Chapter Forty-Nine

I text Tessa the next morning.

I’m going to New York with Braden for a few days. She responds succinctly.

Have fun.

Do I respond? I want to tell her how much she means to me, how much I’m aching because things aren’t right between us. How I’ll do anything to end this “breakup.”

But those things don’t belong in a text. I should call.

Hmm. Those things don’t really belong in a phone call, either. I should go over to see her, but I can’t. Braden and I are headed to the airport in a few minutes.

I sigh. A phone call it is, then. Before I can place the call, though, someone calls me.

Betsy.

“Hi, Betsy,” I say into the phone.

“Hey, Skye. I’m sorry to bother you so early on a Sunday morning.”

“That’s okay. What’s up?”

“Tessa spent the night at my place last night,” she says. “She’s a mess.”

My heart sings. Does this mean she’s as upset about our break as I am? I hate the thought of her being in pain, but I want her back so badly. “Is she okay?”

“She’ll be fine. She drank too much, and then she…”

Worry tugs at me. “What? Then she what?”

“She got some ecstasy from a guy at the club.”

My blood runs cold. “What? Tessa doesn’t do drugs.”

“I know. I tried to stop her.”

“Obviously you didn’t try hard enough.” My words are cruel, I know, but I’m pissed as hell. I’d have been able to stop her.

“Skye, I did. I did everything except knock her unconscious. She was determined. The good news is, I don’t think she’ll ever do it again. She’s fried this morning.”

“I’m sorry,” I say. “I shouldn’t have said what I did. Does Tessa need to see a doctor?”

“I asked, and she said no. She’s alert and seems to be herself now. Just tired and achy and feels like shit.”

“She responded to my text,” I say, “so I guess you’re right. She’s lucid. I’m coming over.”

“No, Skye. She specifically doesn’t want to see you.”

“I don’t care.”

“Please don’t. It will just make things worse right now.”

“Why? Why did she do this? This is so off-brand for her. She likes to drink, no doubt, and overdoes it on occasion, but drugs? She’s always said no.”

“She’s pretty broken up about how things went down between the two of you. Plus Garrett told her yesterday that he doesn’t want to get serious with her.”

“Why should that upset her? Tessa’s never been serious with a guy in her life.”

“She was with Garrett. She thought she was falling in love.”

She did? How did I not know this about my best friend?

Have I been that out of touch?

My heart breaks a little. “Betsy, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. You guys had a fight. It happens. She’s feeling left out of this new life of yours.”

“Then you’re wrong,” I say. “It is my fault.”

“Don’t do that to yourself. You didn’t intentionally leave her out.”

“No,” I say, “I didn’t, but that makes it almost worse, in a way. I didn’t think.”

“I didn’t call to make you feel bad. I just knew you’d want to know.”

I sigh. “Yeah. Thanks, Betsy.”

“You’re going through your own stuff right now. I get it.”

“I am, but that’s no excuse. As soon as we hang up, I’ll call Tess.”

“No, don’t. Then she’ll know I called you, and while she didn’t tell me not to, she doesn’t want to talk to anyone right now. She made that very clear.”

My throat hurts—that feeling when you want to cry but can’t. “Not even me?”

“‘Especially not Skye or Garrett’ were her exact words.”

I sigh again. “I’ve really blown it.”

“Like I said, you’re going through your own stuff. I didn’t call you to put a guilt trip on you. Honestly.”

“I know that. It’s just… Things have been so out of control. I’ve had several major life changes within the last month. I’m not trying to make excuses. I just…”

I don’t know who I am anymore.

I can’t say the words. I couldn’t say them to Tessa, and I can’t say them to Betsy.

Why is my identity so wrapped up in others all of a sudden?

I’m more than the sum of my parts. Aren’t I?

I’m not just Tessa’s best friend.

I’m not just Addison Ames’s ex-assistant.

I’m not just a budding influencer, the new face of Susanne’s discount line.

And…

I’m not just Braden Black’s girlfriend.

“It will work out,” Betsy says.

Will it?

I’m not sure.

But in a few minutes, Christopher is driving Braden and me to the airport, where we’ll take his jet to New York.

Everything will work out once I’m back in New York.

I’ll be whole again.

Won’t I?

Fuck, I don’t even know anymore.

“Tell Tessa…”

“Tell her what?” Betsy asks.

“Just tell her… Tell her I love her. I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.”

“Okay. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of her. She’s going to be all right.”

“Thanks.” I end the call.

Tessa will be all right. With or without me, she’ll be fine. This was just a blip on the radar for her. The Tessa I know will realize she did an out-of-character thing and will vow to never do it again. She’ll also realize she doesn’t need Garrett Ramirez or any man. That she’s just fine on her own.

I’ve witnessed it. She’s pulled herself up before, and she’ll do it again.

I just wish I were there to help her through it.

It’s what besties do. We help each other. We eat Ben and Jerry’s together and commiserate. We tell each other that Garrett Ramirez—or whoever—is a piece of shit who isn’t worth our time. We vow never to repeat the ill-advised behavior we engaged in.

We have each other’s backs.

Betsy will help her, and Tessa will be fine.

And that’s what I want. I want Tessa to be fine, to be happy.

Yes. I want that.

The problem? It’s not all I want.