He was, though. Standing in the doorway of the sitting-room, still in her anorak and head-scarf, Bridget took in first those absurdly extended legs, ending in a pair of shapeless socks that someone must have knitted for him (not Diana, for God’s sake?). Then, following the line from his shoeless feet upwards, she noted that his eyes were closed (as they usually were in company), and round his mouth hovered that utterly relaxed, utterly self-absorbed smile: the smile of a man enjoying some secret joke inside his head, a joke far too subtle and precious to be wasted on anyone of less rarefied sensibilities than his own.
“Hiya, beautiful!” he remarked, still not opening his eyes. “How’s tricks? Howya doing?”
If she just crept away without answering, would he notice? Or would he go on murmuring Americanised platitudes into empty space while she disappeared into the kitchen and concocted something for her supper? It looked as if this was not, after all, to be an evening when she and Diana would be eating together. Bridget had no intention of preparing a meal for the three of them – why should she? Let Diana cope with him; he was hers, wasn’t he?
Where was Diana anyway? They’d planned to spend this evening together, going through the messages on the Ansaphone and deciding which applicants were worth following up. A third “Person” was what they’d specified in their advertisement, but that was only because they’d had a vague idea that “Third Woman” might lay them open to a charge of sexual discrimination, especially as the paper in which they’d inserted the advertisement was of a vaguely Left-wing slant. They’d agreed, though, between themselves, that only applications from females would be considered. Women were less trouble in every way: tidier, more anxious to conform, and a good deal less time-consuming. Though a very young man might be all right – a student, perhaps, spending his days on campus, and away for vacations. Someone not a day over twenty, anyway: the prospect of yet another large, ubiquitous, space-consuming middle-aged male about the place was daunting to both of them, though neither actually put this into words.
Above all, whoever came would have to be a busy person; out all day at some demanding job, and with lots of outside activities to fill her evenings. For any sort of shared life to be successful, from marriage downwards, the most important factor had nothing to do with shared interests, thought Bridget, nor even with shared values; it was a matter of being equally busy. If one member of the partnership had a great deal more leisure than the other, disaster loomed: the leisured one would feel neglected; the busy one, intolerably pressured.
Thinking about it now, Bridget reflected that it was this which had so far held her relatively aloof from the idea of marriage. Her job, which she loved, was a demanding one, and likely to become more so as success bred more success. Already she was feeling her rare leisure hours to be precious beyond all calculation. Now and again, she’d tried to explain this to her mother, whose increasingly anxious hints about Bridget’s still-single state were beginning to eat into their relatively pleasant relationship. “No, it’s not that I hate men,” Bridget had assured her mother. “Nothing like that at all. And I’d quite like to have children, later on. It’s just …” and she remembered trying to choose the right words: “It’s just – well – it’s the unwritten part of the marriage service that puts me off: ‘With all my leisure time I thee endow.’ That’s the bit I can’t take.”
Gazing now at the limply spreading figure of Alistair, she wondered whether Diana would be able to take it either, when it came to the point? If this long-drawn-out, low-key relationship were ever to to culminate in the conventional happy ending, wouldn’t Diana feel exactly as Bridget about the sacrifices involved?
Must talk the thing through some time, she reflected. Not tonight, obviously.
“Where’s Diana?” she asked sharply; and at this, signs of life began to quiver through the somnolent form before her. The eyes opened, a nondescript greeny-grey under the heavy lids, and the long supine figure coiled itself reluctantly into a sitting position.
“Where indeed?” he remarked pleasantly. “I’ve been waiting here for hours, and not a dicky-bird! No one tells me anything!”
“Was she expecting you?” interjected Bridget, as ungraciously as she dared. “We’d planned to have this evening on our own, you know.”
“Ah well. The best laid plans of mice and men …!” He sighed and Bridget wondered, not for the first time, if he actually wanted her to throw something at him. Or did he really think that these remarks were funny?
Whichever it was, she didn’t have to put up with it. He wasn’t hers.
“Hasn’t she rung or anything?” she snapped? “Something must have happened, because I know she meant …”
“My darling, of course something’s happened. Things are happening all the time. All over the world. Didn’t you know?
“Alistair!” Bridget was almost shrieking now in her impatience. “Has Diana telephoned to say what she’s doing? Or hasn’t she?”
“Yes and no, actually,” he responded thoughtfully. “As is so often the case in human affairs … All right, sweetie, don’t get so worked up! The answer is, yes, she did ring up; but no, she didn’t say what she was doing. Or rather –” here he paused, perhaps to collect his thoughts, perhaps merely to annoy – “She didn’t explain it so that anyone could understand. She seems to have been held up somewhere. Like at work. Or maybe at the hospital? Take your choice.”
“Hospital?” For a moment Bridget was quite scared. Then she remembered: Diana had been due for one of her check-ups at the Infertility Clinic this afternoon. This was something else they were going to have to talk about before long. Her friend’s notion that she would be able to carry on with her demanding job, as well as being a single parent, seemed to Bridget pure fantasy. And in any case, fancy wanting to have Alistair’s baby! And not merely wanting it, but wanting it so passionately as to be undergoing weeks of poking and prodding, hormones, special diets and the rest.
Oh, well. At least it didn’t seem to be working. Not so far.
But now Alistair was actually volunteering some information, unasked.
“Not to worry, my pet,” he was saying, “She’ll be back in her own good time, as always. And meantime, I’ve been holding the fort. I’ve been taking no end of messages from gibbering applicants for a share in this grotty flat of yours. No, dearie, I did not say “grotty” to them – as if I would! On the contrary, I made it sound like a cross between Buckingham Palace and a colour-spread in Homes and Gardens, They’ll be along in droves. Any minute, I wouldn’t be surprised.” Here he yawned, stretched himself out into his former lounging position, and continued: “Actually, one little lady has been round already. I’ve interviewed her myself, isn’t it lucky I don’t make a charge for this sort of service?” Here he yawned again, and Bridget moved further into the room, tossing her scarf over the back of a chair and shaking loose her damp hair.
“Go on,” she said. “Who was it? What’s her name? What’s she like?”
“Like? Well, the first impression I got was that she’d be just what the doctor ordered. Self-effacing to the point of non-existence. Pathologically anxious to please. Anxious altogether, I’d say – a genetically-programmed worry-guts. But that’ll make her all the more malleable, won’t it? And malleable she’ll need to be, won’t she, with you two harridans pushing her around?”
“How old? Oh, the sort of age women usually are these days – you know. What does she look like?” he paused, giving the thing careful consideration. “Well, like an earwig, really. Small, and scuttling, and giving you the feeling that it might be kinder to tread on her straight away and put her out of her misery. Ideal, I’d say, for a pair of heavy-hoofed ungulants like you two.”
“‘Ungulates’, I think you mean,” said Bridget icily. ‘Ungulant’, if there was such a word, would be the participle, not the noun …”
She stopped. There was something about Alistair which somehow forced her to talk like a tetchy schoolmistress, and she didn’t like it; so she changed the subject.
“What time was it …” she was beginning, but Alistair interrupted.
“Oh, and another thing: didn’t I say she was ideal? On top of everything else, she’s a Battered Wife. She’s on the run from one of those Refuges or something. Diana’s going to love it! Didn’t she say they’d be targeting Battered Wives for their next ‘Can you Help?’ programme? Madam Earwig should be God’s gift to anyone like our Di, trying to claw her way up in T.V.’s compassion racket.”
Alistair loved to make fun of Diana’s job, and indeed it was a job that was easy to make fun of if, like Alistair, you were that way inclined. She worked on a newly-established T.V. channel, where she set up documentaries relevant to one or another of today’s fashionable areas of concern: Hospital closures, abused children, dangerous dogs, satanic rituals, and, yes, battered wives. It wasn’t she who chose the subjects – in general, these were handed to her by the programme-makers – but it was Diana’s task to track down individuals who had suffered spectacularly from whatever happened to be the latest shock-horror cause of the day, and to prepare them for interview.
“What time was it when this woman …” Bridget was beginning, she stopped as she heard Diana’s key in the door.
It must have stopped raining by now, for Diana’s abundant bronze-gold hair fell in luxuriant waves to her shoulders without any hint of damp or dishevelment. It was a style perhaps a little too young for her thirty-seven years, but she was still just about getting away with it; probably would do for at least another two or three years. At the moment, she looked younger even than usual, her face flushed and eager, whipped into colour and freshness by the cold air outside.
“A drink!” she cried gaily, addressing her recumbent lover. “I’m dying for a drink, I’ve had a perfectly awful afternoon!” and now at last Alistair lumbered to his feet and set about making such a comfortable clink of bottles and glasses that even Bridget felt her irritable mood subsiding. Soon the little party were settled round the imitation coal fire (a very good imitation, as it happened) and Alistair was repeating, for Diana’s benefit, the news about the putative new tenant.
“A battered wife, Di!” he repeated gleefully. “Isn’t that what your coven of ghouls is working on right now? You’ll be able to fatten her for the slaughter and dish her up oven-ready for the cameras without even stepping outside your own front door.”
Diana laughed, happily. She always did when Alistair teased her, even when there was an edge to the teasing which some might have found hurtful.
“Good thinking,” she responded: “But you know, Ali, it doesn’t really work like that. You can’t really use someone you know personally in this job. It’s not ethical”.
Ethical? Did that really bother these Media people? Alistair’s mouth had fallen open in genuine surprise, but before he could frame a question to this effect, Diana had continued:
“Not that she’ll be suitable, anyway, darling. Not as a tenant, I mean. A battered wife – she won’t have any money, will she? We need someone who can pay a proper rent – that’s the whole idea. No, it’s impossible.”
As she finished speaking, Alistair reached across from his low seat, caught Diana’s hand, and planted a languid kiss on it.
‘What a mercenary little maggot it is!” he chided her. “Anyone would think, watching these caring, sharing, soul-baring programmes of yours, that somewhere, deeply buried among the guff, there might be some idea of actually helping the victim you’ve got your claws into. Like, right now, if this earwig woman were to walk in, all bruised and bleeding from her latest set-to with hubby, and was to beg you on her bended knees for shelter – you know what you’d say? You’d say to her, “That’s fine, my dear, that’s absolutely great! Hold it! Don’t move, stay on your knees, just the way you are. The head, though … just a fraction more to the left, if you don’t mind. We want to see the blood running down your left cheek. Yes … that’s right … That’s absolutely fine … Hold it, dear …’ That’s how it would be, darling, wouldn’t it? Admit!”
Diana laughed again, a trifle uneasily; but before she could think of a suitably light-hearted and jokey come-back, they were startled into silence by a ring at the front door. A small, tentative sort of ring it was, as if the visitor were unsure if she had found the right address, or unsure, it might be, of her welcome.