“Didn't I tell you how gorgeous Gray is?” Marlene was still fawning over Grayson Foster a couple of days later.
“Can we please talk about something else?”
They were in the mall and Mara was looking for a new ensemble to wear to her first day of work. She was sure she had plenty of suitable clothes in her room but her father had given them money to go shopping and they'd jumped at the chance to get something new.
Shopping was usually Marlene's favorite thing to do in the world. But today she hardly noticed the racks and racks of stylish clothes.
“Lily told me that Gray used to play football and basketball. That's why his body's so hard and tight. Don't you wanna just grab him?” Marlene giggled and stared off into space.
Mara's problem was that she did want to grab him. She was surprised by her reaction to Gray. She hadn't anticipated becoming attracted to anyone anytime soon.
“What about this skirt?” Mara picked up a thin gray ankle length skirt and held it up. She didn't even like it but she just wanted to snap her sister out of it.
“Too plain,” Marlene said quickly. “And Gray was on his college swim team too, but only for a year. He decided to focus on his studies rather than sports.” Marlene sighed and grinned at Mara.
Mara shook her head. “What's with you?”
“I really like him.” Marlene shrugged unapologetically. “I can't help it.”
That makes two of us. But unlike Marlene, Mara was determined that no one would ever know about her blossoming feelings. She actually hoped that Marlene would get together with Gray. Maybe that would make her heart stop leaping at the mere thought of him.
She knew a relationship between Marlene and Gray was probably doomed because her sister wasn't the type to really commit. But still, Mara was all for them getting together and leaving her out of the equation.
Mara was pleased that on her first day of training, she'd already gotten the hang of the cash register. It was still nerve wracking trying to remember everything. Her biggest issue was when customers paid with their debit or credit cards, but she quickly overcame that, surprising and pleasing Joe and Ellie.
For lunch, Mara got a hot dog from a street vendor and strolled through the packed streets while she ate. The stores, big and small, seemed to be bustling with customers. Mara was excited by the prospect of earning her own money and spending it on whatever she wanted. She knew it would be smart to save some money also, and she planned to deposit her first check.
The park wasn’t very far away and she took her time walking through it while she ate.
When she got back to Family Convenience, the first thing she saw was Gray behind the cash register. He waved at her and winked. Heart thudding, Mara gave a half wave and practically ran to the back office. Joe and Ellie were standing with their arms wrapped around each other, deep in a very quiet conversation.
Mara knocked on the open door and they both turned slowly.
“I'm back from lunch,” Mara announced needlessly. “What would you like me to do next?”
“Gray's going to be on the register for the next few hours,” Joe said, “So why don't you go with Ellie and she'll show you how we input all of our prices into the computer?”
“Okay,” Mara forced a smile and went through the office to another small office that housed a desk and computer, phone, fax and printer. She and Ellie sat at the computer and Ellie showed her how to add products to the system so that they would scan at sale prices. Mara tried to focus but all she could think was that Gray was right there in the front of the store.
Ellie showed Mara how to print out sale stickers and then gave her some busy work to do, such as checking the price stickers of items on shelves and sweeping and mopping the aisles. Mara was very aware of Gray the entire time, although she tried to act as if he was not there.
When she got home that night, Mara felt mentally and physically exhausted. It looked like crushing on Gray was going to be a strain and since they would be working together a lot she'd better find a way to deal with it.
A few days later, Mara and Marsha helped Marlene get ready for the prom. Her sister looked beautiful in a calf length fuchsia babydoll dress. The thin silver spaghetti straps added an additional sparkle. Marlene was wearing silver heels, which completed her ensemble. Marsha had spent a good hour and a half curling Marlene's hair while Mara applied her sister's makeup.
Mara fondly thought of her own prom but quickly dismissed the thought. It had been two years ago but it seemed much further back in time than that. Life had been so fun and innocent then.
After Marlene's date, a skinny guy named Alan, picked her up in their limo, Mara went up to her room to relax. She always craved time alone but when she had it, it was almost never relaxing.
Thoughts of Marc and how he'd nearly destroyed her family always entered her mind. And now, thoughts of Gray were interrupting her solitude. Life shouldn't be so depressing and confusing. She was young. She should be out at some party having a good time, or at the very least, actually relaxing in her room in her cozy bed.
She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew, there was knocking on her bedroom door.
“Who is it?” Mara asked, sitting up and stretching.
Rather than replying, the door opened and Marlene slowly walked in, a small frown on her face.
“You're working with Gray at the store?”
“How was the prom?” Mara ignored the question, which somehow sounded like an accusation. She looked at the clock, noting that it was after one in the morning. Luckily she didn't have work that day. It was cool to have Saturdays off.
“Why didn't you tell me you were working with Gray?” Marlene demanded, the frown widening.
“Why would I have to tell you that?” Mara shrugged. “It wasn't worth mentioning.”
“Yeah, it was,” Marlene disagreed testily. “You know how much I like him.”
“So?” Mara felt her patience began to slip away.
“So you should have told me!” Marlene's voice raised.
“It's not like you guys are dating,” Mara said, shaking her head and getting out of bed. “And even if you were, what does it matter who Gray or I work with?”
“If I'd known Gray worked at the store, I definitely would have taken the job.” Marlene crossed her arms over her chest, looking so much like a petulant child that Mara had to bite her lip to keep from laughing.
“That's not my fault and it's too late now.” Mara walked out of the room, heading down the stairs and to the kitchen for a snack.
“If you quit, I could still work there.”
“I'm not quitting.” Mara's eyes widened, amazed that her sister would even make the suggestion.
“But-”
“I'm not quitting, Marlene. Unlike you, I actually want the job so I can get some money and get some work experience. And I happen to like it there.”
Marlene gasped in indignation but didn't speak for a minute. Mara took a pack of crackers from the cabinet and grabbed the jar of peanut butter. Sitting at the kitchen table with her snack, she slowly began to eat.
Finally her sister spoke, her tone tight and filled with anger.
“You're supposed to care about my feelings, not criticize me.”
“I'm not criticizing you,” Mara snapped. “You're acting crazy. Why would I quit a good job just so you can be around some guy who lives right next door? Grow up!”
Marlene's eyes actually began to look glassy. “He's not just some guy! I like him a lot. I've never felt this way about another guy. Ever.”
“So why don't you ask him out then? Leave me out of it.”
“I can't.”
“And who told you I worked with him, anyway? Are they trying to act as if it was some kind of secret? Because it wasn't a secret. Had I known there was something to tell, I would have told you.”
“Gray told me. He's sitting on his porch. I saw him after Alan dropped me off. We talked for a minute.”
“So why didn't you tell Gray how you feel? Why don't you ask him out on a date?”
“I can't ask him out!” Marlene yelled, sounding exasperated. “What if he says no?”
Mara shook her head, already annoyed with the entire conversation.
“And you know I've never had to ask guys out. They always ask me.”
“Oh well,” Mara said, feeling pissed off, not an ounce of sympathy in her heart at the moment. “Then be prepared to wait until he's ready.”
“But if we were around each other more in the store, he'd notice me more and-”
“What the hell is going on in here?” Roman demanded, pinching the bridge of his nose, his hair rumpled around his head. “It's almost two in the morning for pete's sake.”
“Sorry, Dad,” Mara said immediately.
Marlene didn't speak, her breathing so agitated that her shoulders visibly lifted with each breath she took. Shaking her head, she stomped from the kitchen.
“Is everything alright?” Roman asked, walking over to the counter and leaning against it.
“Yeah, it's fine. Marlene's just being a brat but she'll get over it.”
“Anything I should know about?”
“Nope,” Mara said quickly, standing and putting the food away. “You know how teenagers are,” She teased her father.
“Unfortunately I do,” He said seriously.
“It's okay, Dad. Really.” Mara gave him a hug and quietly left the kitchen. Her sister was being immature and irrational and Mara prayed that she'd come to her senses soon. Fortunately, her sister's issues were minor compared to what Mara had gone through.
She wished she could reassure her father but there wasn't much she could say – or even wanted to say. He'd have to see for himself as time went by.
Mara spent her day off cleaning her room, doing laundry and stuffing her face. It felt so good to enjoy mundane tasks again and doubly good to enjoy food again. She hadn't been herself for months.
After having a huge lunch of fries, a burger and a milkshake, she decided to clean her car. It was only slightly dusty but she planned to scrub and vacuum as much as she could.
The weather was wonderful. Being that it was only mid-May, the sun was hot but not too hot. The breeze was cool and without much humidity. She’d dressed in a thin peach T-shirt and denim cutoffs. The air felt so good on her legs.
Mara played music from the car stereo as she worked, her mind blissfully blank while she sprayed, scrubbed and wiped every surface. Finally she used the hand vac, going over and under the seats and on the floor. Satisfied that the car was clean, she packed up the cleaning supplies that she usually kept in her trunk.
“Hey.”
Mara, leaning into the trunk to place the cleaning supplies back into a crate, jumped so hard that she nearly conked her head on the trunk door.
That voice. That voice was so dark and sinful, so smooth. It sent chills down her spine just hearing it.
“Hi,” She fixed her face into a bland expression before she turned around to see Gray standing there, just inches away in her parents' driveway. Lord help her.
He looked scrumptious in a thin white tank top and black jean shorts, slung low on his hips. He also had on a pair of basketball ball shoes and a backwards baseball cap, which was a look that was the total opposite of what usually attracted her. But on him, the look worked. He looked comfortably sexy, laid back and adorable.
Her throat suddenly dry, she swallowed several times.
“What's up?” She asked after several seconds had gone by and he continued to silently stare at her. She became conscious of the fact that she wore her hair in a sloppy ponytail and didn’t have a bit of makeup on. She hoped he didn't notice her unpolished toenails in her plain black flip-flops.
“Nothing much... I was on my way to go get some lunch. Would you like to join me?”
“Uh...sorry but I ate a little earlier.” She thought of the monstrous burger she'd had and felt her cheeks warm up. She'd keep her gluttony to herself.
“Well, we could grab some dinner later.”
“I can't,” Mara said quickly, though she was very tempted to say yes. “I have plans.”
He looked away from her, staring off to the side for a few moments.
He turned those beautiful hazel eyes back on her as he slowly walked closer. “So what night will you be free?”
Mara's heart began to gallop and her eyes widened when she saw how close he’d gotten. If she reached out, she'd be able to touch his pecs, very visible through his softly worn shirt.
She tried not to panic, wondering what to tell him, wondering how to let him down gently. He did seem like a nice guy. And she didn't want to hurt his feelings.
“Gray...I can't date right now.” That sounded lame. “I'm sorry.”
“Hmm.” His lips turned into a sardonic smile. “You don’t date black guys, is that it?”
“No!” Mara denied instantly. “Of course that’s not it!”
“Are you sure about that?” He asked skeptically. “I can tell that you like me. But I guess you think I'm not good enough for you.”
“It's nothing like that,” She denied, feeling offended. “Why would you even think that? So when a woman turns you down it automatically has to become about race?”
“I've never been turned down before.”
Now it was her turn to be skeptical. She scoffed, “Sure.”
“Seriously,” He said, his voice lowering. “I never have.”
“Well, you are now,” She said, closing the trunk and taking a step away from her car. “But it has nothing to do with race.”
“So what is it? I can tell that you're attracted to me.”
“Yes, I am attracted to you,” She admitted, instantly regretting it. A spark of excitement flared in his eyes. “I was in a bad relationship, okay? I'm not ready to date or even hang out with anybody. I need to be on my own for a while.”
His eyes instantly filled with sympathy. “I'm sorry. I didn't know.”
Her heart seemed to clench within her chest.
He reached out and touched her shoulder. The touch lasted a mere second or two but her skin seemed to tingle where he’d touched.
“Can't say I've ever had my heart broken before...but if you ever want to talk, I'm a good listener.”
“Th-thanks,” Mara managed to get out, her voice unusually low.
“Well, see ya around.” With a small smile and quick wave, Gray jogged across the street. Mara realized that she was staring at his tight, round ass and closed her eyes, turning away from the street as he got into a dark blue SUV.
Now that she'd told Gray a glazed over version of the truth, her emotions and hormones should calm down. He'd stop showing interest and she could go on with her life. Telling herself that she'd done the right thing didn't help her feel any less disappointed.
“Hey, Mara!”
Mara, sitting on a bench in her family's backyard, looked towards where the feminine voice had come from.
Lily Foster's pretty, smiling face greeted her over the fence that separated their family's homes.
“Hi, Lily.” Mara put down the crossword puzzle book she'd been pretending to work on and stood up, walking over to the fence. “How's it going?”
“Good. We're about to go see a movie. Wanna come?”
“Not if Marlene's going,” Mara said, giving a wry smile.
“Aww, what's wrong?” Lily asked quietly.
“She might not want anyone to know...so I won't say too much. But she's not happy with me. So it would be best if I didn't come along tonight. We could end up spoiling the night for everyone else.”
“Wow, are you sure?” Lily asked. “With Sahara, Bridget and me there, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.”
“I don't think I should go.” Mara shook her head, thinking of how Marlene had given her the silent treatment all day. “But thanks for the invitation.”
“Well...maybe next time then.”
“Definitely.” Mara watched Lily walk back into the house and sighed. It would have been nice to see a movie. But she didn't want to risk getting into it with Marlene in public. That would be so embarrassing.
Mara went back to the bench and sat down, the feeling of loneliness creeping within her. She picked up the puzzle book but didn't bother opening it. She needed to do something with herself. After her talk with Gray earlier that afternoon, she was feeling a little lost. Well, a lot lost, if she were being honest with herself.
It would be so tempting to have some fun with him. It would only be for the summer. He was so sexy. He seemed to be a nice guy from a nice family.
No, she told herself, she couldn't have some kind of fling. That would be irresponsible. She hadn't yet fully recovered from what had happened with Marc and her family. Why was she so quick to think that Gray would be the only worthwhile distraction this summer?
Hearing a squeak, Mara looked up in time to see her mother coming out of the back door.
“Hey, Mom,” She said, smiling. Marsha looked pretty in a flower print sundress. She looked half her age. She'd been eating and sleeping better, and looked almost normal.
“Hi, honey.” Marsha walked over and sat on the bench next to Mara. “Are you okay? You've been out here for awhile.”
“I'm fine,” Mara replied, staring at the overgrown weeds that had taken over what was once a very pretty flower garden. “I just have a lot on my mind.”
“So do I,” Her mom said, sighing heavily. “Want a cupcake?”
“Sure,” Mara said, knowing that she shouldn't, not after that massive lunch she'd had earlier.
Marsha tore open the cellophane wrapper of the package of cupcakes that she held in her hand. She handed Mara a chocolate cupcake and took the other cupcake for herself.
Mara took a big bite of the cupcake, enjoying the sweet vanilla filling in the center.
“So how's everything with you and Dad?” Mara asked after they'd both eaten their cupcakes.
“We're still on the mend.” Marsha's smile was warm and happy. “We still have a long way to go. But things were so bad before that I didn't even expect us to get this far. I feel very optimistic.”
“That's great, Mom.” Instantly, Mara's spirits lifted. If everything could go back to normal with her family, then she, herself, could truly move on and put her own life back together. That's what was most important and that's what she had to focus on.
A couple of days later, Mara arrived home from work, her nerves just about shot. Joe and Ellie had informed her that her training was nearly over and that soon, she'd be on her own at the register. But even worse than that, she'd checked out the store work schedule and saw that she and Gray would be spending a lot of time alone in the store.
She tried to console herself with the fact that there wasn't much that could happen in public. The store usually stayed pretty busy plus there were several security cameras. But she just felt worried about being alone with him, even if they'd probably never really be alone.
She had enough difficulties being so close to him all day long and that was when both his parents were with them. What the heck would she do when his parents weren't around? The thought made her so tense that her muscles ached.
“Can I talk to you?” Marlene asked when Mara stepped into the house.
Mara closed the door behind her and took a couple of steps towards her sister. Her sister hadn't spoken to her in a few days, since prom night. Mara had wondered how long the stupid undeserved silent treatment would go on.
“Sure,” Mara said, showing patience that she didn't feel.
“I'm sorry for how I treated you the other night,” Marlene said, speaking quickly. “That was wrong and I'm sorry.”
“I forgive you,” Mara said, smiling a little.
“I just wish that you would try to understand how I feel.” Marlene stared down at her manicured nails.
“I do understand how you feel, Marlene. But there's nothing I can do to help you. I honestly wish that you'd gotten the job instead.”
Marlene's chin quivered but she didn't say anything.
“Since you like Gray that much, I think you should muster up the courage to ask him out rather than waiting on him. You are eighteen now. You're a young woman. There's no rule that says women can't ask out men.”
“But I'm scared, Mara,” Her sister confessed. “He's so hot and so smart. And he's in college. He's a man. I've never gone out with anyone who's not a teenager. What if he says no? What if he feels sorry for me? What if I like him more than he likes me?”
“He's just a man,” Mara said firmly, sitting on the couch next to her sister. “He's not a god. You've got him on some kind of pedestal but he's not perfect. And you're hot and smart too!”
Marlene giggled a little before sniffling. “I have to take more time to think about it.”
“You should,” Mara agreed. “And I work with the guy. He seems nice. Even if he said no, which I doubt he'd do since you're such a great catch, I'm sure he'd still be a nice guy about it.”
Her heart clenched as Mara gave her sister words of encouragement and reassurance. She couldn't lie to herself about wanting Gray all to herself, at least for a little while. But she knew it couldn't happen. Since her sister had a serious crush on him, she might as well encourage her. Someone deserved to be happy, especially Marlene.
“So there's something else I want to talk to you about.” Marlene stared around the room as if checking to see if someone was there.
“What is it?” Mara went on suspiciously, seeing her sister become even more serious.
“I think that Dad is going to be moving out again.” Marlene's voice was a slight whisper.
“What? No that can't be right,” Mara said, frowning. “Mom just told me that everything's getting better between them.”
“I'm telling you...I know what I saw.”
“What did you see? What are you talking about?”
“I went to Dad's office to ask him for an advance on my allowance,” Marlene's voice was so low that Mara had to lean in to hear her. “The newspaper was open on his desk and he'd circled a bunch of apartment listings.”
“Maybe the paper belonged to someone he works with and they're the one who circled the listings.” But her heart was already pounding.
Marlene was shaking her head. “He circled a couple of them before he saw me come in.”
“But..” Mara couldn't wrap her head around it. Why would her mother be so confident that everything was getting better? How could her parents be on completely different pages?
“I guess he had it with the hotel,” Marlene said somberly. “He's going to rent his own place now.”
“Mom's going to be so crushed.” Mara said, her heart sinking. “I don't understand this.”
“I don't either. They're still going to counseling. Doesn't that mean they're trying to work it out?”
“Yes!” Mara exclaimed, feeling the tears build up behind her eyes. She took several deep breaths, unwilling to cry. Crying never solved anything and it wouldn't solve anything this time.
“And I just spoke to Mom the other day... She really thinks that they're saving their marriage. How could Dad do this? What's wrong with him?”
“I don't know. But I'm not going to let him hurt Mom again.” Marlene stood up and put her hands on her hips. “I'm going to talk to him.”
“You can't do that,” Mara said, even though she had the same urge herself. “We can't get involved in it.”
“Well we can't let Mom get hurt!” Marlene whispered furiously.
“You can't force a grown man to stay in a relationship that he doesn't want. You can't do it, Marlene.”
“I can try to force some sense into him!” Marlene yelled.
“Be quiet!” Mara retorted through clenched teeth.
Marlene slapped a hand over her mouth.
They sat quietly, waiting to see if either of their parents came downstairs. Several seconds went by but no one appeared.
“I can't just do nothing,” Marlene said quietly. “I just can't.”
“There's nothing we can do,” Mara said, the tears still threatening.
“Maybe we can warn Mom.”
“I don't think that's a good idea.”
“Remember how bad she got when he left before? I can't watch her go through that again.”
Mara would never forget how distraught her mother had been. Their parents’ relationship had fallen apart when Roman had moved out.
Marsha, a social butterfly, had withdrawn from everything and everyone. She'd taken a leave of absence from her job, nearly getting fired after being gone so long. She'd stopped eating. The horrible sequence of events, from finding out that her son and daughter were sleeping together, to losing her husband, had sent Marsha into a deep depression. Mara didn't want to see her mother go through that again either.
“There's no way to warn her,” Mara said, “Not without completely telling her what he's up to. And it's not up to us to do it. It's up to him. Maybe he's not really going to move out. Maybe he's just playing with the idea of moving.”
Marlene shrugged. “We have to figure out something, Mara. I don't know what we're going to do, but we have to do something.”
Mara bowed her head and covered her face with her hands. She wished that there was something they could do. She wished they could change their father's mind. But she knew that there was nothing to be done other than wait around to see when the ax would drop...and be there to help their mom pick up the pieces.