25

Sarai leaned on Abram’s arm as she walked with him in the fields the following week, the vision Abram had seen of Adonai still fresh in her thoughts. But the promises held little comfort for her, and it was time she told Abram what she needed to say, despite the pain such thoughts evoked.

“If you look far enough, you can almost make out the edge of the sea.” Abram pointed westward toward the Great Sea, where merchant ships landed at Gaza and Joppa and brought goods toward Beersheba and Hebron, goods she could not help but appreciate. “Our descendants will inherit this land, Sarai. They will outnumber the stars in the heavens, the sands on the seashore.”

“Your vision is clouded, my husband. Surely it is a mirage you see rather than the waters of the Great Sea.” She lifted a hand to her eyes and strained a look from the perch of the hill where they stood, but all she could see were grasslands and trees. The bluish haze in the distance could have been sky as easily as it was sea—impossible to tell from here.

He placed a hand on her shoulder. “Whether my vision is clouded or clear, our descendants will possess all of this land one day.” He turned her to face him. “You will bear me a son and our son will bear more children, and from us there will come a great nation.”

Sarai looked at him, moved by his sincerity, hating to force the truth on him but knowing she must. She pulled away from his embrace and walked a few steps nearer the edge of the cliff. Wind whipped her clothes, forcing her robe tight against her body and lifting her scarf away from her face. She turned back into the shelter of the overhanging terebinth tree.

“My lord, there is something I have considered every day since your vision, and I think you should pay it heed as well.”

He took her hand and pressed her fingers to his lips. “What troubles you, Sarai?”

She looked beyond his scrutinizing gaze and worried her lower lip. At last she faced him and stiffened her back, determined to go through with her plan. “The promise Adonai made to you said nothing of me. It named only you, my husband. Since it is quite obvious that I am too old to possibly bear a child, it is my right and my duty to provide you an heir from another source.” She paused, drawing a deep breath for support. “I am giving you my maidservant Hagar the Egyptian.”

Abram released his hold on her but did not move. “Have you heard nothing of what I have told you? Adonai promised us a son.”

She shook her head. “No. He promised you a son. Why do you find this so hard to accept?”

“I do not want another wife. You are all I need.”

“She would be only a seed-bearer, a secondary wife. Any child born of her would be mine to claim.”

He looked at her for the longest time, until at last he turned and strode to the edge of the cliff where she had just stood. The sight of him there, staff in hand, facing the wind as it pushed against him, made Sarai’s heart ache with her decision. Why couldn’t she have Abram’s faith? But she was right, whether he wanted to believe her or not. And somehow she must convince him of it.

She tucked the scarf closer to her neck and wrapped both arms about her, though the breeze was far from chilly. Slowly, each step weighted with indecision and dread, she moved to his side and slipped her arm beneath his.

“Adonai has kept me from having children,” she said, leaning close to his ear. When at last he looked at her, she offered him a reassuring smile. “Go, sleep with my maidservant. Perhaps I can build a family through her.”

He held her gaze until she thought she might break under the strain of trying to assure him. “I love you, Sarai. I don’t want another.”

His words thrilled her, but the truth remained. “And I you, my husband. Can’t you see how hard this is for me?”

He nodded, at last seemingly satisfied. “Send her to my tent tonight.”

Hagar sat at the grindstone, the rhythmic scraping of grain against stone droning in her ear. How strange life had become, how long ago her life as Pharaoh’s daughter. Sometimes at night when the wind blew a certain way, she could almost smell the waterfront along the Nile. Her sisters had probably married foreign princes by now, if they lived.

A sigh worked through her, and she straightened, rolling the kinks from her shoulders. Wistful longing filled her for the briefest moment. She missed Nitianu and Osahar the most, and often prayed to Abram’s unseen God to keep them safe. They had been truer parents to her than Nabirye and Pharaoh had ever been. Emotion rose within her, but she shoved it down to a place deep within her as she always did—as she had done in her mother’s household and continued to do since coming to serve under Sarai in Abram’s camp. She could not go back. There was no use dwelling on what she could not change.

She bent over the grindstone again but looked up at the sound of footsteps approaching, surprised to see her mistress coming toward her. Normally she was summoned, not approached. She laid the grindstone aside, brushed the flour from her hands, and stood, bowing low.

“How may I serve you, my lady?”

“You may rise and follow me to my tent. There we will speak.” Sarai abruptly turned, her steps hurried, and moved far from Hagar before her maid realized what had been said. She scrambled to catch up, keeping a respectful distance behind.

At Sarai’s tent, her mistress lifted the flap and bid Hagar enter ahead of her. Hagar looked at Sarai, unused to such treatment, but hurried to obey.

“Come, sit among the cushions. I brewed some herbs for tea. Let me pour you a cup.” Before Hagar could think to protest, Sarai busied herself in one corner of the spacious tent and returned to the area where Hagar still stood, dumbstruck.

“Sit,” Sarai said again. “Here, tell me what you think of it.” She handed the clay cup to Hagar and motioned her to the cushions again, her smile congenial. She lowered herself to the plush ornamented cushions opposite Hagar and rested both hands on her knees.

Hagar folded her legs beneath her and held the cup in both hands, putting it slowly to her lips. The brew tasted sharp yet sweet, a combination she had not enjoyed since her life in Egypt.

“It is a taste of my homeland. Like the lotus blossom.”

Sarai nodded. “The merchants brought the dried blossoms from Thebes. I thought you might find it to your liking.”

Hagar sipped again, her gaze never leaving Sarai’s drawn face. The woman had something on her mind, and her features were tense, almost rigid. But Hagar held her tongue, unable to give voice to the questions filling her.

“Hagar.”

Hagar stiffened, waiting for whatever strange reprimand must be forthcoming.

“Yes, my lady. How may I serve you?” She lowered her gaze to the mat at her feet, adopting her familiar servant expression.

A sigh escaped Sarai’s lips, causing Hagar to look up again. “Hagar, it is not me you are to serve this night.”

Sarai looked away, avoiding eye contact. Strange. A moment passed. Hagar’s hands shook at the tension in the room, sloshing the tea in her cup. Fearing she would spill it onto Sarai’s expensive cushions, she took a long drink, nearly burning her throat in her haste to be done with it.

“Hagar, I want you to serve my husband this night.”

“Of course, my lady, I will do whatever you wish.” She downed the last of the liquid and set the cup on the mat, clasping her hands in her lap to still their unease.

Sarai shook her head. “I don’t think you understand my meaning.”

Hagar looked up again. As she held the older woman’s steady gaze, something shifted inside of Hagar. She couldn’t possibly mean . . . “Perhaps you should help me to understand, my lady. How would you like me to serve the master?”

Sarai kneaded the sash at her waist, looking down at it as though she could draw her response from the soft fabric. When she lifted her gaze again, there was a hardening in her dark eyes. “Adonai has promised to give my husband a son, and it is up to me as his wife to do the providing. But as we all know, God has kept me from bearing children.”

Her gaze flitted beyond Hagar toward the tent’s door. The voices of women working nearby drifted through the closed flap, and a steady wind ruffled the walls of the tent. The breeze would be welcome right now, and Hagar almost opened her mouth to suggest lifting the sides of the tent to let it in, but she knew that to say such a thing would be utter foolishness. She sat perfectly still instead, waiting, ignoring the sweat trickling down her back.

“It is also within my right and power to give my husband a maid, to procure sons through her. The child would be mine, but the maid would give him birth.” Sarai cleared her throat and leveled a look at Hagar. “Do you understand what I am saying?”

Hagar clasped her hands tighter until she could feel her nails dig into her palms. “I think so, my lady.” Was she suggesting Hagar bear Abram’s son? The thought chilled and warmed her, at once repulsive and enticing.

“You are the maid I have chosen for this privilege. I am taking you from the status of slave to concubine of my master Abram. When you bear him a son, you will do so on my knees. I will raise the child as my own, giving Abram his son of promise.” A deep sigh lifted her chest, but no more words came from her lips.

Hagar sat in stunned silence, staring at Sarai, her thoughts tumbling within her like chaff in a windstorm. She was to be married, but not married? Would Sarai truly share her husband so easily? Yet by the look on the woman’s face, Hagar could see her decision had not come to her lightly. Even now the pain of her words etched twin lines across her brow. Age had done little to mar Sarai’s beauty, but this decision had surely cost her.

But thoughts of Sarai quickly dissipated as she let the woman’s words register in her heart. This night? Her pulse quickened, and a flutter of unease settled in her middle. She had never been with a man. But she could hardly tell that to Sarai, who sat looking at her now as though she expected some response.

Hagar shifted among the cushions, longing to stand but afraid to move without permission. “I don’t know what to say, my lady. You do me great honor.” The words tasted like dust on her tongue. She had dreamed of marriage once, but never as a secondary wife or a concubine. Her dreams had been far grander back when she was Pharaoh’s daughter and dreams seemed possible.

She looked at her feet, uncertainty warring within. Abram was an old man. What if she went to him and no son came about? Would she be put out of the house then? Would they banish her from Canaan, return her to Egypt? She would have nowhere to go if they did.

But what if she did give Abram a son? Despite Sarai’s claims that the child would be hers, Hagar would never let her son forget who it was who had borne him. A seed of pride sprouted within her. She lifted her chin but masked her true thoughts.

“I will do as you say, my lady. Only . . . I do not know what is required of me.” She swallowed her embarrassment, knowing the comment was only half true. She had heard the women as they drew water at the well or ground grain together. There were few secrets of what to expect when a man took a woman to his bed. Still, she didn’t know from experience.

“Abram will make it clear enough. Now come. You will go to the river to bathe and dress in the robes I have chosen for you. Then Lila will take you to Abram’s tent.” Sarai stood, her back straight, her bearing stiff. She marched to the tent’s door and lifted the flap without waiting to see if Hagar followed.

Hagar rose slowly, the impact of what had been said making her teeter on unsteady feet. She stood still, drawing in a breath, then another, until at last she could move without stumbling. She hurried after Sarai, heart pounding with anticipation and dread.