I couldn't get Piper out of my mind.
All afternoon I'd thought about that kiss. The sweet taste of her lips. The feel of her tongue sliding over mine. The sexy little moan she purred.
What the hell had I been thinking? And right in front of our mothers.
I'd been thinking about how damn sexy she looked when she removed her coat, wearing that lime sweater and those blue jeans that hugged her lower body. With her dark brown hair spilling out of her beanie. Her green eyes looking brighter and livelier today versus yesterday.
And when she teased and flirted, practically issuing that challenge for me to get busy? How the hell was I supposed to refuse that? There's no doubt our moms want to see us together, but what does Piper want? Really want? Clearly, she didn't mind the kiss, otherwise I think the response would've been much different. But where's her head at when it comes to her plans? Her future?
And kids? While I thought that idea would scare the shit outta me or have me yelling an emphatic No! I wasn't. For a split second I saw it all... us, together, in our future home, taking care of our combined property. But kids?
The moment had been disrupted by the call on the radio. If not for that, who knows how carried away I would've gotten. We would've gotten.
Am I going to be able to control myself tonight when I go over to check out her stove? Have pizza? Maybe more kissing for dessert?
Jesus! Acting like a teenager getting ready for his first date. Only I'm a grown man who's already been around the marriage block once and look how well that worked out. As for dating? A few hook-ups here and there but nothing remarkable or worth more than a few nights.
Am I even worthy of Piper's time?
Shit, I've never been so worked up or indecisive about a woman before.
And Mom's right, not only about her not getting any younger, but me and Piper as well. Doesn't mean we need to settle. Not that I think I'd be settling. Or her for that matter. I'm a pretty decent guy with a steady job, an easy-to-please attitude, and...
Aw, hell, listen to me. I need to stop with all this speculation and just enjoy the evening with her. What happens, happens, and we'll deal with it like the adults we are.
I'm in the service vehicle since I'm back on duty tomorrow. I've already ordered the pizza and it should be ready by the time I arrive at the restaurant. Wondering whether to grab beer, I decide to pick up root beer instead. I want a clear head, and even though I'm capable of rational thought after a few beers, I don't want to take any chances.
Once I have the pizza, I decide on a quick trip home to shower and change, park the department's SUV and hop in my Bronco. With my day-to-day pickup parked down in Cascade, driving the Bronco to Piper's isn't a big deal.
I send her a text to let her know I'm on my way from my place, which is less than a ten-minute drive to her door. When I pull close to the house, security lights brighten the area and I see Stormi leap off the porch, making her way to me. Thankfully, she doesn't jump at the vehicle, instead, remains standing off to the side waiting for me to exit. Once I do, she prances around, tongue dangling from her mouth.
“Hey there, Stormi-girl.” I greet her, giving her a few good rubs across her head. “Uh oh, I know that smell. You been chasing skunks today?” She only barks, making me laugh. I go for the back door to retrieve the pizza and drinks. “Now I know you're going to be a good girl and let me get this inside before you decide to maul me, right?”
I hear Piper chuckling and look up to see her standing on the porch. “Need some help?” She's still wearing the lime green sweater and those painted-on jeans, but the beanie is gone, allowing me to see her hair in all its glory. “Logan?”
I have to shake my head to clear my thoughts. “Got it. Just as long as Miss Stormi-girl allows me safe passage.”
Piper laughs, instantly stirring my insides. But I manage to balance the boxes and pack of root beer as I make my way to the porch. Stormi proves to be a good girl, walking alongside me with her nose high in the air as I make my way up the steps. Piper comes forward to relieve me of the drinks before turning to open the door, calling Stormi inside.
One by one we parade into the warmth and Piper instructs Stormi to her bed. “Go rest.” She does so begrudgingly, settling on her dog bed with a huff. “She's not been the best of girls today. Decided to ignore momma and tussle with a skunk.”
“Ah, I thought I detected that residual smell along with the unmistakable odor of special shampoo.” I follow Piper into the kitchen, setting the pizza boxes on the counter. I take off my jacket and drape it across the back of a chair before turning her way. “Let me go get my shoes off.”
“You're fine, really. I'm not such a rule stickler as Mom.” She grins before retrieving glasses and plates for the meal. “As for that girl,” she nods at Stormi, “the incident happened just as I was ready to take off this morning, which made me late for my visit with Mom. I locked her in the mud room then bathed her when I returned. And, woo, did I have to air out that room.” She laughs.
“I bet.” I lean against the counter as I watch her turn my way. Her wavy brunette hair falls past her shoulders and shines under the lights. Makes me want to thread my fingers through it and tilt her head back for another kiss. “Glad I was still there when you arrived.”
She smiles. “Me too.”
I raise my brow. “Yeah? In spite of everything my mom had to say?”
Piper walks around the counter to me, stopping inches away. We're practically eye-to-eye and I like it. She surprises me by placing her hands on my chest and pins me with those vibrant green eyes. “Yeah,” she whispers, right before leaning in to place her lips on mine.
I don't hesitate to respond as my hands find their way into her hair, feeling the strands to be even softer than I imagined. Her fingers curl into my shirt as she gives me a soft moan. Tipping her head, I angle my mouth across hers and kiss her with all I have. And she's right there with me, meeting my demands then making her own as her tongue strikes out to tease me. I suck on it before releasing it to use my tongue to explore her mouth.
Damn, she tastes good, and I don't want to stop. And I realize I want so much more than this kiss. Before my thoughts progress even further, Piper's the one pulling away.
“I'm not usually this, forward, with a man I barely know, and I'm sorry I was such a bitch yesterday.”
“You weren't–”
“Yes, I was. And I apologize. You were only being kind and I wasn't in the right frame of mind to realize that. So thank you for your attempt at kindness and please forgive my attitude.”
I continue to hold her, staring into those green eyes that are swirling with emotion. “Nothing to forgive. You've still got plenty to process. As for being forward...” I waggle my brows at her, earning a light laugh. “Am I attracted to you? Absolutely. Has my mind already gotten way ahead of where it probably should? You betcha.”
Piper laughs even harder. “Confession: same. I'd like that chance to–”
I don't let her finish that sentence as I retake her mouth, kissing her like there's no tomorrow. And as much as I'd really like this to go on to the next level, reason overpowers my hormones–for now–and I pull away, only to hear a small whine.
“Yeah, that.” Her words are breathy before she opens her eyes to look at me. “But why'd you stop?”
“Pizza's getting cold.” I grin.
Piper narrows her eyes even though her mouth quirks. “Seriously?”
“No,” I chuckle, letting my hands slide down her sides to rest at her waist. “No, if I had my way I wouldn't stop. At. All. In fact, I'd probably lay you out on this counter and feast on you, forgetting all about the pizza.”
Her eyes widen a fraction as her mouth curves into a sinful smile. “Hmmm, maybe I'm not opposed to that. At. All.” She releases my shirt, spreading her fingers and rubbing circles across my chest.
“Woman, you're killing me.”
“That is certainly not my intent.”
I can't help but laugh then give her a quick kiss before stepping away. “How about sustenance first then we'll see where the night leads?”
“Wow, a true gentleman, eh?”
“Momma would have it no other way. Besides, there's the stove to look at.”
She laughs as she steps back around me, opening the boxes to reveal the pizzas. I chose to get a Hawaiian as well as an all-meats, half with mushrooms and black olives.
“Oh, these look delicious. I'm think I'm going to embarrass myself and show you just how many of these slices I can put away.”
“I don't mind a woman who isn't afraid to eat.”
“Oh, believe me, I'm not.” She proceeds to place three slices on each plate while I open two bottles of root beer. “Want to sit at the counter or head to the couch?”
“Counter's good. Closer to the pizza.” I wink.
“I like the way you think, Mr. Shaw.”
I tip my bottle toward her in salute before taking a drink. We each get comfortable on a stool and proceed to dig in. Between bites, we manage to engage in conversation, and all the while, Stormi is snoozing on her bed.
“So, Marines. Given you're with the Sheriff's Department, were you an MP while in service?”
“I was, but only after working as a Comms Specialist first.”
“Did you do the full twenty years?”
“Twenty-one. How 'bout you?”
She shakes her head. “Fourteen.”
“So close. Why not the six more?”
Piper wipes her mouth and takes a deep breath. “At some point it was inevitable I'd have to talk about it.”
I place a hand across hers. “Hey, you don't have to talk about anything. The choice is totally yours.”
She nods. “I appreciate that, but I think a part of me needs to talk about it.”
I remove my hand and take drink before giving her my full attention.
“I was involved in an in-flight accident during a supply run for a group out on maneuvers. I was the senior officer, the one in charge. My co-pilot, Dale, completed the bird inspection and there didn't seem to be any concerns. Everything was fine during pre-flight checks in the cockpit, so off we went to pick up and deliver, just like always. But everything wasn't fine. Turns out Dale skimmed over a few checks and missed the fact that the back rotor was loose. It'd been replaced the previous day. Not only did the mechanic fail to properly secure it, but my flight partner overlooked it and I failed to double check.”
“Did you always double check everything? Isn't that what teamwork is for?”
“Sure, teamwork is highly important, and no, I didn't always double check because we had a system and I trusted him.”
“Well, there you go. If you two had flown before and your system worked without fault until then, sounds as if your co-pilot unfortunately was to blame. But ultimately, it started with the mechanic and his failure to complete his job. Where was the secondary inspection before the bird was released for flight? There were a lot of factors involved.”
“True, but as senior pilot, ultimately it was–”
“Ultimately your responsibility, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So what happened? Were you or your partner injured? Please don't tell me you were found at-fault or dishonorably discharged or–”
Piper shakes her head. “No, I wasn't found negligent and I wasn't dishonorably discharged. We'd barely made it a mile when I felt something wrong. I started losing control and fought to get the bird safely on the ground. I thought I was going to make it but then we rolled and Dale was pinned. Ended up with a fractured leg while I escaped with minor lacerations and bruises. I was lucky; him, not so much. He never piloted again. He–”
“Survived. He came away with his life, thanks to you.” When she shakes her head again and starts to say something, I interrupt. “Piper, you both survived. It could've been a lot worse and you know it.” I wait a beat for her to digest that, which I'm sure she's had plenty of years to mull over anyway; fighting some internal battle with herself. “Was that your first and only incident in all the years you've flown?”
She nods. “Yeah,” she says softly.
“Then I'd consider you one helluva pilot, Piper Deacon, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.” She remains silent, so I'm curious to know more. “Is that when you chose to get out?”
At this point, our meal is all but forgotten. Piper takes a drink and I'm focused on her plumps lips as she licks them. I shouldn't be thinking about kissing her senseless again, instead, I should be concentrating on her story and offering her whatever support I can. Because even though I know nothing of her service record, I can already sense she's intelligent, head-strong, conscientious, and bears the weight of responsibility like Atlas holding up the Heavens.
“I was nearing the end of my current enlistment anyway, so I chose not to re-up. Some called me a coward, others thought it smart to take a break.”
I scoff, trying to mask my disgust at other's opinions, but I know it's the way of the world. Piper gives me a small 'thank you' smile and continues.
“My CO tried to convince me to simply take some time to recoup, to think about it, but encouraged me to reenlist. He didn't want to lose a damn fine pilot, he'd said. I had the support of many who mattered, but my self-confidence floundered. I was shaken; I can admit that. And I was embarrassed.”
“Embarrassed? You had a flawless flight record until that incident; one which was not your fault whatsoever, and you were embarrassed? You brought the bird down without loss of life. That's a win, for Christ's sake.” I feel my anger rising; not at her but for her. “Why the hell would you be embarrassed?”
Piper springs up from her seat and starts pacing, causing Stormi to go on alert. “Easy, girl,” she says before pinning me with a hard stare. “I was a female pilot in the Armed Forces. Not an easy feat, okay? Easier than in years past, but women are still constantly trying to prove themselves. Prove they're just as capable as men in some roles; maybe even better in others. So, yeah, I was embarrassed. Ten years with an immaculate record, shot to shit because of someone else. Did I blame Dale? At times, I sure as hell did. But then if I had double-checked his work, maybe–”
I now spring up and practically get right in her face. “Maybe it would've been different, maybe not. Were you ever told whether the problem was one either of you could've detected?”
“Yes. Had he done more than a visual, he would've felt the instability. I don't know why he cut corners; his answer during the inquiry was “it seemed fine to him”. Fucking lame. It wasn't like we were pressed for time, so I can't account for his stupidity which cost both of us.”
“Is that why your visits home were so infrequent? You were embarrassed? Thought you couldn't face your family? Your friends? Your support system?” I know I'm pushing her, but dammit, can't she see how wrong she was to do that? To think that way? At least in my eyes.
“Yes, okay? Yes! My parents expected the best from me. I expected the best from myself, and I–”
I hold her shoulders and pin her with a stare. “You are only human. Did Thomas or Dawn ever give you any indication they were disappointed? That you somehow let them down?”
Something shifts in her eyes. “No,” she says hesitantly.
“No, just as I thought. Because they wouldn't. Couldn't. They love you and are proud of you.” I speak as if her father's still alive, knowing he'd love her. “Hell, sounds like your record spoke for itself. You followed your normal protocol expecting your partner to do what he was supposed to do. What, so now you've gotta second guess every move you make? Every decision put before you?”
“Wouldn't you?”
“No.”
She slaps my hands away and takes a step back, glaring at me. “Bull. Shit. We hold ourselves to a higher standard and you know it. You can't tell me if you were in the same or a similar situation you wouldn't have done the same. Faltered? Questioned?”
“Twenty years ago, sure, but five years ago? Now? No. I've learned over the years that a split-decision can go either way. Win or lose. Good or bad. I've had to develop the skills to evaluate a situation and make what I think is the best choice based on what's before me. There's no time to falter, especially when lives are at stake.” We stare at one another. “You think you were the only female pilot to ever have a mishap? No,” I answer my rhetorical question. “Do you think others quit after one minor incident? Chances are probably no on that as well for the greater majority.”
I watch her nostrils flare as her eyes narrow. Then she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. When they open I see the immense sadness in them. “And that was my bigger embarrassment. My bigger regret. Not standing up for myself. Not continuing to prove myself.” She makes her way back to her stool to sit, and I follow, taking my seat next to her. “I simply quit. And I stewed. I stayed away from coming home for a bit. I didn't want to hear advice and condolences. And I didn't want to see disappointment in my parents' eyes. I should've known better, but I let my own self-pity get the better of me. I spoke to Mom and Dad a few times on the phone and never once did they ever have a negative thing to say. And just when I was making plans to come home for an extended visit, return to a place of love and comfort, Dad had his accident. I came home right away but it was too late.” Piper turns to me with tears in her eyes. “I barely made it home before he passed. He was in the hospital, rapidly declining. He wasn't even conscious when I got to his bedside. He didn't even know I was there.” Her voice cracks more with each sentence. “I couldn't even tell him I loved him. I couldn't even tell him I was sorry,” she cries, finally breaking.
I pull her into my arms as best as I can, offering whatever comfort I can provide. Sobs wrack her body so I pick her up, cradling her and walking us to the couch. Stormi follows, whining the entire time as she sits at my feet.
“And then, and then I did it again.” She stutters, still shaking. “Afterwards, I left Mom. I couldn't be home with all the reminders of Dad. I was horrible, abandoning her when she needed me, barely coming home once a year.”
“Hey, shhh,” I try to soothe. “You did the best you could. I'm sure Dawn knew that.”
“I should've been here for her,” she continues to cry. “I should've been a better daughter.”
She turns her face into my chest and shatters, and all I can do is hold her. Be here for her when she's ready to start putting her pieces back together.