Karma’s heart was racing and pounding when she stepped into Wynn’s room to fulfill her end of the bargain they’d made.
He stood at the railing of the balcony in chinos and t-shirt, facing the forest and night sky. Her eyes swept over his frame hungrily as she walked towards him. Her hands were clammy, her nerves shaking, and her senses desperate for his scent, touch, flavor. She hadn’t felt nervous either of the first two nights together. This night, she’d come to him on her own.
She stopped when she reached the balcony, the fever of desire driving her crazy. Her mind reeled from how quickly the bond had consumed her life.
“Come here,” Wynn directed her without turning.
His voice had the same effect on he as his touch; her resistance vanished.
Karma went to his side. He took her arm and guided her in front of him, making room for her between his body and the railing. He leaned against her, one arm on either side of her. She gazed up at him, unable to reconcile her fear and desire, trepidation and need, distrust and longing.
Already, she was rattled. His warmth and solid frame sent her thoughts into disarray. His scent was her air, his taste her water, his strength her foundation.
Wynn gazed down at her, calm where she was ready to jump off the balcony.
“Secrets,” she managed to say.
He brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers before replacing his hand on the balcony. She wanted more but didn’t know how to ask. Normally, she just acted. With Wynn, she wanted to please him instead of doing whatever she wanted.
“That’s how you do it, isn’t it?” she pressed, needing to focus on something other than his body and the heat swimming through hers.
“For the most part,” he said.
“It’s so simple,” she said with a flash of irritation. “It’s just … words!”
Wynn laughed quietly. “Words carry power.”
“But you can control deities and whole societies with words. How …” She drifted off, amazed. “I don’t even know what to ask.” Agitated, she rested her hands on his chest and marveled both at his lean strength and the warmth of his skin as it penetrated the thin cotton shirt. “Do you know my secrets?” she asked cautiously.
“I’ve never met anyone with fewer secrets than you,” he said, smiling. “I believe you only have one.”
She waited. Before him, she hadn’t cared what anyone thought.
“I’m your home, the first you’ve ever had. You’re terrified of losing me.”
Karma’s breath caught. She understood he knew secrets, but it never crossed her mind how. He didn’t buy them or trade them like favors.
He read them straight from people’s minds.
Was she ashamed or embarrassed by the private thought she’d hoped no one else would ever know? Did he think less of her, because she was smitten after two days? Because she was too uncomplicated to have the kind of deep, dark secrets other deities possessed?
She couldn’t lie to anyone, especially not him.
Karma pushed him away, needing space and wanting to flee and never return. Why did she fear losing his respect when she didn’t even know him? She’d been an emotional disaster since the only man she trusted to guide her – her brother – had been taken from her. She hadn’t realized how much he shielded her from everything and everyone before forced to navigate the worlds on her own.
Still, nothing could’ve prepared her for Wynn.
“Come here,” Wynn said quietly.
“No!”
“Karma, look at me.”
She obeyed. In that moment, she needed to know he wasn’t going to reject her. His calm look steadied her in a way nothing else could.
“I know it’s stupid,” she said. “I shouldn’t think that. Or feel that or … want that. It’s just a stupid, fleeting, stupid, stupid thought!”
“I’ve never been anyone’s home,” Wynn replied. “I like the idea of being yours.”
She searched his face. He’d never expressed any kind of emotion, outside of lust, when they were together. Warmth was in his features as he spoke. Her discussion with Andre earlier swirled through her thoughts.
“Did you hide your mark because you were embarrassed?” she asked.
“I hid it because nothing in either of my lives has ever surprised me as much as seeing you claim me. I like for people to believe I always know what I’m doing, and I’m always in control,” he replied. “But I didn’t know what to do, and you’ve witnessed my inability to control myself when I’m with you.”
She smiled, unable to help it.
“I also don’t know what the future will bring, or what it will mean for us,” he added. “Many chains-of-events are already in motion. I want to think I can protect you from everything but … I can’t promise it.”
“Then I’ll protect you,” she said instantly.
“Brave talk from someone who won’t sit down and talk to me.”
“You doubt me?” she demanded.
“You almost killed me, remember?” he teased. “I know how strong you are. I know how good you are. And you know there’s very little good about me.”
“There is,” she said hesitantly. “I saw it. And I know when you heal others, you suffer for it.”
“You know two of my secrets,” he said.
“Your darkness may out weight your light, but your light has always been what guides you,” she murmured. “You are neither and both, and you hold so much of yourself back from the world.”
Wynn studied her. She sensed she’d hit a nerve without knowing what he was thinking.
“Come here, goddess,” he whispered finally and held out a hand.
Karma went to him. Without hesitation, she rested against him, her body molding to his.
“I upset you,” she said.
“You see more than I’m comfortable with,” he replied and nuzzled her cheek. His arms draped around her.
“You saw my secret. It’s only fair I see your soul,” she retorted. She breathed in his comforting smell and relaxed.
“I wouldn’t call that an even trade!”
“Oh, but it is,” she replied triumphantly. “Because it’s about how desperate someone is. It’s rarely about the information or favor itself.”
His eyebrows went up. “If you’re making deals, we should talk.”
“I can handle it.”
“Are you including a condition that they can’t use the favor to balance you?”
Her smile faded.
“Because that would fix the problem of a goddess murdering gods, and of an Immortal who’s had the upper hand for more millennia than anyone can count,” he said, gaze intent. “I don’t want to be more vulnerable than I already am with you in my life.”
She searched his features, startled to realize he was serious. “That’s how you see me?” she asked. “As a vulnerability?”
“A mate by its very nature is considered a vulnerability,” he said.
The words were too simply spoken, without a flicker of emotion, for her to comprehend he’d said them seconds after reassuring her she was right to feel as she did about him. Her shock wore off quickly, replaced by anger.
Karma moved away from him, out of his arms.
“I’m sorry, but it’s true. I am weaker with you in my life.” Regret laced his voice.
“I’m no one’s vulnerability,” she said in a lethal whisper. Her hair turned black, tossed into the air by the agitated energy swirling around her. “I’m not weak!”
“It’s the way it is.”
“I would never, ever consider the one person I feel safe with to be a vulnerability!” she cried. “You’re my home, not my fucking weakness! I would slaughter anyone who even thought of harming or exploiting you! And you think I’m a fucking vulnerability?”
Close to tears, and unwilling to let him see her cry, she summoned a portal.
“We made a deal,” he reminded her. His sense of calm infuriated her. He expected her to fold despite what he’d said. Because he thought she was weak.
“I showed up. That was the deal. Fuck you, Wynn, if you think I’m staying here tonight!” Whirling, she strode into the place-between-places.
He considered her, one of the strongest goddesses in existence, a vulnerability! She wanted to hate him, to feel fury and unleash hell in her wake.
But all she felt was pain and confusion about why she should care at all for someone she’d been warned by everyone not to trust. She’d bared her heart – and he crushed it.
Was she right to believe he was using her for the agenda no one understood? He’d been after a favor from her since their first eventful meeting. Was he even capable of feeling for her what she did for him?
Loathing herself for drowning in the ocean of her emotions, when he had barely dipped his toe, Karma went to the only other place where she felt safe. She returned to her cell in the Underworld, paced, and then let out a scream of frustration.