals against a door handle, masturbate with cucumbers and bananas, then take a shower. Or, the girl masturbates on a couch behind a plate glass window while exchanging sexual banter on the telephone with her customer. On stage, girls walk back and forth offering themselves for foreplay. Men proffer their fingers, which the girls swab and sheath in plastic gloves and then allow to be inserted into their vaginas.
- The courtesan enjoyed elaborate finger-stimulation by her lover, including his thumb in her anus and his fingers and tongue in her vagina. She also used vegetables like radishes, mushrooms, and carrots to achieve orgasm. Never downplay the enjoyment you can receive from non-penis penetration.
- Set up your own peep show if your man is daring. He can stand outside your window (no nosy neighbors, please) and watch you masturbate as you talk to him on your cell phone.
- In a dimly lit “pink salon,” a young Japanese prostitute allows a customer to fondle her. Then she uses manual skills to bring him to orgasm. This game is best tried at home. If you’re feeling very wild, try a dark corner of a club or restaurant, but use discretion.
- Men find a masturbating woman fascinating and mysterious. Just hearing you talk about it can be a turn-on. So, show him the real thing. Put on something sexy and revealing. Try a pair of split panties or slowly take off your panties as he watches. flick your fingers lightly over your belly to your pubic area, teasing him by circling your pleasure spot rather than putting them inside. When he—and you—can’t stand it any longer, insert them and stimulate your clitoris. For maximum enjoyment focus on the shaft, not the small bean. Go ahead and moan. It’s a turn-on to both of you.
- If he agrees, tie him up and make him watch you masturbate to orgasm. Start with your panties on, fondling yourself through the silky fabric until you feel comfortable with pulling them down. Your gyrations will make him crazy and his struggling will turn you on. After you climax, you can untie him and . . . what you do next is up to you.
SEX TOYS
Rain beat down on the blue-tiled roof of the geisha teahouse as raw, hungry sighs of pleasure echoed throughout the rooms. Male and female. Female and female. The clink of metal balls hitting each other and the crunch of a dried leather “mushroom” sliding into a moist pink vagina mixed with the soft patter of rain. In the nineteenth century, one firm, Yotsume-ya, operated sex shops selling artificial penises and vulvas, aphrodisiacs, pastes for pederasts, and love potions to courtesans.18 Erection aids, masturbation devices, clitoral stimulators, lubricants, contraceptives, books and prints for instruction, and hygienic tissues were also available.
In the erotic world of sex toys, you can revitalize your life force with dildos, metal balls, and love beads. Sex toys can be fun, funky, and give you a fantastic orgasm. They are the symbolic linking of your female passion and power with his penis, the ultimate “sex toy.” Use these devices in your art of seduction. Why should you, you ask, when you have the real thing? Sex toys encourage your imagination to explore a world different from everyday reality. They bring alive the sensual spirit dwelling within you both. As a geisha once wrote in her diary,“I kissed her and noticed a harigata in her hand. I took it eagerly. Who knows where this journey will end?”19
Whatever your need or desire, there is a sex toy for you. If you’re questioning how he will feel when confronted with a toy that resembles a longer, wider version of his genitalia, chances are he isn’t intimidated. More than likely, he likes it. Ask him.
You are capable of enjoying multiple orgasms and feeling endless waves of pleasure. If your man is sure of himself and filled with confidence, he will encourage you to use sex toys. He can’t vibrate his tongue, penis, or fingers at a constant high speed, so he’s grateful for the help. Always let him know that sex toy play is one kind of pleasure, but it’s not the ultimate pleasure. Playing with love beads or a dildo is merely a warm-up to the main act. Ready?
DILDOS
A geisha without a lover, unable to enjoy the scent of the loincloth, was referred to as “dried fish.”Yet,she had a most pleasurable way to satisfy her needs: her harigata, dildo, an artificial penis usually made of leather, and at times a strap-on made from horn or ivory.20 Inserting it into her vagina, she lay back and let it work its magic. The young yujo, as her initiation into toko no higi, “bedroom manners,” was instructed with the aid of a dildo on how to pleasure a man, as well as how to make him climax quickly and how to fake a convincing orgasm.
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Many old Japanese harigata, or dildos, are
made of polished, artistically carved wood
Dildos may be used vaginally or anally and typically don’t vibrate as they titillate your erotic zone. Here is a guide to dildos to help you choose the perfect one for you.
- The harigata was carved or molded to look like a real penis. You can get a dildo with a smooth surface; those made of silicone are easy-to-clean, firm, and warm to your body temperature. Or, if you want a toy that looks and feels like the real thing, choose cyberskin. Some dildos feature a convenient flat base and are available in your choice of skin tones, with or without pubic hair.
- Like the penis in shunga, the harigata’s size was often exaggerated. The average modern dildo is long and slim, 6 to 7 inches by 1¼ to 1½ inches, a good choice for solo play that will give deep penetration. If long dildos bump your cervix (it will hurt), get a shorter model. A unique style features a flexible spine in the shaft, allowing you to mold the toy into any shape you like. Try doing that with his hard-on.
- Geisha often used a kotori, “little bird,” a harness and rope suspension,21 with a dildo of leather, buffalo horn, or tortoiseshell.22 Strapped to her heel, the dildo gave solitary pleasure when she sat down upon it, her ankle held up by a sling around her neck to give a better swing to the sensual movement. Modern harnesses, with two waist straps and two leg straps that each snap onto the dildo ring, allow you to individualize the fit. They give greater penetration if you are on the receiving end, or, for an entirely new experience, can put you in control.
- Old Edo sex manuals recommended the ryochi-dori,“dual plover,” or double dildo.23 It was used by the courtesan and the bonze for the extra penis needed in threesomes. You also can make use of the double dildo. Designed to fit two bodies comfortably during simultaneous penetration, one end is short and curved, the other longer and straighter. If you are wearing the harness, insert the short end into your vagina first, then penetrate your partner either vaginally or anally with the longer end.
- In the 1800s, small inns providing food, lodging, and entertainment popped up around Tokyo’s Shinjuku railroad station.24 Today it’s a red-light district, where a stripper might offer a dildo to a man in the audience, who then pushes it deep inside her vagina. She takes it out and offers it to the next man. Incorporate this into your striptease if it’s right for you.
VIBRATORS
According to folklore, the courtesan underwent rigorous training for her first night of sexual intercourse. Like the prostitutes who came after her, she was taught to pull an egg into her vagina, then break it when given the signal.25 This made her vaginal muscles strong so she could grip a penis tightly. Vibrators with an egg-shaped “pink rotor” have replaced real eggs. It is connected to a multispeed power pack; you turn it on and off and adjust the speed with your thumb for more buzz if your honey is tired.
The newest vibrators are light in weight, noiseless, self-contained, and oscillating. They offer pleasure and a way to experiment and control your orgasm by manipulating both your clitoris and vagina. Some can reach your sometimes-elusive G-spot. Some have unique features for compelling and sensual stimulation. What is right for you? It depends on what makes you feel good. If you’re like most women, you probably reach orgasm primarily from clitoral stimulation, as your clitoris is highly responsive to vibration. If you like a focused touch, look for a vibrator with a smaller tip; if you don’t like direct stimulation, try one with a bigger head that will elongate your sensations. A vibrator allows you to experience longer, stronger stimulation that can take you over the top.
- Try a small, animal shaped model on a wire connected to a control box. Its many protrusions (ears, eyes, and tail) tease and tickle with different vibrations. Cute types include rabbits and ones with fox ears.
- Or, cuddle the “puppy” against your vulva so its tongue licks your clitoris.
- Try Mr. Pink, a “swinging” version that moves from side to side as it vibrates. It is designed with the smaller vaginas of Japanese women in mind.
- For discretion away from home, try a lipstick-shaped vibrator. Less than three inches long, it fits into your purse or pocket.
- For sensuous, private underwater pleasures, Japanese women love the I Rub My Duckie vibrator. Press the specially designed switch hidden in its back and it undulates, giving internal and external stimulation.
- Experiment with vibrators made for other purposes. The Kitty massager (resembling a famous children’s mascot) is very popular in Japan. Its battery-operated stick, made for massaging the neck and shoulders, delivers strong vibration through the Kitty’s extra-large head. Another popular vibrator is the Vibrating Ecstasy Brush: The soft head is ribbed for extra pleasure: a “tickling brush” on the other end can be used wherever it feels good.
- Share the pleasure of your vibrator with your partner while having sex. The versatile ring-style “clit stimulator” has bumps facing out. Worn around the base of his shaft, it also serves as a penis ring reminiscent of those used by the courtesans of Old Edo.
- A unique Japanese vibrator called Kuri Kuri, “chestnut” (resembling your clitoris), can be used by both of you. He slips the unit over his penis, then enters you. The pressure of his body against yours makes it turn on. Or, ask him to buzz it against your clitoris, or tell him to sit back and watch you handle it. He will be turned on just by seeing you turned on.
- For more fun, try a remote control vibrator. You wear the slender unit discreetly under your clothes, then hand the remote to him. When you see a sexy smile from across the room, you’ll know he is about to turn you on with the flick of a switch.
RIN NO TAMA
The geisha is known for her secret smile as she sits upon her heels, gently swaying back and forth. It could be she is enjoying the pleasure of metal balls inserted into her vagina, so that any movement of her body produces a gentle and persistent vibration. Rin no tama balls made their way into Japan in the late fifteenth century and originally were made of silver. One ball contains a blob of mercury and the other a tiny tongue of copper. The balls vibrate even on the palm of your hand, and it is claimed they emit a tiny sound like a high-pitched tuning fork.26
The modern versions, called benwa balls, are usually three-quarters of an inch in diameter. They are made from a variety of substances, including gold plate, silver, steel, plastic, Lucite, and any combination. You insert them, and as you sway to and fro, the vibrations as they knock together send a range of sensations throughout your body, from pleasurable to ecstatic. You can use benwa balls safely, either vaginally or anally. The best part is you can use them quietly wherever you are, giving you the geisha’s secret smile.
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Erotic sex toys can be sphere-shaped and
held together with cord for easy removal
- A man can also enjoy these benwa balls when you insert them before making love. They tickle the top of his penis when he is inside you. They are said to increase his potency.
- Legend has it there is a link between the oyster and your vagina because each contains a “pearl.”“Pearls,”vaginal or anal love beads,offer a range of climaxes. Insert the string of beads, then pull them out slowly or quickly depending upon the orgasm you desire. This is one time you can let him pull your strings.
- A different, slightly larger toy consists of two ball bearings each encased in a larger plastic sphere covered with silicone. The spheres are joined together with a piece of nylon cord for easy retrieval from your vagina after use.
- The Cherry Bomb vibrator is another version. Shaped like two cherries sharing the same stem, these pink and yellow balls give pleasure with two different and distinct vibrating patterns. The “cherries” are attached to a cord leading to a flat control panel that allows you to control the speed of the globes.
Nuguishi is the crumpled paper seen strewn around the exhausted lovers in shunga, indicating that lovemaking has taken place.27 Cleanliness is important to your art of seduction. Be wary of contracting a urinary tract infection when using a sex toy or during intercourse. Never clean a toy with rubbing alcohol. It will eat away at the surface and make it painful as well as dangerous to use the next time. Because the hard, non-porous substances of benwa balls don’t absorb bacteria, you can use them longer than other sex toys, except one: his penis. It comes with a lifetime guarantee.
You have your favorite sex toy, but what about him?
PENILE AIDS
The yujo was known for her unusual sexual skills. She would fit dried rings of sea slug over his penis or a higozuiki, a ring or thong tightly bound around the penile shaft.26 These devices encouraged and maintained a hard erection by temporarily interrupting the return blood supply. This not only made him stiff, it also made him rough for her more pleasurable sensation.
- Wrap a hair scrunchie around the base of your lover’s testicles and penis after he’s fully erect. (Use a macho color; he won’t let you do it if it’s pink.) Wrap it twice if it’s loose. The scrunchie should be snug, but not so tight it’s uncomfortable.
- After he’s “scrunched up,” kiss or stroke his penis lovingly. Don’t be surprised if he moans more than usual. That extra squeeze you have given him at the base of his genitals keeps the blood trapped inside his erection and gives him undeniable pleasure.
- Edo-era courtesans offered their lovers a range of other pleasure-giving devices like a kabutogata, glans-cap of hard material, or a dogata, penile-shaft tube, some latticed (yoroigata) or with a glans-cap (yasogata). 29 You can find similar items for your man on adult-oriented websites and in specialty stores.
- Pearls, believed to increase potency when one or more are surgically inserted under the skin and down the length of his penis, will also increase your enjoyment when he penetrates you.
ARTIFICIAL VAGINAS
In the sex shops of nineteenth-century Japan, a man could choose from a wide variety of artificial vulvas for his pleasure, everything from an expensive replica of a young girl’s, accurate in every way, to a “ . . . carved cantaloupe melon cunningly inserted into his bed roll.”30 If you are curious how his penis looks penetrating your love box, try an artificial vagina for a new point of view.
- If you or your partner desires an artificial vagina, try a warm-water model. The skin-like texture creates realistic sensations. He can ejaculate into a removable, washable, lubricated latex “packet” surrounded by the walls of the bladder.
- A foam-rubber type offers a different experience. The clasping sensation upon his penis, simulating the contractions of your vagina, is heightened by an air bladder inflated by a bulb at the end of the rubber tubing.
Silly and Fun Sex Toys
Playing naked games is more than taking off your clothes. It’s what you play with and how you do it. Here are some fun accessories to make your foreplay “for play.”
- Use an “erect penis” bottle stopper to keep the champagne bubbly while you pop his cork.
- Put on a pair of classic penis-nose glasses or mammary-nose glasses when he comes to pick you for a date and watch his eyes bug out.
- Flaunt your clitoris by wearing butterfly crotchless panties with a pearl and sequin detail on the front.
- Reach for scratch ’n’ sniff thongs in rose, cherry, peppermint, or tropical. He won’t be able to get enough, whether you are wearing them or not. The scent may last for several washings but its effects last a lot longer.
- Get him “glow in the dark” boxer shorts. Imagine turning off the lights and seeing his penis slowly rising through them.
- Try teasing his penis with a foot-long ostrich feather. It feels exquisitely soft and ticklish when trailed across his skin.
- You can use suction for pleasure in your clitoris, kuri-chan. Known as Kuri-Cap, the set of two latex caps fits over your clitoris and stays attached by suction. These soft rubber bulbs (large and small caps) will stick to any part of your body.
- Stimulate your clitoris with special creams that, when rubbed into the underside of your love bean, are supposed to increase the blood flow to that region. You can intensify your sensitivity with a delightful tingling sensation by using a cream with peppermint—and smell good, too. Some contain L-arginine, an amino acid that can result in the dilation of blood vessels when ingested. The effects have not been proven topically, but manufacturers claim they increase desire and orgasmic potential. For the perfect blend of spontaneity and orgasmic thrills, there is one accessory that always works: manual stimulation. Your hand or his. Or both.
LIFE-SIZE SEX DOLLS
The floating world of seventeenth-century Japan prided itself on its devotion to revelry and pleasure, and on the exquisite beauty of the courtesans. If a gentleman was unable to procure the favors of an oiran, he could acquire a ukiyo ningyo, an erotic doll, to indulge his most sensual sexual needs.31
If your man is interested in a threesome with you and a life-size sex doll, don’t worry. It’s a fun way to enjoy a threesome without worrying about him falling for the other woman. She may have bigger breasts and a flat belly, but she can’t whisper words of love in his ear or stroke his penis. Or make him breakfast. Here are some tips to help you enjoy the sensuality of a life-size sex doll that will have you both in orgasmic bliss.
- In Japan, life-size dolls modeled after computer game characters are available. Approximately $4,000 buys a fully adjustable doll with fourteen points of articulation, including fingers and neck.32 She comes with a biography listing her birthday, favorite hobby, likes and dislikes, and her blood type. (Blood type is popularly used in modern Japan to determine personality.)33
- The inflatable “love pillow” is a full-size, dual-sided re-creation of a popular Japanese actress. Just under five feet tall when inflated, it is made of durable thick, soft plastic and is fully functional with front and back genital openings.
- Your man can have a life-size doll custom made to specification from an extensive list of options, from body and head to fingernail color. Her ultra-flesh-like silicone skin has a pleasant, fruity fragrance. Her completely articulated stainless steel and aluminum skeleton allows for anatomically correct positioning, and she is always relaxed and ready. Her vulva and anal cavities are soft, slippery, and very elastic, snug enough to accommodate his penis and allow deep insertion, whatever his size. Her fingers can close and grip. The three of you can take a bath together. She can withstand over four hundred degrees of heat and is not hollow, so water can’t become trapped inside. The price is approximately $6,000.
- She comes dressed in a mini-dress, bra, panties, thigh-high stockings, and high heels. Letting the doll wear your clothes should be your decision, not his.
- If he prefers, a lower torso is available. It begins right above the belly button, terminates at mid-thigh, and has vaginal and anal entries. It is available in all skin tones with choice of pubic hair. The price is considerably lower: $1,500.
- Like every female, the life-size sex doll needs maintenance. A silicone repair kit contains everything he needs to fix small tears, including tubes of high strength silicone adhesive and skin-colored silicone for cosmetic repairs.
- If you want to get him jealous, go for a foursome and order your own life-size male sex doll for approximately $7,000.34
Whether you tie each other up, play sexy games in a stage-like setting, strip for your lover, or masturbate together, the ultimate pleasure is the harmony of your bodies and souls. But what if you have those sexy urges away from home? Where can you go for “quickie” sex that’s not only satisfying but fun? Try a love hotel.
LOVE HOTELS
The scene is your lunch hour. You’re on your way to meet him. You wander through a crowded mall in the fast-paced confusion of shoppers, seeking a quiet spot—somewhere, anywhere—you can brush up against his crotch, grab his cute butt, and whisper naughty words in his ear. Where can you be alone with him where no one will see you? There is such a place in Japan. It’s called a love hotel.
As far back as Old Edo, pilgrims looking for a night of pleasure stayed in otebikijaya, short-term lodging.35 The love hotels so popular today developed out of a 1960s curfew barring women in men’s hotel rooms after nine p.m. A businessman taking a bar hostess to a Western-style hotel would be embarrassed by the gazes and smirks of desk clerks and other couples who knew why they were there. The respectable businessman sought an alternative to satisfy his sexual urges. The love hotel was born.
Today a thriving industry of more than twenty thousand love hotels offers temporary anonymity in nearly every town. Most love hotels are located near big train stations and major highway exits, and in entertainment districts. Their well-advertised presence is undeniable evidence that extramarital affairs are commonplace, though the hotels have changed their name. The phrase rabu hoteru,“love hotel,” is no longer used, although the abbreviation rabu-ho is still heard. The hotels prefer to be known as fashion hotels, couples hotels, boutique hotels, leisure hotels, or theme hotels, etc. A small number take reservations and most have member cards giving frequent users a discount. Discount coupons are common in popular dating magazines.
Providing complete privacy, secrecy, and charging by the hour instead of by the night, the love hotel encourages temporary romance. Some even provide girls with the rooms. A symbol above the hotel name discreetly advertises what goes on inside: the sakasakurage, “upside down jellyfish.” A circle with three wispy lines above, it represents steam rising from a pool of water and is used on Japanese maps to indicate hot springs resorts. Since these resorts are where Japanese men go for sensual pleasures, love hotels that provided similar services adopted the same symbol. Signboards are usually well lit with colorful, neon katakana (Japanese phonetic letters) or the English word “Hotel” surrounded by twinkling stars. Sometimes overly large objects are mounted on the roof, e.g., a thirty-foot mock Statue of Liberty or the QE2. There are three prices: A “rest fee” for a stay from one to three hours; a more expensive overnight “stay,” though you can’t check in until nine or ten p.m.; and “service” or “free time” during the day, when you can stay as long as you want for a fixed price.
Every service is discreet. Parking facilities are concealed underground. The garage attendant even provides a license plate cover. The lobby lacks doorman, furnishings, and front desk. Some have a “man behind the curtain” who communicates only through a little slit to exchange money and the key. Others are high-tech: a big panel displays pictures of the various rooms. Some are lighted, indicating they are available. A paper card with the chosen room number or the room key drops out. A trail of flickering floor lights leads to the nearest elevator. When lovemaking is over, room charges are automatically added up; the door is often locked until payment. Guests insert payment in a machine by the door or put the hotel card in the slot of the control panel and push the button, or return the key at a pay window in the lobby. They see no one and no one sees them.
Inside, a businessman and his secretary (often the case) leave office routine behind for a world of heart-shaped and rotating beds, gaudy lighting, pornographic videos, and if they pay extra, sumptuous food. Their room is equipped with a refrigerator, private karaoke, wide-screen TV, games console, sex toys, and luxury bathrooms with Jacuzzi and built-in TV, all fully-automated. Many provide video cameras for guests to record their lovemaking and later watch themselves on VCRs. Some rooms are decorated like a wrapped gift or a gigantic windowless egg. Some are conventional—cruise ship cabins or a bed surrounded with stuffed animals. SM dungeons are the most popular at many, equipped with whips, chains, and cute cartoon characters—the “Kitty S&M Room” features a Kitty-chan plush doll wearing a ball gag, blindfold, and barbed wire garter belt. A popular hotel in Osaka has a room with fluorescent wall paintings that appear when the lights are dimmed, making it look like the sea floor or outer space. Psychosexual fantasy options are popular— pick the Mercedes-Benz room, teahouse room, hot air balloon room, boxing room, race-car room, or boating room where the boat-be d “floats” in water. An astronaut room comes with space helmets and a space capsule; a jungle room is complete with plastic palm trees, hammock, and a gorilla suit for him. She wears nothing but a smile.
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Dressing in costume like an anime Cosplay
Girl is a fun fantasy for you and your lover
Why not turn your bedroom into a love hotel? Hotel sex always seems extra hot. Besides, a quickie can help your relationship. People often have affairs solely for the illicit rush they get from doing something against the rules. Love hotels are places where you can become someone else.Let yourself go and become a Cosplay Girl, “costume play girl”— a hard-core fan of animation, video games, and manga comics who dresses up in their latest outfits, such as street-fighting tough chicks, emerald-haired princesses, spunky schoolgirls, and faux-fur kittens. Embrace this wacky wannabe subculture with all its glitter, glue, and posing and dress up like your favorite character and invite him to join you in the “party room” of your love hotel.
- Remove the “homey” atmosphere. Take out office equipment and photos of family and other boyfriends. Paste fluorescent designs onto the ceiling or walls for when the lights go out and the fun begins. Add the touch that every love hotel offers: mirrors overhead, on a Japanese screen, or on your closet doors. Rent some adult videos, and set up your camcorder on a tripod to record the action.
- Buy sheets with the highest threads-per-inch count you can find (two hundred and above). These feel super silky without the cheapness of satin. Decorate your bed with a pillow and sachet. Invest in some thick, fluffy robes or yukata (lightweight kimono), and comfy slippers to lounge around in.
- Choose a theme. Love hotels are continuously evolving. Change your motif to go along with your mood and your fantasy: an old-fashioned fifties malt shop with a jukebox; a Hollywood film theme with posters, portraits, and videos; a circular bed under a functioning carousel; a traditional ryokan, with rice-paper covered sliding doors, tatami mats, and a small table with seating cushions; a prison cell; a high school classroom; a UFO; a jungle; a pirate ship; a medieval castle.
- At some love hotels, a computerized concierge greets you with a friendly “Hello, where you been, what’s new?” and reminds guests to “come” more often. Greet your lover with your own personal, sexy recorded message.
- Love hotels are redolent of the forbidden. Use scent to set the mood, as well as sound and light features, including a black light. Some hotels have “Body-sonic” in the beds for musical accompaniment and rhythmical help. Pick out your favorite mood music ahead of time and have it cued in at a sexy, but not overpowering, volume.
- A love hotel has an atmosphere of total comfort. Hook up your lighting and sound to easy “on/off”switches.Invest in a small refrigerator filled with favorite treats, a bedroom television with DVD and video, and a hot plate to warm up snacks. find out what “techno toy” he’s pining for to surprise him with when his other toy winds down.
- Guests must take off their shoes before entering the rooms. Have your lover leave his shoes—along with his cell phone and pager—outside the bedroom door.
- If you want a love hotel “Japanese style,” buy an inexpensive karaoke machine stocked with favorite sing-alongs.
- Love hotel rooms always have a sex toy vending machine with such “goodies” as dildos, vibrators, and handcuffs. Set up your own display, then let him choose.
- Make a soapland paradise. A bath and shower designed to resemble a mountain stream is very popular, as are dry/steam saunas, Jacuzzi, and rock baths. An excellent selection of makeup, sensual toiletries, and accessories is expected. Install portable fountains in your bathroom for a similar effect, and stock your bathroom with a toothbrush, shaving foam, razors, deodorant, etc. for you and your lover.
- Some love hotels serve soft ice cream cones to every guest and, if you stay the night, a free breakfast. Make a great breakfast (after you!) the next morning.
- Many hotels give out Kitty bedside clocks or cute pajamas as souvenirs. Give your man a fun gift before he leaves, like the bottom half of a pair of silk pajamas. He’ll be back to see you wearing the top.
Join the fun and put on your black leather outfit. It’s up to you if you want to indulge in candle wax dripping on your nipples while you’re tied-up and hanging from a hook on the ceiling. Your only limit is your imagination. For the ultimate indulgence, prepare a tray of chilled champagne and his favorite finger foods to savor after you make love. Then pop the video that you made into the VCR and enjoy instant replay.
THE FLOATING WORLD MEETS SEX-ETC.
Sooner the moist and warm leather
Of a good harigata,
Than the penis of a blunderer.
Geisha song 36
While the geisha sought the solitary pleasure of her harigata on a hot night under the blue-green mosquito net, the samurai sniffed the sex of his young page; nearby, the shogun wrestled with his passion for female flesh as pink as the peach blossom while he tried to decide which concubine he would bed that night. Life in Old Edo proceeded at its normal pace.
These scenes all speak to the Japanese idea that you have two coexisting souls. Your spiritual soul is uplifting and fulfills your obligations. Your other soul is earthbound, pleasure seeking, and down and dirty. The sensual Japanese woman did not believe the pleasures of the flesh were evil. On the contrary, she believed it was her right to enjoy sex in its many different forms. And so should you.
Initiate a sexual move that’s both intimate and incredibly sexy and belongs to the two of you alone. It can be both fun and naughty, especially if it’s a secret desire you both share. If you want to revitalize the sexual energy of your relationship, moisten your lips and wiggle your hips, because it’s time for sex-etc. You will explore everything from sex with more than one partner to homosexuality to auto-erotica to fetishes. Not sure about joining in? You don’t have to participate unless you want to, or you can enjoy all the action from the sidelines peeping through your own private spy hole. Let the fun begin.
EROTIC GROUP INTERLUDES
In the late nineteenth century, before a man picked out a girl in a Yoshiwara brothel, he was shown shashin mitatecho, a photo album of available prostitutes.37 More than likely, a man with money to spend picked out several girls to enjoy. Never tried sex with numerous partners? Want to? It’s your decision. If you have group sex, you could be inviting the inclusion of partners of a different sexual persuasion. Is this something you have been thinking about? Has he? Not sure? Homosexuality and bisexuality have a long history among the geisha, nuns, and the samurai. Here are some points to consider in deciding if three is your favorite number.
- A man who wanted to meet a tayu had to go through an intermediary at an expensive tea house. In modern Japan, young women use cell-phone dating sites to find a cybersweetie. You can find modern matchmakers and dating services that specialize in helping you find the man or men of your dreams. After meeting with a counselor, you fill out a comprehensive personal profile then tape a short video. When two people show interest in each other after viewing the videos, a meeting is set up.
- For a nominal fee, you can eliminate the intermediary by making an Internet love connection at websites promoting a multi-partner lifestyle. Whether you entertain more than one man in your bed at the same time is up to you.
- The aloof, expensive tayu could refuse a client not to her liking. She could break off a relationship if she chose. She might have a special lover for whom she cared deeply. You also have the freedom to choose another if your current bedmate is not to your liking, no matter how many men you have previously taken as lovers, and you are free to have as many bedmates as you like.
- During the Edo period, multiple partners were commonplace among the locals of the countryside during festivals as well as in brothels.38 A woman might share her man with another female, usually a prostitute. Or, a man might share his wife with other men. If you want to have sex with your man and another woman, you may prefer that she be a professional (in a state or country where this is legal) to avoid him developing any emotional ties with her.
- During the Edo period, multiple partners were commonplace among the locals of the countryside during festivals as well as in brothels.38 A woman might share her man with another female, usually a prostitute. Or, a man might share his wife with other men. If you want to have sex with your man and another woman, you may prefer that she be a professional (in a state or country where this is legal) to avoid him developing any emotional ties with her.
- A popular orgy scene in Old Edo was of a man sodomizing a young man having intercourse with a woman.39 Choose your partners wisely if you decide to have sex with more than one man at a time. Unless you are willing to participate in bisexual or homosexual liaisons, limit group encounters to those who play the game your way.
- Threesomes were common in the floating world, but one man with two women was more rare than two men sharing a woman.40 Although your fantasy may be to have two men at the same time, you may find it ego deflating if the men are more interested in each other than they are in you. Lay down the rules ahead of time so you’re not disappointed.
- Shunga sometimes depict trios with a man having intercourse with a woman as another man takes him from behind. Anal intercourse, known as the “rooster” position, 41 was considered an acceptable pleasure, no matter who was receiving the joy of the man’s penis. You may also wish to feel penetration in a dual capacity. Be careful in such situations. Two penises means two condoms. No sharing.
- With group sex, a whole new set of problems and considerations arise if you want to be safe and enjoy yourself at the same time. Don’t make the decision lightly. Know all the players in the game, no surprises, and don’t exchange body fluids. Ever.
HOMOSEXUAL ENCOUNTERS
Homosexuality was not a punishable offense in Japan until Meiji times. How could it be when it was said that the god “Monju may understand the love of men for men, but he knows little about the love of women.” 42 Sodomy was considered a pleasure for men and women, if it was to their taste.
“The Samurai and the bonze each know the ways of pleasure; it sometimes happens that they are on it then together.” 43 Proud samurai, the professional soldiers who dominated society, revered manly virtues, tough virility, and close-knit comradeship. Dashing and promiscuous even when married, they swore no oath of sexual fidelity and viewed affection for women as a dishonorable sentiment. Passion between males was encouraged. Intercourse between men even had a special term, ikketsu. 44 If fallen into the decadent ways of city life, they were as likely to be found at the Kabuki theater where male actors offered their sexual services, as with women in the pleasure quarters. Shaven-headed Buddhist monks were notoriously lecherous. The term ukiyo bozu designated a monk who, tired of monastic life, dedicated himself to seeking pleasure. For many, celibacy meant having sexual intercourse not with women, but with young boys.
In the teahouses of Old Edo, a young man’s favors could be bought openly. Wakashu were boys between the ages of fourteen and seventeen who, having not yet reached manhood, shaved the front part of their head as required by law. Desired by both samurai and monks because their komon, anus, was still hairless, they were known as “bamboo shoots” because “they were most tasty when young.”45 The powder-white lubricant nerigi was popular with homosexuals, who moistened it with saliva before anal intercourse.
Much about this life went on behind closed shoji. In aristocratic homes, men and women had separate quarters and lived by strict rules. Ladies of the inner apartments seldom saw a man, much less had the opportunity for a love affair. Instead, their needs were serviced by pages, dressed as girls, who performed domestic duties, tea serving, and flower arranging. It has been suggested that these young boys were commanded to have sexual intercourse with the men of the household as well as the women. 46
Women also engaged in their own games of sexual favors. Homosexuality flourished in the harems of samurai, where sexual frustration and competition ran high. It was also common among the middle classes and in teahouses, where geisha were known to dally with each other. These lesbian relationships were described with the slang term kai awase, “the mixing of shellfish.”47 In Ihara Saikaku’s novel Violets Can Be Picked Without Any Trouble, a famous courtesan, Kosen, thrived on chance encounters with Buddhist nuns.48 Nuns, in white kimono and with shaved heads, enjoyed fierce love affairs and were widely reputed to turn to prostitution to afford luxuries. This gave rise to the phenomenon of the ukiyo bikuni, a prostitute who posed as a nun in order to pursue her occupation.49
Today, lesbians in Japan are labeled as one of two types: otachi, who take on the male role, and neko, “cat,” or nenne, “ingenue.” 50 Which role interests you? Not sure? If you are considering a homosexual affair, here are some tips to guide you.
- Like geisha, modern bar hostesses find affairs with women a welcome change from the men they go out with all the time. Women are more gentle and appreciative. If you’re tired of how men are treating you or are more aroused by the caresses of a woman, a same-sex relationship may be more fulfilling.
- Geisha endured long separations from their danna, protectors, and entered same-sex relationships with little or no guilt. If you’re separated from your man for a long period of time and are sexually frustrated, a lighthearted affair with a female friend might be the answer to your needs if your relationships are open.
- Male interest in “girls with girls” was well understood in the floating world and encouraged.51 Some men find it exciting and stimulating. If you want him to watch you with another girl but don’t know how to approach him, try surprising him with a video or reading material depicting your fantasy, then watch his reaction.
- During the Meiji period, to win the approval of the West, homosexuality was made illegal. Whether you decide to engage in a brief homosexual encounter or whether it is a normal part of your life, be aware that a segment of society frowns upon such behavior. Use discretion to protect yourself as well as your lover. Check your local laws.
- In the teahouse, monastery, or harem, a man or a woman did not “become” a homosexual, as the phrase is understood in the West. One encounter does not necessarily make you a lesbian.
Making love with your heart’s desire is one of your most profound urges, whichever gender. What about sensual, and often not so subtle, urges and unusual desires that are a bit, well, strange? When is a fetish a fetish? When is it something else?
FETISHES
When a Portuguese ship ran aground on the island of Tanegashima in 1543, the sailors introduced not only firearms but also the word “fetish” into a Japan that looked magical from their perspective. With roots in the Portuguese feitico meaning magical practice, and the Latin factilius, denoting artificiality, the term was derogatory.52 No wonder the Portuguese applied it to shunga. The exaggerated genitalia of men and women enjoying sexual intercourse were not just exotic to the Portuguese, but artificial-looking. The Japanese did not understand their logic, or lack of it.
According to experts, a fetish is an object or body part that you must focus on to become passionately aroused and, in extreme cases, to achieve orgasm and sexual satisfaction. A fetish can be anything from the well-known fascination for stockings or feet, to “plushophilia,” a sexual attraction to furry stuffed toys. The term has evolved from its original meaning to include certain behaviors that can be arousing, such as spanking—whether receiving the sexy slap on the derrière or wielding the whip—or bondage such as shibari. Lack of a unity of minds is not uncommon when a fetish is introduced into any relationship. Here are some ideas to help you, odds and ends if you will, about fetishes.
- Black and glossy, a Heian lady’s hair tumbled down her back to the floor and, it was said, could snare a man’s heart forever. In modern Japan, kinpatsu, blonde women, are fetishes. If your man has a fetish about hair, have him give you a scalp massage, rubbing each pressure point in circular motions. You’ll enter an almost hypnotic state of pleasure, and he’ll be ready and willing to do just about anything.
- Some Japanese women have a fetish about fishnet tights, using them as a plea-sure-seeking sexual tool in which to masturbate to orgasm.
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Among some women, fishnet tights are
strongly associated with autoeroticism
- According to experts, far more men than women have fetishes. In Japan, chikan, “gropers,” are so common on subways that sex clubs feature mock subway cars complete with hanging straps, taped train noise, and girls who can be pawed for a fee.
- In shunga, pubic hair, chimo, was drawn in abundance to entice the male eye. The practice was banned in the Meiji period, when Japan imposed a Victorian morality to promote its attempts to catch up with the West.53 Now, photographs of nude women in men’s magazines include it, feeding male obsession over women’s genitals. Show him yours, if this is his fetish.
- Many Westerners believe the unaji, nape of the geisha’s neck, was a fetish. It was not, although geisha pulled their collars down lower than other women. Although many men find backless dresses very sexy, the back is usually not a fetish.
- The latest sex trend (it could also be considered a fetish for some Japanese men) in Tokyo is enjo kosai, meaning “coming to the aid of a young woman by paying for her expenses,” that is, compensated dating.54
- An extreme fetishist replaces his sexual partner with an object, animate or inanimate, such as a life-size doll. Unless this excites you as well, you’ll know your relationship is in trouble if he insists you use a dildo or vibrator more often than his real thing.
- Bondage and fetish go together like whip in hand. In Japanese “mistress bars,” the sexy goddess persona of a mistress, dressed in classic latex and leather, dominates men as well as women.
- Photographs of nudes have become so popular since the U.S. Occupation, 55 that some experts now label them a fetish. For a nominal fee at a special studio, a man is supplied with a Polaroid camera, lights, and one or two models. Use a digital camera with your man, but if he spends more time looking at you naked on his computer screen than in bed, cut off his computer connection. And him.
- At nyotai sushi restaurants, fetishists eat meals served on nude women—giving new meaning to the word “relish.”
HENTAI: EROTIC ART COMIX
You’ll know that comics are not just for kids if you or your partner is a fan of hentai, the wildly popular genre of triple-X cartoons that explore the sexual frontier in an incongruously childlike format. Hentai (“perversion”) material exploits loopholes in Japanese obscenity laws. Purveyors using words like hard-core, uncut, and uncensored produce films, artwork, digital games, manga (comic books), and anime (animated films) featuring iconic female characters doing “things unimaginable that will make you explode.” 56
A 1918 code specified the adult “pubic area need not be hidden, but there should be no anatomical details to draw the are reader’s attention.” 57 Instead of blocking pornography, it inspired illustrators to thwart the law by depicting sexual organs in shadow or outline, colored blue or green—signifying they could not possibly be human—or, as part of a monster. In recent years, animators have drawn female characters that look like preteens. Devoid of pubic hair, they theoretically are outside the boundaries of the regulation. Childlike to Western eyes, to Japanese males the distinction is not as clear.
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Characters in hentai anime and manga are
often exaggerated sexual fantasy figures
The ultimate fantasy of Japanese males is the jogakusei, a virginal schoolgirl. Over time, the seduction or sexual transgression of girlish characters has evolved into a socially acceptable, modern version of the Old Edo floating world shunga. The star of a hentai film or manga is typically a perky, doe-eyed female in a high school uniform. Her exploits are a mix of graphic violence and weird sex, drawn explicitly. The costars of the big-breasted, pink-skinned hentai heroines range from slobbering businessmen and sadomasochistic school officials to hormonal extraterrestrials. With its oversexed and bigger-than-life drawings, hentai has a worldwide following. Introduce your man to the heroines of hentai and he’ll think he’s a teenager again. Hopefully, he will act like one where it counts.