A few days later, Mara left out of work, agitated after a particularly aggravating day. She popped open her umbrella to protect against the rain, her skin instantly feeling irritated in the moist heat. Her car was parked blocks away and she began walking down the street, trying to avoid other people with their umbrellas.
“Mara!”
“Dad?” She frowned when she saw her father waving from the back of a taxi.
“Come get in.”
She rolled her eyes but did as he asked. She jogged to the curb where the taxi was double-parked and hurriedly got in.
“What’s up, Dad?” She asked.
“Drive,” He told the driver.
“But my car-”
“I’ll bring you back to your car after we talk.” Roman sat back and turned his body so that he was facing her. “Why haven’t you returned my calls?”
She thought of making up some excuse or saying that she’d lost her phone but she was so angry and this was her chance to let him know.
“I don’t have anything to say to you,” She said, glaring at him.
“I’m sure if I didn’t give you your allowance, you’d have something to say then,” He noted sardonically.
“Maybe,” She said, shrugging as if it didn’t matter. The thought of losing her father’s financial support was daunting but she’d never let him know that.
“Mara, I know you’re upset about your mother and I divorcing but we’re doing what needs to be done. You can’t see it now but you’ll see it later.”
“All I see is that you’re starting a new life. Without us.”
She could see the taxi driver looking at her in the rearview mirror from time to time as he drove through the traffic but she didn’t care.
“I’m not starting a new life.”
“You have your own apartment. You’ve left home. That’s a new life.”
“Fine,” Roman said dismissively. “But I would never exclude you or your sister from my life.”
“Just our mom. The woman that you pledged to love forever.”
“Let’s not talk about wedding vows,” Roman said darkly. “Your mother has broken more of them than I have.”
“You just want to punish her for what I’ve done,” Mara blurted. “It’s not her fault! I’m the one who fucked up!”
“Stop it, Mara. That’s not what I’m doing. I’m not punishing anybody!”
“Then why are you two divorcing? And tell me the truth, Dad. I’m so sick of everybody’s lies!”
“Fine,” Her father agreed, narrowing his eyes. “It is your fault. Is that what you want to hear?”
Mara gasped and covered her mouth.
“Do you know what I felt when I learned that not only were you having sex with him but that he was your mother’s son? I was sick to my stomach. I felt like I didn’t know either one of you. And I haven’t been able to feel the way I used to about either of you.”
“Dad,” She choked out, already crying, each word he spoke a harsh blow to her heart.
“I tried, Mara. I tried to leave and clear my mind. I came back home and went to therapy with your mother. But I’m just tired of trying. It’s not supposed to be this hard.”
She cried silently, her hands still over her mouth. She’d suspected some of her father’s feelings but it was totally different to have him say exactly how he felt, to confirm what she’d feared.
“I’m not going to do it anymore, Mara. I have to accept that you did what you did and your mother did what she did. I love you and I will always be your father but I no longer have to be her husband. I don’t have to pretend to be okay with her lying to me for all these years. I don’t have to pretend that I know who the hell she is.”
Mara managed to nod, searching her purse for some tissues.
“I’ll always love your mother but I fell in love with a person that doesn’t even exist.”
“That’s not true, Dad!” She wailed.
“I thought you both were my good girls. I was wrong.”
Her mouth dropped open and she was so hurt by what he said that she couldn’t speak.
“My expectations were too high,” Roman admitted somberly. “You and Marlene are beautiful young girls. I know lots of teens have sex. I just thought your mother and I taught you to wait-” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I can accept now that you’re both sexually active. But there’s no hope for your mother and me.”
“What do you want, Dad?” Mara demanded, rubbing her face with tissues. She’d had about enough of his speech. It had already been a trying day before this confrontation.
“I want you to know that I love you and nothing will ever change that.”
“Fine. Okay.” She nodded woodenly.
Her father looked sad but he didn’t try to say anything else. A few moments later, she got out of the cab near Family Convenience and turned to watch the taxi drive away.
She thought about everything her father had said and how he’d made himself out to be the victim. The truth was although he said he loved her, he didn’t love her enough to do what was right for her or their family. He was only worried about himself.
Mara parked her car in the driveway but just sat in it, still thinking about the conversation she’d just had with her father. She tried to see his side of everything but it was impossible when she felt so hurt. She saw Ellie coming out of her house and quickly slunk down in her car, trying to hide.
Before Ellie had left the store that afternoon, she’d ask Mara to come speak privately. Mara had assumed the worse, expecting that Ellie and Joe had sensed the tension between her and Gray. Mara walked into the office expecting to be fired.
Instead, Ellie had said she was sorry for what was happening with Mara’s parents and asked Mara if she wanted to talk about it. Mara, already on edge from giving phony smiles to Gray and his parents all day, had wanted to disappear. Now the Fosters -and probably the entire neighborhood- knew about her parents’ divorce.
She felt like a failure and she felt that her family as a whole had failed. She was a crummy daughter and her parents were crummy too. The only one who wasn’t lumped into the group of failures was Marlene. Her sister had done everything she was supposed to do.
Mara slowly inched up. She jumped, startled to find Gray standing right next to her car. She swallowed several times before getting out.
“Hey,” She said, closing the car door behind her and hurriedly walking to the house. He followed close behind.
“Mara, wait up.”
“Yeah?” She asked, trying to behave nonchalantly.
“Can I talk to you for a minute?”
“Now’s really not a good time,” She said, trying to look contrite when she actually wanted to get away from him as quickly as she could.
“You said you want us to be friends but you can’t take a minute or two to talk to me?” He put his hands in the pockets of his shorts.
She knew she didn’t owe Gray anything and still she felt guilty for brushing him off.
“You’re right,” She murmured. “What’s up?”
He raised his eyebrows as if he was surprised by how quickly she’d changed her mind and stood silently staring.
“Gray?” She prompted, telling herself to ignore how good he looked. She loved the warm brown of his skin and his beautiful eyes.
“My mother saw you sitting in your car and she asked me to come check on you.”
“What?” Mara bellowed, her face burning with embarrassment. “Damn.”
“Are you okay?”
“I am okay,” Mara lied, nodding. “I just feel so stupid for pouting in this car. Your mom must think I’m nuts.”
“No,” Gray said, smiling warmly. “She’s worried.”
“She spoke to me about it at work today. How did she find out?”
“A lot of people saw your father packing his stuff into his car. Everybody was running their mouths the way they do. But we didn’t know for sure until Marlene called and spoke to Lily. She told her over the phone.”
Another blow. Marlene was calling Lily but hadn’t bothered to call her own sister. Mara was hurt but not surprised.
“Well thank you for your concern but I’m fine. People get divorced all the time.”
She started to go up the porch stairs but Gray stilled her with a hand on her arm.
“I really want to be your friend, Mara.”
“I know.” But she didn’t trust him as a friend or otherwise.
“I’m not just saying that. You really mean something to me.”
She looked up into his beautiful eyes, wanting nothing more than to lean on him. She wanted nothing more than to throw herself into his arms and let him protect her. But she was learning that men couldn’t be believed or relied on and Gray was included in that.
She couldn’t forget her bad record with men and even more than that she couldn’t ever forget how Gray had claimed to care about her and then fucked someone else.
“Thank you,” She uttered, her voice quavering. Without another word, she rushed into the house, knowing that she would do all she could to avoid Gray from that moment on. She was too weak and too vulnerable to be around him. She had to protect herself. She had to get away from him.
The next day, she went to the office and gave her two weeks’ notice to Joe. He was obviously confused, frowning as he read the short letter.
“I don’t understand, Mara. I thought you liked it here.”
“I do,” Mara said, her heart beating rapidly. She’d never expected that quitting would be so nerve-wrecking. “It’s not you or Ellie. You guys have been awesome bosses. I just have a lot of personal stuff going on…”
He nodded slowly. “I understand. But we’ll be very sorry to see you go.”
“Thank you for giving me a chance,” Mara murmured before scurrying from the small office.
She took over for Gray at the cash register, smiling at him without really looking at him, and became very busy with the morning rush. Her parents and her sister and her feelings for Gray lingered in her mind and took turns plaguing her, making it a torturous day that included many mistakes.
She counted out the wrong amount of change for a young woman and the woman tapped her foot in annoyance while Mara recounted the money and gave her the correct amount.
A short while after that, a man placed several food items onto the small counter and Mara began to total the items. As she bagged the items, she knocked over a plastic jar of lollipops, sending all of the candy to the floor.
Ellie smiled sympathetically and walked behind the counter to pick up the lollipops while Mara finished bagging the other items in a plastic bag. She gave the man his bags and smiled gratefully at Ellie before helping the next customer.
“Joe told me you’re quitting,” Ellie said when there was a lull and the store became quiet.
Gray was in the back cutting and binding boxes. She wasn’t sure what Joe was doing but he was in the back too.
“Y-yes,” Mara said, nervous to have to discuss it again.
“I wish you’d reconsider.” Ellie had a half smile on her face. “We love having you here.”
“And I love being here,” Mara countered quickly. “There’s just way too much going on. Look how I screwed up today, thinking about everything that I’m trying to deal with…”
“It’s alright, Mara. No one expects you to be perfect.”
“Thanks.” Mara stared down at the floor.
“I hope you don’t mind me asking this,” Ellie said, uncertainly. “But you’re quitting doesn’t have anything to do with you and Gray does it?”
“No!” Mara denied, horrified. She could feel an awful blush rise up on her face and she darted her eyes away from Ellie, wishing that a customer would come in.
“It’s okay, Mara.” Ellie touched her arm. “I was young too. I know how it is.”
“What?” Mara choked out. She tried counting to ten. “What are you talking about?”
“I knew you and Gray liked each other. But its obvious that’s all changed now.”
Tired of playing stupid, Mara only nodded.
“We have cameras all over that house,” Ellie confided with a nod, “We basically saw everything that happened at the party.”
Mara’s mouth dropped open and she thought she would pass out from embarrassment. How much had Ellie and Joe seen?
“All over…your house?” Mara asked, her throat dry.
“Why do you think we let them have a party in the first place? I wanted to trust them but my kids aren’t perfect.”
Well, that explained how Ellie and Joe had found out that there was liquor at the party. But Mara wanted to disappear, imagining just how much they’d seen.
“Let me put it to you this way,” Ellie said, lowering her voice to a whisper. “Only the bedrooms and bathrooms don’t have cameras in them. Living that close to the city, we decided to take all security measures possible.”
“Okay,” Mara mouthed, discovering that her voice was gone. She cleared her throat.
“I’m not judging you, Mara. I was young too. I know how easy it is to get carried away.”
“So. You.” Mara swallowed and tried again, horrified. “You and Mr. Foster. You saw…”
“I’ll say it like this,” Ellie said, standing so close to Mara that Mara could smell the coffee on her breath. “I bought that next day birth control pill for Bridget and Carmen. I don’t want to risk having any babies running around.”
Mara’s eyes widened until she thought they would pop out of her head.
“Everyone’s still grounded. Gray and Carmen are lucky that they’re over twenty-one or they’d be grounded too.”
“Thanks for not telling my mom I was drinking,” Mara whispered, praying that that was all Ellie had seen.
“You’re welcome, sweetie. I know you have enough to deal with and I can tell you don’t do those things you did at the party very often.” Ellie touched her arm again. “And I’m sorry for how my son treated you. We raised him better than that.”
“He didn’t do anything,” Mara tried to deny but Ellie was already shaking her head before Mara had finished her sentence.
“I have cameras in the front yard,” Ellie said casually. “And in the backyard too.”
Mara slapped her hands over her face. Joe and Ellie had watched her on video with Gray. She wanted to run from the store and never come back.
“So if you’re quitting has something to do with the way Gray treated you…”
“It’s not,” Mara managed to say, sounding strangled.
“Okay.” Ellie nodded but stared at Mara in silence for a few moments before stepping away.
Mara excused herself and went to the bathroom. Her light blue eyes looked frenzied and her entire face was bright red. She splashed cold water on her face before drying off and putting on some makeup.
She had a part to play until she could leave and the makeup that she put on would do a little to boost her confidence. She put on mascara, eyeliner, blush and light pink lipstick. Satisfied that she looked calm and collected, she went back to work.
Gray was leaning against her car waiting for her at the end of the day.
“Hey,” She said, forcing a phony smile to her face.
“You can’t quit.” A frown was on his gorgeous face and she looked down at her cell phone so that she wouldn’t have to look at him.
“It’s done.”
“You can change your mind.”
“There’s no need.”
“I’m sorry I slept with Carmen. I fucked up everything.”
“This is not about you,” Mara snapped, looking up at him. “In case you didn’t know, my family is falling apart.”
“I know that.”
“It’s a lot to deal with.”
“I know that too.”
“So stop acting like it’s all about you, Gray. The world doesn’t revolve around you.”
He smirked and nodded his head.
“You and I were never a couple.” Mara tried for a calmer tone. “I was wrong to get upset with you about Carmen in the first place. You can sleep with whoever you want. You don’t owe me an explanation.”
The lies easily rolled off of her tongue. True, they hadn’t been a couple but she’d thought they had an understanding. Obviously she was naïve and just stupid.
He had his arms crossed over his chest and he looked angry and upset.
“Can we please just be friends and never talk about this again?” She fiddled with her car keys and tried to hide her pain and nervousness by staring at her phone again.
“Okay,” He said quietly.
“Good.” Mara unlocked the car and slowly got inside. “I’m tired. I have to get home.”
Gray stood beside the car and didn’t acknowledge that she’d spoken. He didn’t nod or smile or make any expression whatsoever.
“Goodnight, Gray,” She said, slamming the car door and quickly starting the ignition. A tear made its way down her cheek and she hurriedly pulled out of the parking spot.
The next two weeks went by incredibly slow. Each day she went to work, wishing that she were anywhere but there. Joe and Ellie were awkwardly kind to her. Gray was polite but distant. She thought that he’d been friendlier when they’d first met, bumping into each other in the hallway at his house. But it was for the best.
Lily, Sahara and Bridget were all brought in to train in the store. Joe told her that the three girls would each work part time shifts. Mara supposed that was their punishment for having alcohol at the party. But she felt good knowing that when she left, she would already be replaced in the store.
At home, her mother was very quiet. After a few days, she’d stopped even cooking meals. Since she continued to get up for work each day, Mara wasn’t too concerned.
Marlene returned from her cruise, looking tanned and gorgeous. She regarded Mara with indifference, as if they were strangers, and sat on the couch with Marsha. Marsha nodded silently while Marlene told her stories and showed her pictures from her trip.
Mara tried to hide how hurt her feelings were but she was sure that she looked pitiful sitting on the armchair while her sister happily chattered along to her mother. They paid Mara no attention and she thought she might as well be invisible.
She spent a lot of time texting Tabitha, deciding to spend the remainder of the summer with Tabitha once she was done with work. Her sister wouldn’t miss her and she sure as hell knew that neither of her parents would.
She and Marlene would see each other at school in the fall. She hoped that they’d have a somewhat normal relationship by then. If not, she was not going to stress herself worrying about fixing it. She’d apologized enough and she was ready to move on.
Mara shoved as much stuff into her car as she could since she would be with Tabitha for about a month. Her mother hadn’t blinked an eye when she’d announced she was going to leave for the rest of the summer.
She hadn’t bothered to tell her father and if Marlene had been speaking to her, she would have told her. But since Marlene preferred to act as if Mara didn’t exist, Mara knew she would soon be doing her sister a favor by actually not being there.
The Fosters had been really sweet on her last day. They’d given her balloons and flowers, wishing her well before she’d left for the last time. She’d been very sad to go. They were very kind people and the only friendly faces that she even saw anymore.
Her father didn’t bother calling much and when he’d text, she’d reply but she’d make sure to keep her responses as short as possible.
It was so early in the morning that it was still dark outside and Mara leaned against her car in the driveway, taking a few moments to stare at her house, then the Foster house. It had been a crazy summer.
She couldn’t help but wonder how differently the summer might have been if she hadn’t gone to work in the store. She probably wouldn’t have become so attracted to Gray. She would have been able to avoid him more. Now she missed him terribly, wondering how she could miss something that she’d never even had.
She thought about the party and wished that she’d never gone to that either. Gray might have still hooked up with Carmen, or he might have settled for Marlene. But she would not have been there to make a fool out of herself with him. They would probably just be starting some kind of relationship if only she’d stayed put at home that night.
She had so many regrets and it hurt that there was nothing she could do to change the mistakes that she’d made. The least she could do was make sure that she hadn’t made them in vain. They had to mean something.
She got into her car and stared at her house again. She imagined her mother and sister curled up asleep in their beds. They’d wake up in a little while and not even notice that she was gone. Her family was so hurt that none of them could be there for the other.
She needed space and they needed space too. She was going to put this summer behind her as she had attempted to do the previous summer. She was going to learn from her mistakes if it was the last thing she did. She was giving herself a clean slate and a fresh start.
Mara put the key in the ignition, feeling the tears threatening. She squeezed her eyes closed and refused to cry. The tears hadn’t solved anything yet and it was time she started trying to cope without them. She took a deep breath and blew a kiss in the direction of the house. Finally she shifted into drive, stepped on the gas and quietly drove away down the dark street.