The history of the Pirate Who Does Not Know the Value of Pi and his parrot goes way back, to the ancient Geeks and possibly even backer. Homer did not insert it into the Odyssey because he wished to avoid epic retardation. Hesiod kept it out of Works and Days because he couldn’t decide which it was more, works or days. It was Psittachus that composed the definitive version in elegiac quadrupeds. However, his dog ate it. Psittachus succeeded in making his dog throw up, but unfortunately proved unable to read the contents. “The high point of my poetic life, mangé!” cried Psittachus and rushed off to the agora but got lost on the way because he had Rhapsodic Memory Disorder which is why he couldn’t reconstruct the elegy in his head.

When Psittachus got to the agora he felt perplexisphynxian:

“Which of these columns is Doric, which is Ironic, and which is Corinthian?”

(It was in order to beat his head against a column of the Ironic order

in frustration.) Let us return to the pirate and his biota.