Chapter 10

At four thirty Ryder drove into town, figuring he’d throw back a beer before Joey arrived. Peter had hustled Shiv into his Prius, insisting they get Mexican food at a taqueria in Clio. He said it had gotten excellent Yelp reviews.

The Ponderosa was even more crowded than usual for a Sunday night. Spring in the Sierra brought plenty of tourists out to see the wildflowers.

“Hey, Ryder.” Sophie, one of the owners, was standing in as hostess.

“Hi, Soph. Any chance of getting a table tonight?” He usually settled for the bar, where he could watch pro rodeo on one of the flat screens.

“I think we can make that happen. For one?”

“Two, please.”

“Give me a couple of minutes to get the booth in the corner cleared.”

“Thanks.” He gazed up at the TV and caught the tail end of a team roping event. A Dwight Yoakam song played on the jukebox.

There was a group of women at a table near the hostess station. One of them waved, and he turned around to see if she was greeting someone else. But there was no one behind him. When he looked back, the woman laughed and motioned for him to come over. Ryder didn’t recognize her, nor any of her friends.

He stepped up to their table and tipped his hat, then remembered to take it off.

“You’re Ryder Knight, aren’t you?” asked the brunette who’d called him over.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Oh. My. God.” She and her friends started shrieking while Ryder stood there, confused. “I saw you at the NFR six years ago when you won the world championship. You were amazing. Can I have your autograph?”

It had been years since anyone had recognized him, let alone asked for his autograph. Even back then, he’d never gotten the kind of attention someone like Steph Curry or Tom Brady got. For the most part, pro-rodeo guys weren’t household names.

“Uh, yeah, sure.” His hand automatically went to his shirt pocket, searching for a pen. “You have something I can write with?”

One of the women went through her purse and came up with a Sharpie.

“That’ll work.” He looked around for something to write on. “How ’bout a napkin?” He swiped one off the table.

“How about this?” The brunette pulled down her blouse, indicating that Ryder should sign his name on the top part of her breast.

He was too old to do the buckle bunny shit, but just wanted to get it over with. Ryder scrawled his name on her flesh, keeping his hand above her bra line.

Not to be outdone, the brunette’s friend, a redhead who’d had too much to drink, squealed, “Sign both of mine.” And proceeded to peel off her T-shirt.

“Whoa, whoa, this is a family restaurant.” Already, folks from neighboring tables had begun to stare. “Let’s stick with paper.” He quickly signed the napkin, wanting to extricate himself from the situation as soon as possible. This was his hometown now. The last thing he needed was to make a scene. “You ladies driving?”

“We’re staying at that hotel down the street,” said a third member of their party, who seemed slightly embarrassed by her friends.

“How ’bout a round on me?”

The women cheered, and he motioned to a server to refill their glasses. Then he slunk away, backing right into Joey.

“Shit.” He rubbed his jaw. “How much of that did you see?”

“Enough.” She raised her brows. “But not as much as your new neighbors.”

He scanned the dining room, and there were the Addisons, sitting adjacent to the women’s table in matching bear shirts. This time, hoodies with paw prints up and down the sleeves.

“Ah, crap.”

Joey laughed. “You should’ve seen their faces.”

“I don’t even want to know.”

Sophie pulled out two menus and led them to a booth. Ryder waited for Joey to get in and took the bench seat across from her.

“A server will be right with you,” Sophie said and rushed off to the next table.

“You get that often?” Joey asked him.

“What?” Ryder perused the meat entrées. He was considering a steak.

“Women wanting you to autograph their boobs.”

“It’s happened once or twice. Not any time recently, though. I was surprised to even be recognized, to tell you the truth.” Usually it was only diehard rodeo fans, and not so much anymore. He motioned at the women’s table. “I’m gonna wager a guess that they’re bombed.”

“Uh, that’s not all they are.” She smirked.

He lifted his gaze from the menu and locked eyes with her, staring into a sea of blue. The same color of the bluebells that grew wild in the field behind his childhood home. He knew she was thinking about the night he’d invited her to his hotel room, jumping to conclusions about the kind of man he was. She didn’t know a damn thing about him.

“Maybe,” he said. “But I’m not interested.”

Her face flushed red, and she looked away.

“How was your day?” he asked to change the subject. He hadn’t come here to argue with her.

“Good. How was Peter?”

“Ma seems to like him okay, and that’s all that matters.”

A server came to take their orders. He got the rib eye, and Joey got a salad.

“So, how bad is she?”

Joey took a sip of her water. “She’s showing all the classic signs of clinical depression. Sleeping all the time, hardly eating, and she’s lethargic. Obviously, you know her better than I do, but she seems sad. Does she seem sad to you?”

At first, he’d thought it was retirement. The months following her big send-off from the courthouse, she’d seemed out of sorts. Ryder had chalked it up to boredom and had told himself that all she needed was a new routine. And then she’d had the stroke, which would’ve depressed anyone. Hell, he’d been a bear to be around after breaking a few bones on the back of a bronc.

He’d told himself that her melancholy would pass, that it was all normal shit.

“Yeah,” he said, guilt rushing through him. Why hadn’t he been more proactive? Why had it taken a virtual stranger to see what was in plain sight? Ryder should’ve known right off. Not just because she was his mother, but because he’d been in a place so dark that it was a wonder that he’d ever emerged sane. If anyone should’ve recognized deep depression, it should’ve been him. “I guess I thought it would pass. I suck.”

Joey reached across the table and took his hand. She was consoling him, nothing else. But he felt the zing of her touch ripple through him.

“No, you don’t. The people who are the closest usually miss it, mostly because the person in trouble hides it from them. And I’m a trained professional, remember?” She gave him a weak smile. “But now that we know, we can do something about it.”

“Like what? Antidepressants?” After Leslie died, everyone had wanted to push drugs on him. As if a pill could cure his pain. He’d turned to alcohol to dull it, but it never fully went away.

“Perhaps. Not my wheelhouse, though. We’ll get her good professional help. Depression isn’t uncommon after suffering a serious illness, Ryder. I want to find someone who specializes in it, which may mean Reno. I can take her.”

He didn’t know what to say. A year ago, Joey Nix had simply been a woman he’d desperately wanted to sleep with. Now she was his salvation.

“Thank you,” he said. It was woefully inadequate, but all he had.

“It’s my job.”

He leaned in, never letting go of her hand. He didn’t know what she was like before, when she had the drug problem. But he couldn’t imagine taking on his mother’s problems without her. Her assuring way put him at ease. “They should give you your nursing license back. The world needs you.”

Her blue eyes pooled, and she looked away so he wouldn’t see her crying.

“Shit, what did I say wrong?”

“You didn’t say anything wrong.” She blotted her eyes with her napkin. “It was actually the nicest thing I’ve heard in a long time.”

Their food came, breaking the moment. They ate in companionable silence, both lost in their own thoughts. His never veered too far away from Joey.

“What are you looking at?” she asked.

“Nothing.” His lips kicked up because he was lying. He’d been drinking her in like a man parched in the desert. “How was Reno?” He’d already asked her some version of that. But sitting so near her was destroying his conversational skills.

“We hit the salon, had lunch, did a little shopping, and I dropped her off at my folks for an hour so I could attend an AA meeting. Although it was too cool still for the pool, Roni got to dip her feet in. Then I dropped her home, so she could get an early evening in. Tomorrow’s school.”

“How was the good doc?”

“Fine, I guess. Busy planning his wedding.”

“Why did you guys break up, anyway? If it wasn’t the brunette, what was it?”

She stared down at her plate as if it held some secret significance. “It’s not a pretty story.”

“You cheat on him?” It was a really shitty thing to say. But the great Ethan sort of busted on Ryder’s last nerve, even though he appeared to be a perfectly standup guy. Ryder suspected that was part of it.

“Worse,” she said and turned her fork over in her hand. “I forged prescriptions in his name and nearly ruined his career. When I got caught, I got Roni up in the middle of the night, took her to a bad part of town to score oxy, and got carjacked at gunpoint. Ethan forgave me for the scripts. But having a nine-millimeter stuck in our baby’s face was his breaking point.”

“I could see that.” It explained why the kid didn’t live with her. “But it looks like he trusts you again.”

She raised her face to him. “After that story, do you?”

He had no reason not to. So far, she’d been nothing but trustworthy. And his mother wasn’t a seven-year-old. “People make mistakes. It’s how they fix them that matters.”

She gave an imperceptible nod but looked so sad he wanted to hold her.

“You went to a meeting, huh? You do that a lot?”

“Once or twice a week. I’ve been clean for nearly two years now. It’s made me look at life differently. I’m much more grateful for what I have and don’t want to risk ever losing it again.”

He suspected she was talking about her daughter. “What about your ex? You ever wish you could get him back?” The question was overstepping for sure, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself.

“There was a time I thought so. But our marriage was barely holding on before I became addicted to pills. Sometimes it’s easier to fall out of love than it is to fall in it, you know what I mean?”

He didn’t.

“How ’bout you and the brunette. You finding your way with her?”

“The brunette’s name is Brynn. And she’s actually a very sweet person. It’s horrible of me, and I’ll probably go to hell for it, but I just wish my daughter didn’t love her so much.”

His mouth quirked. “I’d say it’s only human. But this I know for sure. No one can compete with a kid’s mother.”

“Not even a kid’s father?” She pinned Ryder with a look. Clearly Shiv had been talking.

“Nope. Especially one who’s a son of a bitch.”

“How so?”

It wasn’t something he talked about. But Joey had been generous with her secrets, he could at least tell her about Tanner Cole. “He left us when I was a kid. Took off for a rodeo in Abilene and never came back. A year later, he sent my mom divorce papers in the mail. As soon as the ink had dried, there was a new Mrs. Cole. The judge my ma worked for helped her change her name back to Knight. I took that name as well. Didn’t want anybody knowing that man was my daddy.”

“Did he at least pay child support or try to see you?”

“Sometimes he sent money. But mostly not. A few times he tried to see me. But it wasn’t until I started making a name for myself in college rodeo that my long-lost daddy wanted back in my life. It turned out that besides his DNA, I’d inherited his skill at riding saddle broncs. He saw me as heir to his world championship throne. Too bad for him that by high school I didn’t want any part of the man.”

“Where is he now?”

Ryder hitched his shoulders. “Last I heard, living on his oldest son’s ranch in Colorado.”

“How many sons does he have?”

“Two. Both saddle bronc riders. How ’bout that?”

“Clearly it’s in your family’s blood.”

“They’re not my family,” Ryder said and took a slug of his beer.

“Have you ever met them?”

“We’ve traveled in the same circles, bumped into each other a time or two. I wish them no ill will. But we ain’t never going to sit around a campfire, singing ‘Kumbaya’.”

“It’s kind of a shame. Whether you like your father or not, they’re still your half-brothers. Is your dad still married to their mom?”

“He was until she died a few years ago. Cancer. Her death hit him hard, I guess. He came around, wanting to patch things up, try again.”

“But you weren’t interested?”

“Nope. I’m sorry for his loss. But I don’t remember him being sorry for my mother’s loss. And when Leslie di—”

“Who’s Leslie?”

“My late wife.”

She jerked back in surprise. “I’m so sorry, Ryder. When did she…What happened?”

“I don’t talk about it if you don’t mind.”

“Okay. But I had no idea—”

He held up his hand. “We’re done with that topic. Tell me about your brother. Is that the only sibling you have?”

“Jay.” She stifled a laugh. “Yeah, it’s just the two of us. He’s not as bad as he seems. Sorry he tried to sell you a truck. He owns a dealership.”

“I got that.” Ryder cocked a brow. “He must do pretty well, then.”

“To hear it from Jay, he does.” She rolled her eyes.

“You don’t believe him?”

“I do, but I think he spends more than he makes. The big house, the cars, the boat, the cabin in Tahoe. His monthly trips to Vegas. Who knows what the financial situation is there? We’re not super close. But these last two years, he’s been a good brother. Stood behind me during my darkest hours. I’ll always love him for that.”

Out of the side of his eye, Ryder saw the Addisons get up to leave. They were such a strange couple. The weird outfits were one thing. But they seemed like really miserable people. As far as he could tell, they’d eaten their entire meal in silence.

“I should get back to the house,” Joey said. “Peter’s off at six thirty.”

Ryder called their server over to get the bill. When Joey tried to pay for her meal, he said, “Don’t piss me off.”

“Why? A woman can’t pay her own way?”

“Seriously?” He shook his head. “This was about my mother. Consider it a business dinner.” It wasn’t a date, even though he’d liked the company. More than he probably should have.

They walked out together into a balmy evening. It was still light outside, and the scent of jasmine crept up on him.

“Where are you parked?”

She pointed to the barbershop. “I couldn’t get anything close when I got here.”

There were plenty of empty parking spaces in front of the restaurant now. In a couple of hours, all of Nugget would go dark. That’s how it was in ranching towns. Early to bed and early to rise.

“I’ll walk you,” he said.

She looked at him like he was crazy. It was Nugget, after all. But he told himself he needed the exercise. They slowly strolled down the street. His hand accidentally brushed against hers, and he quickly shoved it in his pocket.

He could smell her perfume, something soft that mingled sweetly with the jasmine. Ryder remembered it from the first time they’d met. And later, when they’d clung to each other outside the Ponderosa.

“I’m right here.” She pressed her fob, and the red SUV beeped.

He opened the driver’s-side door for her. But instead of moving away, he boxed her in. He knew even before he caught her mouth with his that he’d regret this moment. That it would upend any professional boundaries he’d tried to set. Yet he was powerless to stop himself.

He pulled her against him and kissed her. She moaned against his lips and laced her hands behind his neck. Ryder rocked into her as he took the kiss deeper, letting his hands caress her sides and resting them in the dip at her waist.

She was soft and curvy, and he itched to touch her skin instead of the fabric of her dress. He cupped the back of her head while he explored her mouth with his tongue. She pressed against his groin, silently pleading for more. He wanted to lift her onto the hood of her car, but they were in a public place. So, he settled for the taste of her kiss. It reminded him of springtime. Warm, like a May morning with all the comfort of coming home.

Yeah, she felt like home.

He shut that thought down as soon as it entered his head. There was no room in his home for anyone other than him. This was sexual attraction and nothing more.

Her hands slid down to his ass and into his back pockets, and he felt himself grow harder. She whimpered, and he nearly lost his mind. He maneuvered her away from the open driver’s-side door and pinned her against the side of the SUV. His hands were everywhere, touching her arms, her breasts, her bare legs. The kiss grew rougher with a need he didn’t know he possessed.

She groaned again and went for his fly. In two seconds, they’d be naked, and he’d have her on her back.

“Shit.” He hadn’t realized he’d said it aloud until she stopped mid-kiss, her blue eyes dazed and heavy with desire. “We’ve got to shut this down.”

Jesus, what had he started? He pulled away and tried to collect himself. Tried to tell himself that it was nothing. Just a kiss. Tomorrow, they could go back to normal.

But the whole way back to his truck, he knew he’d screwed this up for good.