What’s on your mind?” Jake Miller asked as he sat next to Matthew on Robert Kauffman’s back porch the following evening.
Shrieks and giggles sounded from the Kauffman grandchildren as they ran around the yard playing tag. A group of the Kauffman men stood by the driveway talking while the women gathered inside the house.
Sometimes Betsy and her family came to the Kauffman gathering when it was here next door to them, and Matthew was grateful they hadn’t come tonight. Jake was sensing something was going on anyway, and they’d all agreed not to talk about the turn of events until Betsy and Earl told their girls.
“Not much.” Matthew lifted his glass of iced tea and shrugged. “I was just thinking about the new project I have at work. I need to get started on that bed frame since it’s due next week.”
Jake lifted an eyebrow. “I’ve known you for how many years now?”
“Almost four.”
“Right. And you’ve always been intense, but you’ve been a little more intense than usual today. Are you going to tell me what’s going on? Or do I need to start guessing?”
Matthew gazed out toward the road and swallowed a deep sigh. Lindsay would arrive with Daniel and his family any minute. If he wanted to share his stress with his best friend, now was the time to do it.
After asking Jake to promise not to tell anyone, Matthew relayed the conversation he’d had with Earl and Betsy the night before, being careful to keep his voice low.
When he finished with the worst of the news, the timing, Jake gasped. “You have to be out in three weeks?”
“Right.”
“All because they’re losing the farm?”
“Ya. Earl showed me how much they owe.”
“How much?”
“A lot.” The knots in Matthew’s shoulders tensed.
Jake paused. “What are you going to do? You’re not going to Western Pennsylvania, are you?”
“No. I’m going to see if I can get the bank to divide up the property. Then maybe I can get a loan to buy the acreage with the haus and finish it for Lindsay. I want to be positive, so I even worked on the haus today.”
Matthew settled back in the rocker and rested his forearms on the arms of the chair as he tried to ignore the muscles tightening in his back. But he couldn’t help but notice Jake’s blue eyes studying him.
“I think that’s a great plan,” Jake finally said. When Matthew didn’t respond, he added, “Is something else bothering you?”
“Ya. I have to be able to provide for Lindsay, but how can I if so much of my money goes to buying land as well as finishing the haus?”
“It might take time for you to get on your feet, but you will. You’re a talented carpenter, and you have a great future at the store. I’m in the same position you are. I’m living with my grandparents while I save up money to buy a place for Katie and me. There’s nothing wrong with changing your original plan. You’ll still have a haus, and that’s more than I have.”
Matthew nodded and took a drink of his iced tea. But he couldn’t quell the voice in his head.
I’ll never be enough for her.
“Lindsay!” Katie Kauffman yelled as she rushed over to the buggy to greet them. “Hi, Aenti Rebecca and Onkel Daniel.”
“Hi, Katie.” Lindsay climbed out of the back of the buggy and then helped her much younger cousins, Emma and Junior. “How are you?”
“I’m gut.” Katie took Emma by her hand. “I’ve been waiting for you to get here.”
“We had a bit of a late start.” Lindsay grabbed Junior’s hand as he tried to run off. “Slow down. You’ll see your cousins in a minute.” Then she turned to Katie. “Is Matthew here?”
“Ya.” Katie gestured toward the back of the house. “He’s sitting on the porch with Jake.”
“Oh, gut.” Lindsay couldn’t wait to see him. He’d filled her thoughts as she worked at the bakery this morning and then helped Aenti Rebecca with chores all afternoon.
“Hi, Aenti Rebecca!” Katie’s younger sister, Nancy, rushed over and held out her arms. “Would you like me to take Gracie?”
“Danki.” Aenti Rebecca handed the baby to Nancy and then turned to Lindsay and Katie. “I’ll take the kinner so you can go visit with Matthew and Jake.”
Lindsay hesitated. Aenti Rebecca looked tired. She had dark circles under her eyes. “It’s all right. I can take care of them.”
Aenti Rebecca smiled. “I don’t mind. Go have fun.” She stretched out her arms toward her older children. “Emma and Junior. Kumm.” The children took her hands, and then she walked beside Nancy as they headed toward the front porch.
Lindsay and Katie hurried up the rock driveway. Lindsay’s happy mood deflated when she spotted Matthew talking with Jake on the back porch. His expression was serious and his forehead furrowed as he spoke. Something was definitely bothering him. Maybe something was wrong.
His gaze collided with hers as she climbed the back steps, and he gave her a tentative smile.
“Hi, Lindsay.” He tapped the arm of the rocker next to his. “How was your day?”
“Gut, gut.” She sank into the chair. “How was yours?”
“Gut.” Matthew offered her his glass of iced tea. “Do you want a sip?”
“No, danki.” She glanced toward the children playing in the yard and then looked back at him. “I’m sorry we didn’t get here earlier. Gracie was fussy, so I had to feed her before we left. I’m wondering if she’s coming down with a cold. She’s been fussy since last night.”
“I hope she feels better.” Matthew settled his glass on the arm of the rocker as he gently moved the chair back and forth.
Beside him, Katie and Jake fell into a conversation. For a few minutes Matthew and Lindsay listened in as Katie talked about working in the bakery and Jake told her about his latest project at the furniture store.
“Did you work on the haus today?” Lindsay finally asked Matthew.
“Ya, I did.” He stared out toward the pasture.
“Did you start on the sheetrock?”
He nodded, his eyes still focused in front of him. Was he avoiding looking at her, the question, or both?
“Could we go see it?” She kept her voice gentle in hopes that the house wasn’t the source of his reticence.
To her surprise, Matthew smiled at her. “Sure.” He stood and held out his hand. She threaded her fingers with his, enjoying the strength and warmth of his touch.
“Where are you going?” Katie asked.
“We’re going to see our haus.” Lindsay nodded toward Betsy’s farm. “Would you like to come with us?”
“Ya.” Katie turned toward Jake, who nodded in agreement. “Let’s go.”
After Katie let her mother know where they’d be, they cut through the tall trees that separated the two properties. As the framework of the little house came into view, Lindsay’s pulse picked up. She squeezed Matthew’s hand and quickened her steps.
“Slow down.” He chuckled. “There’s no need to run.”
“Ya, there is.” She began to jog. “I can’t wait to see our haus.”
“You should’ve been on my softball team,” Katie called after her with a laugh. “We could’ve won more games if only you’d gone to school with me!”
Lindsay stopped at the front of the house and grinned. She turned to Matthew and threw her arms around his neck. “It’s so schee.”
At first he stiffened, but then he encircled her waist with his arms.
She looked up at him as her worry returned. “What’s wrong?”
Frowning, he hesitated. Then he said, “I haven’t made much progress on the haus this week. I’ve been working late at the furniture store.”
“But what you’ve done looks fantastic. It’s going to be perfect—and so close to both our families.”
Something in his eyes flickered. Was it chagrin? Or maybe concern? But why wouldn’t he be happy about their house? Something else was bothering him, but she couldn’t prod him with Katie and Jake there. She needed to get him alone so they could talk without an audience.
Katie stood beside Lindsay and took in the structure. “It looks great.”
“I can’t believe I’m going to have a haus that’s finally mine,” Lindsay gushed. Aenti Rebecca and Onkel Daniel had always made her feel welcome in their home, but she still considered it their home. She couldn’t wait to make this house her own.
“Can we go inside?”
“Of course.” Matthew and Jake climbed onto the first floor where the front door was planned. Then they each held out their hands to help up Lindsay and Katie.
Once inside, Lindsay gestured around the house. “Give me a tour.”
For the next thirty minutes, the four of them walked around the first floor as Matthew described the rooms and Lindsay and Katie discussed how to furnish each one. Lindsay’s soul swelled with excitement as she imagined living in the house with Matthew as they started their new life as a married couple. She could hardly wait to bake in her own kitchen and sew in her own sewing room.
Soon the sun began to set, staining the sky in vivid streaks of yellow, purple, red, and orange. A cool breeze filtered through the house, and Lindsay shivered, rubbing her bare arms.
“It’s getting late.” Jake started toward where the front door would be. “We should head back to your dat’s haus. He might be looking for you.”
“Ya, you’re right.” Katie followed him, and after Jake climbed down, he helped her to the ground.
“Could we visit your schweschder?” Lindsay asked as Matthew helped her down.
Lindsay was surprised when he hesitated for a moment. Maybe what he was worried about had something to do with his sister. But then he said, “Ya, I think she’d like that.”
“Would you like to visit Betsy with us?” Lindsay asked Jake and Katie.
Katie frowned. “I’d better get home. You know how strict mei dat is. Would you tell her Jake and I said hello?”
“Ya, of course.” Lindsay recalled how Katie’s father had punished her when she first became friends with Jake because he wasn’t Amish. Now that he had decided to join the faith, her father had loosened up on his rules slightly. But he didn’t allow her to be away from the house for long. “Would you please tell Aenti Rebecca I’ll be back soon, after a quick visit with Betsy?”
“Ya, I will.” Katie waved before she and Jake disappeared through the trees.
Now that they were alone, Lindsay stopped and faced Matthew at the bottom of Betsy’s back-porch steps. “What’s really bothering you?”
He paused and then rubbed his clean-shaven chin. “I’m just tired.”
“Are you sure?” She worried her lower lip as she silently willed him to confide in her.
“Ya.” He touched her cheek. “Everything’s fine. Let’s go see Betsy before your onkel comes looking for you.”
“Okay.” She let him take her hand, steer her up the steps and into the house and through the mudroom.
They found Betsy sitting at the kitchen table, writing in what looked like an accounting journal.
“Hi, Lindsay.” Betsy closed the journal and stood. “How are you doing?”
“I’m well. How are you?” Lindsay hugged her.
“All right,” Betsy said after quickly glancing at her brother. Then she crossed to the kitchen counter and picked up a container. “Would you like some kichlin? I can put on kaffi.”
“Oh, no. Please don’t go to any trouble.” Lindsay went to her side.
“It’s no trouble.” Betsy filled the percolator and set it on the stove. “How is your family?”
“They’re gut. We missed you at the gathering tonight. You should visit us at Onkel Daniel’s haus sometime soon.” Lindsay glanced toward the table. Matthew was staring at the journal. “Gracie is getting so big.”
“Oh, I bet she is.” Betsy carried the container to the table. “Let’s share these kichlin. I made oatmeal raisin and chocolate chip earlier today.”
“Danki.” Lindsay sat down at the table and Matthew sank onto the chair beside her. “Where are the maed?”
“They’re out in the barn with their dat. They like to help with chores at night.” Betsy opened the container and they each took a cookie. “How is the bakery doing?”
As Lindsay talked about her work, she took in the dark circles under Betsy’s eyes. Somehow, they looked different from the dark circles under her Aenti Rebecca’s eyes, as though they were the result of something more than what can make a mother so tired. And although Matthew’s sister was being pleasant, Lindsay thought she detected sadness in her demeanor.
She wondered again if something happening with Betsy was the source of Matthew’s blue mood.
Soon the coffee was ready, and Lindsay helped Betsy gather mugs, sugar, and milk. As they enjoyed the refreshments, they talked about family and friends, and Lindsay was careful not to ask any questions that might seem like prying.
She glanced at the clock above the stove and realized it was after seven.
“We better get going, Matthew. We have church in the morning.” The next day was an off Sunday for her family’s church district, but not for Matthew’s, so she was going to accompany him.
Lindsay stood and carried two of the mugs to the counter. “Danki so much for the kichlin and kaffi.”
“Gern gschehne.” Betsy stood and hugged her, lingering a little longer than she normally did. What was going on?
When they broke apart, Lindsay swiveled toward Matthew. “Would you please walk me back to Katie’s?”
“Ya.” He took her hand and they went outside.
Worry gnawed at Lindsay’s insides as she and Matthew walked to Katie’s. When they reached the end of the tree line, Lindsay spun toward him. This was their last chance to be alone before she joined her family.
“If something is troubling you, you can tell me. It doesn’t matter what it is. I’ll listen without judgment. You can trust me.” She searched his eyes. “You know that, right?”
But his expression didn’t seem to relax. “Of course I know that. I’m just tired after working on the haus most of the day. I promise you everything will be okay.” He touched her shoulder. “Ich liebe dich.”
“I love you too.” She smiled. But she was still concerned—about Matthew and his sister.
Leaning down, he brushed his lips over hers, sending warmth through her veins and making her knees wobble.
“I’ll see you in the morning, Lindsay.”
“I’ll be waiting for you.” She squeezed his hand as they stepped through the trees.